Is it Love?
by ladylaina
Summary: Edward is God's gift to women and world,life is good.There's only one problem – his wife. Will a pending divorce be enough for Edward to find his way to Bella before it's too late?There's only so much one man can take,how far will Jake go to get the girl?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Characters are based on the Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer. This is my first entry on fanfiction, I hope you enjoy it. Feedback is welcome.  
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**Chapter 1 - EPOV  
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Smile. Breathe. Shake his hand. Smile. Breathe. Shake his hand, take hers, raise it and nod. I kept repeating the steps of greeting etiquette in my head as we walked through the hotel foyer. It was common place for a business man of my calibre to be invited to these fucking fundraiser events but I hated every one of them. I was expected to attend at least a couple each year and this one would fill my annual quota. I could then go back to being my solitary self. I preferred to stay out of the spotlight, my wife on the other hand, loved the attention.

I looked to my left to see my socialite wife hanging off my arm. Her dress was inappropriate for the black tie affair, it was bright and short, showing much of her and little class. Her fake smile widened flirtatiously, as we entered the banquet hall, and the male usher handed her a program for tonight's event. It wasn't unlike her to find him later for a tryst in the coat room. I think she took inventory, whenever we attended these things together, of the men and the available rooms.

There was no love lost between us. We were, more or less, an arranged marriage. There was no actual contract or dowry that I'm aware of, but our marriage was assumed and inevitable. Our fathers shared a medical practice and were long time friends. Naturally, all the kids were thrown together on a regular basis. Jane, my wife, was the youngest child and only daughter of Aro and Irina Volturi. She was closer to my age than to Emmett's, the lucky bastard, and the rest is history.

I found our table and dragged Jane in that direction. A few more hand shakes and polite nods and we were ready to join my family. I pulled out a chair for Jane and she plopped herself down under the strong hold of my hand, though I made sure it looked like my hand was simply resting on her shoulder. She was as high as a kite and I had to try and keep her under control. Before we stepped out of the car I insisted she put some shit in her eyes to clear the redness but her demeanour wasn't as easy to hide.

In my business, appearance was everything. Jane, more than anything else, was an embarrassment to me and to our families. The child, so highly regarded by her parents, was proving to be the epitome of their demise. Carlisle was well respected in Boston's medical community and was revered by many, from blue collar to the wealthiest residents. Aro clung tightly on his shirt tail. His own medical accomplishments were lacking but out of respect for Carlisle, most people tolerated his company. I'm not sure why Carlisle stayed close to Aro but I never cared enough to inquire.

Jane, being the ever present social figure, was popular with the tabloids and always made great headlines, which is why I kept a low profile. Her antics were jeopardizing the little respect people had for her family. I hated being tied to her by marriage but my reputation stood on its own and as long as some eager photographer didn't snap a rare shot of us actually together, most people seemed to forget we were married. Fortunately, she didn't take my name, a little underhanded manipulation on my part, so it was easy for people to forget her Cullen ties.

She dropped out of college after we got married and never worked a day in her life. I gave her a modest allowance, she was my wife, but most of her money was still provided by Aro. Aside from my family's wealth, I knew where I was headed financially in life, and insisted on a pre-nup. Jane was never my choice as a bride and I made sure to cover my ass in the unexpected dissolution of our marriage. I never wanted to marry period. The love bullshit was overrated if you ask me. A good fuck when needed was sufficient. My parents, the happily married Carlisle and Esme Cullen, were under a different impression.

Everyone at the table just stared at Jane. When I sat down their eyes turned on me but before anyone had a chance to speak, dinner was served. The conversations started after the server walked away. Carlisle talked across the table to Emmett and Jasper, mostly casual business talk. Esme, Alice and Rosalie were discussing the rooms' décor and critiquing the first course. The way they spoke you'd think they were fucking food critics. I should be grateful they weren't asking me about Jane's current condition.

I didn't discuss my marriage with my family. As far as they were concerned everything was great. Jane and I only came out in public, together, when absolutely necessary. Family events were hit or miss, sometimes we'd attend together but mostly Jane went to her family's stuff and I to mine, alone, making up some plausible excuse as to why the other couldn't attend. The only hiccup in all of it was the fact that Jane's life was public property. I knew Esme wouldn't read trash newspapers but I wondered sometimes if Alice or Rosalie ever caught sight of one of Jane's covers. The Volturi's certainly would never bring it to their attention, though they read every word. I really didn't care what they saw or knew. I wasn't the fucking problem.

The last course had been cleared and the dessert was being passed out when the speeches began. This fundraiser was for underprivileged children in the inner city. A cause, near and dear, to Emmett and Rosalie. They had met in college and were business partners, with benefits, opening multiple youth recreation centres throughout Massachusetts. They used profits from the more profitable centres in well to do neighbourhoods to fund the centres in poorer neighbourhoods. I was proud of my brother though I'd never say it to his face. He found a way to amalgamate his love of athletics with his impressive knowledge of business. Of course, Rosalie helped but it was ultimately Emmett's dream.

Business was my affair. I earned my MBA from Harvard then graduated from Yale Law. There was nothing, or no one, that could hinder my rise to the top. At 23, I started my own business and by the time I graduated from Yale, Cullen Industries was a multi-million dollar company. I helped Emmett with some of the initial setup but he ran his own show and was doing well.

This, of all the fundraiser type things, was the most boring, one of the reasons I chose this event to attend with my dearest. It didn't present much opportunity for Jane to create a scene. There was no silent auction, no themed gimmick. Old men and women stood in front of the podium listing off the benefits of helping the poor children. A few success stories were paraded around the stage and given a chance to tell their sad story and everyone would applaud. By the end of the night, we were expected to take out our check books and write out a fat donation in support while more old people walked around with wicker baskets to collect.

I donated to everything, whether I attended the functions or not. The tax exemptions were incomparable. Personally, I would have preferred to simply right a cheque to Emmett. As far as I could see, his centres were the best thing those kids ever had. The centres started with localized sports but evolved into much more. They offered tutoring, music lessons, food, clothing and at times, shelter.

Jane had kept quiet throughout the evening but I lost her on the way out. I wasn't sure how she got away from me but one minute I was holding her hand, not the term of endearment you might think, and the next she was gone. I quickly scanned the crowd, with her gown she should have stood out like a sore thumb, but I couldn't find her. After a few minutes I said fuck it and headed towards the door and the valet kiosk.

"Good night, Edward." Alice reached up and kissed my cheek, as we waited for the valets to return with our cars.

"Good night, Alice," I replied bending down just a little to lessen her stretch. "Jasper." I nodded my sentiment as their car arrived.

Jane wasn't the only one I had lost. I hadn't seen my parents or Emmett since I left the table. They still hadn't come to the valet kiosk by the time my car arrived. I gave a quick glance through the crowd as I rounded the car but they were no where in sight. I got in the car and drove off.

The next morning I rolled over in bed to find Jane's space empty. I wasn't surprised. I proceeded with my usual morning routine and drove into work. When Jane first started disappearing I did worry but that was a long time ago. I didn't worry about her like a husband worried about his wife but I had known her a long time and wondered if she was in a morgue somewhere.

The morning went by quickly. I had a meeting scheduled over lunch. I was in the process of acquiring a local television station and I was meeting with the current owner to iron out the details. That's what I did. I acquired shit. Back in the day, I would be called a corporate raider. That term was antiquated now but basically that's what I did. I bought company's when they were about to go under, for next to nothing, and then broke them up and sold off the pieces at a profit. When I started the company I relied heavily on investors. Even then, at my young age I was considered charming. I could talk the skirt off a nun, if you know what I mean, so talking men out of their money wasn't that much of a stretch. Now, the money I used was all mine.

I was packing my briefcase when my phone beeped, alerting me to Gianna's call. I picked up the receiver, "Yes Gianna?"

"Sir, your lunch meeting is in half an hour."

"Yes, I'm preparing to leave now." I was ready to hang up when Gianna started with something else.

"Sir, you have a call on line one. It's Mrs. Cullen and a call on line two from Ms. Denali." Gianna always referred to Jane as Mrs. Cullen and Esme was 'your mother', without another word I dropped Gianna and picked up the call on line two.

"Well, to what do I owe this pleasure?" I asked, straightening my tie.

"Edward," Ms Denali whispered my name, "I'm very, very hot." She spoke slowly, emphasizing the h of hot.

"Hmmm, I like the way that sounds." I returned sounding just as seductive. I cleared my throat and spoke in normal tone again. "Tonya, I have a lunch meeting. Can I drop by around 1:30?"

"Edward," she whined. Quickly she changed her tone. I guess she remembered whining was one of my least favourite female qualities. "Yeah, that's fine."

Tonya Denali was one of my fuck buddies, why mince words? We used each other for sex and nothing more. It was a good relationship, there was no expectation other than a clean bill of health and we were tested regularly. Like me, Tonya was devoted to her profession and didn't have time for relationships. We'd known each other for years. I dated her sister, Kate, in college but there was never anything between us until we reconnected about three years ago. Her company moved her to Boston and she decided to look me up. She was fucking hot! I had no choice but add her to my collection.

I walked past Gianna's desk, which was right outside my door. "I'm leaving now. Rearrange my schedule, I'll be out of the office until…," I paused for a minute, looking at my watch, trying to figure out how long I'd spend with Tonya, "until about 3."

"Sir, you still have your wife on line one."

"I know. Tell her I'm busy." With no further explanation, I walked to the elevators and pressed the button. Jane was obviously alive so there was nothing else I needed to know.

I met with Liam Brennan, Owner of the local public television station, for lunch. I was seated and half way through my first drink when he finally arrived.

"Mr. Cullen." He offered to shake my hand as he approached the table. "Thank you for meeting with me."

I rose from my seat and extended my hand. "Mr. Brennan. I didn't think you were going to make it," I said, curtly.

"Sorry, we had a little mishap at the station," he apologized.

"And you have no one in your charge to handle crisis in your absence?" He shrugged his shoulders and smirked, proud of himself for his role as top dog. "Perhaps this is why your operation is in such chaos." His grin quickly dissipated. I was already annoyed by his tardiness and was not interested in small talk with this bloated self-absorbed little man.

"Well, I don't think…."

"Let's cut the bullshit. We both know why we're here. Your little station is so broke you can no longer pay your employees. Your benefactors are dropping out like flies and you've got no where else to go." His jaw dropped as I spoke. I guess he wasn't used to being spoken too like the worthless piece of shit that he was.

"Ok, Mr. Cullen." He stopped pretending. "I need about one million to clear up the station's debts, my backers assure me they will continue supporting us if we can clear up this current situation."

"Mr. Brennan, are you really as stupid as you look? Do you even know what I do?" Again his jaw dropped, astounded, he was completely speechless. The waiter came to the table and I waved him off. This meeting was not going to last long enough to eat a meal. "I'm not here to give you money, bail you out as it were. In my briefcase there is a contract whereby you sign the station and all its intellectual property over to Cullen Industries. That's the only topic up for discussion today."

"I…I…," he stammered.

I opened my briefcase, took out the document and handed it to him. "You will see my offer is fair with current market value. You have until the end of tomorrow to decide. After tomorrow, you'll see a significantly lower offer, if I even consider this acquisition at all." His eyes skimmed over the papers. It was obvious he wasn't absorbing the information listed then his eyes rose and met with mine. Before he had a chance to say anything else, "You can go now! This meeting is over."

As Liam Brennan got up to leave, I called the waiter back. I read from the menu, ordering for two, and requested the meal to go. I called Tonya to tell her I'd be at her office shortly with lunch. She was pleased with the news as her afternoon obligations were increasing quickly and she needed a little release before she faced them.

I got out of the elevator and walked down the hallway to Tonya's office. Her secretary was away so I just knocked on her door and waited until she directed me to come in.

"Lunch." I held up the bag as I walked in.

"Lunch will have to wait, Mr. Cullen." Tonya came towards me unbuttoning her blouse. I put the bag down on the floor, locked the door behind me and proceeded to take off my jacket. Our bodies slammed together and Tonya raised her arms, wrapping them around my neck and pulled me closer to her lips. My cock hardened as her hips slowly and seductively swayed, back and forth, rubbing against me.

My hands moved over her body, stripping off her blouse. The clasp of her lacy black bra was no match for me as my fingers craftily unhooked the eye. As I slid the straps off her shoulders, my hands travelled down her chest until I was cupping her tits, pushing them together and up towards my mouth. My lips enveloped around her hard nipples, sucking and nipping, my tongue licked and lashed. Tonya's back arched almost convulsively, pushing her tits further into my mouth. Her low throaty moans encouraged me to continue.

The short skirt, that barely covered her thighs, easily slid upward, no longer concealing her hot fucking pussy. She wasn't wearing panties and I heard myself groan as I slipped my fingers into her throbbing slit for a quick dip before hoisting her unto the desk. As I undid my belt and released my eager dick from the confines of its fabric prison, Tonya lowered herself across the desk. Her heels digging into the edge of the wood, I used my hands to forcibly spread her knees exposing her wet cunt.

My balls slammed against her ass as I thrusted my cock into her, again and again. It was hard to control the volume, as we vocalized our pleasure. I slid my hands under Tonya's body and pulled her ass closer to the edge of the desk, her legs wrapped around my hips locking me in. Hers hands grabbed my shoulders as she pulled her body up to mine, pressing her tits against my bare chest. Our kiss was violent and intense as I pushed deeper inside her. Her muscles began to contract around my dick and I pushed deeper, my pelvis slowly rubbing against her clit. My hands squeezed her plump ass, her fingernails dug into my flesh. Simultaneously, we climaxed. Tonya's body shuddered as I felt my cum shoot out into her in a jerking motion.

Our bodies started to relax, I pulled out and went into her private bathroom to clean up. While Tonya was in the bathroom completing her own routine, I set up lunch. We sat on the floor and leaned against her plush leather couch while we ate off the coffee table. We were both exhausted. I could see Tonya's legs still quivering. It made me smile to see her body still reacting to the orgasm I provided her.

"What are you smiling about?" She asked.

"Nothing." Saved by the bell, my phone started to ring from my jacket. Tonya reached into the pocket and passed me the phone, reading the caller ID as she handed it over.

"Jane has incredible timing." All of my indiscretions were aware of my marital status. I didn't feel the need to hide it, in fact, some of them were Jane's friends.

I nodded then accepted the call. "What is it Jane?" Her voiced shrilled through the little speaker in my cell phone, "I'm at lunch. I don't have time for this bullshit. No, I am not driving 20 miles, out of my way, to pick you up. Take a fucking cab!" I ended the call and rolled my eyes at Tonya.

I returned to my office at exactly 3pm. Gianna handed me some messages and I walked into my office and closed the door. I flipped through the messages quickly, nothing too important. Jasper called to remind me of the golf game we'd planned for the weekend. Jane called a few times, complete nonsense. A few other things, business related that could wait.

I turned around in my chair and looked out the window. My office, the only office on this floor, was on the top floor of my 25 storey building. The tallest building in the immediate area and when I looked out I felt like I owned the world. From this distance everything appeared to be very tiny and I could imagine what it was like to watch an ant farm. I could see the hustle and bustle of the people, the worker ants, busily running errands, getting lunch and completing the trivial business of everyday.

I leased the first twenty floors of my building to other companies, keeping only the top five for my own business. I liked to handle most of my transactions personally and didn't require much staff. My employees were highly educated and devoted, I hand selected, first in class graduates from the best schools offering impressive compensation packages. Some called me generous but that wasn't the case at all. I expected the same level of perfection, from those who worked for me, as I achieved myself. Finding competent employees willing to meet that level of expectation wouldn't come cheap and I accepted that. In all fairness, they often exceeded my expectations putting up with some of the shit I dispersed. Putting myself in their position, I don't think I would still be employed by Cullen Industries, only because I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut if I had a boss like me.

The next day was much the same, meetings and calls, regular business minus the afternoon rendezvous with Tonya. My sexual appointments were a regular part of my work week, not always scheduled during work hours and not always with Tonya, but I had a healthy sex drive and made sure to tend to those needs. I don't even want to imagine what an ass I'd be if there was no outlet for my sexual release.

The highlight came just after lunch. Mr. Brennan accepted my offer. I turned the paperwork over to one of my charges, Riley Biers. The final close on the deal was still months away. Riley would work with my legal team to make sure all t's were crossed and i's were dotted. I'd step in closer to the final take over to clue up the details. It was a good day.

The rest of the week was uneventful. As usual, Jane was gone more than she was home but then I didn't spend much time in the house either. Friday night I belted out a few ballads on the piano while having a few drinks. Scotch was my drink of choice. My fingers glided over the keys without even thinking. The more complicated the piece the more I enjoyed playing it. Esme's years of insistence, that her children play musical instruments, was paying off. Sitting at the piano was one of the few places where I found true peace and solace. I could get lost, for hours, sitting at the vast keyboard of my grand piano. The familiar feel of the keys at my fingertips, the rich full tones of each note, it was home to me.

I woke up at my normal time, early, on Saturday morning. I could feel the heat from Jane's body on my back and quickly jumped out of bed trying not to wake her. I don't know why we just didn't sleep in separate rooms, separate beds. We hadn't had sex, with each other, since our second year of married life. I pulled off my boxers on the way to the bathroom.

I was meeting the guys this morning on the golf course. We tried to play together at least once a month. Family time was important to both Carlisle and Esme. It wasn't really my thing but I didn't rock the boat when it came to my parents. I was the perfect son. I guess I enjoyed being with them. Carlisle was a good man and a good role model. He conducted himself in business as he did in life and truly earned the respect of everyone he met. Emmett was alright, though his goofy nature often irritated me. I think we were born in the wrong order. I was a typical first born, A type personality and all, where as Emmett could pass for the middle or baby child. Fun and full of life, he took everything with a grain of salt. There were times when I almost envied his easy going nature and good spirit. Jasper was my college roommate. I was the one who introduced him to Alice. At first, I wasn't crazy about Jasper putting the make on my little sister but I got over it, especially when I realized I didn't have a fucking choice. Jasper was a good guy and one of the few people, outside of my family, I could actually tolerate for more than half an hour. As far as brother-in-laws go, I couldn't ask for better. We were a tight family. Carlisle and Esme made sure of that.

Jane was awake when I came out of the bathroom, "morning," she grunted. I didn't acknowledge her.

"I said good morning, Edward." She tried again, sitting up and projecting her voice.

"I heard you."

"Where are you going?"

I glared at her, "why are you here?"

"I live here asshole!" Jane threw a pillow at me but she didn't speak to me anymore so it was worth the soft attack.

I grabbed a banana on my way out, tossing the peel into the trash before I left the kitchen. I pushed a button on my key remote and heard the familiar beep of the alarm deactivating behind the garage door. The scent of leather filled my nose as I sat in the driver seat and that always made me smile. I drove a Porsche Cayman S Black Edition, the sweetest ride ever made. The seat fit my ass like a fucking glove, my underwear didn't fit as well. Fuck I loved this car.

I peeled out of the driveway, a few early bird neighbours giving me a disapproving look as I sped past them. I turned up the volume and the music was pumping when I pulled into the club. Reluctantly, I handed the keys to the valet, I hated other people driving her but the club had strict rules about members parking their own cars. _Yes, I referred to my car as a lady, get over it!_

As I entered the club, some moron approached me. "Edward Cullen," he said, his voice filled with disdain.

I didn't recognize the man and kept walking. He grabbed my arm and I turned back. With as much restraint as I could bare I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "get your fucking hands off me!" I didn't want to make a scene, especially not with Carlisle present.

"You don't remember me, do you?" He sputtered angrily. I didn't respond but continued to stare him down. "You don't remember ruining my life, you fucking bastard?" His voice was rising and beginning to catch the attention of other members close by. "You tore my company apart!"

That was my job. I wouldn't even try to remember the face of every person who failed their company so badly that I was able to acquire their assets. I attempted to walk away, hoping to diffuse the situation before we drew more attention and before I got angry back, but he had a strong hold on my arm. I forcefully pulled my arm away and began to walk again.

"By the way, your wife Jane," I turned to look at him again. "Is a really good fuck!" He taunted.

I stepped purposely towards him, keeping my voice low, "Jane may be an easy fuck but good? I guess you don't have much experience in that area." I glanced down towards his crotch and smirked, "I know what Jane has to offer and believe me, I fucked you better!" I turned my back to him and spoke over my shoulder, "I was definitely more satisfied." I laughed. He attempted to come after me but I caught his two friends holding him back, from the corner of my eye.

At reception, I asked to see the manager, Ben. Seconds later he was shaking my hand. Ben was a family friend and I was confident he would prefer to keep our business over the fucking idiot that just approached me.

"Edward, so good to see you. What can I do for you today?"

"That guy," I pointed, "just outside, standing with one of the valet's. Who is he?"

"That's Peter Randall. He used to work for some import company but now he's CEO of Bower Inc. Why?" He answered innocently.

"I want you to revoke his membership." Ben's eyes widened at my request. "He assaulted me and referred to my wife in a very disrespectful manner." I didn't have to explain, I'm sure when Ben weighed the pros and cons of my request he'd certainly comply but I thought it would help him explain to his superiors if questioned. The young lady behind the counter nodded in agreement with my statement, she had obviously overheard.

"Of course, Edward. His membership will be revoked immediately." We shook hands and wished each other a good weekend.

Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper were on the terrace. "Hey, what was going on out there?" Emmett inquired.

"Nothing," I shook my head and they left it alone.

"There's your menu." Carlisle pointed to my setting, "we're going to have breakfast before we start." I settled in and reviewed the menu.

We placed our order with the waitress and started chatting about the past weeks events. Emmett caught me checking out the waitress a couple of times and razzed me about it. Jasper chimed in reminding me of my marital status. It was all in good fun but enough was enough. We moved on but our conversations, even with Carlisle present, always found their way back to sex. Personally, it was a favourite topic of mine but I'm sure Carlisle would prefer to be left out of those discussions with his sons and especially his son-in-law, for no other reason than Jasper was screwing his only daughter, the details of which he did not want to know, and Jasper better not dare stray. It had to put Carlisle in an awkward position, and we knew we should steer clear, but it was so fucking funny to watch this well mannered, perfectly behaved man squirm. The three of us got quite a charge watching Carlisle try to be one of the boys.

"Edward, how many women work for you?" We were nearing the 18th hole.

"I don't know, forty, fifty, something like that. I don't take regular attendance, Emmett."

"That's a lot of pressure. Do you ever think about screwing any of them?"

I laughed. I knew what Emmett was doing. "Never Bro. These girls are the best of the best. I can't afford to lose any of them. Don't mix pleasure with business, right dad?"

"That's right, son." Carlisle agreed.

"See now, I have to disagree with you on that. I'm glad to have Rosie working with me, she keeps me in line."

"Yeah, but you and Rose aren't a thing, like Alice and Jasper. You're just fucking her so technically you are mixing business and pleasure. You need to watch that shit." I scolded. Carlisle kept his head down visualizing his put.

"Edward, where the fuck have you been?" Jasper piped in. "Emmett and Rose have been living together for over a year."

"What?" I was shocked.

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" Emmett was shocked that I didn't know. It took a few minutes for him to realize I wasn't kidding, "how could you not fucking know?"

"Wow, Emmett. Sorry man, I didn't realize things were that serious. I've had a lot on my mind." Before they could press me for a break down of what was so preoccupying that I didn't realize my brother had gotten serious with this girl, my phone rang. "Esme." I said, shrugging my shoulders, I had to take the call. I walked away from the group for a little privacy.

"Hey ma."

"Hi dear. I'm having dinner here at the house tonight, can you two make it?"

"Uhm… ma it's really not a good time…."

She cut me off, "Edward." The tone of her voice made me crumble to her will. She was skilled in her guilt techniques.

"I don't know if Jane can make it but I will be there." Her cheery voice returned as she gave me the details. I ended that call and made one more.

"Hey baby. I can't wait to see you tonight." The voice on the other end breathed into the phone.

"Senna." I paused and I could sense she knew what was coming. "I can't make it. Something's come up."

"Edward. This is the third time you've cancelled on me." I could hear the anger building. I was in no mood for it. It was time to end things with Senna, she was getting attached.

"Senna." I said sternly.

"Come on Edward, it's your turn. Get off the fucking phone and put, asshole." Emmett's voice boomed toward me.

"Senna, I said I can't make it and I have to go. Let's talk soon." That was my usual brush off. The soon never came.

We finished our game and drove back to the clubhouse. We recapped the day's highlights over drinks in the bar. Carlisle watched Jasper and I shoot pool, Emmett took a call and disappeared.

"So we're having dinner at your place tonight?" I asked, directing my question to Carlisle.

"Yes. Your mother's been cooking all day."

"Anything special going on or just another Saturday?" Carlisle and Jasper looked at each other and I knew something was up. "What is it?" There was no reply. "Why am I the only one out of the know here?" I was beginning to sound like a child.

"Your brother is proposing to Rosalie tonight." Carlisle finally gave in.

"Really?" I couldn't disguise my disapproval. Rose was fine but he didn't need to marry her. Fuck, what was he thinking?

"Sounds like you don't approve, little brother?" Emmett heard my response as he entered the room from behind me.

I took a moment to think of an appropriate reply. "No man. That's great. Great news."

"I don't believe you." Emmett was right in my face now. He stood about an inch and a half taller than me but his massive form made him appear much bigger.

"I'm just surprised. Fuck, I just learned that you were living together. Give me a break." I joshed. He fucking bought it and playfully jabbed my shoulder.

I went home to shower and change. Jane was home when I arrived and I asked her if she intended to join me. I had called her cell as I was leaving the club and left a message. I extended the invitation only because Esme would prefer if the whole family was in attendance for such an occasion. I wasn't surprised by her resounding no, but at least I did my part.

My parents house was large, a mansion if you will. Esme employed cleaning staff, grounds keepers, pool keepers, even a butler but insisted the kitchen was her domain. Carlisle often suggested she hire a cook for large crowds but Esme would not hear of it. She loved the kitchen, cooking was her outlet she said. We certainly didn't complain, the woman was an artist, a master, in the kitchen. I was pretty confident in my culinary abilities but wouldn't dare compare myself to her.

Jasper and Alice were at the door when I pulled up. The butler, Berty, opened the door allowing the three of us to enter. He ushered us to the formal living room where Emmett and Rosalie were already sitting with Carlisle and Esme. The room was vastly oversized with high ceilings. The external wall was a combination of gypsum and glass. Emmett's voice boomed and echoed towards me as he spoke.

"Well, it's about time. I was starting to worry you guys weren't going to make it." His massive frame was closing in on me. I quickly glanced down at my watch, reflexively, ready to challenge Emmett. "I'm kidding you brown noser!" He looped his large arms around my body and lifted me up in one of his infamous bear hugs. This was an example of things about Emmett that irritated the fuck out of me. Alice and Jasper backed away slowly to avoid their own capture as I struggled to get free.

Finally on my own two feet, I approached Esme and bent down to kiss her cheek. "Edward," her voice was low, staying exactly between us. "I'd like to talk to you tonight after the others leave." I straightened up without responding, it wasn't necessary. No one refused Esme.

Carlisle nodded his head to me, "I take it…."

"No, Jane's not coming." I could feel the disappointment of twelve eyes boring holes through me. My successful business and financial portfolio, my unblemished public status and my many strengths, none of it fucking mattered. My marriage to Jane hung over my head like a fucking storm cloud. Nothing I could do would ever over shadow my family's disappointment in me. My marriage, my one and only failure. Jane's absence, in everything family, was my short coming and if I was reading Esme correctly, our failure to produce grandchildren was a close second.

Alice's voice broke through the silence and consumed everyone's attention. Honestly, I had no idea what she was talking about. My internal banter rang far louder in my ears then her high pitch. I cursed Jane over and over in my head and then I turned on my family. I would never have married her if my parents hadn't expected it, wanted it. I could feel the anger beginning to course through my veins and I had to leave the room. I took a walk outside. I couldn't breathe in that room anymore.

I was outside for about half an hour when Alice came looking for me. "Go away Alice." I snapped.

"You know Edward," she plopped herself down, next to me, on the wooden bench encircling the gazebo. Her arms looped around mine and she squeezed herself tight to me. "You are your own worst enemy." I turned my head and looked at her, unconvinced. "I'm serious. No one holds you to as high a standard as you hold yourself." She loosened her grip and sat up, leaning against the wall behind us.

"What would you know." It wasn't a question, more an audacious comment.

Alice was quiet. Briefly. "I know more than you think, big brother." She left my side, heading toward the house. "Emmett's about to make his announcement. You need to get your ass inside." She shouted over her shoulder. Now she was being audacious.

Emmett started to clear his throat when he saw me enter the room. "Excuse me, I'd like to have everyone's attention." Alice moved in front of Jasper and he slid his arms around her waist from behind, watching Emmett from over her shoulder. Carlisle sat down next to Esme and reached for her hand. Esme looked into his eyes and you could see her happiness for what was about to happen and you could see the love in her eyes, that she still held for my father, after all these years. I leaned against the wall near the door and folded my arms across my chest, alone.

Emmett stood in the middle of the room. Rosalie was sitting close to Esme. "This is a very important night for me. I'm so glad to have all of you, the people I care about most, with me to share in this moment." Rose looked confused. There couldn't be much she didn't know about Emmett, living and working with him. Obviously, this was a best kept secret so she must have wondered what was going on.

Emmett turned to Rose and held out his hand for her to come join him in the center of the room. Naturally, she did. Her expression was still confused but I could almost see the wheels turning in her head as the reality of what was happening began to sink in.

"Rosie, you've been my partner in business, my inspiration in life and my greatest love. When I think about my future I can only see your beautiful face smiling back at me. You love my strengths and you strengthen my weaknesses. You are in my dreams, my heart and hopefully my forever." Rosalie was already blubbering, along with Alice and Esme. Emmett got down on one knee and looked up at her, pulling a velvet box from his pocket. He opened it and held it up to her, "Rosalie Lillian Hale, would you be my forever, my bride, my wife, my everything?"

Rosalie was crying too hard to utter a fucking word but she nodded her head profusely. I actually found myself smiling, who knew Emmett had that in him. His words were sincere and deep and I was impressed, which didn't happen all that often. Alice turned into Jasper and cried into his chest. Esme and Carlisle were the first on their feet to congratulate the newly engaged couple. Alice was still clinging to Jasper so I decided to be next in line to offer my condolences. My congratulations.

I took Rose's hand and admired the ring for a second. Emmett had good taste, though the rock was a little bigger than I would have chosen. I hugged her and whispered my congratulations into her ear. I slammed Emmett on the back, making a big fuss over him for taking the plunge. Making a bigger deal than I believed it to be, I had to make up for earlier at the golf course. Alice and Jasper finally made their way over.

Berty, as if on cue, entered the room with a bottle of chilled champagne and a tray of glasses. Emmett popped the cork and the sparkling liquid sprang out like a waterfall. We all grabbed a glass from the tray and tried to catch the flowing fluid. Laughter erupted and bounced around the room. Carlisle made his fatherly toast, congratulating the couple, welcoming Rose and blessing the family.

Dinner was done and the wait staff were clearing the table. The ladies trailed off discussing plans and dates, colors and style. Carlisle invited the three of us downstairs to the rec room. We separated into teams, grabbing pool sticks and racking balls. Jasper went behind the bar and doled out our usuals. Emmett, being it was his night, was first to break. The conversation was casual, sports and business. Each of us were in a different field so it was a nice change of pace to hear a different perspective. Jasper was a criminal lawyer with ambitions of being the state prosecutor and eventually going into politics. He'd certainly married the right girl to share that dream with. Alice was a media relations consultant and handled major scandals and career altering catastrophes for the world's most publicly watched characters, actors, athletes, politicians. No one could afford to keep her on their payroll indefinitely which suited her just fine. She was warm and energetic and enjoyed meeting and working for people. With Alice by Jasper's side there was nothing they wouldn't conquer.

The night was finally winding down. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice made their way to the front door with my parents following them out. I shouted a good night to all then disappeared down the hall to the library. Oddly enough, the room, demanding the most quiet, is where Esme chose to place the piano. I sat on the bench and allowed my fingers to trail over the keys, softly tapping out the notes of Hedley's Perfect.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift away with the music. I quietly sung along as I felt each note. "It's been a while since I heard you play." I didn't realize Esme had entered the room. I smiled when she spoke to me and changed the tune to a classical piece. It was her favourite. I played a few bars before stopping. The two of us sat at the piano for a few minutes in silence.

"So, you wanted to talk to me?" I asked, bracing myself for the lecture. I got up from the piano and created some distance between us.

"Yes, I did." Esme's voice was strong, completely different then the soft motherly tone she used when I was playing.

I stared out the window into the darkness, mostly seeing my own reflection, the failure staring back at me. "I know what you're going to say ma. Can't we do this another time? This is Emmett's night, let's not ruin it."

Esme came up behind. I felt her fingers tighten around my arms just above the elbow. I'd never noticed before just how much taller I was than my mother but it was clear in the window's reflection. She barely reached the top of my shoulder and her cheek gently pressed against my bicep.

"Edward…." She tried but I quickly interrupted.

"No. I don't want to talk about this with you." I pulled away from her, heading towards the door, my anger sparking up. I'd never spoken harshly to Esme but this time she was overstepping, "Yes, mother, I'm ashamed and yes, I'm sorry Jane is never here for these big occasions. I will fix it…"

"Fix it?" She questioned.

"Yes mother. I will fix it." I almost shouted at her, angrily. Angry because of the doubt in her voice, angry because it was partially her fault I was in this fucking mess. Fuck, my own mother didn't believe I could fix it. What the fuck does that say about me?

"Edward. Son." Her voice softened and I stopped walking toward the door. I couldn't walk out on her no matter how angry I was. "Where is this guilt coming from?"

"What?" I turned around, confused.

"Edward, please give me some credit. I am not without fortitude of my own. I know what's going on and I know where to lay the blame, if there was any point in that."

"Right!" I said, doubtful she had any idea what I endured in the joke I referred to as my marriage. I loosened the tie around my neck that suddenly felt like a noose.

"Edward, do you really think I'm that blind? That any of us are? We see Jane for what Jane is, and yes you're married to her, but she is not a reflection of you nor should you, in any fashion, bare her reflection."

I heard the words coming from Esme's mouth, I saw her mouth moving through each syllable but I couldn't convince myself that Esme had said that. For the first time in my life I was speechless, no angry comment, no quick witted response, nothing. I was stunned. The family knew. Esme knew, Carlisle. It felt like someone had just kicked the shit out of me. I started shaking my head in disbelief, it wasn't possible for them to know the full extent of my shame.

"We supported your marriage to Jane because we thought it was what you wanted. You and Jane were always together growing up, we thought you loved her. We've thought about it a lot over the years Edward. Did we do this? Did you marry her because of something we did or said to make you feel like you had too?" Esme's eyes were red, irritated and I could see the tears beginning to pool.

A lump was forming in my throat as I watched my mother begin to cry over me. I started to feel the burn in my own eyes as I watched her tears escape and I blinked furiously to prevent my own from spilling out. I couldn't answer her. I wanted to scream at her for making me live this lie. I wanted to scream at myself for thinking they'd ever make me do something against my own will. Everything hit me all at once. This was my fault, not theirs. I let this happen, me. In no other situation would I ever be forced into something against my will, not by anyone, not even my parents. I did this. Why the fuck did I do this?

When I didn't answer her, Esme started again. "You have been so strong throughout the past five years, trying to deal with this on your own. We commend your attempt to stay in this marriage but it's not healthy. We realize you are not without flaws of your own, but you have to understand, son, this is not your failure. It's hers, perhaps, even ours." I turned away from her, I couldn't stand for her to see me being weak. The heel of my palms dug deep into my eyes, I would not cry like a fucking pussy. "Edward, we want you to know that we'd support you through a divorce if that's what you want to do. She doesn't deserve you, she never did."

She hugged me from behind knowing I couldn't face her right now. When my breathing returned to normal and my hands dropped from my face, Esme released me and stepped back. Just as she took her step, Carlisle, as if listening from outside, walked in. I lowered my head, I didn't want him looking into my eyes and seeing I'd been weak, He placed his strong fatherly hand on my shoulder and looked past me at Esme.

"Is everything alright in here?"

"Yes," she said confidently, "I think everything will be fine."

"Yeah," I said simply.

Carlisle patted my shoulder and started towards his wife. I half turned to say goodnight to them as I bolted for the door. Carlisle cradled my weeping mother in his arms. I picked up my pace before the feeling to go back and hug them both overwhelmed me.

I looked forward to the long drive home. It would give me a chance to think, clear my head, figure things out. For once, I hoped Jane was home. We needed to talk and this conversation was long over due.

Esme's words repeated in my head. She said Jane and I were always together, she thought I loved Jane. Why? How could she think I was in love with Jane? I reminisced over my life, focusing in on my teen years and early twenties. I wasn't the type to bring girls home to meet mom and dad. That's the kind of thing one might do if he thought the relationship might go somewhere. I enjoyed bachelorism. Is that even a word? I didn't do relationships, not even in high school. Esme didn't get one picture of me with my prom date. Wait. What the fuck was her name? Bree something. I didn't take her though. I remember asking her and she said yes but the day before the prom she said her parents were making her go with someone else. There was no time to ask anyone else so I took Tonya, she was a junior.

Special occasions and holiday parties, we'd hang out together because we were the only singles. Alice brought every boy home, Emmett always had some cheerleader hanging off him and Jane's brothers were never in need of a date. It became a joke between us and she'd even color coordinate with whatever tie I was wearing. Oh fuck, she was dating me! I slammed my hands against the steering wheel. Did she orchestrate this whole fucking thing?

I had asked Kate to Alice's commencement. There was never a future for us, we both understood that. Kate had a bigger problem with monogamy than I did but I did ask her to come with me and she said yes. Why didn't she go? It took a couple minutes but I remembered. Jane had dropped out of college, for the first time, and her parents kicked her out so she came to stay with me. Obviously, Kate didn't care about that. A week after Jane left Kate told me she wasn't comfortable meeting my family for the first time under such important circumstances. I knew it was an excuse and I never spoke to her again after that. I was so pissed at her for bailing on me. Did Jane have something to do with her decision? Fuck, why didn't I see this before? Make no fucking wonder my parents thought I loved her, they'd never seen me with anyone else.

I pulled into the driveway. Jane's car was gone. The house was dark but I called her name anyway as I walked through the front door. I raced through the house just to be sure she wasn't passed out somewhere but she definitely wasn't home. I flung my self down on the couch, trying to cool down but it was impossible. My thoughts were racing through memories of various things all negatively influenced by that bitch. Things I should have noticed at the time and didn't.

I started to pace through the main floor, swiping at table lamps and picture frames until the floor was covered by puddles of shattered glass. The rage consumed me as I waited for her to come home and I ventured into the kitchen smashing dishes straight out of the cupboard. The last thing I held were her grandmother's prized crystal glasses. It was satisfying to hear each one crash into the wall on the other side of the room. The broken glass clamoured to the floor.

Even our engagement was a fucking mistake. The memories of our engagement flooded into my mind and I found myself drifting back to that time. I never proposed. I never asked her to marry me…

I'd picked her up at her parents' house. She'd begged me to take her to some New Year's Eve Bash a friend of hers was having. I wasn't into that but she pleaded saying her ex would be there and she couldn't ring in the New Year alone while he kissed some whore. I was intrigued by the idea of pissing someone off so I finally agreed to take her.

"I'm here." I called her when I got in the driveway.

"Aren't you going to at least come in and say hello to everyone?" She whined.

"No. I'm not in the mood. Hurry up."

Within a few minutes, the chauffeur opened the car door and Jane climbed in. "Look," she said.

"Nice rock. What is it? 3 carots?" I asked.

"2 and a half."

"Christmas gift?"

"No, I bought it myself to wear to the party." Stupidly, I thought nothing more of it. I didn't even pay attention to the finger it was on. Why would I?

We arrived at the party and immediately Jane ran to some girlfriends. I made my way to the bar, I wasn't driving tonight and was going to take full advantage of the free booze. I was pretty trashed by the time Jane found me again. A crowd of girls swarmed around me, screaming and squealing. It took a few minutes to figure out why but when I did I was pissed.

I grabbed Jane by the arm and pulled her away from the crowd. "What did you tell them?" Suddenly I was sober.

"It's nothing Edward. Nobody will even remember tomorrow." She replied nonchalant. I let her go maybe she was right. Why should I care anyway, this wasn't my circle. I didn't fucking care what they thought. Let them think we were engaged. If nothing else, her ex would probably be really pissed. That's if he wanted her back as bad as Jane implied, which I didn't understand. I started to chuckle.

I had ordered the driver to drop Jane off first but she insisted her parents would be at my parent's house and she'd get a ride home with them. She was right. We walked into a party in full mode. Esme and Carlisle loved to entertain. It's probably where Alice got her flare for people and entertaining. Somehow it escaped me.

Naturally, inside my own home, Jane and I parted ways. I expected to be done with her for the night. I was mistaken. The lights flickered and Aro was standing in the middle of the room trying to grab everyone's attention. Esme and Carlisle were walking, rushing in my direction with my siblings closely behind them.

Aro's speech knocked the wind out of my lungs and I thought the room was spinning. Was I drunk or did I just hear that right? _Congratulations to Jane and Edward on their engagement. _What the fuck?

My family congratulated me. Carlisle and Esme thought it was a very mature thing to do. I was coming of age but it was so unexpected…

Thinking back now I should have known how they truly felt by the looks on their faces but at that moment, maybe it was the liquor or the sheer shock of what Jane had done, I thought they were pleased with the announcement. There was no turning back then and Jane knew that's how I would feel….

By 12:30, I had worked out enough of my rage to stop breaking shit and was calm enough to go through some work I'd brought home. I went to my desk and opened my laptop. My office was the first room in the short hallway past the front door. Jane would have to walk past me to get further into the house. I purposely kept the lights off so she wouldn't expect to see me awake, waiting for her.

My eyes were burning by the time I heard Jane's key in the front door. Quietly, she crept past my office.

"Jane!" Jane almost jumped out of her skin, startled by my voice as it broke through the air in the silent house. With only the light of my computer screen shining up at me I couldn't see the details of her face, but she could see my expression clearly. If it were possible, my eyes would be glowing red with hate for her but I'm sure they didn't need to glow for her to understand my desires at that moment.

She quickly regained her composure. "Darling, were you waiting up for me?" Her words so drenched in sarcasm I began to feel ill at the sound of her fucking shrill.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I glanced down at the screen and saw it was 3:30am.

"Isn't it obvious? I was out!" She changed her tone to match mine.

I got up from my desk, I feared if I stayed in this conversation I would fucking kill her with my bare hands. "You're a fucking whore!" I said as I walked past her in the doorway. I just couldn't help myself.

"What? Don't you dare say that to me and walk away you fucking coward. Come back here and say it to my face!" I guess I struck a nerve.

I turned back with a quick twist and she almost fell on her ass, not expecting me to turn so fast. I lowered my head to her level. I was so close our noses almost touched. "YOU…ARE…A…FUCKING…WHORE!" In the seconds that it took to re-utter those words it occurred to me that she might scratch my eyes out. I stepped back and straightened up, though I really wanted to stay in her face and taunt her a little more.

"Oh such big words, Mr. Cullen. So what does that make you. Saint Edward?" She was primed and I could see the claws were coming out. Bitch!

"Well, at least I'm not out screwing everything that moves."

"What? And you think I am?" Jane moved closer to me and stretched up to get in my face. "Fucking Prove It!" She challenged.

"That shouldn't be hard!"

"No Edward. You should rephrase that. That isn't hard! If you had anything to offer I wouldn't have to look elsewhere for satisfaction!" Here she goes, trying to emasculate me. A tactic I was used to.

"Well maybe if I had something fucking sensible in front of me I would be more enticed." I threw it back at her.

"You son of Bitch!" Another nerve, I almost laughed.

My temper was boiling over. I had to end this before it got physical. Jane was daring me with every move she made. "I want a divorce, Jane!"

Again she stretched up to my face. "Never!" She pulled back. "This marriage, if that's what you'd call this farce of an arrangement, has never been more than one of your business transactions, a merger between our two families and I am not about to dissolve this contract."

"Oh, what? Are you acting as Aro's insurance policy now? You think as long as we stay married Carlisle won't push your father out of the practice?"

"Insurance policy? Are you saying I only married you to protect my father? Listen Saint Edward. You were fucking there and I didn't hear you speak up when the minister asked if there was any reason we shouldn't be married. If I am my father's insurance what the fuck are you?" That's what all of this was about. Jane pursued me and married me to give Carlisle a reason to want to protect Aro, preserve his side of the practice. Fuck, it was all making sense. I couldn't figure out why she went to so much trouble only to fuck around on me after we were married.

I walked away from her, ran up the stairs and slammed the bedroom door shut. In no time I had a bag packed, grabbed my laptop along the way and stormed out. Jane didn't question me, she just watched me leave. I was disappointed I wouldn't get to see her reaction to all the broken shit littering the floor but I had to get out of there.

I didn't want to bother my family at this hour. I thought about calling Tonya, she lived the closest to my work, for a place to crash but decided it would be better if I were alone tonight. I checked into a hotel, tossed and turned for a couple of hours, sleep was out of the question then headed into the office.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen." Gianna greeted me with wide eyes and a smile. I was surprised to see her sitting at her usual post on a Sunday but I didn't question it. I made sure my employees had unlimited access to the building, at least the floors dedicated to Cullen Industries, so they could put in all the time necessary to stay on top of their game.

"Get Carlisle on the line for me." I snapped. Gianna worked for me long enough to know not to take my shit personally.

I stood at the window waiting for Gianna to connect me with Carlisle. I was still fuming from the night before and the scene outside my window was nothing more than a blur. I wasn't able to focus on anything in particular.

My office door opened and I turned to see Carlisle close the door behind him.

"Gianna said you looked quite upset. Looks like she was right." Carlisle's calm demeanour helped slow my breathing.

I sighed, "What are you doing here? I just asked Gianna to call you"

He nodded his head, "things didn't go well last night." It was more of a statement then a question and I looked at him curiously. How did he know? As if reading my thoughts, he started, "Jane called Alice, Alice called your mother and so it goes." Carlisle was very calm and almost jovial in his rendition of the chain of command in our family's female circle.

"She called Alice looking for my family to fucking side with her." I could feel my body starting to shake. "She's a fucking manipulative Bitch." Carlisle didn't react to my foul language, he was used to it although it was never tolerated in front of Esme. "I need to leave town. I have to get away for a while."

"Edward, we all know what Jane Volturi is. We all know what the whole Volturi clan is. You never have to defend yourself to us. I hope you know that." I nodded but until last night I didn't know it. "I agree, I think some time away would be good for you." Carlisle paused. "I love you, son. Don't ever forget that."

For the second time in as many days, I felt like falling apart and letting my parents protect me and put the pieces back together for me. I breathed deep and held my breath for a second, fighting for control of my fucking pussy emotions.

"I'm going to stop by and see Alistair before I leave. Get him to draw up the divorce papers and serve them to that bitch. Then I'm going to drive up to the family house in Washington." Carlisle nodded. "I'll have my phone if you need anything." We gave each other a man hug, barely touching with a slap on the back. "I'll call mom when I get there."

When Carlisle left I packed a few of my files in my briefcase and left my office. On the way out I told Gianna to redirect all of my calls to Riley. Riley was my right hand and I'd often left him in charge of things in my absence. I'd call him from the road to discuss things but he was more than capable of handling the workload and deciding what issues warranted my personal attention. I stepped onto the elevator and then I was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Everything Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 2 - BPOV  
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I threw myself over the high counter of the reception desk. My arms dangled over the inside wall barely reaching the main work area. "Angela," I whined, begging her to show me some mercy.

She pushed my hands out of her way, focusing more on her work then my tantrum. "Be a good Bella. You can do this." Angela giggled and looked up at me. "She's not that bad, Bella. We used to be friends, remember?" Her thoughtless pep talk was not helping me at all.

I straightened up, pouting and huffed out, "fine!"

While I was straightening my lab coat, Jake came in and bounced up to us, saving me, at least temporarily from my doom. He leaned into me and planted a gentle kiss on my mouth. It wasn't unusual for Jake to greet me that way. I didn't encourage it and never kissed back but over the years I had learned to accept it.

"Hi beautiful." He gleaned. His snow white smile brightened against his bronze skin. "Hey Angela."

"Hi yourself," I said, smiling. Angela simply waved. "You're awfully chipper this afternoon. What's up?"

"Up? With me? Why there's nothing up." Jake was acting coy and I squinted trying to see behind his sly grin and devious eyes.

"Jacob Black! You're level of happy is more than suspicious. Tell me what you're up too." I demanded. He wouldn't answer so I pushed a little harder. "I haven't seen you like this since that time you and Quil set Embry Call up with the Trannie from Port Angeles." Angela's eyes widened, she obviously had not heard about that one.

"Shit, I almost forgot about that. That was so funny." He said, more to Angela as he retold the highlights, "…Quil and I followed them on their date. I've still got the video." He laughed turning his attention back to me, "We're saving that one for when he gets married."

"Funny? I thought Embry was going to kill you two!" I jabbed Jake in the arm, he didn't flinch.

"Yeah," Jake was almost entranced as he visualized Embry going in for a kiss. He touched the Trannie's face and felt the five o'clock shadow poking through the thick mask of makeup. "He was pretty mad when he figured it out. He still hasn't gotten us back for that one."

"So, out with it. What are you up to today?"

"Nothing, really. I just stopped by to see if you ladies were interested in having dinner with me and Eric tonight at the Inn?" Jake's demeanour returned to normal but I was still suspicious. "We've made reservations for 7:30."

Angela and I nodded. The restaurant located on the main floor of the Inn was beautifully decorated and elegant with great views of the surrounding garden and the beautiful summer homes, mini mansions, of snob hill in the background. Snob hill was not the official name but us locals referred to it as such. Those were the homes of wealthy families who vacationed near our little town throughout the year. I had no idea why they would choose to come here for vacation, the weather was unpredictable going from bad to worse with a few sunny breaks per season. It wasn't quite that bad but it certainly wasn't Hawaii.

With our acceptance, Jake was off. He was just out the door when Angela's curt tone rang in my ear, "Jessica is in exam one," she reminded me. I shot her the evil eye and she smiled back, sweetly, taunting me. She was relentless. If we weren't such good friends I'd hate her at this moment. I let my shoulders slump forward and trotted off to the exam room, glancing back at Angela hoping she'd stop me.

"Whoa, Jessica, that breath is toxic. What are you feeding this little beast?" I turned my head, trying to manoeuvre myself to keep my nose out and my eyes in this little dog's mouth.

"Everything Bella." Jessica laughed, "Mike feeds him from the table." Jessica had married Mike Newton two years after we graduated from high school. I was actually surprised to have received an invitation to their wedding. Like Angela reminded me, we had been friends in high school, with both Jessica and Mike, but lost touch once I moved for college.

Before the invitation, the last I'd heard about Jessica was that she was attending Princeton. At the wedding, Angela informed me that she was overwhelmed by the pressures and dropped out opting for life as Mrs. Mike Newton, baby maker. That had become her new ambition, mother and wife. It's not the life I'd expect her to choose but she seemed really happy.

Overall, she hadn't changed much. It was painfully clear why we didn't remain close, like Angela and I had. Jessica still thought the world was supposed to revolve around her. She was obnoxiously vain and from what I'd seen, and heard, of her children, they were turning out just like her. I hated bumping into her, anywhere, and dreaded her scheduled appointments here. Sometimes I even daydreamed of putting her little dog to sleep, permanently, just so she wouldn't come back. I would never do that but boy did I dream. Jessica was gossip central. She knew everything, heard everything and then spread it around like wild fire. Unfortunately, as much as I hated to admit it, she was usually right. I don't know how she was able to find out the stuff she knew but if Jessica started smoke about something, you might want to look for the fire.

"Well, you really need to tell Mike to stop. He's doing this little guy a great disservice." I called to Angela from the open exam room door. When she entered I handed her the little dog with instructions to clean his teeth thoroughly. Angela disappeared down the hall and left Jessica and I alone. I buried my head in some paperwork trying to discourage her from talking to me but it didn't work. I knew it wouldn't, but it was worth a shot.

"So, Bella, are you going to the Beach this weekend?" Simply by the tone in Jessica's voice, I could tell she was fishing for something.

This weekend was the annual LaPush Fall Fair. It was a relatively new tradition, implemented about ten years ago. It really helped with moral between the Natives and the Whites. Not that there was any real animosity between the two groups but generally the Tribe stayed on the reservation and the Whites stayed off of it.

"Of course. I really don't have a choice, Jake's shop is sponsoring it, so we will definitely be there." I lifted my head briefly then looked back to the papers, "You and Mike?"

"Oh yes, we wouldn't miss it for the world. The kids love it." She walked her fingers along the metal gurney. "They say the first night is going to be really exciting." Jessica's body language was screaming, 'ask me why?'

I closed the file folder I'd been looking in and leaned against the wall. My arms folded across my chest and I took a deep breath. Annoyed, I asked her why, not wanting to hear the answer, not caring.

Jessica lit up like a Christmas tree. She rushed to close the exam room door. "Ok Bella, I have to ask," she said in a hushed but eager tone, "Have you and Jake talked about getting married?"

"What?" I coughed out, completely surprised by her question.

Jessica's hand shot up, covering her mouth. "You haven't!" I could see the color change in her face, not embarrassed like you'd expect for potentially spoiling a surprise. No, her color change and the look on her face was more due to conceit, pleased that she was the one to break the story. She had no regard for other people at all. It was sickening to watch.

"Jessica, what are you talking about?" I asked angrily, wanting her to just get to the point. My relationship to Jake was none of her concern and the last thing I wanted was to be the topic of her latest rumours.

"Maybe I shouldn't." It was more than obvious that she was going to, regardless of her feeble attempt to refrain.

"Out with it!" I demanded.

She took a deep breath and let it all out. "Well, Jake was seen buying a rather large diamond ring. Naturally, I thought it was for you. Is he seeing anyone?" She asked trying to appear innocent. My patience was wearing thin with her act.

"No." I bit my tongue and winced at the pain of it. I was walking right into her little web. Feeding the gossip mill that was Jessica Newton.

"Ok, so we don't know who it's for. If I were a betting girl, though, I'd say you were the most likely target." She swallowed her lips as if considering whether or not to say more.

"What?"

"It's just that…well…Bella I know you don't like being singled out in a crowd. I kind of think it's my duty to prepare you."

"What is it Jessica?"

"Word around town is, Jake's going to propose to this mystery girl…," Jessica used her fingers to enclose mystery girl in quotations, how juvenile. "…during the opening ceremony at the Fair."

My heart raced as Jessica's words began to sink in. If she was right, I was in trouble. "Jessica, as entertaining as this has been I can assure you, your sources are incorrect. Jake and I are just friends and he's not seeing anyone he'd consider marrying right now. I do apologize but I have other patients I need to see. Angela will be back shortly with BoGo." She named the little critter, BoGo.

I left the room before Jessica could protest and practically ran down the hall. "Angela," I squeaked out, trying to hurry and whisper all at once. "Are you almost done?" Angela nodded. "Get Jessica out of here and then come into my office right away."

I was pacing the floor inside my office when Angela knocked on the door and came in. "What's wrong?" she asked concerned.

"Angela. Angela." I couldn't formulate the sentence. Angela stood in my path, grabbed my shoulders and looked straight into my eyes, almost willing me to calm down. She inhaled deeply and I followed her. Holding one…two…three…four…five…I could feel my heart rate slowing…six…seven…eight…nine…ten. Exhale. I let the air out slowly, again, taking my cue from my dear friend.

"What did Jessica say?"

"She said Jake bought an engagement ring and he planned on proposing in front of everyone at the fair on Friday." Angela's jaw dropped. "Have you heard anything? Does Eric know anything?"

"No, on both counts. You know I would have warned you if I'd heard anything. Oh my god, Bella! What are you going to do?"

"I have to go, can you clear my schedule? I need to figure out if this true." Angela nodded and walked me out of the building.

I wasn't surprised Angela hadn't heard anything. She loved reading those trash tabloids about famous people but local gossip wasn't her thing. She was kind of shy and quiet and kept her nose out of other people's business. I think that's why we got along so well, I trusted her. Eric and Jake were friends only through their connection to Angela and I. Jake was much closer to the guys in his tribe. If there was anyone he was going to share this information with it would be Sam Uley.

I drove to the reservation, breaking every speed limit along the way. Being a policeman's daughter, I usually stayed within the limits but this was an exception. I had to find out the truth before Friday and if it turned out to be true, try to prevent it with some degree of tact. It seemed like in no time I was pulling up in front of the Uley residence. Emily was outside tending to her garden. She waved when she saw me and walked towards the truck.

"Hey Bella, it's strange to see you mid-week. What's up?" She asked at the window.

"Em, I need to talk. Is Sam here?" She nodded and ran inside to let Sam know.

Sam and Jake were like brothers and through their friendship, Emily and I spent a lot of time together. I had a lot of respect for her. She and Sam were down to earth and easy to talk too. I jumped out of the truck when I saw Emily coming back outside. Sam came out behind her.

We greeted each other and engaged in a little small talk. I think they both knew why I had come but didn't really want to confirm my suspicions. We moved away from the front of the house, out of ear shot of the children, to an old wooden picnic table on the side of their house. Emily and Sam sat together on one side and I sat across from them on the other.

"You know why I'm here, don't you?" They looked at each other then nodded. "What is he thinking?"

"Bella…." Emily's tender tone was cut short.

"He loves you Bella. This shouldn't come as any surprise to you." Sam interjected.

"And you both know how I feel about him but this is crazy. How can I stop him from doing this? In front of everyone?"

"I've tried to talk him out of it." Sam said as Emily reached across the table to take my hand. She was very sympathetic to my situation though I don't think Sam felt the same way. "We know you love him Bella, would it really be such a bad thing."

"Sam!" Emily looked over at him. "If that's what you think why didn't you just marry Leah? Jake and Bella haven't even dated, you were actually in a relationship with her?"

Emily's statement made Sam think about what he'd just said. "Oh man. Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't think of it like that. I…I…he's my best friend. I just want him to be happy, to get what he wants. What we have." He put his arm around Emily apologetically and she snuggled into him.

I know Sam intended to be endearing but his words were like a dagger to my heart. As if I didn't want Jake to be happy. As if I didn't want to be as happy with someone as they were with each other. I do have feelings. I do want….

"How do I stop him from going through with this?" I asked, throwing my hands up in despair.

"I'm not sure you can." Sam replied.

"I knew you were going to find out. I wish I could have come to you with it. You know I would have if I could." Emily was bound to her tribe, she would never have betrayed Jake's confidence. Not for me, not even to save him from himself. I nodded my head in understanding. "I begged him to reconsider, Bella. I told him you would hate that kind of spectacle, even if there was a chance you'd say yes, you wouldn't want that."

"He knows that Emily. He knows. So, why? Why would he do it anyway?" I begged her to explain.

"I asked Sam to explain his logic." Emily rolled her eyes at the irony of men and logic being used in the same sentence. We laughed a little at the thought. It eased some of my tension, for a moment anyway.

Sam started, "I put it to her, to you, like this. Jake knows you love him. He thinks you love him enough to say yes in front of the crowd to save him from embarrassment."

"Are you serious?"

He nodded. "Yeah and he told me that you'd go through with it because you wouldn't want to hurt him and he thinks in time, if you gave yourself a chance, you would fall in love with him."

"That's a lot of risk and uncertainty. I don't understand…"

"Bella, he's a man in love. They rarely make sense at the best of times. Put love in the equation and they're out of this world completely." Emily chuckled and I wanted to laugh with her but I couldn't this time.

"So, what do I do?" I stared across the yard to the ocean not far from where we sat, silently praying that an answer would magically appear on the cresting waves. Emily nor Sam said a word. We sat quietly, thinking. The ocean's natural ebb and flow was almost hypnotic, soothing, and for a moment all my worries about how to handle Jake had disappeared.

Many of the girls on the reservation resented my relationship with Jake. They felt I was leading him on and turning his head away from the available native women. Emily and Sam knew me and knew that wasn't the case. They understood how deeply I valued my friendship with Jake. We had spent a lot of time with Emily and Sam, they both knew that I had never lead him to believe we'd be anything more than friends.

"Emily, tell me what to do?"

"You know what to do. Just be gentle with him." Emily put her hand over mine offering support.

Sam frowned, "Bella, I don't think gentle is going to help here. You've been gentle. He doesn't get it. I hate to say this because it's Jake but I think it's time you laid it out hard."

Our conversation ended with one of the children calling for Emily. I stood up to go and she gave me a comforting hug before scurrying off to attend to her daughter. Sam walked me to the truck as we tried to figure out a way to stop Jake from embarrassing the both of us. Neither of us came up with a good idea other than confronting him before Friday. A notion I would prefer to avoid.

The drive was silent, just the music from the radio. The speakers were old, original to the truck, today's hits crackled, popped and blipped as if I were playing them on Charlie's old record player. Everyone teased me for still driving this old truck but I thought it had character. It was built long before the computerized cars with their fancy sensors and automatic everything so it was easy for my best friend to keep fixing it. Jake had spent a lot of time over the years fixing and replacing and maintaining this old clunker for me, but it was special to us. He did warn me that parts were becoming harder and harder to come by but I just wasn't ready to let this old thing go.

I thought about stopping by Jake's, maybe I could talk to his father, Billy. I knew Jake was at work and Billy would probably be at home. I changed my mind though and drove away from LaPush. Jake and I would have to deal with this on our own. Going to his father would be a juvenile approach, something we did as children but we weren't children anymore and our issues couldn't be resolved by our parents ordering us from doing so.

As I drove away I could see preparations for the weekend's event were well underway. The carnival group had arrived and were setting up their rides on the solid ground of the parking lot. Volunteers had gathered to erect the stage and test the sound equipment. More volunteers were setting up booths, all over the beach, for playing games of chance and vendors were deciding on the best locations for their setups. The beach was a very busy place at the moment.

My mind was racing on the drive home. Thoughts and scenarios of the best way to handle Jake rushed through my thoughts. I almost didn't see the car parked in the middle of the road. I slammed on my breaks and came to a screeching halt just inches away from the flawless bumper of the black car ahead of me.

Once stopped, I threw the gear shift into park, turned on the emergency lights and bolted out of the truck. This senseless driver was going to get a piece of my mind.

I started shouting as I walked up along side the black car, its sheen glistened in the little rays of sunshine that dared to peek through the clouds. The windows were tinted the same shade of black as its body and it seemed to shield the driver inside, not allowing anyone to peer through. I squinted my eyes trying to catch a glimpse of the idiot driver but it was impossible. The cars body and windows simply mirrored my own reflection, several images of my self bounced back at me.

The driver made no attempt to get out but seemed to sit and watch as I blared on. "Who the hell do you think you are?" I shouted at the car. "You can't just stop in the middle of the road. You could have killed someone. Killed me!"

I'd seen pictures on the wall in Jake's garage of a car similar but couldn't remember the make or model. If Jake were here he'd be pointing out the nice lines, the cool rims and other stuff I don't seem to recognize. I'm certainly not a car connoisseur but I know a nice car when I see one.

Everything was fairly quiet out here in the middle of nowhere, on the deserted highway between LaPush and Forks. Well, it was quiet once I stopped shouting. There was nothing left for me to say, at least not until the driver exited the car and faced my wrath. I didn't realize I was still staring at the black car until the window began to recess revealing the driver inside.

"Are you done?" He asked. His voice, though obviously annoyed at the strange girl staring angrily at him, was smooth and steady.

My eyes focused in along his jaw line, slightly masked by a thin layer of stubble that was starting to grow in, his hair was mussed, untamed and he looked ruggedly handsome. I gulped a mouthful of air as I tried to breathe, feeling completely inadequate. Our vehicles the perfect metaphor, I was the beaten and battered truck and he the incredibly well tuned sports car. Evidently unkempt, and probably unaccustomed to his current condition, his appearance still captured my attention and left me speechless.

I looked to his eyes hidden behind mirrored glasses. Once again I was looking into my own reflection.

He tipped his head and peered out over the sunglasses, his dreamy hazel green eyes were hypnotizing. "Do you mind?" His arrogant tone breaking the spell he'd cast over me. He pushed the car door open slowly. I came to my senses and stepped back.

"Oh, ah…," I laughed nervously, snapping out of my trance, "sorry, I was just admiring you…your car. It's beautiful." The words stumbled from my mouth.

"Thanks." He said, flashing his bright smile in my direction. His teeth were encircled by perfectly shaped lips that were full and moist and I closed my eyes for just a second wondering what they'd feel like against my own.

"Are you from around here?" The sound of his voice was like an angel singing directly into my ears.

"Yes…ah…well, I'm from Forks." I pointed in the direction we were headed in.

He nodded, "So, what's your problem?"

His question was full of disdain and suddenly my anger returned. I regained control of my verbal function and mental facilities, "My problem? What the hell are you doing in the middle of the road?"

I could feel the blood rushing to my face as a grin formed on his. He was mocking me. I had no idea what his eyes were doing but his head was permanently fixed in my direction. "Flat." His left arm slid across his body as he pointed to the front tire.

"That's still no excuse! Are emergency lights an option on sports cars? You need to warn oncoming traffic." I couldn't let him get away with his rude behaviour, gorgeous or not.

"Sorry. You're right." His imperious grin grew into a boyish smile and I almost lost myself again. "I'm Edward and you are?"

"Bella" I blurted out, more as a reflex then a conscious decision to tell him my name.

"Bella," he repeated, almost to himself, as he turned his head and looked up the road, briefly, then turned back to me. "Well Bella, do you know anyone that can help me with this?" My heart flipped in my chest as my name rolled off his lips, twice.

I swallowed hard. "Yes." I answered, feeling inadequate again. Of course I knew someone. I knew the best mechanic in town but I'd be damned if I were going to call Jake now. For this. For him. Seeing my reaction to this stranger, which surprised even me, would only complicate my current situation with Jake. No, I would handle this myself.

I'd watched Jake and my father often enough to know how to change a tire. "Well, first we have to get off the road."

"You're going to do this?" He asked snidely.

"No," I replied, "You are. I'll talk you through it." Finally, I was able to think again and my wit was sharp. He started to protest, "do you want to get out of here?" He looked at me for a long minute then began rolling up his sleeves.

"Fine. What do you want me to do?"

I explained how he'd push the car as I steered. His discomfort with my plan was obvious but he said nothing as I jumped in the driver seat. It made me laugh a little to myself. I don't think he liked not being in control.

I didn't have to make him push, the car hadn't stalled it was just flat but it gave me a little satisfaction to make him work for it.

With his car safely off to the side I pulled my truck off to the side behind him. "Does this thing have a spare?"

"Spare what?"

"Tire?" I rolled my eyes.

"The manual is in the glove compartment." He motioned for me to get it. I huffed but proceeded to climb across the driver seat and reach into the glove compartment for the book. My way of rewarding him for pushing the car without too much attitude.

Except for placing the jack in the appropriate place under the car, I made him do all the work. His white dress shirt was black by the time he'd finished, as were his hands and face. It was obvious he'd never done anything like this before but he took direction well.

"Thanks Bella." He muttered quietly, his ego retracted.

"You're welcome." I turned to go back to my truck. When I was inside and comfortably seated I looked up to see he hadn't moved. He was still standing beside the car watching me. He looked so hot. Dressed in business man attire with sleeves rolled up and dirty from working on his car. Yeah, that was hot. I felt a little tingle of electricity between my legs. I hated to drive a way at that moment but I knew I had to. I still had Jake to deal with.

As I drove away I waved to him and wondered if he'd be in town for long. Actually, I wondered if he was in town at all. I didn't ask if he was visiting or driving threw. Damn it!

As much as I wanted to spend the rest of my drive fantasizing about the handsome stranger I forced myself to push Edward and his car out of my mind. I had to figure out what I was going to say to Jake. The drive home was long. Words jumbled in my head as I worked out my speech. I'd said all of this to Jake so many times, in the past, I don't know why I expected for him to get it this time, it certainly didn't make a difference any other time we'd had this talk. Jake has always had a thing for me and I have always broken his heart by turning him down. It was beginning to wear me down. Honestly, it sometimes crossed my mind to start dating him, only because I didn't want to hurt him anymore. It bothered me when Sam had suggested that very thing but I'd be lying if I said it had never crossed my mind.

This was his first attempt to propose but if he was as persistent with this as he has been about dating, I might just say yes. It killed me to constantly break his heart, his spirit, to be the primary source of his hurt.

I turned onto my street and I could see Jake's mustang in my driveway. The knots in my stomach started to churn and I suddenly felt very ill. Jake opened my door before I had even turned off the truck. I continued to face forward, knowing what he was about to do and wondering what I should do about it.

"Hi beautiful," he said in his usual way. When I finally turned to face him, he leaned in to kiss me.

"No Jake." I turned my head and pushed against his chest.

He was noticeably upset by my rejection but didn't question it. I could only assume he didn't want to risk getting into a fight before his big plan on Friday night. I was fine with that. I wasn't ready to face this yet either.

"So, are you ready or do you need to change?" We still had time before we had to meet Eric and Angela so I decided to freshen up and get out of my work clothes.

Jake and I walked into my house together. He went to the living room to watch tv and I ran up the stairs to change. I tried on a couple of outfits but nothing felt right. Edward was still fresh in my mind and I felt frumpy in comparison. I hoped a shower would give me a fresh perspective and hopped in. The water was hot and the room quickly filled with steam. I closed my eyes and breathed in the warm damp air and tried to shake the image of this strange, though incredibly hot man, out of my head. I was not the kind of girl that was easily infatuated but there was something about him that drew me in.

I grabbed my towel and quickly dabbed over my skin, then wrapped it around my hair to soak up the excess water that dripped from my head. The towel fell to the floor as I released my hair and fingered some products through my tangled mess. The blow dryer added to the heat already built up in my bathroom making it almost impossible to breathe. I quickly stuck a few pins, strategically placed, in my hair and considered it done. Wrapped the towel around my body and headed for my bedroom.

To no surprise, the air in my room was much cooler and my body shivered as little goose bumps formed on my arms and legs. I scurried to my dresser looking for my bra and panties, snatched them out of the drawer and headed to the closet. My body was beginning to adjust and I was able to slow down. I found a pretty cotton dress with spaghetti straps and a nice light, button up sweater to go over top. Satisfied with my selections, I turned and headed for my bed, where I could layout my clothes and get dressed.

"Jake!" I screamed. "What are you doing in here?" Jake was lying back on my bed, two pillows propped his head up against the headboard.

"I thought I'd wait for you in here." Jake laughed to see me so irritated. I was not amused. I clutched the towel tight in one hand and my clothes bunched in front of me with the other.

"Get out, Jake."

"Ok, ok, don't have a coronary." He said and kept rambling as he walked out the door. "I don't see what the big problem is anyway. It's not like I haven't seen a naked woman before."

"But you haven't seen me naked." I shouted at him, angrily, as he stomped down the stairs.

I dressed quickly, applied a little lip gloss and swiped a subtle shade of shadow across my eyelid. I fumed, quietly, all the way downstairs, to Jake's car and during the whole drive to the Inn.

"Are you ever going to talk to me again?" He asked as we walked towards the door.

"Jake, you know you were wrong to do that. What if I had dropped my towel?" He grinned devilishly which only added to my fury. I punched at his arm.

"Ok, I'm sorry. Really, really sorry." His apology was more patronizing than sincere but I digressed.

Eric and Angela were already seated when we went in. The restaurant was quiet with only a few other patrons seated but not near our table. Soft instrumentals played in the background at the perfect volume level. The four of us reviewed our menus and placed the order. In no time the waiter returned with our drinks and everyone started to unwind.

Our table came to life with constant chitter chatter that drifted from side conversations back to the group and around again. Angela had filled me in on the afternoon's events at the clinic, while subtly trying to find out what I had learned. Eric discussed his latest story, he was a journalist with his own column in the Seattle Gazette. He mostly worked out of Forks but travelled into the city, a few times a month.

Angela excused herself to go to the washroom and dragged me along with her. She couldn't wait any longer, she had to know if Jessica's rumour was true. I told her everything, including my plan to let him down easy. I was going to invite him to dinner at my place tomorrow night so we could hash it out in private. There was going to be a fight, I just knew it. I was going to have to raise my voice to get it through his thick skull, and even then I wasn't sure how long it would take before he forgot all I was going to say.

Angela grabbed my hand to lead me back to the table. We walked through the narrow dimly lit hallway.

"Does Jake know you were in LaPush?" She asked, turning back to look at me. I didn't see the importance of that question. I spent a lot of time in LaPush without Jake. My friendship with Emily had grown beyond the point where we needed Sam and Jake to bring us together. Before I had an opportunity to respond, Angela brought up solid against something and I, not expecting her to stop, walked right into her. My head banged against hers with a dull thud but the pain inside my skull was sharp.

I raised my hand to rub at our point of connection. "Angela, why did you st…," before I could finish my sentence the answer looked me straight in the face.

"Bella." The same smooth voice from the lonely highway uttered my name again. Angela looked up at him then to me. I knew I should introduce them but I was frozen, unable to speak until Angela tugged on my hand.

"Bella," she encouraged.

"Excuse me," I laughed nervously, more like an idiot. "Edward, this is my friend…." Her name escaped me for a moment and I stumbled while trying to think of it.

"Angela," Angela spoke confidently, coming to my rescue and held her hand out to him. My eyes followed her hand until it met with his and he touched her in a simple handshake. He hasn't touched me yet, I thought. Angela excused herself to leave us alone and she walked away, completely unaffected by the stunning image before her. Was she blind? Did she not see how beautiful he was? Am I the only one that can see it?

"We have to stop running into each other like this." The words flowed from his lips, his tongue caressing each syllable. I just smiled, afraid to speak, that I'd say something stupid or indecent.

"You're having dinner with your… husband?" That question unlocked my lips. I would not want him thinking I was married.

"No, no just friends." He smiled at me. That seemed to break the ice a little and I was able to formulate real sentences. Our conversation was basically just small talk but I don't think I could have handled anything more. I did learn that he was in town on vacation and would be in town for a little while at least.

I didn't realize how long I'd been gone until Jake called my name from the end of the hall. A little embarrassed by Jake's interruption I let my head fall towards the floor and bit my lip.

Edward put his hand under my chin and lifted my eyes to his. "I look forward to seeing you again, Bella." I breathed deep and closed my eyes for a moment, wanting to memorize the feeling of his hand under my chin. He touched me.

Jake had walked up the hall and was close enough to hear Edward. He and Edward stared intently at one another as Jake grabbed my hand and forcefully pulled me away, back to our table. He was obviously upset but he had no right to be. Jake brooded over dessert, breaking his silence to add snide quips when an opportunity presented itself.

Angela kept looking at me. I knew she was curious to find out how I knew Edward and why I had not mentioned him to her before. There was no way I could bring it up now, in front of Jake. He was being so childish. Going to the bathroom again would be pushing it but the thought of dragging Angela back there made me giggle a little.

"What's so funny?" Jake inquired. His face twisted into a snarl.

"Nothing," I shook my head.

"Nothing?" He questioned in his snarky tone. "Who was that Bella?"

"Who?" I asked, pretending I didn't know what he was talking about. Pretending I wasn't thinking about him and how he touched me. Pretending I wasn't busting at the seems to tell Angela all about him and our encounter today, not because I cared what Angela thought or if she even listened but more as an excuse to recap it out loud. To say his name over and over out loud.

"The guy in the hallway. The guy that had your face in his hand when I found you!" Jake was visibly upset and his voice was amplifying with every word. My face reddened a little. Angela's eyes widened, more in excitement that he had touched me rather than Jake's being upset.

"Jake, you might wanna keep it down a little." Eric piped in looking around to see who was listening.

Jake turned to Eric and paused for a moment, obviously disgusted with his comment. "We have to go," he stated finally and pushed his chair back as he rose off his seat. He threw his napkin on the plate still in front of him and grabbed the cheque. "I've got this. Bella, I'll meet you in the car."

Angela leaned in to me, urging me to spill on Edward, not at all affected by Jake's little tantrum. I smiled at her and whispered 'later'. I apologized to both of them for Jake's outburst and made my way to the car.

I walked out of the restaurant and through the lobby of the Inn. I decided not to wait for Jake. He could find his own way. I was really pissed about the way he'd behaved. I didn't deserve it. Angela and Eric didn't deserve it and more importantly, he had no right. I didn't belong to him. My thoughts flipped from Edward to Jacob as I exited the lobby. I almost didn't hear the desk clerk say good night to me as I left.

There was no reasonable explanation as to why I was so taken with this stranger. Edward. Yes, he was handsome. Gorgeous. A God. But I've known good looking men before. Jake was good looking. Why was I so taken with Edward? Certainly not because he was so nice to me when we met! His voice rang through my ears with his first words to me "Are you done?" I chuckled. Why? That was rude! But it made me laugh. It confused me.

Then Jacob. How many times can I break his heart before he understands that I just want his friendship and nothing more. We'd been friends for so long. He was my best friend and I hated hurting him but I just didn't see him in that way. The way lovers look at each other, the way he looked at me. He'd spent so many years waiting for me to love him that way. What was wrong with me? He was kind and good and ambitious and he loved me. So many girls would give their right arm for him to look at them, why didn't I feel that way?

"Bella." My internal rant was cut short at the sound of his voice.

I turned around to see Edward coming up behind me. Crap! Jake would be out in a minute and find us talking again. I forged a smile, sad only because I knew I wouldn't be able to stay and talk to him.

"Was that little show inside about me?" He grinned his cocky arrogant grin. He took me by surprise, I hadn't seen him inside except in the hallway, where could he have been that I hadn't seen him yet he heard our conversation.

"No!" I lied. The blood was rushing to my face. I wanted to scream. How arrogant for him to think that and then to grin at me like he was, knowing the commotion was totally about him. I could feel the anger growing inside me.

"Good." He stopped and stared deeply into my eyes, brushing my cheek with the back of his hand. "I wouldn't want you to be upset because of something I'd done." Butter. I was butter. Putty in his hands.

He walked away without another word as I stared blankly at nothing, revelling at his touch. I could feel the ghost of his fingertips still on my face. I closed my eyes and breathed deep. The air stirring around me still smelled of him and I hated to exhale fearing my next breath wouldn't have his scent. I heard his car peel off the parking lot and he was gone. Only the image of his now, clean shaven face and mussed hair, his bright green eyes, bright hazel green eyes, were left to remind me that he was real and not some figment of my imagination.

"Bella?" I opened my eyes to see Jake sprinting down the stairs. He was looking at me as if thinking I'd gone crazy standing here, alone, my chin raised, my eyes closed.

The ride to my place was quiet. The radio was on but neither of us spoke a word. I stared out the window still debating the right thing to say to him, the right time to say it. Should I ask to him now to come to dinner tomorrow night? Edward had looked so good tonight. He was wearing jeans, faded in just the right places, and a collared shirt. He must be some kind of business man or lawyer. Definitely not a man that worked hard physically. Oh but physically! What a body. Tall and tight. He smelled so good. I wondered what cologne he'd used. I couldn't recall ever smelling anything like it before. Shit! I was supposed to be thinking about my problem with Jake. Damn it!

For some reason I found his arrogance charming. How is that even possible? Edward could really play my buttons and he didn't even know me. I just met him. Today. Damn it! I'm doing it again. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Jake pulled into my driveway and I quickly got out of the car without speaking.

I had my keys out, ready to unlock the front door when I heard Jake's car door close. I turned around and he was already on the landing beside me. "Bella. I'm sorry. I don't want to fight." He moved in to hug me and I stepped away. His face said it all. He was surprised and offended by my rejection. "What?" He demanded.

"Jake, I accept your apology but I'm not happy with you. You acted like a jerk, to me and our friends and I will not encourage this jealous behaviour. It's not ok!"

"Jealous behaviour?" He knew what I meant. "You don't think I have a right to ask you about some stranger who knows you well enough to put his hand on your face. A guy I've never met?" His anger returned.

"No Jake, you don't." I said calmly.

"Bella, you're my best friend. How do you know this guy? Why have I never met him? Where's he from?"

"I met him today…."

"Today? Today?" He repeated. His voice getting louder. "And you let him touch you like that? I can't ask you about some guy you met today and he can touch you…like that?"

"Jake, his hand was on my face not down my pants. Geez, you'd think he was molesting me by the way you're getting on," my voice was raised now to compete with his. "How I let someone else touch me is none of your business. You're not my father and you're NOT my boyfriend." Damn, this was all going to happen now and I didn't mean for it to happen now and especially not like this.

"Not your boyfriend? I bet you'd let Mr. TouchyFeely be your boyfriend." Jake turned away from me and walked to the end of my porch, swinging his arms wildly at nothing. "What is wrong with me Bella? Why don't you love me?" His tone was angered and yet pleading at the same time. His fist connected with one of the wooden beams running vertically from the floor to the porch roof and I jumped, startled by his physical response.

I wasn't surprised by Jake's reaction, his quick tempered change from apologetic and pleading to absolutely enraged over Edward's simple ardent gesture. Knowing how he felt about me, I always shielded him from my personal affairs. He didn't have much opportunity, at least in the last ten years, to see me date other guys. I wouldn't subject him to watching me enjoy another man's company and, in all fairness, he didn't bring his girlfriends to my doorstep either. It was like an unspoken rule between us. Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe he wouldn't be so infatuated if he could see the difference in me from our relationship to those other relationships I've had.

"I do love you Jacob but not that way. I can't help how I feel. Why can't you understand that?" I was screaming, angry, but my voice quivered and shook as I tried not to cry.

"I don't understand that Bella. I would do anything for you. I would be anything… for you! I want you to be my wife and my lover. I want to have a family with you and grow old with you. Why don't you want me?"

"I do want you Jake, in my life forever as my friend. My best friend. Why is that not enough for you? Why do you insist on making this more than it is?"

"This?" His hand floated between us pointing out the invisible connection. "Is everything to me? I was hoping it meant more to you!"

"It does mean a lot to me. I don't want to get married that doesn't mean I don't care." There it was. I just blurted it out without any regard for all my plans of letting him down easy.

His voice softened a little, "You know what you're problem is?" He asked. I was sure I didn't want to know. "You're afraid to love me because you know that ultimately, I want to marry you and you're afraid of marriage because of your parents divorce, I get that, but that wouldn't be us, Bella. I would never leave you."

That was a low blow. Much of my apprehension about marriage was due to Renee and Charlie's divorce but that was not the circumstance between me and Jake. "Jake, that's not fair. My parents divorce has nothing to do with this."

"Then what?" He asked the question, he opened the door. He'd never listened to me before, or at least never heard me but this time when I said it, it was going to hurt, perhaps more so because he pushed me to it.

"Jake, I'm sorry." All my emotions had built up to this moment and I started to cry.

He fell to his knees and pulled a ring box from his pocket. Reflexively, my hands sprang to my mouth, 'oh no' I thought 'he's going to do this now'.

He raised the opened box up to me and a beautiful, simple, glistening diamond, captured the little light available and shone in my eyes, "marry me Bella. Please marry me, love me, be with me forever?" Big tears rolled down his bronze face as he poured out his soul to me. My heart began to ache but I had to be strong. This had to stop… tonight.

I closed my hands over his and knelt down beside him. "No Jake. I can't. I don't love you. I never have. I never will." My voice was weak and shaking as I sobbed out my reply. It hurt to say it and I knew it was killing him to hear it.

For a moment, the world stood still. Jake looked at me, his eyes reddening from tears he was fighting to hold back. Anger immediately set in but quickly dissipated as betrayal crept into his gentle features. I watched as Jake's face changed and distorted to express every disheartened emotion known to man until it finally faded into broken. He pulled his hands away from mine and slowly climbed to his feet. He looked down at me, "I got it Bella. I finally get it," his words filled with sorrow. The rage was gone, only sadness as he continued. "It's not about marriage at all. It's about marrying me! I kept pushing because I honestly believed you were just afraid of your feelings for me, afraid to love me because that would lead to marriage. But you're not afraid of marriage. You just don't love me." A jagged breath escaped as he paused. "I must look like such a fool in your eyes."

There was nothing else I could say though inside, my heart was screaming 'I take it back, I'm sorry. I love you," whatever it would take to end this pain for him. Tears streamed down my face as I watched him walk away.

Before I knew it he was in the car and slammed the door shut. Through the windshield I could see him turn the key in the ignition. He wouldn't dare look up at me. The engine roared to life and he sped away.

I was paralyzed as the reality of the situation set in. I had just lost my best friend. The only real friend I'd ever known.

A loud, tortured shrill caught my attention. It was hard to listen too, high pitched shrieks, heavy breathless sobs. The sounds scared me as I knelt on the porch unable to move, unable to find out where the noise was coming from. I wished Jake hadn't left but then I thought maybe it was Jake coming back. Maybe he'd parked the car at the end of my street and walked back. Maybe he wanted to fight some more or forgive me or beg me to forgive him. I didn't care as long as he was here and would keep me safe.

But no, it wasn't Jake. As I gasped for a breath of air it became very clear to me. The unnerving sounds I heard, the sounds that frightened me, were coming from me. My body had gone into shock, into mourning, as I grieved the death of our friendship. There would be no recovery. He'd never forgive me. I had never wanted to hurt him like that. I didn't mean it. I didn't know what else to say.

It seemed like I had been on the porch for a long time. Still kneeling in the position he left me in. The crying had stopped only because there were no more tears left to cry. A light breeze had picked up and I could feel the burn on my face as it lightly brushed over my tear stained cheeks. My eyes were swollen and my head ached.

Slowly, I started moving and eventually stood up, using the railing as my support. My legs were weak from kneeling for so long and I could feel the muscles twitch as they expanded and relaxed from the tense position they'd been in. I dragged myself inside and barely made it to the couch before I collapsed. Exhuasted. Disheartened. Empty.

I thought back to a conversation I'd had with Renee once. She described a fairytale where she'd been swept off her feet by a handsome young man named Charlie. It was hard to imagine my father capable of such a thing but she swore it was true. She shared with me, the romantic side of the man we both knew as quiet and reserved. A side that didn't seem possible to me. 'All is fair in love and war' she giggled like a school girl, quoting some old clichéd proverb.

She reminisced about how in love they once were. I could still picture her in my mind as she spoke, how she gently touched her lips as she described their first kiss. I knew then her stories were true and not just made up for my sake. Then, I asked her what went wrong, why did they divorce. She snapped out of her daydream as if I'd slapped her in the face. "We just fell out of love." As simple as that and her story was over.

Just fell out of love….

Somewhere between my thoughts and daybreak I fell asleep, awakened by my blaring phone. The sun streaming in through the window hurt my eyes and my head still ached from crying.

I reached into my purse and looked to see the caller's name. It was Angela, probably worried because I hadn't shown up for work. I accepted the call and asked Angela to defer my appointments. I wouldn't be going to work today. I was grieving.

I provided Angela with the coles notes version of what happened. I didn't have it in me, right at that moment, to explain any further. Thankfully, she understood and didn't press me for anything more.

Just as I was about to place the phone on the coffee table it started ringing again. Angela? Again? The office number showed on the display. She must have dialled wrong, I thought.

"Angela, it's me. You've dialled the wrong number." I started.

"No Bella, I didn't. I'm sorry to call but Seth came in just as I hung up with you. His dog has been hit by a car." Angela said.

"What are his vitals?"

"I think he's ok. Just a little shook up. Apparently, he was hit at low speed , just nicked really but I thought you'd want to take a look because it's Seth." Angela's words made me smile, though it hurt to move my swollen cheeks.

Seth was like the little brother I never had. He was a sweet boy, young man now, I guess. He was fifteen but still so innocent and trusting, not at all like most teenagers in this area with their broodiness and sharp tongues. His father was a friend of Charlie's and died the year I moved to Forks. Seth was so young. The men of the tribe stepped in to help Sue, his mother, raise the boy but for some reason Seth only took to Jake. He was like Jake's shadow for years then one day I went to the clinic and sitting on the front step was a brood of Husky's. I found homes for all of them except the littlest one, the runt. I decided to give him to Seth to raise. Seth finally stepped out of Jake's shadow having responsibility of his own. He parented that puppy better than anyone else I could think of. They became inseparable.

"You're so right. Thanks Angela, I'll be in but still push out everything else. I won't be staying." Seth had named the little guy Wolf because he'd looked so much like one. At first, it was hard to call this little puppy such a big name but he definitely grew into it. I chuckled a little to myself.

I needed coffee, so I stopped off to the local diner. They had installed a drive thru last year and it was a great time saver. As I pulled onto the parking lot I noticed two people walking across and stopped to let them pass.

At first, I was preoccupied with getting my coffee but then I noticed him. Jake walked in front of my car and turned to face me through the windshield. His eyes were wild with anger, his face twisted in a contemptuous glare. He wasn't the same Jake that left me last night. He was angry again. He slammed his hands, face down, on the hood of my car and I shuttered at the sound they made as they hit against the thin metal.

Heidi Tuscanni, the biggest slut in town, walked up to him and entangled her arms around his right bicep. Smugly, she put up her hand and wiggled her fingers at me flaunting her new closeness to Jake. She'd been after him for years but he'd never given her the time of day. Now she hung off him like a do-rag.

Jake gave me one last livid look then turned to walk past the car. With Heidi, still clinging to his side, he turned back with a smirk, reached his arm behind her and grabbed her ass hard. His spiteful way of making sure I knew he was over last night. Over me.

By the time I rolled up to the take out window I was an absolute mess, wanting to cry but to enraged to dare. Cora tried to greet me in her usual cheery way but I just brushed her off and drove away. I couldn't believe what Jake had done. It upset me to know that I had driven him straight into the arms of that whore but to parade her in front of me and then grab her ass like he did. That made me angry.

"Bella!" Seth called my name when he saw me, happy that I'd finally arrived. His excitement was contagious and I felt a smile cross my face. I liked the way it felt and decided it was time to stop crying. Everything that had happened last night was Jake's own fault. If he'd only listened to me, the countless number of times in the past, last night would never have happened.

"Hi," he wrapped his arms around me in a big Jake style hug. He'd learned many of his actions from his mentor but I didn't let that sour my mood. I'd been sour enough and Seth's warmth and sincerity had made me smile and I wanted to forget all the other stuff that had been consuming my thoughts. After all, Jake was over it.

"So, what do we have here?" I walked into the exam room where Wolf was curled up on the stainless steel gurney.

"Well, I rode up here on my bike and Wolf followed me. When we got to the intersection just before mom's shop, the light changed and I had to make a quick stop. Wolf didn't stop so fast. He pulled back but it was too late. The car was stopped at the light and just started to move when he clipped Wolf in the butt." My breathing hitched as I listened and Seth heard the difference, "What? Is that bad? Cause I thought he'd be ok?"

I put my hand on Seth's shoulder. "I'm sorry Seth, it's just a reflex." I smiled to ease his mind. "Husky's are genetically predisposed to hip dysplasia, so a hit to the rump may cause a few problems. That doesn't mean this is the case for Wolf. We'll do some tests and check him out. I'm sure he'll be fine."

"Bella, my mom can't afford a lot of tests. Is this going to be expensive?"

Angela looked up at me, her eyes full of sympathy for Seth. "Don't worry, hon…" I was unexpectedly interrupted.

"Don't worry about it kid. This was my fault. Do whatever it takes, it's on me." The familiar velvety voice reached me before I could see the speaker. I didn't need to see him to know who it was.

Edward rounded the corner. I could tell he was surprised to see me. "Do you do everything in this town? Mechanic? Vet? What's next?" He asked, amused but somehow condescending at the same time.

I ignored him for the time being. Wolf had to be my priority right now. Seth left to go tell his mom what had happened. He promised to return as soon as he could but he was expected to work in his mother's flower shop as part of his chores. Before he left, he put his arm around Wolf's neck and shoved his face deep into the dog's fur. "Now you be good for Bella," he warned Wolf as if speaking to a child.

I ran some tests and took some x-rays of the animal's hind quarter. Wolf was extremely cooperative. He was more like a big teddy bear then a ferocious guard dog. I could put him in any position and he'd stay put. Angela took the dog back to the overnight kennel leaving me in the exam room, alone, with Edward.

"So," he started. I turned on the wall monitor to review the digital x-ray. "Why swan?" I looked at him, confused. "Swan Medical. Why swan? I can't imagine you get many swans in here." He smirked, seemingly pleased with himself for pointing out the obvious. I guess he felt us town folk were too simple to figure it out.

I started to giggle and shook my head. "What?" He asked. A reddish pink glow arose in his cheeks. Suddenly he was embarrassed. Wow, I actually got to him for a change. He looked so cute and uncomfortable. He must be very in control in whatever it is he does. I could tell he wasn't used to the reaction he was experiencing. I had to stop laughing before it made him mad and he stormed out of here. I didn't want him to leave.

"It's my last name." I stated simply, sizing up Wolf's x-ray, trying to avoid looking at him and his rosy cheeks. I started to giggle a little more and covered my mouth with my hand, hoping he wouldn't see.

"Oh." He leaned against the counter, his legs crossed at the ankles, his arms folded across his chest. I sneaked little peeks at him from the corner of my eye. He looked like a freaking model, all casual and hot and just there looking absolutely gorgeous. I wasn't sure how I managed to concentrate on the x-ray.

There was a long silence. I puttered around the exam room then travelled through the clinic to my office. Edward pretended to linger but I knew he was following me. I'm not sure why he was hanging around but I'm glad he did.

"I didn't see your car when I pulled in" I said, trying to fill the silence.

"I wasn't putting that dog in my car," he said without thinking but caught himself, "I mean…the dog was hurt…the kid just picked him up and started running so I chased them on foot, after I parked the car on the side of the street, of course." He stressed the word 'side' letting me know his car wasn't still in the intersection. Pre-empting my snarky remark I'm sure.

I smiled, bigger on the inside then I'd let him see on my face, "of course."

"Bella, I'm going to take off ok?" Angela poked her head in through my office door.

"Sure. Wolf is settled?" I questioned.

"Yup and everything's laid out for him, food and water. I'll be back later to walk him and make sure he's ok." She chirped.

"Thanks Angela." She was half way down the hall before I remembered I'd never formally introduced her to Edward. I called her back. The fleeting intro they'd exchanged at the inn wasn't nearly sufficient. Ok, who am I kidding? I wanted to know his last name but was to chicken to ask. He was cocky enough without thinking I wanted know more about him. "Angela Weber this is Edward…uhm…sorry I don't know your last name."

"He grinned, "it's Cu…ahh…hem" he coughed and cleared his throat. "Excuse me. It's…uhm…Mason. Edward Mason." He nodded to Angela.

"Nice to meet you," Angela replied and then hurried off before Edward had a chance to return the cordial response.

"Edward Mason," I repeated to myself slowly, allowing my lips to form around every syllable. My eyes were glued to the computer screen as I filled in the electronic form required by the lab that would analyze Wolf's blood work.

"Yes, Bella Swan?" I looked up at him, blankly, when I heard him use my full name. He clued in quickly that I had no idea what he wanted. "You just said my name, did you want something?"

OH MY GOSH! I SAID HIS NAME OUTLOUD, I screamed in my head. I could feel the blood filling into my cheeks now, as a sly self-absorbed grin grew across Edward's face. "No, I didn't." He laughed his dreamy silky man laugh. He knew what had happened and surprisingly, didn't call me on it.

"Sure," he said simply. "So, is the dog going to be ok?" He changed the subject, still smirking.

"Well, the x-ray looks good but I'm going to have his blood worked up to see if he's at risk."

"What is this whole thing going to cost me?" He made a circular motion with his hand, implying this whole 'take care of the dog he wouldn't dare let in his car' thing.

"Don't worry about it." I shrugged.

"No, Bella. I want to do this…for the kid."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. It's not a problem." Edward patted his body looking for his wallet, I presumed. "Actually, is there a bank or an ATM around here?"

"We have interact, Edward." I stated flatly.

"Ah, yeah but my card is a little finicky with those machines. I'd rather get the cash for you." There was something odd about that answer but I extended him the same courtesy he'd shown me, just moments before, and left it alone.

I printed the bill and showed it to him and explained the break down so he knew exactly what I'd done. I really don't think he cared but it was nice to have him close, hovering over me as I sat at my desk, his breath filtering through my hair. I explained things slowly just to keep him near but in no time I was finished. He didn't seem to have a problem with the amount and asked me to point him in the direction of the bank.

I invited him to follow me out to the lobby where I could point out exactly where he'd find the ATM machine. Seth called to check in on Wolf and I let him know the bill had been covered. He was overjoyed by the news that Wolf would be ok. I didn't feel the need to tell him I was looking further into it.

When Edward returned he passed me an envelope full of cash. His keys jingled as he slid them into his pocket and I guessed he'd picked up his car while he was out too. I ran back to my office and dropped the envelope into the safe returning only moments later to find Edward reading the flyer on the bulletin board. The flyer was about the Fall Fair in LaPush.

Without turning around, he asked me what the Fall Fair was all about. I explained that it was like any carnival. There would be amusement park rides, though the rides were on a much smaller scale then they would be at a real park, games of chance, local musical talent, food. "It's really a lot of fun." I added.

He nodded, then ran his tongue, enticingly, along his bottom lip. "I've never been to a local carnival."

"Well, this is only our tenth year."

"No, I mean I've never been to a carnival, local to anywhere." He stated, matter of fact.

"Oh." I said absentmindedly. Then it sunk in, this poor deprived man. "Ohhhh. You should go. It's going to be a lot of fun."

He smiled sweetly, "are you going?" His eyes were glistening as he turned to me.

My eyes fell to the floor, suddenly I was very nervous. "Yeah, I'll be there at least one night. It'll be open for ten days." He didn't say anything. In the back of mind I thought he was going to ask me to take him, go with him, or something, but he didn't. After an uncomfortable few minutes, I headed for the door. "I'm going to take off."

"Yeah, I should be going too." We walked out together and he waited behind me, as I locked the door to the clinic. He was such a gentleman. "Was there any damage to your car?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

"Why, do you think you could fix that too?" And the arrogant Edward was back!

Before I could think of something just as arrogant to reply, he pulled his ringing cell phone out of his pocket. He looked at the caller ID and without a word to me, he walked away. I watched him over the hood of my truck as he answered the call.

He was completely enthralled by the caller and instinctively unlocked the car and opened the door. He didn't look back to see where I was or if I were listening. It was as if I didn't exist, that we hadn't just spent the last two hours together.

He didn't get in the car right away. Instead, he stepped into the corner space, the open door created and leaned one arm against the top of the door and the other elbow rested on the roof while holding the phone to his ear. A gentle breeze ruffled his hair and he pulled his hand through it to lift it from his forehead and out of his eyes. His eyes were narrowed, his low hushed voice was angry and his tight lips moved quickly. This conversation didn't appear to be going in his favor.

Suddenly, his voice rose, "What?" he yelled. He paused briefly, listening, then exploded. "FUCK!" He shouted loudly as he hit the end button. His head turned in my direction as he descended into the driver seat. His face was twisted in a fit of fury. He made no effort to acknowledge me. He looked at me but I don't think he really saw me. He slammed his door shut and raced off the parking lot.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So, what did you think of the first two chapters? Do you think a pending divorce and a refused proposal will be enough to get these two together? I wouldn't bet on it. Keep reading… hope you enjoy!**

**Everything Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 3**

I raced through Forks like a mad man. What a fucking morning! Hit a fucking dog and now this. I was pissed. I wasn't surprised by Riley's phone call. I just wasn't in the mood for it. Fine! I had to go home and deal with this shit before it blew out of control. I knew it would happen, even expected, it but not this soon. I just got here and was actually looking forward to a little down time, for once. I looked at the clock on the dash, not even noon yet. The jet wouldn't be here until 2:30 pm to take me back to Boston. I'd make it back there just as the business day was ending for most people. I wasn't most people.

Some people work to live, others live to work. I fell into neither category. I was the job, the business. It was me. There was no way to separate the two. I was not just a man, I was an entity. Everything I did was to further myself, the company. Social events, like the fundraisers, translated into great tax redemptions and unbelievable networking opportunities. In fact, other than a few obligatory family gatherings and necessary sexual engagements, all my time was focused on, and in, Cullen Industries.

My decision to leave Boston that day was an impetuous one, conjured up from emotion. It has never been my practice to make emotional decisions but if I hadn't left I probably would have killed Jane. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like jail.

Circumstance will send me back but it's a sound decision. There would always be things, issues that require my immediate attention but this one specifically would be dealt with tonight. I'd been waiting for this, waiting for the right time and that time was now. With this taken care of I could almost relax into a real vacation here in Forks. Here in Forks? I thought about that for a minute. Yes, here in Forks, I'll have to come back for my car so I might as well stay. I wasn't a huge fan of tropical destinations anyway, over heated and over populated, so this would be fine.

I quickly threw a sandwich together and stuffed it in my mouth as I unplugged my laptop and secured it inside my briefcase. That's all I would need on this trip. I'd be coming back for the rest. I'd be coming back tonight.

I called Carlisle on my way to the airport. There's no way I could be in the city and not see them. Esme would disown me. Knowing I had their support, it might not be so bad to sit through a family meal. Not trying to read between the lines, hearing disapproval in every word, seeing disappointment in every glance. I almost looked forward to seeing what it would be like, to think my parents were pleased with me.

We finally reached our altitude and I retrieved the guitar I kept on board, from its storage compartment, and started picking and strumming mindlessly. I didn't play whole songs just bits and pieces, trying to pass time, waiting to land and get on with my itinerary.

I started to recap the last six days. The drive to Forks had been relatively uneventful until the flat and Bella. Bella Swan. I'm usually a good judge of character. It's what makes me so successful in my line of business. The ability to read a person is quite an art, an art I have mastered. Yet, somehow, I couldn't seem to get a good read on this girl, this Bella Swan.

Any other woman and I would have had her already. I would have had her on the side of the fucking road that afternoon, but not her. This one didn't want to fool around while we waited for road side assistance to come fix the fucking flat. No, she wanted to fix it herself, or at the very least, order me to do it. Maybe she got off on the power trip of it, of ordering someone like me around. I shook my head. I think the damp air of Forks was fucking up the circuitry in my brain. This reminded me of another task I should add to my list, of things to do, when I got back to civilization. I'd have to make arrangements to get laid. Six days was a long enough, maybe that was my problem. I chuckled quietly to myself maybe it's not the air in Forks, after all. Actually, it had been more than six days, a sad personal record. I had broken my engagement with Senna to have dinner with the family. Fuck! That was definitely my problem! It's hard to think straight when the blood in my body is not evenly distributed.

Sex, even the mere thought of it, was my greatest distraction and I had to make a conscious effort to return to my original thought. I really didn't know what to make of Bella. The way she stormed up to my car, a stranger's car, not knowing who or what would be inside. Was she confident or stupid? Or just a product of her environment? I couldn't imagine much random crime in that sleepy little town, maybe she's never had reason to put up her guard.

I wondered about that guy she'd been with at the inn. She was quick to correct me when I implied he was her husband, insisting they were just friends but there had to be more. Why else would she look so guilty when he approached us? Why else would she walk away from me on his fucking demand?

He was easier to read. His feelings for Bella were obvious. Fuck, a blind man could see how he felt about her. Why would she lie? And why the fuck did I even care?

I didn't!

My fingers travelled over the strings as I played Nickelback's, Animals. Singing anything by Nickelback, with that raw, raspy edge in my voice, was hard on my throat but I belted it out, loud, in order to clear my head. My musical tastes were all over the place. I liked everything and could play just about any song by ear, on piano or guitar. My one true talent, music stayed with me. My siblings could play, play well, but neither of them were musically inclined just well trained. They didn't possess the ability to play by ear. I could read sheet music, tabs whatever. Esme insisted we learn it right but I never used it. Let me hear a piece just once and it was locked in my head forever. The only down fall being that there's a lot of stuff I love to play but fucking hate the song. I laughed, how fucked up is that? The arrangements are great, flowing and eloquent, but the lyrics are shit. It may surprise someone who does not appreciate music but classical is not the only genre that can be described as eloquent. Personally, I use the term even for rock. Granted some of the bands are pretty heavy but if you take the electric out of the guitars and the screeching out of the lyrics it's pretty amazing. I especially like Nickelback's combinations of awesome sound, great lyrics and scintillating arrangements.

I finished the song and went to the little kitchen. I grabbed some deli meat from the tiny fridge and woofed it down. Nothing else interested me. The processed meat wasn't satisfying but it filled the space in my stomach, which had started to growl. I stowed the guitar back in its usual compartment and opened my laptop to review some stuff I'd been working on. Another perk of having a private jet. I didn't have to worry about my transmissions causing a crash like the commercial flights claim. I rolled my eyes, amazing how they can make people believe that shit. The problem is they don't know how to charge for the convenience of it.

My mind drifted away from the computer screen, uninterested in the document in front of me.

I didn't care but I was curious. Her body language, her sudden stammer and shyness were obvious tells. My natural attractiveness had affected her but not enough to have my way with her. Was it because of him or did she have some other reason for resisting?

She was pretty, not gorgeous, simple but she had potential. I gave her the benefit of doubt, considering my assessment could be somewhat biased. I don't often see women in shapeless discount clothing with free flying, wind blown hair and no makeup. Even at dinner, a night out, she was dressed rather humbly.

I'll admit it surprised me to find out she was the vet, educated. Maybe not rich but at least comfortable, she would have to be right? I wasn't expecting that. She didn't carry herself as pretentiously as other doctors. I know doctors! Vets, and dentists, were the worst of the lot. Because they're not recognized in the community as 'real doctors', the God MD's, they spit and spew their importance twice as loud just to be noticed.

I couldn't help but smile as a decision formulated in my head. If for no other reason, I'd need something to play with if I planned to stay there for any amount of time. I certainly couldn't run back to Boston every time I got the urge to fuck something. Not to mention, my curiosity wouldn't have it any other way. Bella would be my pet project, my target of interest. I was going to figure her out, get inside that head of hers and into those discount jeans. That thought made my skin crawl. Let me rephrase, I'd get her _out_ of those discount jeans. The challenge of it was exciting and I wondered how long it would take to mould her into submissiveness? The raw images floating around in my brain didn't help with my blood flow issue, instead it encouraged a salute from my pertinent part, and I couldn't wait to land.

So many notions, images and concepts raced through my head as I planned my strategy. A very real possibility existed that she was in some kind of relationship with that guy. It would make things a little more difficult but had no real bearing on what I planned to do. It would just determine my level of enjoyment. To scoop her out, from in under some backward small town kid, could be fun. I could show her things neither of them would ever dream of. It would be a great story for her to tell her grandkids someday. Once upon a time there was a Knight in shining armour and all that crap. I laughed again. Yeah, this was going to be fun. I should probably plan for an extended stay.

She seemed close to her assistant. What the fuck was her name? And the kid with the dog? She wasn't working today but still came in for that kid. He had to mean something to her. I'd have to get better acquainted with them. Friends were the best resources. They always provided more information than they realized.

Overall, she seemed a little out of sorts this morning, very quiet with me. Her face seemed a little fatter than it had yesterday. Fatter? Probably a bad choice of words. Puffy? Swollen? I shook my head, not able to figure out which word best suited her. It didn't really matter, it was probably due to PMS. That seemed to be an excuse for everything. It made me shudder to think about women and their stuff. I didn't want to know about that shit.

"Mr. Cullen, please prepare to land. We are starting our descent." The pilot's voice, on the intercom, interrupted my thoughts.

I closed the laptop and buckled up. My mind drifted to the brief conversations I'd had with Bella. Her eyes would get all soft and sentimental when I used my charm on her. Obviously, she liked that. Well, all fucking women liked that but Bella seemed to get a charge out of my arrogance too. I felt a smile creep across my face and I sighed a happy a huff. She had quite the sharp tongue of her own, at times.

I almost fucked up. After telling her my name was Mason, I was ready to pass over the Cullen credit card to pay for that fucking dog. I'd have to watch that. I didn't need her going to the press to tell of an elusive affair she'd had with Edward Cullen, especially not with my divorce pending. If I was going to get closer to her I'd have to review the profile of my alias.

It wouldn't be hard to get the necessary items, bank card, identification, etc. I'd used the Mason alias before on business trips and the like, anytime I wanted a little anonymity. I'd constructed a whole profile for Edward Mason, not too far off the truth, just minus the money, the marriage, the family history, and career. Edward Mason was in real estate which wasn't too much of a stretch. I knew enough residential lingo to make it work and assessing property value, however tangible, is what I do. I kept myself apprised of residential property value for my own personal needs so all in all, real estate was the easiest persona for me to adopt.

Riley was at the airport when I landed. He tossed me the keys, his car or not, I was driving. As we made our way through the city, headed for my building, Riley filled me in on the situation, giving me a more in depth version of what we discussed over the phone. There were things I didn't discuss over the easily hacked airwaves. I had trained Riley well. He knew what to say and when to say it. He'd been with me a long time and we almost spoke a different language at times, using code words and reading between the lines. It came natural to both of us.

The parking lot was almost empty when I pulled up to the building. Riley and I walked in together. I usually preferred to park underground but I was meeting someone in the lobby. It was just easier to enter from the main floor.

Before I exited the plane, I had scribbled down the items I would need to pull off the Mason identity. I handed the list to Riley with instructions to have it ready before I left tonight. There was no challenge in it for him. Everything was securely placed together in my safety deposit box.

Maria Monterrey walked up to us. A beautiful woman, Spanish descent, her dark hair reminded me of Bella. I shook my head in disbelief, what the fuck? Did I just compare her to Bella? I quickly pushed that thought out of my head. There could be no comparison. Maria was tall, shapely and voluptuous. She was the kind of woman men dreamed about. Her tanned skin reminded me of caramel, so much so, that when my tongue skimmed along her body I could almost taste the rich, stickiness of that flavoring. Her caramelo flavor.

"Riley, do you know Miss Monterrey? Maria this is Riley Biers." They shook hands and exchanged pleasantries before I excused Riley. He walked towards the public elevators as I escorted Maria down a secure hallway, accessible only by me. Maria and I had some personal business to tend too and my private elevator would be the best place to start.

The elevator doors had barely closed when Maria started to unbutton her jacket. Her long coat fell to the floor revealing the ever perfect Maria in a provocative dark red, almost blood red, bra and panties. The rich, deep color accentuated her natural tone and a surge of electricity ran through me as the red lace dared me to expose the devil inside. Garter belts accentuated her silky smooth thighs and I immediately hardened at the sight of her.

"I'm so glad you called Edward." Maria moved toward me, she gently suckled my ear lobe then whispered, "I've missed you."

Her dark feathery hair brushed against my face as her lips caressed their way down from my ear. Her tongue traced along the outline of my jaw as her mouth slid slowly to my neck, her warm breath on my skin. Her fingers carefully released my tie, unbuttoning my collar. It felt good to feel her nails scratch at my chest as she worked the buttons of my shirt.

The scent of her hair was intoxicating as her head slipped from just beneath my nose to further down my body. Bella's soft lips grazed across my chest, her tongue lapping out, nudging the knotted hardness of my nipple as she craftily unbuckled my belt. Her fingertips slid inside my waistband, teasing me as she unbuttoned my pants. I tilted my head back, my body relaxed against the elevator wall, "hmmm," I moaned. Ohhhhh Bella, I thought. Her hands now, sinking deeper into my underwear as they wrapped around to grab my ass.

I ran my hands through her dark waves as her tongue ran up the length of my dick from base to tip, her lips folding around the head of my cock as she grabbed the shaft hard. Fuck Bella, I thought once again and released a deep throaty moan of pleasure. The sweet sounds of Bella's enjoyment rose to my ears, it was almost gratifying just to hear her sips and slurps of satisfaction. Almost! I didn't want her to stop. Fuck! It had been too long.

Suddenly, my whole body stiffened and straightened up as my reality and my fantasy collided. I grabbed her, forcefully, by the arms and raised her up to my face. I glared into her startled eyes, angrily, as I forced myself to focus on the woman in front of me. Maria. Maria Monterrey. Not Bella. Oh fuck! What the hell was I thinking?

"Edward?" Maria looked frightened, "Did I do something wrong?"

It took me a minute to figure out I was still holding her arms in a vice grip. I unlocked my hands and let her go. "No Maria. No, you didn't do anything." I said pathetically. I reached down to pull up my pants, picked her coat up off the floor and handed it to her. "Put this on. I just remembered I've got some shit to take care of, that's all."

I pushed the button for the elevator to begin its rise to my office then tapped at it a few more times, as if that would make the ascension any faster. Maria was still staring at me, disappointed. She shrunk into the corner, upset that she was unable to please me. That she performed so badly she couldn't keep my mind off other things. Normally, in this situation, I'd be pissed. There were only two reasons I'd drop a woman. One, if she was becoming too emotionally attached. I understood it was different for them, they had to have some level of emotional connection, and that was fine, as long as they kept it to themselves and made no demands of me or my time. Two, a bad fuck. There was no recovery from that. If she couldn't satisfy me what the hell was the point. Maria bordered on the first issue but I gave her some leniency. She had that Spanish blood after all. She was very passionate, in everything she did, and I do mean everything. I would never admit it to her, but this was not her fault.

The doors opened on my floor. Gianna greeted me, "Good evening, Mr. Cullen."

I hit the down button for the public access elevators, "You can use these to go down." I said to Maria and turned my back to her. I'd let her brood in her perceived failure for a while. She was well aware of my policy and I'm sure her eagerness to do better, if she was ever granted a second chance, would blow my fucking mind. Our next encounter would be memorable!

"Gianna, I need you in my office." I stated as I walked passed my secretary.

I told Gianna to create a file on Bella Swan of Forks, Washington. I wanted to know everything there was about this woman. "I'll need it before you leave tonight," I demanded. Gianna nodded her understanding and left my office.

I called Riley. I could move up my appointment with James now since my rendezvous with Maria was cut short. "Send James up here now," I hissed spitefully.

I was a little shaken by the whole Maria ordeal. Nothing like that had ever happened to me. My sexual encounters were simply that, sex. There was no emotional attachment, no thinking about the woman I was with, let alone someone else entirely. It was purely about the acts we were performing and the rawness of it all. But there I was thinking about her, wanting her. My internal voice thundered in my ears, FUCK! My hand slammed against the desk, hard. It was unnatural.

"Mr. Cullen." Gianna's voice filtered in through the intercom. "Mr. James Hunter is here to see you." I insisted on Gianna's proper address of everyone. It kept an air of professionalism between me and them. I knew most of them were friends outside the office but I wasn't their friend and I didn't like a casual office environment. Plus, it looked better to any outsiders I might be meeting with in my office. Faking professionalism tends to be awkward because it's not how things are usually done. This way there was never any degree of awkwardness. I was the only exception and addressed everyone by their first name. It was my right. I was the king of this domain and it reminded them of their place, beneath me.

James sauntered in, confidently. His long hair slicked back in a ponytail. I didn't like that but wouldn't micro manage to the point of personal grooming. There was a dress code in affect, men and women in well-tailored suits, dress suits were also acceptable for female staff. Other than that I didn't stipulate but it was understood that personal hygiene was to be observed, hair was to be styled neatly and beards or facial hair to be trimmed and kept under control.

"Good Evening, Mr. Cullen." James took the liberty of sitting in the chair opposite me, before I extended him an invitation to sit.

"James, I think it's time we had a little chat," I started. My initial thoughts were to drag this out, make him sweat a little, but my tolerance of James Hunter was wearing thin just at the mere sight of him.

"I think so too, Edward. I was actually excited when Riley told me you wanted to see me personally." He called me Edward. This conversation was already pissing me off. I shot him a look and from his reaction I knew he understood. My name is Mr. Cullen.

"I've been looking through your personnel file." A grin spread across his face as I lifted the file, currently open in my hands. He was proud of himself. I could tell he thought I was going to congratulate him or some fucking thing. Did he have any idea who I was? Did he really think he could try to fuck me over and get away with it?

"You've been with us for five years now," James nodded, "and just recently you accepted your first primary position on a major deal." He nodded again. "Can you explain why it's taken you five years to be awarded your own project?"

James' eyes widened. He wasn't expecting that. I was gloating on the inside to see his face fall, the arrogant son of a bitch. He quickly recomposed himself, "well, honestly, I think Bree…Ms. Tanner," he corrected, " has been holding me back." My eyes narrowed which he took as encouragement to continue, obviously unable to read the basics of body language.

He had the audacity to pin his short comings on one of my manager's. He wasn't going to like what I was about to say. I let him ramble, point out his strengths and why Cullen Industries was so lucky to have a man, such as himself, on staff. It irritated me to see his mouth moving, wishing he'd just shut the fuck up so I could finish this. The only reason I allowed him to continue was because I had to figure out a way, and a time, to get laid and my attention for the rest of the evening would be monopolized.

I thought I'd go for a blonde this time. I couldn't possibly confuse a blonde. Tonya wouldn't be available. I knew her schedule almost as well as my own. A few names spun around in my head until finally landing on the lovely Lucy. With that all figured out, I was ready to end this with James Hunter.

"Ok James, that's enough." I cut him off, mid sentence, placing the folder on the desk in front of me and resting my elbows on top of it. "Let's get a few things straight. Firstly, Bree Tanner was hand selected and trained by me. If Riley hadn't come to me first, Bree would be in his position right now. Don't blame others for your own flaws. Be a man and own up to them. Secondly, you've had one investor drop this project and I hear two more are threatening to leave. Why is that?"

I had been watching James Hunter screw himself out of his life by trying to pull one over on me. I wanted to give him enough room to really hang himself but with more investors threatening to pull out I had to act now.

James' appeared shocked by my directness. He stuttered and stammered trying to conjure up some diluted explanation. My patience couldn't take it any longer and I was anxious to get in touch with Lucy.

I put my hand up between us, to shut him up. "Don't bother James. I know about the money." He looked at me, again shocked by my statement. "Do you know why I keep this company so small?" He stayed silent but shook his head. This idiot was about my age and had absolutely no clue, no direction. "There are many reasons but mostly to keep a close eye on the people who work for me. I know everything about everyone here and I've been watching your spending habits change. I've been noticing a change in all your habits. You don't really have to tell me anything because I already know." His mouth dropped involuntarily. "I really intended this conversation to go in a different direction." I leaned back in my chair to further emphasize my condescension. "Sympathize with your difficult upbringing, congratulate you even, for working your way through the Ivey Leagues but when you dared to challenge my judgement, my manager, you completely pissed me off. So here's how it's going to go down. Your personal accounts have been frozen. I will be extracting what's rightfully mine. You will be escorted out of this building and if I ever catch you near this building or in any way associated with my business, I will have you arrested and stripped of whatever dignity you might have left. Do I make myself clear?" I discreetly pressed the security button located under the writing surface of my desk.

Before James had a chance to protest, two security guards walked through my office door. They were large, intimidating brutes and I marvelled at the sight of James walking between these two burly men, his tail tucked neatly between his legs. A satisfied grin crept across my face as I envisioned a time when James would find himself in a state penitentiary, where he'd act the bitch for some man, similar in burliness, as those two men of my security team. With the character James possessed, it was bound to happen.

I didn't want to press formal charges and alert the press to such a scandal, so I let him walk out of here, but his life was about to change. He'd never work in this industry again. I'd see to that. He'd been raised by thieves and scoundrels, whores and addicts. I guess the apple never does fall far from the tree. It really is too bad. He'd worked very hard to get here just to bite the hand that fed him. Fucking idiot!

I knew James would be a problem right from the start and had him monitored closely, more closely than the others. It was just a matter of time and of course, the right combination of dollar amount and opportunity. He was an education for Bree. I allowed her to review the candidates, conduct the interviews, and ultimately, hire the employee. She had to learn. James was her first hire and she has improved greatly because of him. Over the years, she and I have had many conversations reviewing James, his status and employability. At first, she had difficulty identifying his weaknesses, looking behind his charm to the see the venomous predator behind his eyes but she worked on it. She watched him and we discussed his every move, every decision. Since then she's become very good at reading people.

Like I told James, if Riley hadn't come first, Bree would be my right hand. Bree Tanner was an exceptional Cornell MBA graduate. She came highly recommended by my contacts from that school. I hired her right after graduation. I prefer getting my recruits straight from school before mindless habits develop. Over the years, I've hired many great minds only to fire them because of the useless proclivities formed by unimaginative companies that refuse to nurture the exceptional. Now that James had been cast out from this company, she and I would have another discussion but I could do that via teleconference from Forks. I'd have Riley sit in on that meeting as well.

I quickly sent a text message to Lucy, advising her of my plans, our plans. I didn't wait for a reply, there was no need. She would not refuse me. Lucy was a friend of Jane's, another self proclaimed princess. She had nothing going for her except a great body and daddy's bank account. Our encounters were purely by chance, a quickie in the cloak room kind of deal. I couldn't stand her enough to add her to my list of regulars but a quick romp during the intermission at the Opera or some other social gathering, we both attended, was rejuvenating.

I called to Gianna through my, still open, office door. She brought me the file I'd asked for and I stuffed it into my brief case without reading it. I didn't have time. Riley had left an envelope for me, the items on my list, and Gianna passed that over as well.

Gianna and I got on the elevator together, as we prepared to call it a night. I had to make a quick stop on the twenty third floor to see Alistair. We exchanged good night pleasantries as I exited. This floor was home to my legal staff. Alistair was waiting for me in his office. Everyone else had left for the night.

Alistair was an old family friend. I'd hired him more as a watch dog then anything else. Being the only senior staff member, he oversaw the junior staff and handled all of my personal interests. I had complete faith in him and worried about his increasing age. I hated the idea of him retiring or leaving me, in a more permanent manner. I'd known him my whole life and no matter how many he groomed, or how well he groomed them, his replacement would never measure up. They would never know me like he does.

"Edward, my boy." I smiled when I heard his voice. Alistair respected my wish for the use of titles during business hours, but when it was just him and me, the Mr. went out the window. I didn't care, it was Alistair.

"Good to see you." We shook hands.

"You're looking much better then when I saw you last week." He commented.

He explained the process of divorce and it angered me to think it was going to take so long. I asked him to use every resource possible to speed it along. Money was no object. He didn't think it would help but promised to try. Thankfully, the pre-nup was rock solid. He advised me to get Jane out of the house, though, as soon as possible. She may be able to stake a claim to it if it looked like I abandoned it. I didn't want the fucking house but I'd be damned she'd get to keep it. That pretty well summed up our impromptu meeting. I invited him to join us for a late dinner at Carlisle's but he respectively declined. "My system can't digest your mother's rich cooking at that hour, Edward," He joshed.

It was getting late and I had one more stop to make before Carlisle's. Riley would be waiting for me at the Grand Hotel. He was entertaining James' fickle hearted investors while they waited for me.

"Good evening gentlemen," I said upon my arrival, flashing a warm, trustworthy smile and shaking each hand personally. The conversation went smoothly as I confirmed James' departure from my company. My reputation spoke for itself but schmoozing people was always a good notion. It made them more comfortable when handing over their million dollar cheques. I trained my employees through the use of investors. Once I trusted them, and I use that term loosely, with other people's money I'd let them handle the larger accounts where Cullen Industries was sole proprietor. I still, of course, took the lead on those accounts but I allowed my charges some authority and privilege.

Before I left, I reassured them that no money was lost. Riley shot me a quick look and then reapplied his poker face before anyone else noticed his silent contradiction. Basically it was true and I would explain it to him later. James still had a handsome sum in his accounts, even the one he'd cleverly hidden, which I would reclaim. Plus, I was fully insured for such occasions. Cullen Industries was the safest risk taking venture in the world. It cost me a bundle in insurance fees but it was fucking worth it. I made sure to cover my ass, every which way to Sunday. I wanted to trust my employees but it just wasn't in me to award anyone my complete and unconditional trust. That would be capital suicide.

I rushed away from the hotel to meet with Carlisle and Esme, I mean…visit with the family. I'd warned them dinner would have to be late and it was already nine o'clock. I rang the doorbell at 9:30 and Berty let me in.

Esme met me in the foyer. "You made it," she said, giving me a hug. "You're looking well." She kept her arm around my waist as she guided me into the dining room. "Alice and Jasper are here. Emmett and Rosalie couldn't make it tonight, some catastrophe with something." Esme laughed casually as she filled me in. So far so good, calm and relaxed, this was ok.

Everyone was seated in their usual places and simultaneously greeted me as I entered the room. Dinner service was in progress as Esme and I sat down.

"He looks so good and healthy." Esme swooned, all gushy and motherly. "Don't you think so Carlisle? Tell him how good he looks and after only a week."

Carlisle lifted his head to look at me, mocking Esme, "Yes, Esme dear. He looks really good." He winked at me. "Wearing clean underwear I suppose? Take off your socks so we can get a good look at your feet. Now that's how you tell if someone's really healthy, Esme dear. Go on. Tell him to take off his socks so we can have a look. Put your feet right here." Carlisle patted the empty spot on the table near his plate. Esme batted at him jokingly and the rest of us roared in laughter. This was nice. Regular family banter.

"Seriously Edward," Alice piped in. "What's her name?" Everyone turned to look at Alice, knowing what she asked yet not understanding her question.

"What?" I asked, with a nervous laugh.

"Don't be silly Alice. He's only been gone a week." Esme chimed.

"That's like dog years to Edward." She quipped. Jasper nudged her arm, silently begging her to leave me alone.

"Are you comparing me to a dog?" How ironic she'd make that comparison after I hit one this morning.

Alice smiled sweetly, "no, of course not," she lied. "I just know you and well, you know me, I have a feeling."

The rest of the mealtime conversation consisted of keeping me up to date on Emmet's wedding plans, advising me of Alice's new contract within a government office, and the Volturi's response to my divorce demand.

"It's so unfortunate. I can't imagine what he's thinking?" Esme mocked Irina, before returning to her own voice, "I can understand them taking it hard, they do like you very much."

"No they don't. I've never given them reason too. They only like what I represent, the money, the power, and our family connection." I sputtered, feeling the anger starting to build over this conversation. "How is it you're even friends with them anyway?" My question directed at both my parents.

"Oh, it's a long story."

"Now Carlisle, don't be so modest. Your father has a soft spot for the underdog and in all fairness, Irina was a nice girl when she first met Aro, but he's rubbed off on her far too much for my liking." Esme went on, "and those children. I think I would have opted for suicide if I'd raised such imbeciles." Those were some pretty harsh words coming from my mother. I loved it but wished I could teach her a few harsher ones that better fit. I chose to keep my mouth shut.

I asked Alice and Jasper to pack up the house and get Jane out. Explaining what Alistair had said and adding it would be in my best interest, as well as hers, if I wasn't on site when it all happened. They happily agreed. Alice was an organizer and was thrilled that I'd asked her. It seemed everyone was genuinely happy that I'd finally made this decision. It surprised me.

"So, while we're orchestrating operation 'Get Jane Out'," Alice joked, "where will you be staying?" Alice did not have my poker face. I could see her curiosity, no, more like her playful suspicions written all over her face. She dared me to confirm them, making her right.

Reluctantly, I did. "I'll be in Forks."

A satisfied smirk settled on her face as she looked over at Jasper. "What's her name Edward?"

"There is no her. I have to go back to get my car and I'm going to stay until the worst is over with. I expect things to get very ugly and although I'd love to get down and dirty with that bit…," I stopped myself out of respect for Esme. "…with Jane. I think it's in all our best interests if I keep my distance."

"I agree with you Edward." Carlisle added.

Alice sat smugly in her seat. She was convinced there was more too it. "Ok fine, don't tell me. I'm sure it will come out eventually." Esme gave her a disapproving look. It was time to stop teasing me.

A short while after dinner was finished, Alice and Jasper got up to leave and I joined them. Carlisle and Esme walked us to the door. "Edward, you're not staying here tonight?" Alice inquired innocently. I shook my head and snickered. She picked up on everything.

"No Alice. I'm flying back to Forks tonight." Her eyebrows raised and she gave me that reassuring look that said 'I know I'm right.' I hated that.

I made it to the airport in record time and headed towards the gate designated for private flight departures. My eyes happened to glance over at the gift shop as I was passing by. What I saw stopped me in my tracks. The newsstand displayed one of those national tabloid rags, front and center, with Jane's swollen teary eyed face plastered on the cover. The headline read, "Divorce Imminent for Jane Volturi", that part was no surprise but the pictures splashed across the page right below her made my blood boil. Pictures, proof of my destruction the night I walked out on her, littered the page. I'm going to kill her!

I grabbed a copy and rifled through until I found more pictures. Inside the headline was, 'We're behind you, Jane. Edward's a monster!' Fuck! I couldn't believe she'd stoop so fucking low as to sell these pictures. To take these pictures and then fucking sell them. I threw the paper back on the stand and stormed off towards the gate. The sooner I got out of here the better.

The flight wasn't scheduled to leave for another hour and Lucy was already onboard waiting for me. I ordered the pilots off the plane, we didn't need an audience. Lucy tried to greet me sweetly but I ignored her and told her to strip. I wasn't in the mood for foreplay. I needed to fuck her now.

She did as she was told and I ripped off my clothes too. Buttons flew off my shirt, never to be seen again. I slammed her against the wall and kissed her violently, trying to work out my anger. It was unfortunate she had to take the brunt of me. But she would, and she'd like it.

My hands flew over her body in a frenzy and she was having trouble trying to keep up. I grabbed her head, her hair, her tits, her ass, all of her and I grabbed her hard. My lips sucked and bit, my tongue pushed and licked and in no time I could hear the signs of her climax drawing close. My rock hard cock thrusted into her and she screamed and howled in ecstasy. She was tight like a fucking virgin. Her pussy drew me in deeper and deeper until I was howling.

I couldn't pin point exactly when but somehow we were on the floor. I rolled off her and laid on my back for a minute to catch my breath. I glanced over at her, still breathing heavy as her body quivered from the after affects. Like the aftershock of an earthquake, her body was still revelling from the major occurrence that took place moments ago

"Wow," she said, "Edward, that was the bes…. "I didn't let her finish. I didn't need her accolades to boost my ego. I was on my feet and threw her clothes at her.

"You need to go now." I demanded. The sex was fine but I was still angry. Lucy didn't move, dismayed by my behaviour. "Now Lucy! Get the fuck off my plane!" I yelled and headed for the bathroom. When I came out she was gone and my pilot was back in the cockpit. He announced our readiness to take off. I sat down and buckled up. My fingers tapped against the arm rest. How was I going to calm myself down? I picked up the remote to the onboard sound system and scanned through the list of music downloaded until I found something suitable, loud and angry. I cranked up the volume until I couldn't hear myself think.

We were in the air before the rage inside me began to subside. The image of Jane's tear soaked and swollen face bounced around in my head and I'd wished, briefly, that I'd given her another reason to have a fucking swollen face. That bitch… It wasn't a good look for her but before I could fantasize about the things I would do to cause her swelling, a different thought crossed my mind.

Swollen face.

She was fucking crying. Bella had been crying. That's why she looked the way she did, that's why she wasn't at work. Why had she been crying? I wondered if it had something to do with that guy at dinner. He had to have something to do with it! What else would make her cry and miss work? Suddenly, a different kind of rage set into me, anger I could act on, man to man. I was no saint but I knew enough to know you don't make good girls cry. A stranger feeling began to overtake my body. I wasn't sure how to describe it. I was troubled by her sadness and wanted to…to…I don't know…to…protect her. It didn't make sense to me.

I looked around for my briefcase. I dropped it somewhere after I boarded but couldn't remember where. I searched around and found it near the cockpit. I guess I threw it with a little more force than I thought. I checked my laptop first. Fortunately, its compartment was well padded and the computer seemed unharmed from the trauma of a long distance throw.

The envelope Riley had prepared for me contained everything I had listed. A debit card and a visa issued to Edward Mason. The manager, where I banked, wouldn't dare ask me any questions, or for proof of Mason's existence, when I approached her with my special request. Both cards were merely mock ups and only accessed my personal account. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you threaten to take your business elsewhere. The debit card was no big deal, it accessed an account just like any other but the visa was impressive. It looked and behaved like a real visa but was actually a glorified debit card. It provided the same privilege extended to any visa card holder. I could shop online, book hotels, rent cars and it just extracted the funds from my account. It was perfect. The bank manager felt the full extent of my appreciation, as I thanked her over and over again.

There was a convincing social security card and driver's license baring the Mason name as well. Neither card would pass interrogation by cops or government officials but they served their purpose as props to pass as identification. I'd only ever used the alias to keep a low profile so I had never delved any deeper to actually forge and fake official documents, to create a real fake identity, so to speak.

I had some business cards to further the real estate agent persona and some real looking association memberships, agent's license, to fill the wallet. I was myself with a few changes to my past.

Now came the interesting part. The file Gianna created on Bella. I opened the manila folder and skimmed the documents inside.

I pulled out the birth certificate. The information was pretty basic but Gianna had paper clipped another sheet to it. I guess from the registration number listed on the birth certificate she was able to get more information, details not listed on the wallet sized card. Isabella Marie was born in Forks to Renee and Charlie Swan on September 13th. Her birthday is tomorrow…today, it was after midnight. That could be to my charming advantage.

Her parents divorced just after she was born and she was raised primarily by her mother, who moved around alot. From the school transcripts, there was a new city every couple of years, from all over the country. That was surprising. She didn't strike me as someone who'd travelled around the country. She seemed very small town, city people didn't change flat tires they called the auto club. I couldn't picture Bella living a city life. I saw her more as the tipping cows type not cocktail parties and ball gowns. She certainly wasn't into fashion. I chuckled, if Alice could only get her hands on her. And that truck was begging to be laid to rest in a junk yard somewhere.

She didn't participate in any school extracurricular activities, at least it didn't show anything in the file. She finished high school in Forks. Her mother remarried and lives in Florida. Her husband plays ball in the minors. Her father is Chief of Police in Forks and single. Pretty standard stuff, no criminal record, but you wouldn't expect that from an officer's daughter.

She earned her degree in veterinarian medicine from Washington State, graduating at the top of her class. She's never been married, owns her own home and has a healthy bank account, though you wouldn't say it by looking at her.

The information was a start, nothing overly interesting. The childhood travelling was a little surprising but no big deal. Nothing in the file really helped me get a better sense of who she was. If anything it probably created more questions. Why, after being raised by her mother, would she suddenly go live with her father? Was it the step father that drove her away? What was the family/step family dynamic? I couldn't fathom the divorced parents' scenario.

My parents were such a unified couple. Still so much in love after all these years. I obviously didn't care for monogamy but it worked for them. I wondered what it must feel like to be made for each other. It's possible because I see it in them, though it contradicts everything I believe in. I guess they are that one exception to every rule. Alice and Jasper don't apply. Alice had been planning her wedding since she was five, she had to get married and Jasper is only faithful because he knows Emmett and I will kill him otherwise. I'm not sure why Emmett's getting married, he's already screwing her so it's not like he had to promise anything to get her into bed. I'll have to think about that one but I'm sure there's something in his reasoning that will support my theory, and I got married out of familial obligation. Where's the love in that? I huffed.

Fuck! Something I'd read in Bella's file finally registered with me.

I rifled through the papers again. Yes, I did read that right. Her father is the Chief of Police. Damn it! What if he decided to check me out? I called Riley right away. Riley was one of the few people who knew I used an alias and now I'd have to add one more.

Riley answered the phone, his voice was rough almost horse. "Riley? Are you awake?" I wasn't thinking about the time.

"Ah…yes…I think. Mr. Cullen, is that you?" He was coming around.

"Yeah. Look I need you to go to the I.T. department first thing tomorrow morning."

"What?" I took a deep breath. I was going to need some patience to get through this. I repeated what I had said, slowly.

"Sure, why?"

I had already informed Riley that I'd planned to stay in Forks for a while longer than I'd first expected. I'd conduct business as usual from there with the aide of my laptop and of course, his acting on my behalf, in Boston. To answer his question, I explained that with so many gossips in a small town, I thought it best to be legitimate, if that was even remotely possible when living under an assumed identity, just in case someone got the idea to look into me. Naturally, I would be running into people in town on a somewhat regular basis and in the event someone decided to be clever and check me out, I wouldn't want everything to unfold. I certainly wasn't going to tell him my plan to seduce a local whose father happened to be in law enforcement. In his partially alert state, he appeared to buy my reasoning. "We have a tech on staff named Peter," I continued.

"I know Peter." Riley yawned.

"Peter has the skills to bring Edward Mason to life. Fill him in and tell him to keep it quiet. Call me when it's all complete." I let Riley go back to bed and felt a little better knowing that it would be handled. I was confident, by early afternoon, Edward Mason would be a living, breathing, real person.

We landed shortly after my conversation with Riley had ended. The airport here was much smaller than the one in Boston. I was grateful I wouldn't have to walk too far before getting in my car and back to the house in Forks. The day's events had taken their toll and I was exhausted.

I usually wasn't one for sleeping I didn't like wasting the time. A few hours a night were more than sufficient but tonight I was looking forward to the comfort of my bed. To feel the weight of the heavy comforter pushing me deeper into the memory foam, my arms and legs spread out over the soft surface, free of tension and the restriction of business attire.

I took a hot shower before going to bed. I had to wash the day's activities off me before settling into the crisp bed linens. I allowed the water to splash in my face, it felt refreshing and clean. The water was hot and stung a little before my skin adjusted. It felt good. I liked the discomfort of that initial sting. I rationalized it, in my head, as being the sting of disinfection.

I scrubbed the towel over my body and through my hair then crawled, naked, into bed. As I drifted off to sleep I thought it would be a good idea to buy a new car, one that had no affiliation to the Cullen name. Yes, that would be a good idea…a new car for Edward Mason. I'd look into that in the morning, or rather, later this morning.

.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: The key points of this chapter were intentional but I must admit they unraveled differently than I had planned. I love when the story takes on a mind of its own. The characters become more alive to me and the story becomes more meaningful. I really hope you enjoy it.**

**As always, references to Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 4**** - ** **BPOV**

I bounced out of bed this morning. It was time to get over this slump I'd been in. What happened with Jake was not my fault and I shouldn't feel guilty. He knew how I felt and he knew what to expect. His choosing to proceed anyway was outside of my control. I am sorry he's hurt but I'm no longer willing to accept the guilt of his decision.

I kept repeating that little chant as I dressed for work. It was my mantra for the day. I was determined not to accept responsibility for what had happened. His being childish and running to the first open vagina was not my fault either. I just hope his vaccinations were up to date and condoms were in good supply. God only knows what he'd catch from that …that…bitch. I said it. She was a whoring bitch!

I had forgotten all about my birthday until Renee called me. She was really bubbly for my first conversation of the morning but I put on my happy face and smiled through it. Phil yelled out his wishes from somewhere in the background too. It meant a lot that she remembered, she always did but it was still nice. I knew she loved me but sometimes I resented her directionless ways, those ways that insisted I grow up sooner than I should have.

Living with Charlie had been a completely different experience. Not necessarily better but definitely different. He tried really hard not to over parent, he didn't want to drive me away like he had my mother, but he had no clue about teenagers. We muddled through it, together, and I loved him very much for trying. He called just before I left for work. He was already at the station.

"Bells, I want to have dinner here tonight, for your birthday."

"Uhm…yeah dad that sounds great." I replied

"Ok then…ah…." He hesitated.

"What is it dad?" I encouraged.

"Ah…well, it's just…uhm…Sue Clearwater is going to be here, is that ok?" He asked.

"Yes dad. That's fine. Is it just Sue, or will Leah and Seth, be there too?" I smiled to myself. My father, the terminal bachelor, was dating Sue Clearwater. He was very nervous about the whole thing. I think it's the first woman he'd been with since Renee. He wasn't sure what to say or how to behave, in front of me, when he was with her. I'm sure it was Sue pushing for us to get closer but I thought it was great. Charlie was a good man and deserved some happiness in his life.

Sue's two children, Leah and Seth, liked Charlie too. I adored Seth but Leah and I could never see eye to eye. She was very needy and demanded the attention of every man around. She had dated Sam Uley for a long time until he got sick of her and found Emily. A much better match, if you asked me. Then Leah found her eyes drawing toward Jake. She blamed me for Jake's lack of interest but I had nothing to do with that.

"No just Sue, and Jake, if you want to bring him over. I haven't seen him today." I figured Charlie would have heard, by now, what had happened the other night, from Billy or Jake, but I guess not. I probably should have told him myself but wasn't in the mood to discuss it. Especially not with Charlie, Jake was like a son to him. Maybe Jake won't mention it. It wasn't exactly a shining moment for either of us, maybe he didn't even tell his father. I thought that to be unlikely because Jake was really close to Billy and told him just about everything, but I decided to remain hopeful.

It had occurred to me, as I drove into work that Jake chose today _because_ it was my birthday. The notion hadn't crossed my mind before. I guess I was too busy trying to prevent it. It still didn't explain why he wanted to make a public spectacle of such an intimate moment but I suppose Sam's explanation of Jake's logic would have to suffice, even if it was stupid.

Friday's were usually slow at the clinic but Angela had rebooked all my missed appointments for today. I was glad she did. Once I got into my groove, time passed quickly. The fast pace kept my mind busy and didn't leave much room for thinking.

By noon, things had slowed down a little. The morning was packed but we were moving so fast that we'd actually gotten ahead of our appointments.

"Bella," Angela called to me from behind the closed door of the grooming room. This room was equipped with a table for pet grooming and a large basin, like a sink only much bigger, for bathing dogs, and cats if absolutely necessary. I didn't open the door. We'd had too many critters escape from us in the past so now we just spoke to one another through the closed door. "I'm knee deep in fleas, would you run down to the storage room and get me some more shampoo."

The waiting area was clear so I made my way down to the basement to get the bottle of shampoo. The basement was dark and dingy and smelled musty. I really didn't like being down there by myself but there were times when I just didn't have a choice. I thought it was creepy, though Angela disagreed. She said it was like any other unfinished basement. Sometimes her good senses were annoying. Nothing bothered her, she was very logical and very bright.

She had full intentions of becoming a vet, as well, but her education was put on the back burner because of financial reasons. Her father emptied their bank account and took off, during our senior year, leaving her mother broke and trying to raise three kids. The family managed ok but Angela, being the eldest, had to put her dreams on hold to help her mom support the household. She did some courses at the community college and, when I opened the clinic, became my assistant. We worked well together and there were many days I was quite grateful for her presence.

Bottle in hand, I bolted up the stairs not wanting to spend a second longer, than I had too, down there. I opened the door to the main floor and headed back to the grooming room. The door was wide open and Angela was nowhere to be found. I peeked around, inside the room, and was surprised to see no evidence of a recently finished flea bath.

"Angela?" I called, confused, as I hurried toward the lobby.

I rounded the corner, "SURPRISE!" I was stunned into paralyses. The lobby had been modestly, and quickly, transformed into birthday central with balloons, a banner and some streamers.

"Oh my gosh," I couldn't believe the thoughtfulness of my dear friend. Angela stood in the center of the small gathering holding a huge slab cake, inscribed with Happy Birthday Bella. Honestly, I had thought she'd forgotten. I had hoped she'd forgotten. Celebrating birthdays was not big on my list of things to do. If it were up to me I'd be eighteen forever. Doesn't everyone feel that way? No real responsibilities, the energy and angst of a teenager, and the belief that you're totally invincible.

I moved toward Angela and leaned in to blow out my candles. "Make a wish," she chirped as I sucked in enough air to extinguish all the candles in one breath.

Everyone came at me, almost overwhelming me, as they hugged and kissed and wished me well. Fortunately, the small gathering consisted of only 10 people and dissipated quickly. The fact that Jake was missing from the celebration wasn't lost on me. I wasn't surprised but certainly felt his absence. Charlie and Sue had to return to their respective jobs, taking a piece of cake with them as they left. By the time the commotion settled down, Eric was the only guest that remained.

"Bella, this is…," before Eric could finish, the front door swung wide open and in walked Edward Mason.

"Good afternoon," he greeted confidently. "Looks like I'm just in time. What's all this about?" He looked around the room at the modest decorations.

Eric and Angela happily replied to his greeting and then explained it was my birthday. I stood there quietly, watching. I wasn't sure how I felt about him coming here after yesterday. I was trying to get over the past two days and Jake. I didn't need to exchange one set of problems for another. Edward stirred up feelings in me that I wasn't ready to understand and his coldness, at times, his deliberate rudeness was more than I wanted to deal with right now.

Angela introduced Eric to Edward, as her boyfriend and journalist which sparked a conversation between the two men. My brain couldn't register what they were discussing, I was too focused on the debate happening in my own head, but they seemed genuinely interested in whatever it was. Edward casually turned his head to me and winked, his attention still directed at Eric. What a difference? Yesterday he walked away from me as if I didn't really exist and today he's all smiles and sincerity.

Edward graciously excused himself from Eric, "Bella, can I speak with you privately for a moment?" A big smile beamed from Angela's face. Luckily, she was behind Edward and he didn't see her. I nodded, trying desperately not to look at Angela and react. I pointed to my office and started in that direction. Edward followed me.

He closed the door behind him as he entered. I waited for the conversation to begin, wondering what he could possibly want and why he needed privacy to say it. There was only silence as he gazed around my office, absorbing all the information it possessed. I followed his eyes as they zeroed in on my diplomas which Charlie had framed and now sat, carefully positioned my wall. Then he sized up the artwork on my wall. They were simple pieces from local artists. They weren't worth much but I absolutely loved them.

He moved over to my bookcase. I kept my reference books neatly organized and alphabetized in this case, along with some framed prints of the people I cared about. Only now, as I watched Edward inspect each picture, did I realize there were more photos of Jacob then of Charlie and Renee combined.

I sat down behind my desk. I didn't have time for these games, I thought, and leaned back in the chair. SAY SOMETHING ALREADY, I screamed in my head. This was driving me crazy. I was about to ask him what he wanted but he finally started.

"I'm sorry about yesterday." What? I thought, and as if he read my mind he explained. "I realized how rude it was of me to leave the way I did yesterday. It's just the phone call I got was not good news and I had to deal with it right away. I know that's not a good excuse for my behaviour but I'm hoping you can overlook it, this one time."

Where did that come from? I was stunned and speechless. Not in any conversation we've had up to now, did he come off as the type to apologize for his behaviour. Infact, he seemed capable of making other people feel the need to apologize when it was clearly his fault.

"I'd like to make it up to you and take you to the carnival thing we talked about yesterday. You said it was fun and I'm going to trust your judgement." He was smooth. I knew it, I repeated it in my head but I couldn't resist. I could feel my defenses surrendering. His words melted like butter as they slipped passed his tongue.

"Thank you Edward. I'd like that." I replied, falling for it, for him.

"What time can I pick you up?"

"Oh…ah…I can't tonight. I already have plans." His face fell, "tomorrow night?" I asked.

"Sure, of course." His voice was slightly weaker than before. "I'll drop in tomorrow and you can let me know when and where?" He was surprisingly accommodating.

We walked back up the hallway to the lobby and he stopped to engage Angela and Eric once again. Angela was looking through one of those trash mags and Eric, stood over her shoulder, pointing out the poor writing styles of the articles she read.

"Leaving already?" Eric looked up to Edward from his crouched position behind Angela.

"Bella, you have to look at this." Angela said excitedly. She stood up and placed the paper on the high outer counter of the lobby desk. "Jane's getting divorced but just look at what her husband did to their house."

I glanced over and could see pictures of broken glass littering the floor, in what appeared to be, a very expensive home. "Angela, it's only broken glassware and stuff. There's no real damage to the house," I said, uninterested.

"Edward, doesn't that look like real damage?" Angela pushed the paper to Edward.

"Angela, why are you reading such garbage?" His question was logical and I wouldn't have thought anything of it except for the tone he used. It was the same condescending arrogant tone he used with me when I yelled at him for parking in the middle of the road. He seemed to be personally offended by Angela's interest in the rich and famous. I didn't really care either way. I didn't read those magazines, or papers or whatever they were, but I didn't care if someone else did.

"Oh Bella, I almost forgot." Eric picked a gift bag up, off the counter, and handed it to me. "This is for you."

A smile spread across my face, "you shouldn't have." I said, not truly meaning it.

"Oh, I didn't." Eric blushed. "Jake asked me to give it to you."

My smile disappeared as I reached into the bag and pulled out a ring box. I was about to drop it back into the bag but Angela urged me to open it. She was dying to see what the ring looked like.

"Wow," she said when I opened the lid. "Jake has good taste." I looked at her sharply and caught Edward in the corner of my eye. His lips were pursed together, his eyes narrowed.

"Edward…"

"Uhm," he wouldn't let me finish. "No need to explain," he gestured to the ring, "you have plans." He turned and headed for the door.

I pushed the ring, the box, the bag over to Angela and our hands fumbled together as I tried to let go and she tried to hold on. Once we had it figured out I dashed through the door after him.

"Wait," I called to him but he wouldn't listen. "Will you stop!" I demanded, determined it would be my last effort.

He turned around. "Look Bella," he was cold again. "I don't want to step in on someone else. The other night at the inn, you gave me the impression you were single. If you're not, just tell me, and I'll leave you alone."

"I am single. It's…"

"It's a diamond ring. That doesn't scream single to me!" He dared to turn his back on me, his temper rising.

"It's a long story, Edward. One I don't wish to talk about while we're yelling. I…."

"So, are you trying to tell me that wasn't an engagement ring?" Edward challenged.

"Well, yes…it… it was…but…." I stuttered and stammered.

"Good bye Bella." He turned around this time and headed for his car.

"Wait, I'm sorry…I…. Pick me up here at seven." I yelled after him unable to believe what was happening. I apologized to him. He was being an ass and I apologized to him. I knew he had that power but…damn it!

His demeanor changed almost immediately and that irritated me. He'd gotten his way and he knew it. "Seven? Are you sure?" I nodded. "Your fiancé won't mind?" He laughed. He used that word on purpose to taunt me. I wanted to hit him but managed to refrain. He grazed his teeth over his bottom lip, turned his head for a minute and then looked at me again. "I'll see you here, at seven." He made it sound like I asked him out. How did he do that? The smile on his face told me everything I needed to know. Arrogant. He was used to getting his own way.

I took the ring back from Angela and hid in my office until my next appointment. Jake had some nerve to pull off a stunt like that. What was he trying to prove? He wouldn't get away with it. Two can play that game.

I went home after work and changed my clothes. There wouldn't be any time later. I arrived at Charlie's with time to spare. Sue was in the kitchen and I was grateful to see she was cooking. Charlie's idea of gourmet was KD on a plate. When he wasn't cooking to impress, he'd eat straight from the pot it was cooked in. The thought of him, in front of his big screen TV, spooning the yellow noodles into his mouth from a big silver pot, made me giggle to myself.

After so many years of living alone, you'd think he would have learned to cook. _I get by_, he always said when I brought up that point. I suppose he did but he gained weight after I moved in and dropped it shortly after I moved out. Now that Sue was in his life, and cooking for him, I could see his face beginning to fill out again. He was happy and she was an awesome cook, but I took the weight fluctuations as a sign that he did enjoy better food then he was able to prepare. I invited him to my place, or dropped by his, a couple times a month to make sure he had a good meal, though with Sue around, it lessened my obligation.

I set the table as Sue started loading the plates. She'd prepared a smoked salmon dish and it smelled really good. Aside from the cake, and a few cups of coffee, I hadn't eaten today and the aroma was making my stomach growl.

"Why wasn't Jake at the clinic for your party today?" Charlie asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, "not sure," I answered stuffing my mouth, hoping he would drop it.

"What time are you going to LaPush?" It didn't work.

"Charlie," Sue chimed in, "let her eat."

"She's eating." Charlie gestured toward me, holding a butter knife in his hand. "So Bells, are you driving down with Jake or meeting him there?" He continued, not waiting for me to respond. "Sue and I are going down too, so you can leave with Jake from the shop if you want. I'd rather you didn't drive back alone in that truck anyway. Drive down with Jake and you can come back with us."

There was silence as I chewed and swallowed, Charlie and Sue waited for me to agree with the idea. "I'm not going with Jake, dad." I said, avoiding eye contact. There was another pause.

"What's that?" Charlie was confused.

I placed my fork down, beside my plate, then rested my hands in my lap, under the table. I looked Charlie directly in the eyes. "I'm not going with Jake."

Charlie let out a noticeable sigh and turned to Sue. "Well, does Jake know that?" He looked unusually concerned which triggered my alarms, otherwise known as female intuition.

"Why dad?" Charlie knew something, I was sure of it.

"I don't know Bella, you two are always together I'm just wondering if he knows…that's all." I didn't buy it.

"Dad, do you know what Jake was planning for tonight?" I couldn't stand the charade so I asked him directly. Charlie turned his head, trying to disguise the smile he couldn't prevent. "Dad?" My level of annoyance was growing and so was the volume of my voice.

"I'm sorry Bella." The little smile became a huge toothy grin. He folded his arms across his body and laid them on the table between his chest and his plate, then leaned his body inward, excited. "I didn't want to ruin the surprise. He came by a couple weeks ago and told me what he wanted to do. He asked me for your hand." There was pride in Charlie's eyes and he puffed out his chest a little, the big papa giving his daughter's hand in marriage.

"How could you keep that from me? Weeks?" I was instantly furious.

"What kind of surprise would it be if I'd told you?" Charlie didn't hear me and hadn't figured out that I was upset. He started rambling on about Jake and what a great son-in-law he was going to make. Billy would be real family now.

"Charlie," Sue said calmly and put her hand on top of his. She shook her head, trying to make him shut up and really see the look on my face.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"Dad, I'm not marrying Jake." Charlie blinked in disbelief. "I'm not in love with him." I got up from the table. I was angry, for obvious reasons and hurt because I didn't want to do this with Charlie. I didn't want to listen to him choose Jake over me.

"Now Bella, wait. What do you mean you don't love him? You two are always together."

"We're friends, dad, not lovers." It felt weird to say that to my father but the words were out before I had a chance to catch them. As I made my way to the door, I blurted out an apology to Sue, for not staying to help with the dishes. I needed to get away from this conversation and she seemed to understand. Charlie chased after me, questioning, accusing. How dare I say no to Jake, Saint Jake?

"I can't believe you knew about this and didn't tell me." I shouted. "You of all people should understand. I don't love him."

Charlie stopped in his tracks. Sue walked out behind him. "Bella, what happened with your mother and me is different. It was two kids being young and stupid. We were crazy in love with the idea of being in love. You and Jake have been friends for years, you have a bond, something me and your mother never had. Don't waste your life waiting for something that may or may not come and won't last if it does. Maybe you should consider learning to love the one you're with. Think about that." His words were harsh. They came from scars cut deep in his heart by Renee. Why couldn't she learn to love the one she was with?

As Charlie spoke those words I looked back to Sue. Her mouth dropped and she quietly retreated, back to the kitchen. I'm sure she was wondering if that was all she was to him. The one he was with, the one left here. Poor Charlie may have ruined his night, maybe even his relationship, with those thoughtless words. Love the one you're with? Are you kidding me? AND I'M NOT WITH JAKE! Damn it! Doesn't anyone get that?

I ran out of there and took off, in the truck, down the quiet little street. Charlie had put me in the right frame of mind to deal with Jake. It was time to show him that I was not going to take his crap anymore! He wanted to make sure Angela and Eric knew about the proposal and that I'd turned him down. How dare I turn down Saint Jake? Well, now his friends were going to get a taste of that.

I skidded to a stop in front of the large bay doors of Jake's shop. It grabbed the attention of everyone inside. "Jake?" I called out not seeing him amongst the huddle of men.

"He'll be right back, Bella." Quil Ateara was the first to speak. "Can I help you with something? Your breaks seem fine though." He joked but I was in no mood. The other guys laughed. I glared at them until they stopped.

A car pulled up as I was staring down the crew. I knew it was Jake, his car had a distinct sound, something he'd done with the muffler. He had told me all about it at the time but I had absolutely no interest.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" He asked, curtly.

"This is what I'm doing here." I pulled the ring box out of my pocket.

"It was bought for you. It's not like I can give it to anyone else. Keep it." He said nonchalantly. I was expecting him to be more upset.

"I don't want it Jake. I didn't want it when you gave it to me. I don't want it when someone else gives it to me." I threw the box at him, "Get it through your head, I don't want it."

Jake took three giant steps toward me then grabbed my arm and tried to force me to his office for a little more privacy but I pulled out of his grip. No, he started this and I was going to finish it in front of everyone.

"Bella." I could see the fire coming from his eyes, the anger burning inside him.

"What Jake? You don't want your boys to see this? Hmmm, just like I'd preferred if Angela and Eric weren't involved." I dared him with every word.

"What the hell do you want from me, Bella?" He screamed. "You said you don't love me, you don't want me. I got it, ok, I fucking got it." He was angry now, Jake didn't cuss often. "You want everyone to know what a fool I've been? Hey everyone, I asked Bella to marry me and she said NO! Is that what you want? Are you fucking satisfied now?"

The spite coming through me threatened to make me cry and I fought against the tears. His words caught me off guard but I recovered, "I didn't make you a fool Jake. You did that all on your own. I never gave you reason to think we were anything more than friends."

"Never gave me reason? Are you fucking serious?" I wasn't sure where he was going with this. "You've got a lot of nerve lady. Get the fuck of my property?"

My jaw dropped. Did he just kick me out of here? "What?"

"You heard me. Go to fuck, Bella." I couldn't believe the words I heard coming from him.

"Jake!" I'm not sure if I was shocked or trying to scold him for his language.

He lowered his voice to a whisper, "Don't you dare look at me and say you'd never given me reason. The only thing we haven't done is fuck each other. But I guess you've fucked me pretty good, haven't you? Think about it Bella. Who do you always turn too when you need someone? Who's always there for you? How many women have I walked out on to be there for you, to fix your shit? You walk over me like a fucking door mat and then expect me not to read anything into that?" He started mocking my voice, "oh Jake I don't know what I'd do without you. Oh Jake you're the best, oh Jake for every fucking thing. You did me a favor by turning me down. I'm finally awake. Goodbye Bella." He walked through the garage to his office then disappeared behind the door.

I stood their dumbfounded until I noticed Quil and the boys staring at me, their mouths open, shocked by what they saw. I ran to the truck, jumped in and drove off.

Undoubtedly, the water works started as soon as I sat in the truck. It surprised me that was able to hold on that long. Was he right? Had I led him on? It didn't matter now, it was over.

I tried to pull myself together as I neared the clinic. It wasn't easy with so many questions in my head, hearing Jake's voice yell at me over and over, but I managed to be tear free as I pulled up next to Edward.

I got out of the truck and tried to disguise my turmoil by sounding up beat. "Hi, are you ready?"

"Are you ok?" It obviously hadn't worked.

"What's with the new car?" I asked trying to avoid his question.

"Bella, tell me what's wrong?" He seemed genuinely concerned.

"Nothing." I shook my head, hoping it would be more convincing.

"Is it the same nothing that bothered you yesterday?"

"What?" I didn't understand.

"You didn't go to work yesterday and when you came in for that dog I hit, you looked like you'd been…like you do now."

"Can we just go, please?" I wasn't going to get in to this with him.

Edward reached out his arms, cradling me around the shoulders, as he drew me closer. He held me tight against his body, his face nuzzled my hair then finally came to rest on my head. It felt safe to be held so tight, so close, and I was reminded of other times I'd felt that way, in Jake's arms.

Damn it! Jake was right.

I stayed in Edward's arms for a few minutes then I took a deep breath and gently pushed my way out of his hold. If I'd stayed there any longer I would have become a crying mess. "Let's go." I said quietly, more a question then a statement.

Edward pulled open the door to this new, different car, then ran around back to the driver's side and slid in beside me. I asked about the new car again, trying to make conversation as I directed him toward LaPush. Apparently, the other car belonged to his client, his reason for being in town. This was his car, not new, just newly cleaned and detailed. I couldn't argue. I'd never had a car cleaned and detailed so I didn't know if that made a car smell brand new again. Maybe I should try that with the truck.

"So, Mr. Mason, what exactly do you do for your clients?" I asked, trying to forget everything else that had happened today.

Edward sighed an amused huff, "why?"

"Well, they let you borrow that car for one. Are you a hit man or something? Cause I should probably be aware of something like that?" He laughed again and I smiled. He was so cute when he looked happy. The tension built up inside me had eased off and I wanted to know more about Edward Mason.

"No, not a hit man." He laughed again. "I'm in real estate. My clients have asked me to appraise their home. Do any renovations I see fit and prepare the house for sale."

"A full service real estate agent?" That seemed a little odd but I didn't care. The important part was, "that sounds like you might be here a while." I tried to play it cool though inside I was very eager to hear his response, especially if it agreed with my conclusion.

"Sounds that way doesn't it?" He answered coolly.

"Where are you from?"

"Boston."

"Who's your client?"

"It's confidential." He smiled at me, his teeth nipping at his bottom lip just a little. "Now it's my turn."

"Ok." I took a deep breath.

Edward laughed, "it's not the Spanish inquisition."

"Sorry," I shook my head. "I don't like answering questions about myself."

"Ok, I'll make it easy. Tell me about the guy who gave you the ring?"

The smile quickly disappeared from my face, "Edward."

"Well, it's not a question directly about you." He was right but this question was worse. "And I have to admit I'm really curious. I've heard of some poorly executed proposals but this one takes the cake."

"That wasn't the proposal." I didn't want to talk about it but I had to at least set that much straight.

"No? When did he propose?" I scratched my head wondering how I got myself into these situations with him. He had to be good at selling, he knew how to turn things in his favor.

"Do you have any siblings?" I tried to change the subject.

"Yes two and it's ok, I understand."

"Understand what?" I asked.

"If you don't want to talk about the proposal, I wouldn't either if it was lame."

"It wasn't lame. It was…."

"Was what?" Edward pressed.

I turned my head and watched the landscape that passed by. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I tried to hold my breath so Edward wouldn't hear me cry. Thinking about everything, about Jake, brought all my emotions to the surface and I couldn't hide them anymore. I reached up to my face to wipe the tears away. Cars lined the side of the road as we neared the beach. "We're here," I squeaked.

"Bella?"

I felt the car slow down and pull off to the side of the road. "Edward, I'm sorry. I can't do this right now."

Edward had gotten out of the car and was at my side in a second. "Please don't look at me." I begged.

"We don't need to go in if you don't want too. Is there somewhere else we can go?" I nodded. Truthfully, I wanted to go home but I wasn't ready to invite Edward into my house. He was still a stranger after all. I was pretty sure he wouldn't just drop me off and be on his way. I stood up beside him and pointed to a pathway that led past the excitement and loudness of the Fair. A section that was completely unaffected by the commotion and the crowd.

The path was fairly straight forward. Edward took my hand and led me toward the beach. As we got closer, we could hear the small waves as they gently rolled in. I had come here many times over the years, often alone, to think. The crashing waves, though seemingly violent in their quest for land, calmed me somehow, cleared my head. I loved this place.

We found a place to sit and watched the sun, as it slid underneath the water's surface. It was breathtaking. After the sun set, the rolling waves had become somber lops. An occasional burst of laughter, from the fairgrounds, floated in on the light breeze and the music from the rides could be heard faintly. My tears had subsided long ago and I simply enjoyed the nature around me. The air felt fresh against my skin and I closed my eyes for a minute to concentrate on the feeling of it.

The moonlight shimmered and shone on the water and it invited me closer. I got up and walked to the water's edge. The air was chillier now and I could feel little goose bumps forming on my arms until Edward joined me. He stood closely behind, wrapping his arms around me, sheltering me from the cool air.

"Are you ok?" He whispered into my ear. I nodded. Without letting me go, he maneuvered himself in front of me. I couldn't see his features distinctively, only his silhouette, but I sensed his intentions. I don't know if it was the mood or the timing but when he leaned into kiss me I allowed myself to get lost in the moment.

At first, his lips were just hovering near mine. I could smell his sweet breath lingering between us. The moisture of his supple lips, like morning dew, teasingly brushed mine and pulled back, again brushing briefly against my lips and pulling away. Was he waiting for permission? My tongue lashed out, licking, matching his wetness, in anticipation.

He raised his warm hand to my face and softly stroked my cheek until he found my mouth then his finger tenderly traced my bottom lip. My tongue, eager for his touch, pulled him in, gently gnawing, biting, kissing. My breathing quickened as he pulled away. He cupped my face with both his hands and pressed his lips firmly against mine. Our mouths moved in sync, softly, passionately. His tongue slipped between my lips, licking, tasting. I didn't want him to stop.

His hands slipped away from my face, down my neck, sliding around to my back. He jerked me closer, our bodies tight against one another. His hands descended steadily until they reached the waistline of my jeans. Suddenly, the impression of his lips weren't the only thing consuming my thoughts. I could feel the coolness of his palms against my skin as they climbed upward under my shirt.

I wanted to stop him, found his hands with mine but instead of saying no, I let out a titillating moan. It was so hard to deny him, to deny myself of the unknown pleasures that was sure to exceed any past experiences. His kiss, alone, had driven me from my senses into a realm I couldn't describe. To move beyond that could only be euphoric.

I felt the constriction of my bra loosen, it was going to happen. I had to find the strength to sober myself against his passion and my desire. I wedged my hands between us and pushed firmly against his chest, unlocking our lips, allowing us to breathe, separately, to realize the seriousness of what was about to happen. "I'm not ready," I uttered, unable to convince myself that I didn't want too.

Edward smirked. He knew my words were spoken from the rational part of my brain and did not convey the message my body was sending. He took a deep breath, leaned into me once more and kissed my forehead. "Do you want me refasten your bra?" He chuckled, lightly.

I laughed, rolling my eyes, "no, I think I got it, thanks." I batted his arm then fumbled with my bra hook. "You're terrible." I joshed, shaking my head. I wasn't expecting him to give up so easy and was a little disappointed he had. My body was craving his touch, his warm breath. I breathed deep trying to visualize our encounter, trying to recapture the feelings he invoked inside me.

We laughed and joked as we made our way back to the car. I was feeling much better. "Edward, do you still want to go?" I pointed to the Fair.

He circled his arms around my waist. I guess our endless moment brought about a new level of comfort. "Go all the way? Sure." He laughed.

"Nooo." I said, breaking his hold, "the Fair, you naughty boy." He raised his eyebrows in a devilish manner.

"Yeah, we can do that too."

We walked along the road to the entrance. The cars had to park along the roadside because the parking lot was used to support the heavy rides. They obviously needed solid ground to operate safely.

We bypassed the rides on our way in. Edward promised we'd come back to them but wanted to play some games first. I had to wonder if he wasn't a touch nervous at the possibility of tossing his cookies. I caught a glimpse of Charlie and Sue playing the ring toss game. They must have worked things out, they were laughing and touching, happy. I guided Edward in the opposite direction. No need to push Edward in Charlie's face after our encounter earlier today.

We played a few games unsuccessfully, "These fucking games are rigged," I laughed at Edward's annoyance. He'd spent way too much money and still hadn't won anything. He was definitely annoyed but jovial. He made me laugh. I enjoyed being with him.

His soft tender touches ignited something in my body and I was happier then I'd ever known myself to be. Small gestures like his hand at the small of my back as he guided me through the crowd, my hand in his when he was leading me and the little bumps we shared from the crowd pushing, forcing us together. I tried to fight the feelings growing inside me, the feelings that told me I'd been waiting for him my whole life. It didn't make sense, it wasn't possible. I couldn't be falling in love with him, not after only one night, one kiss, but it was hard to ignore. With him, here, tonight, I felt complete. I felt like I belonged…to him.

We were standing near the dart throw when I noticed Seth running toward us, Wolf at his side. He hugged me when he reached us, breathless. I'm no psychologist, but it made me wonder what effects losing his father, at such a young age, really had. He'd met Edward only once and already was forming a bond with him. Maybe I'm overthinking, or worse, a hypocrite, didn't I just say I'd formed a bond with Edward too. Is it possible Edward's personality was just that magnetic? It seemed unlikely given his propensity for sarcasm and arrogance.

I thought it sweet the way Edward referred to him as 'kid'. Seth wasn't at all deterred by his rank and they kidded and carried on like brothers. Eventually, the three of us made our way to the stage. A large area had been roped off for people to sit and listen to the bands that were showcasing, without fear of being trampled by game players. A tent had been set up as well, serving alcohol for those of age to drink. Those wanting to drink had to wear a special arm bracelet. It made it easier for the bartenders to identify who was of age and who was not.

A new band began setting up. Angela and Eric had seen us as they walked by and decided to join us. My mind drifted away from the group occasionally just to absorb everything. Here I was enjoying the night with friends and Edward, Edward and my friends, enjoying each other. It almost seemed too perfect. This was turning into the best birthday I'd ever had and Jake's absence from it was becoming less and less noticeable.

The band was really good and really loud, covering songs from current rock bands. Everyone was enjoying it, proof being the periodic head banging we'd all break in to and then the fit of laughter as we all wondered – where did that come from? Head banging was more from Charlie's era, yet the music moved us to partake. Angela beamed as she watched Edward and me hold each other, flirting, laughing.

In the corner of my eye I saw Jessica and Mike walking in our direction. Jessica's parents were trying to handle her children, take them away. Allowing some grown up time for Jessica and Mike, I assumed. Her wild children were running and climbing, their general unruliness, the norm. Mr. and Mrs. Stanley had their aging hands full. I didn't think she saw me, hoped she hadn't seen me, notice them. I nudged Angela, "let's get some drinks." I did not wanting the Newton's joining our contented little group. Jessica would have a field day, conjuring up stories about Edward and me, to pass around town tomorrow. Angela agreed and we excused ourselves. Edward was fine with Eric and Seth, without me. He seemed very comfortable with them.

I explained to Angela about not wanting Jessica to join our group, she agreed. Angela was nice to a fault but Jessica, was by no means, her favorite person. We walked across the beach to one of the fast food kiosks, neither of us wanted alcohol, and of course, Seth was underage. As we moved along, Angela gushed about Edward and me, how we seemed so close.

"It's like you're made for each other," she commented.

"It's really strange, Ang. I've never felt so connected to anyone like this before. I don't even know him. Does that sound stupid?"

"Yes, very. But do want to hear something even more stupid?" She replied with her usual Angela honesty.

I pouted at her response. It wasn't the answer I wanted, "sure," I said, my spirits dampened.

"I totally believe it. It's like you've known each other forever." We laughed hard, like two school girls passing notes about the boy they were afraid to talk too. I was so excited she could see what I felt.

I described our kiss and she almost melted through the sand, leaning on me for support as we reached the order window. We made our selections and I made sure to get one for Seth. I wouldn't want to leave him out. On the way back, Angela asked me what we were planning over the weekend. I had no idea. I assumed, hoped, we'd be together but I couldn't guarantee it.

"Bella, Bella." Seth ran up to us, breathless. "Hurry, you gotta come."

"What is it?" I asked concerned. Wolf was beside him so I knew, whatever was so urgent, had nothing to do with my veterinarian skills. Seth couldn't say anything else, trying to catch his breath. He grabbed my hand pulling me back towards the stage. The drinks, I'd held, crashed to the sandy floor, as did Angela's, and she followed closely behind us.

Edward was rubbing his jaw when we made back to the group. Eric's hand was on his shoulder almost comforting. "What happened?" I asked.

"Nothing." Edward's voice was sharp and stern. His breaths were steady and controlled as if he were trying to calm himself.

"Bella." Seth tried again. "It was all my fault." He huffed and puffed. The run back had been moderately paced as he dragged me behind him but, in his attempt to find me, Seth must have ran around the beach full force. "I didn't know he'd been drinking."

"Who?" I immediately thought of my father, not that I'd ever seen Charlie drunk, but was it possible Charlie attacked Edward, angry that he was stealing my attention from Jake? Maybe he'd seen us together. Maybe Seth introduced them. So many possibilities swirled around in my head, in the few short seconds that passed before Seth answered me.

"Jake." Seth returned.

"What?" I asked.

"Seth called Jake over to meet Edward." Eric filled in. "To meet Bella's boyfriend." Eric used quotations and laughed. "I'm sorry, it's not funny." But he couldn't stop laughing. Seth had no idea about the events that had transpired between me and Jake over the past week. His intentions were sweet but his timing couldn't have been worse.

"I didn't know he was drinking Bella. He went after Edward as soon as I mentioned your name." Seth's breathing had returned to normal.

"I didn't know being your boyfriend was such a dangerous endeavor." Edward's sense of humor had returned, as well, thankfully. His face, knotted with anger, and possibly pain, was beginning to relax again.

"I'm so sorry." I stepped closer and gently covered his hand with mine, "does it hurt?"

"It's ok. Lover boy sucker punched me." He pouted a little, looking for my full sympathy. I looked into Edward's face, his beautiful eyes were captivating. It felt like my friends were sharing their piece of the story from far away, their words barely comprehendible, as I stared deeper and deeper into his pools of green and gold.

"It was a good thing Sam was with him. It might have gotten pretty bad. Jake was pissed and pretty drunk." Seth piped in.

I was surprised to hear that Jake was drunk. Drinking wasn't something he usually engaged in but I guess he'd had enough reason lately to throw caution to the wind.

Edward enveloped my hand that still cradled his face, with both his hands, and pulled it towards his mouth. He placed a kiss on my palm and held it to his lips for a few seconds. I knew what he was thinking, I was thinking it too.

"I think this has been enough excitement for one night. We're going to head back to Forks." Edward released me and I turned towards my friends as I spoke. Seth hugged me and apologized, once again, to us both. Angela and Eric agreed and said they were ready to leave as well. I was grateful for their company as we made our way up to the road from the beach. In the back of my mind, was the unsettling thought that Jake, and his pack of juniors, would try to ambush Edward and I. I could only imagine Jake's degree of anger, he wasn't a drinker and he wasn't a fighter, so his actions now were unpredictable. Naturally, nothing would happen if he was under Sam's supervision, but Sam would eventually have to leave. He and Emily had children that needed to be put to bed. Jake's other friends, Quil, Embry and the boys were not as mature and responsible as Sam. They were more likely to encourage Jake to fight which scared me a little.

We exited the Fairgrounds, Angela and Eric headed in one direction, Edward and I in the opposite one. We had no trouble finding the car as many patrons had already left. I kept listening for signs and sounds of others approaching but there was nothing.

"Nervous?" Edward asked.

"No," I lied as we found his car. Edward pinned me up against the door, his arms extended past me to the roof. I was caged in.

"In case I forget to tell you, you know, while I'm nursing my face," he snickered, "I had fun tonight…with you." My heart flipped inside my chest, TAKE ME NOW, it screamed, though my head would not allow those words to escape from my mouth.

"Me too." I reached for his face and drew him closer to me, barely touching his lips. I hoped it would intrigue him, give him something to think about after he left me. I think it worked as I ducked under his arms and opened the car door. He stood there for a few minutes, a sly grin stretched across his face, watching me, before he attempted to get in the car himself.

"I've been thinking." We were almost back to Forks.

"About?" He asked curiously.

"You know, that fight was awfully convenient."

"Convenient?"

"Yes. I do believe we were supposed to go back to the rides, Mr. Mason. That would have been our next stop had you not been senselessly attacked." I grinned. "One may even think you provoked him." I wasn't sure if those were the right words to say, he could have taken it completely wrong but, again, they were out before I could change my mind.

"Listen, Dr. Swan. I know what you're implying and I can assure you, I am not afraid of a few carnival rides." He kidded back and I was grateful he wasn't offended.

"Hmmm, I can't be sure."

"Have I mentioned that I'm a pilot, licensed to fly small non-commercial aircrafts. There's a thrill ride for you."

"Really?" I asked, unconvinced. Edward heard the doubt in my voice, he chuckled quietly and shook his head. I'm sure he wanted to say something else but chose not to.

He changed the subject, "so, am I your boyfriend now?" Oh my God! The blood instantly began to pool and I could feel the heat building in my face. "Is that how it works in small towns?"

Thankfully it was dark. I'm sure my face was more than red, crimson perhaps. I paid no attention to that phrase as Eric recapped Seth's intentions earlier. I hoped Edward hadn't heard it but, now, here it was staring me in the face. How was I supposed to respond to that?

I started to laugh, more a defense to cover my nervousness. "No, those are the words of a fickle hearted teenager. However," I acted coy, "I don't have anyone else in mind right now to fill that position." He glanced over at me, smiling. "I'm just saying." He nodded his head in understanding.

"Now that I've had my own altercation with this Jake character, do you think you could tell me why he hates me so much? It's the boyfriend thing right?" Edward was having fun with this.

"Yup. That's exactly why."

"And I should hate him because…," he pried.

I took a deep breath and started from the beginning. I guess I owed him the whole story, since he took a punch in the face, in my name. I explained how Billy and Charlie were close friends. How Jake and I practically grew up together, at least over summer vacations. Edward took it all in and sometimes I'd look over at him and his expression told me understood. I couldn't wait to delve into his past like this. Then I brought him up to speed on when I moved here permanently. Jake had taken our friendship to a whole new level, at least from his perspective. He always wanted more than I was willing to offer. I ended with the proposal the other night and confirmed the reason I wasn't in to work yesterday. I told him about my conversation with Charlie and then the encounter with Jake that back fired on me miserably, just before I met up with him at the clinic. I wondered out loud if I had led him on. Edward didn't say anything but I could tell he didn't like this part of my monologue, at all.

We finally reached Forks. Edward insisted on bringing me home. He said he wasn't comfortable dropping me off in a vacant parking lot leaving me defenseless on my lonely drive home. I wanted to reassure him that I was not defenseless but bit my tongue, I liked that he cared about my personal safety. "I'll pick you up in the morning and we'll go get your truck. After all, isn't that what boyfriends are supposed to do?" I think the term boyfriend would forever remain an inside joke for the both of us.

Edward pulled into my driveway and pushed the gear shift into park. I attempted to open the door but he stretched his arm across me and stopped me from pulling the door handle. "Wait here," he said, his voice deep, hushed.

He got out and rounded the car, opened my door and extended his hand to help me out. He was a gentleman when he chose to be. I imagined he was raised well but somehow developed his own personality in spite of his mother's efforts. We slowly walked to my front door in silence. He waited as I found my key and unlocked the deadbolt that Charlie insisted I have installed. I didn't want this night to end. Aside from Jake's involvement it had been perfect.

I turned to say good night. Edward stroked my cheek and I found myself leaning into his touch. He used his other hand to push my hair back over my shoulder then moved in and kissed my neck. His warm breath on the sensitive skin below my ear, sent shivers down my spine. I hadn't expected that. Everything about him was sensual and tantalizing. I wondered if he was like this with other women he'd dated or had he been saving it all up for me. I deliberately pushed those thoughts away. I knew he'd had a past, as did I, but I didn't need to think about it, especially not now.

His lips rose to my earlobe, "happy birthday, Bella," he whispered seductively. I was entranced, not coming to my senses, not moving, not opening my eyes until I heard the car door close.

I had to admit though, I was bursting on the inside, Edward was my boyfriend. The thought of it was enough to take my breath away. It took all the energy I had to keep the silly, love sick smile off my face. Oh my gosh! There was no denying it, I was in love with this man.


	5. Chapter 5  Part 1

**A/N: Ok, Edward has a lot to say, unfortunately we're having some technical difficulties. Chapter 5 will be broken into two sections. The next upload will also be from Edward's POV. Hope you like it and please enjoy.**

**As always, references to Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 5**

Overall, I deemed the night a success. I'd gotten inside Bella's head, even if that meant baring the title of boyfriend. It was a conscious effort on my part but I moved us past the awkward first date issues with some sensitive, intimate touching. She was eager to reciprocate whether she chose to admit it or not.

Boyfriend! I couldn't help but laugh as I drove home. Maybe I didn't get what I was after tonight but it wouldn't be long now. One night out and already she was thinking boyfriend. I wondered if this was normal behaviour in small towns. It didn't seem plausible that an educated woman could be so dense. Boyfriends were for teenage girls with stars in their eyes, from years of listening to fairy tales and happy ever afters. I've been many things in my life, boyfriend was not one of them.

I pulled into the garage and parked beside my favourite possession. I smoothed her down, rubbing my hand along her sleek lines, I missed her already. I chose a more sensible looking Volvo S60R for Edward Mason to drive. With everyone in town driving dated family sedans and minivans, the Porsche drew more attention than necessary. The Volvo was at least a sedan. Albeit an incredibly fine-tuned sedan but I wasn't a fucking Neanderthal, I still had my standards.

It was hard to contain my wicked laughter as the pieces of Bella's personality began to unfold. She was a pleaser. The second I threatened to walk away from her she folded like a bad poker hand. That would definitely work in my favor. It was easy to understand how she'd gotten herself in that mess with Jake Black. I'm betting she wouldn't want to see him get his little feelings hurt. I shook my head, disgusted by the humanity of it all.

That asshole was fucking lucky tonight. If I hadn't been concerned with being arrested, by her father no less, he'd be breathing through his ass right now. Not to worry though, when all was said and done, when my fun was over, I'd get him.

I entered the house through the garage and went straight up stairs. Esme had strategically placed night lights, little blobs of concentrated light, throughout the house for ambience, mood lighting she called it. They didn't offer much useful light but I suppose it was better than complete darkness. I hadn't been to Forks since I was a kid, forced here on family vacations. It hadn't changed much. Naturally, colors and style sense had been updated but the structure was basically the same. Esme had a tendency to undertake major renovations so I was surprised she hadn't touched this place.

I have to admit, somewhere deep inside I was almost glad Bella didn't give in tonight. It couldn't be easy for her to resist me, especially when I was laying it on so fucking thick, but I hadn't chased anyone in a very long time. I thought about that for a minute. Have I ever chased anyone? No, they always seemed to flock to me. The chase was part of the fun, right? Maybe that's why this was so intriguing…the chase.

The Maria incident was still fresh in my mind. It, for lack of a better word, scared me to think Bella had gotten inside my head. I didn't make time for relationships, I didn't need or want them. To look at it from the perspective of the chase, a basic primal instinct, made me feel much better about the whole thing.

As always, the friends were quick to provide some important insight. After that prick hit me and Seth ran off to find Bella, Eric and I had some time to talk privately. The way he saw it, Bella used Jake as her crutch. _"I don't think Bella even realizes she uses Jake that way,"_ he was quick to add. Jake was her excuse for not getting too close to anyone. _"All the guys in town wanted to date her at first. You know, being that she was the newest toy around."_ Eric lifted his eyebrows up and down in a suggestive manner and I suddenly got the urge to grab him by the throat. I was already worked up because of Jake's assault. I didn't need Eric's inappropriate commentary. As a man with an active imagination when it came to male and female relations, I knew what those hormone driven teenaged assholes thought. Eric didn't need to confirm that shit for me.

Comparatively, our physical statures suggested I would most definitely have the upper hand in any physical altercation between us but I managed to constrain my desire to choke the living shit out of him. With my luck lately, this puny Asian probably had a black belt in Ninja or some other discipline and would fucking kill me so I allowed Eric to continue, _"She didn't date any of them. She didn't date much at all, a few guys in college and some out-of- towners, otherwise, she stuck pretty close to Jake."_ Eric was sure they hadn't slept together, adding that _"it was not for Jake's lack of trying."_ It's unfortunate they weren't still talking. I'd love nothing more than to rub it in Jake's fucking face after I have her.

The more I thought about what Eric said the more questions I had. Bella dated mostly out-of-towners. Why and wouldn't it be ironic if Miss Pure and Naïve was playing me like I was playing her? Was she capable? My immediate answer was no but therein lies my problem. I didn't know what she was capable of. There was obviously more to this girl than met the eye but how much more. It was frustrating!

As I drifted off to sleep I recapped the evening, making sure I didn't miss any details that could help me later. I ended with a review of Bella's story about Jake. Fathers were friends…spent time together as children…he fell in love with her…she didn't love him…her father wanted them together… .Zzzz.

Oh FUCK! My eyes opened wide as if I'd awakened from a nightmare. Is it possible Bella is me? A modest, softer female version of me? No,no, it wasn't possible, I thought shaking my head, as if that would help erase the notion. If anything she would be my complete opposite. I sat up in bed and took a few deep breaths. Fine, yes. I could empathize with her on some points but there were lots of differences. Those were generalities that every person goes through to some degree, the kind of generalities that fucking psychics prey on. Bella Swan was nothing like me. Her life was not like my life!

It was hard to fall back to sleep after that and, after a few hours tossing and turning, I finally decided to get out of bed. Common sense told me it was too early to head over to Bella's but I was anxious to get moving. I wanted, needed to find out more. Up to now, I assessed Bella Swan to be sweet and naïve, gentle and sensitive, knowledgeable and somewhat independent but overall fragile, weak. Those were not the words anyone would use to describe me and no matter how our pasts paralleled, we were different.

Time was wasting and it was killing me. I'd never been at a loss for using my every waking second constructively but here I was fucking fidgety. It wasn't a feeling I was used too nor one that I liked. I paced from window to window, willing the sun to rise. My stomach growled and I thought about making some breakfast but decided against it. Bringing breakfast to Bella would be the boyfriend thing to do and I'm sure it would catch her attention, endearing me to her just a little more.

I brewed a cup of coffee instead, using one of Alice's morning essentials, a single cup brewer. It probably wasn't a good idea, being as idle and twitchy as I was already, but I had to get something in my stomach. I was a black coffee drinker, myself, but all Alice had left in the cupboards was a specialty hazelnut blend. I was amused by the thought of Jasper relaxing to a cup of this by choice. He could be such a fucking girl sometimes.

The morning air was cool, not cold, as I walked out on the deck. I had hoped the calm stillness of the very early morning would still my uneasy disposition. It didn't work and in an act of desperation, as I swallowed down the last of my hazelnut fluff sold as coffee, I did the unconscionable.

"Good morning, Edward," she answered the phone energetically. I knew she'd be awake, with the time difference, most everyone in Boston was awake.

"Good morning, Alice." I smiled to hear her voice, not that she could see.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Nothing, just wanted to see how you were doing?

"I see. You do realize you were here less than forty eight hours ago, right?" Ok, so she didn't buy it. Alice was always a little more intuitive to me than I wished her to be. "Well, I do need to talk to you. I was going to call you later anyway."

Alice informed me that she and Jasper had gone to my house yesterday. I honestly hadn't expected her to jump on it so fast. They changed the locks, packed what they believed was mine and salvageable, apparently Jane had gone into a destructive mode of her own, and sent it over to my parent's place to be stored in one of the sheds on their property.

"She trashed your piano, Edward." Alice stated sadly. That was justice for you. My destruction, a few worthless glasswares, picture frames and fucking ceramic shit, was plastered in national papers for the world to view. Her devastation of a valuable baby grand and whatever else I had that she ruined would be unnoticed. I guess I should have expected that.

Apparently, Jane was MIA through the whole thing which I was grateful for. Alice could certainly pick up for herself but I didn't like putting her in a position where she'd have to confront that bitch. Jane had always tried to get close to Alice, referring to her as the sister she'd never had. I guess Alice kept her somewhat close for my sake. They'd shop together on occasion and have lunch now and then. Jane would, of course, run to her to bitch about me every chance she got, but Jane was not someone my sister would naturally befriend.

Alice was finished with her recap. Now it was time my turn. I'd called for a reason, "you and Jasper come here a lot. What do you do?" I asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"We stay in and read." Alice snickered. She was not helping…on purpose. There was a ting of suspect in her voice, "unless, of course, you want to do something with a certain someone…."

"Good bye Alice." I knew it was pointless. Once Alice gets an idea, a feeling as she puts it, there's no getting around it.

"Wait, wait." She said reluctantly then riddled off a dozen or so things, all very good ideas, date ideas. I thanked her, knowing full well, how difficult it had been for her, especially when not getting the confirmation she wanted. "Edward just in case there is a someone. Keep it simple and don't be afraid to ask her to show you around. We like that sort of thing, you know, a man's vulnerable side."

"Right. I'll keep that in mind if ever there is a someone." I said, trying to get her off the scent. Alice was a hopeless romantic. I'm not sure how we could be raised in the same house, by the same people, and be so different. That gene must have skipped over me. Emmett was apparently just as bad as our favorite little sister.

My conversation with Alice ended, the sun was up and I could finally start the day. I stopped by the diner in town and picked up breakfast. Service was painfully slow. I should have gone there while I was waiting for the fucking sun to rise. The employees seemed to be catering to the fucking take out window rather than their walk in patrons. I was completely annoyed by the time I walked out of there. The food better be fucking good or I'd be back to tear a strip off someone's ass. I had to wonder if all this tongue biting and restraint was worth it. I couldn't afford to say what was on my mind and have her town's people hate me that would sway her in the wrong direction.

I spent another ten minutes ringing Bella's doorbell, obviously not an early riser. She answered the door wearing pink flannel pyjamas, rubbing the dried sleep out of her eyes. Oddly enough, and I swallowed hard to even let the idea pass through my mind, I thought she looked kind of cute. I noticed now that she didn't wear much makeup. Minus the unwashed, just woke up stuff, her complexion was the same as it was every other day. The soft rose of her lips, though a little drier, was the same delicate shade. Her eyes just as captivating.

"Really, pink flannel?" I questioned, sardonically, hiding what I truly felt about the image before me.

"Yes," she looked down at her pyjamas, "they aren't as warm as they look and their very comfortable." She smiled, secure in her defense, still not fully awake. "Why are you here so early?"

I held up the bag, "breakfast." She stepped aside and let me in. Bella excused herself and headed upstairs while I looked for the kitchen to setup. She returned still wearing the pink pj's but it was obvious her face had been washed, and her mess of wild hair was smoothed into a pony tail.

I sauntered up to her, encircled my arms around her waist and pulled her into me. placing a single peck on her lips. She giggled, liking the attention.

"So, I need to get something straight," she started, chewing on some toast. "You're on vacation but you're working for a client? How does that work?" Ok, so she caught me in one lie. It was an easy fix. I explained that these were long time clients and our agreement was mutually beneficial. They allowed me a free vacation spot for as long as I needed and I assessed their property and oversaw any necessary alterations. She still seemed a little skeptical but before the real interrogation began her phone rang.

"Hi dad," she answered happily. "Why?" Her voice changed, it became guarded. "No dad, he stopped by this morning." Another pause. "I left my truck at the clinic and he's going to drop me by there to pick it up." She was outright defensive now. I guessed her father knew I was here. "I don't have to ask you. He's here to do it." Bella shot me a look, one eyebrow perched higher on her forehead than the other. I knew I was in trouble but couldn't stop the smile creeping across my face. I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip as I studied her face. She looked kind of cute when she was angry too.

The next part of her conversation was a little more hushed but I could still here it. "Dad, I'm not discussing this with you. I told you yesterday, we're just friends. I am not going to marry him just so you and Billy can be family." There was a brief pause, "I have to go now. Bye." Bella quickly pressed end to finish the call. Hmmm, there was atleast one difference. I didn't have the balls to stand up against my parent's wishes. The grin fell from my face as I pushed that notion from my head, circumstances were totally different. I had no choice. I HAD NO CHOICE!

I avoided making eye contact with her, not wanting to pry, not wanting to face my own imperfections. I didn't have to pry, just by the responses Bella uttered it was easy to figure out what her father had said. I huffed an amused sigh, guess I'm not his fucking favorite.

"What did you do?" She asked, accusingly. I knew what she was asking, I knew what I had done but I liked angry Bella so I just looked at her with my innocent face. "Edward!" She demanded.

I couldn't dwell on my last thought, my imperfections. I had to get back into this game with her, "well, I assumed you'd probably been to the diner for breakfast before so I asked the waitress if she knew you and what you'd like? She was very helpful." Bella's mouth dropped. "How else was I supposed to know what you'd want to eat? Would you have preferred I brought one of everything on the menu?" Maintaining my air of innocence only infuriated her more. It was definitely fun for me to watch.

"Edward!" She whined. "People are going to talk!"

"Well, let's really give them something to talk about. My car has a huge back seat," I said with a straight face, "and I'm sure if we got naked on the parking lot of your clinic, we'd be noticed." Her mouth dropped again briefly, shocked by my suggestion, than she started to chuckle in her still angered frame of mind. She thought I was kidding.

I wasn't!

After playfully punching at my shoulder, she left the kitchen rambling about small towns, gossip and city boys.

Alone and idle, I looked around the kitchen. Our dishes sat on the table. The bag I brought was on the counter. Bella had a dishwasher tucked neatly inside the cabinets and as much as the idea killed me, I started to tidy up. Everyone I knew hired people to clean up after them, I didn't enjoy the poor life. Fortunately, it didn't take long to return the kitchen back to the state I'd found it in. How do people do this everyday?

Bella had disappeared somewhere in the house so I took the liberty of taking my own tour. The house was small but I guess she didn't need much room. The kitchen was your typical galley style, long and narrow, opening up at one end in a breakfast nook, with room for a small table and its four chairs. There was a dated archway that led into another long narrow room. I suspected the intention was a combination living slash dining room. Bella had designated it as living space only, again I assumed she had no need for a formal dining area. There was a powder room on the main floor near the entrance and a small den.

The walls were decorated in cheap art, tastefully arranged, and some family pictures were placed on various surface tops. I presumed the older man and woman frequenting the photos were her parents and, of course, there were many Jake pictures. I turned those frames face down, all of them, I couldn't stand to see his fucking face smiling, watching. I'm sure Bella would notice. I hoped she'd take the hint and get rid of them.

I stopped snooping when I'd heard Bella's footsteps on the stairs and waited for her to get all the way down. Her hair was damp, she was dressed and her face glistened. I decided to take Alice's advice and asked Bella if she'd show me around the area. She smiled sweetly and agreed.

Bella's idea of showing me around was taking a path through the woods near her house. It was nice, quiet, the smells of nature were intoxicating, much different then the smells of Boston. The air felt so clean. I tried to steer clear of conversations about my family and past by encouraging and questioning hers. The least amount of detail I shared lessened the chances of being caught in more lies. Don't get me wrong, I had no problem lying to her but if I stayed here for any length of time I was bound to screw up. Not that I cared or anything but again, I wouldn't want her selling this affair to Angela's trash mags.

The trail came full circle and we were back at her house. A few hours had passed and it was lunch time. Bella decided to put together a light meal. I watched her in the kitchen as she zipped around. I felt very comfortable with her, even in silence. She was fragile but I began to rethink the weak part.

After we ate, we decided to walk through town to get her truck rather than drive. It was a nice day and I just wanted to soak up the fresh air. I told Bella how I liked to run and she shared her inability to master that skill. I amused by the way she rolled her eyes when describing her clumsiness. Mobilly challenged she called it, was that even a fucking word?

We were about half way to the clinic when I stopped and attempted to turn to her. I thought it would be romantic to surprise her with a kiss out of the blue and in public. Girls seemed to like that shit, public displays of affection. She held my hand but hadn't realized I'd stopped. Her body jerked a little at the sudden change in motion and as she had warned, she almost fell. Fortunately, I caught her but it was an awkward hold and we both tumbled to the ground. I was quick enough to maneuver myself under her and soften the blow…for her. I thought my back was broken as I slammed down on the unforgiving concrete of the sidewalk. I guess it was the price I'd pay to save her.

We laughed, or at least I tried to laugh. Before Bella got up, got off me, she leaned in and kissed me. It was soft and short, just a sweet little kiss to ease my pain and I almost think it did. I'd file it away in my head not to change speeds without warning her next time, lesson learned.

Thankfully, we completed the trip without any other incident. I'd forgotten the purpose of our leisurely walk was to pick up her truck. Fuck. I refused to get in that disaster on wheels. We stood joking, arguing. First of all, I'm not sitting my ass in that rig and secondly, if I did I would have to drive. Bella wouldn't hear of it. _"It's very sensitive"_ she claimed. _"It only starts for me,"_ she said.

I'm sure our banter was amusing to any onlookers passing by. I was having fun. That was until some idiot showed up and grabbed Bella's attention away from me.

This girl pulled up alongside us on the parking lot and got out of her car. "Bella," she squealed, her voice like fingernails on a chalk board. Bella's body immediately stiffened, bracing herself against whatever she expected this girl to say or do. It was easy to see Bella was not looking forward to this encounter and like a chain reaction, my body followed suit as I felt myself tense up, preparing myself to pounce in her defense. I stayed quiet, listening, reading the situation until I couldn't help but intervene.

"So this must be Edward. Hi, I'm Jessica Newton." She waved eagerly, ditzy. I remained stone faced and unresponsive. My intense stare seemed to make her a little uncomfortable but she refocused her attention on Bella.

"How did you know his…." Bella started but was cut off.

"Oh Bella, everyone's talking about last night and how Jake hit your new affair. On the very night he was going to propose, no less. Oopps, should I have said that?" What a bitch! I understood Bella's apprehension now when she first approached.

Bella's face reddened and that angered me. Jessica went on with more of her mindless drivel. How did Bella ward off Jake's advance? Did he know she was seeing someone else? Everyone wondered how Bella had the gall to show up there last night with another guy, especially that night.

"Excuse me, Jessica, is it?" She nodded, excited for my attention. "I'm sorry but I just have to ask where do you have your eyebrows done?" It sometimes came in handy to listen to my sister's conversations with other women.

Jessica smiled proudly. "Oh, I go to Port Angeles. It's very expensive."

"Really? Would you give Bella the name of that place?" I physically turned to Bella, sliding my arm around her waist, "make sure you avoid that place." I said coolly over the top of her head, my voice low but still loud enough for that bitch to hear me.

"What?" Jessica demanded and rubbed a finger over her left brow.

"Oh no, it's fine for you. I mean not everyone can pull off that look. I just don't think it would work for Bella. She doesn't have that joker face going for her."

Jessica mouth dropped in a ghastly expression. She huffed furiously as she got back into her car and drove off.

"Edward." Bella didn't appear to be as entertained as I had been.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Why did you do that?"

"Bella, why would you let someone talk to you like that? You need to control the situation."

"How do you know I wasn't controlling the situation, Mr. Know-it-all?" That was not the response I was expecting, at all. "I have a certain reputation to uphold here. It's fine for you. You can just leave. I live here."

"You call getting red in the face and allowing that bitch to belittle you in front of me, handling her? You should have told her to fuck off before she even opened her mouth."

"My father is the chief of police in this town and I own a business here. I can't burn bridges just because some overzealous resident calls me out. I don't have the luxury of telling everyone, or anyone, to fuck off. It must be nice for you."

"Bella," I pleaded.

"No. I thought being in real estate, a sellers occupation that you'd be better at reading people. Jessica is an incessant gossip. She wants to provoke. She wants to get a rise out of people. She hits me hard because we hung around in high school and now I can't stand to be around her and she hates it because she thinks there's nothing better than her. How is it you didn't see that?"

Wow! Fuck me! I couldn't believe all of that came from Bella. She questioned my ability to read people. Grab a jacket because hell just froze over.

"You know what. I tried to defend you. Obviously, that was a mistake. Get in the fucking truck and just go." I started walking away. I heard the truck roar to life and Bella rolled away. I'd say sped, as in sped away, but really that truck was not worthy of such a fucking honor. I was so pissed, even more so when I realized my car was in her fucking drive way. And when did she get the balls to drive away? What happened to folding like a bad poker hand? FUCK!

By the time I reached her house I'd calmed down some. Maybe even a little impressed by her sudden strength. I didn't see that coming. I'm not often surprised by people but Bella was a fucking thrill ride rolled up in one small lady. I had full intentions of getting into my car and driving off but something inside me forced me to her door.

She had seen me coming because she opened the door just as I landed on her doorstep. We just looked at each other, each hoping the other would cave first. I turned to look out over her balcony. All kinds of shit running through my head but mostly what the fuck was I doing?

"I'm sorry…

**A/N: Who do you think caved first?**


	6. Chapter 5 Part II

**A/N: As always, references to Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**This chapter picks up from part I, nothing has been reiterated so I hope you remember where we left off. Hope you enjoy.**

**Chapter 5 – Part II**

…Bella." I said when I turned back to her. Through my angry eyes, as we stared each other down, I hadn't noticed the hurt in her eyes but I could see it now. I felt a strangeness deep inside my chest that threatened to overwhelm me. Bella made no effort to approach me, to trust my sincerity. She was guarded. I remember thinking, only days ago, that she had never had reason to put up her guard. Now, since being with her, watching her, I wondered if she ever let her guard down.

Slowly, as if trying to regain her trust, I reached for her and pulled her close. Her arms rose up and around my neck in acceptance, forgiveness, and for a moment I felt less than worthy of her reprieve. So hell bent on my own agenda I'd forgotten the human aspect, the thing that separates man from beast, the element of emotion. I think I'd spent most, if not all, of my life avoiding that element yet here with this woman, a woman I barely knew, I felt things. Things I couldn't describe, things I wasn't sure I wanted to feel. Things that weakened me, weakened my resolve.

Bella held on just long enough for me to regain my senses. My arms loosened and slipped out of the embrace, coming to rest on the sides of her delicate frame. Gently, I pried us apart. "I have to go," I whispered. Bella nodded without question. I wouldn't look into her eyes again opting to focus on the tip of her nose instead. "Let's talk soon." She smiled half-heartedly and I could sense her uncertainty. She was willing to forgive but I'm sure the memory of my cold words would stay with her for far too long.

From the car, I looked back to the doorway where she still stood and took a mental image of the girl, the woman, the only person to make me feel. Feel things differently than you would feel about family, about accomplishments, about other people. This image, though lacking her sweet innocent smile would have to do, would have to be enough. I wouldn't see her again.

A few hours away from Bella and whatever spell she'd cast over me had broken and I was finally myself again. Monday couldn't come fast enough. Everyone would be back to work on regular schedules and I could once again lose myself in the business of business. I thought long and hard about driving back to Boston. I could leave tonight, or even tomorrow, and be back at the helm by mid-week.

It was not a good idea.

The divorce papers would be delivered to Jane on Monday and I'm sure all hell would break loose then. Its one thing for the tabloids to speculate, forecast, predict but another thing entirely too actually be served. I assumed she hadn't been back to the house yet, since the locks had been changed. I'm sure she would have called to bitch at me for that.

For the purpose of monitoring my staff I had a few private investigators on the payroll. There was a clause in the employment contract, of all my staff, that permitted me to engage in such actions, without their consent. The privacy act was quite extensive but this clause negated my liability. I don't know if anyone ever read the fine print, or believed I'd follow through, but it was there and my ass was covered. The very day I told Alistair to draw up the papers he enlisted one of them to watch Jane and document her every indiscretion. The affairs, the drug use and whatever else she did with her time. It would be useful if she tried to contest the divorce but even more useful in tracking her down to serve the fucking papers.

I'd skipped dinner but the pangs of hunger were churning in my stomach. I decided to drive into town and eat at the diner where I'd gotten breakfast this morning. The food hadn't been all bad and eating in, with a warm plate may prove it to be better. The place was practically empty when I'd arrived. I sat at the counter and the waitress from this morning passed me a menu.

"Edward right?" She asked, a bright smile stretched across her face. I nodded and smiled back. A name tag pinned to her chest just above the breast pocket of her uniform told me her name was Cora. "I never forget a face or a name," she said with an air of confidence. How different people were in small towns, in general I guessed. People, their faces, their names were insignificant to me. I held their pertinent information in my head while it was useful to me. I knew everything about everyone I interfaced with through my company but once my interest in them was over all of their particulars were purged from my memory.

Cora disappeared briefly allowing me time to review the menu. When she returned, I dictated my selections which she yelled back to the kitchen through a glassless window opening in the wall. The diner was moderately sized but very clean for a greasy spoon type atmosphere. The open space appeared to be divided into three sections. The counter was lined with stools, I assumed single dining patrons would sit there just as I had, to enjoy their meal and chat to the staff and others eating alone. One side of the room housed booth banks, an old juke box and bare table tops, a setting that would appeal to younger patrons, perhaps teenagers just hanging out after school or on weekends. The other side had a classier feel, if the word classy could even be applied here. It had tables with chairs, tablecloths and place settings. I'd expect families to dine on that side, or at the very least, adults, couples.

The friendly waitress busied herself behind the counter as I waited for my order. "You didn't have dinner with Bella tonight?" Her question caught my attention and I looked up at her. "Yeah, she was in here tonight with Jake," she continued absent mindedly, not really noticing my reaction. "That Jake is such a sweet young man." Cora smiled again thinking about him. "Are you friends with Jake too?"

"No," I replied flatly. Cora's statement almost knocked the wind out of me. Bella had been here tonight with Jake! I could feel the blood begin to boil under my skin as Eric's words rang in my ears again, "…_some out-of- towners, otherwise, she stuck pretty close to Jake."_ What the fuck was she doing here with Jake? I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I didn't care. Bella could do whatever she wanted. I had decided not to pursue her any further so why the fuck should it bother me who she was here with?

But it did!

Didn't they just have a huge fucking fight and weren't even talking to one another? How did they go from hating each other to having fucking dinner together? Cora placed my meal in front of me. I uttered thank you to her but was more focused on pushing the anger out of my head. I was going to find out about this Jake character, and his fucking hold over Bella, and Cora was going to be the one to explain it to me but I'd have to be calm to get her to open up to me.

Cora was one of those overly friendly busybodies and, I could bet my fucking life, if there was anything happening within a sixty mile radius of this diner she was aware of it. She wasn't a gossip queen like the one Bella and I met at the clinic earlier. No, Cora absorbed but didn't spill…until now.

As it turned out the woman was bursting to tell all. A few flirtatious smiles, a couple compliments, a string of strategically worded, unobtrusive questions and she opened up like a virgin on her honeymoon. Sex, hmmm. I could feel my focus shifting as the blood redirected itself. I really had to stop with those analogies as it was difficult to regain my composure when my schedule lacked a specific timeline for my release.

Difficult as it was I forced myself to commit my attention to the waitress and her story. Cora readily filled me in on what she knew. Jake was a mechanic and owned a shop here in town but his passion was stock car racing. He had a sponsor and competed locally but aspired to the national level. Cora made a point of saying she believed he was a talented driver and with the right connections he had a real chance of going all the way. I'd file that tidbit away for future reference. I wasn't sure yet how I could use that to my advantage but I'm sure it would be useful.

Jake and Bella's friendship stemmed from childhood which I already knew. Jake was like a son to Bella's father, again no surprise. Most everything she had to say Bella had already told me, with only one exception. Cora stressed Jake's overprotective tendencies toward Bella. I figured it was normal to want to protect someone you cared about but Cora insisted it was more than that, almost unnatural.

"Their relationship was run of the mill friendship until she moved here. From the first day she arrived until now, it's been different. I've always wondered what happened in Phoenix." Cora questioned, more thinking out loud than actually speaking to me.

"In Phoenix?" I was puzzled. I knew that was the last city Bella lived in with her mother, before moving here. but how would something in Phoenix affect Jake.

"Yeah, the summer Jake went to visit Bella in Phoenix. Gosh," she pondered. "Must have been a year or two before she moved here. No, no it was exactly the summer before she moved here. Jake went out there just after school let out for the year and by the end of August, Bella had come here to stay."

Cora wasn't the only one curious about the peculiar change in their relationship and I too wondered what the fuck happened on his trip to Phoenix. Again, more fucking questions than answers! Something deep down told me the step father had something to do with her moving to Forks permanently. What did Jake see? What did he know? My first conclusion jumped to molestation or rape but I was almost positive it wasn't anything sexual. Would her mother stay with a man like that? Did she even know?

No, it couldn't be sexual. Granted, I'd never known anyone who openly admitted they had been victimized in that way. I assumed they would not be as responsive to my sexual innuendo as Bella had been but, at the same time, she did stop me. She's the only woman who as ever refused me. FUCK! Bella, and her life, was proving to be more of a challenge then I'd ever imagined possible.

I did come away with some piece of mind when Cora recapped the night's event. As far as she could tell, Jake had invited Bella to dinner to talk. They arrived and left separately. Through the course of their meal, under Cora's watchful eye and attentive ear, Bella remained undecided as Jake pleaded his case and asked for her forgiveness.

That last part was enough to calm me down. I still had no intentions of pursuing Bella but I didn't want that fucking asshole near her either. Apology or not, his feelings for her were too strong and he wouldn't be able to stop seeking a more intimate relationship with her. He would never be satisfied to just be friends. It wouldn't be humanly possible to feel that way and be satisfied to watch her with someone else.

Not that I really cared, if he was damned for eternity to watch her with someone else, but I was convinced he'd end up hurting her again. Making her upset enough to avoid work, to cry. I shook my head, it wasn't my place to care how she'd react either, so why did I?

The lights in the kitchen went out signalling Cora to close up. I got up from my stool, paid my bill adding a generous tip, winked at Cora in gratitude for the information and left the building. I heard the click of the dead bolt behind me as Cora locked up for the night. The lights in the dining area were turned off before I even reached the car.

Sunday had been a complete fucking write off. Nothing I did was stimulating enough to keep Bella out of my head. My hormones must have been raging though I didn't feel especially horny. I still had a few days before I'd be down right intolerable. My sex drive and the lack of physical activity had to be the reason she was so prominent in my mind. It was the only logical explanation.

I woke up on Monday full of vigor for getting into work mode. I met with Riley and Bree through teleconferencing and we'd discussed the James Hunter issues. We discussed a few other minor items before ending the session. Morning covered. Jane finally called, as expected, bitching about her key not working. I was amused that she didn't immediately suspect the locks had been changed. When I told her what had been done she screeched at me in such a high pitch I'm sure she was only audible to dogs. Stupid bitch.

That conversation took all of fifteen minutes and I was grateful she hadn't received the papers yet. I'd have to pay more attention to the caller ID. I wouldn't want her to catch me off guard when she called to bitch about the formal divorce request. I didn't want her to catch me at all, our discussions were over. From now on the highly paid lawyers could do the talking. For the rest of the day my attention shifted from work to Bella, from the divorce not being quick enough to Bella, from Jake and Bella to Bella. It seemed no matter what I wanted to do my thoughts always led me to Bella. It was infuriating.

Tuesday followed suit and by Wednesday my game plan had changed again.

I'd have to be careful. I had to consider the likelihood that Bella's aversion to sexual activity stemmed from some childhood abuse, sexual or otherwise. It was possible she simply had issues trusting men. Her parents were divorced and she lived outside her father's state. He wasn't even a weekend dad. God only knows how many men were in her mother's life. Isn't there some psychiatry bullshit about men with mommy issues and women with daddy issues or something? At the same time, I had to have her. Conquering her would be the only way to get her out of my head. I didn't care about her. The only reason she was in my head is because she played hard to get. That's how it works, you want what you can't have, right?

Thursday morning I walked into Bella's clinic. I stood in the doorway, unnoticed, as I watched Bella and Angela fumble around, trying to assemble the wall mount for a flat screen television. It was amusing to watch as the two girls turned each piece around and around trying figure out which side was up, trying to match it to the diagram shown on the instruction sheet.

"Oh hi Edward." Angela noticed me first. I waved without speaking.

Bella stopped what she'd been doing and glanced in my direction. Our eyes locked briefly before she turned back to the instruction sheet. It was obvious she knew I had given her the brush off. Most women didn't pick up on my subtleties.

"What are you ladies doing?" I asked just to make conversation.

"We are installing a television for our patients. Well their owners." Angela laughed.

"What do you want Edward?" Bella asked sharply.

"I wanted to take you to lunch." I figured it was best to get to the point. She was in no mood for me.

"Sorry, you can see we're busy."

"That's ok Bella, you're dad will be here…" Angela tried but Bella shot her a stern look suggesting she shut up. 'Suggesting' might not be exactly the right word.

"Can I help?" I offered.

"No. We've got it." Bella was shooting me down from every fucking angle.

"Why are you installing a television? Don't you think it cheapens the atmosphere?" I tried a different approach. Angry Bella was still cute and better than no Bella.

"Cheapens the atmosphere? Have you ever heard of giving them what they want? Not to mention, engaging your clientele in something which captivates their attention eases their frustration during wait times. Do you know people at all?"

There we go, she was back. Bella stood up, "I have to wonder about you Edward. Are you even remotely successful in real estate?" She was in good form this morning. I'm so glad I came back! I thought sarcastically.

It took three moderately paced steps to reach her. I grabbed her before she had a chance to say another word and pulled her into a dip where I planted an impassioned kiss on her smart mouth. She didn't protest which I took as a good sign.

"Ahem," A man cleared his throat behind us and I released Bella, purposely allowing her to roll from my arms to the floor. It was a short fall but enormously entertaining as she pouted up at me. I held my hand out to help her but she batted it away.

The man cleared his throat again. "Bella."

"Dad," Bella stood up, surprised, and I turned to face the man. Fucking wonderful! Another winning impression. Last weekend he was sure I was sleeping with her and now I'm dropping her on the floor.

Charlie Swan looked me up and down as Bella introduced us. "Do you always push a woman to the floor?" He asked, straight faced.

I didn't fucking push her is what I wanted to say but opted for, "no sir," instead. He had a gun strapped to his side and, if I read his face correctly, not in the mood for my smart mouth. Bella was grinning from ear to ear and I could hear Angela snickering from where she sat on the floor. Both of them enjoyed watching my discomfort. Charlie Swan was less than amused.

He walked passed me and went to work preparing the television for mounting on the wall behind the reception desk. I took Bella's hand in mine and whispered, "Have dinner with me?" Reluctantly, she nodded and I told her I'd stop by her house at seven to pick her up.

I rang her door bell at exactly seven o'clock and she opened the door. My first thought was how pretty she looked. Her long dark hair cascaded down passed her shoulders, framing her face. Her cheeks glowed with soft shades of rose and her chocolate eyes were hypnotizing. I could feel myself falling under her spell once again but this time I wouldn't fight it. This time I had to follow through with my plan in order to free myself for good, and I would free myself…for good. Like everyone else I'd come in contact with, everything Bella would be purged from my memory once her usefulness wore out.

"So why the sudden change of heart?" She asked, holding the door open.

"What do you mean?"

"Edward." Her face twisted from sweet to cynical. "I know when I'm being given the brush off. I've done it many times myself."

Fuck! Well, Bella it seems you've gotten inside my head so I need to fuck you to get you out of there. I couldn't say that! I pulled my teeth over my bottom lip while I thought of the right words, better words than the truth. "I missed you." I stated simply, deciding not to argue with her assessment.

She nodded her head, thinking, deciding whether or not she would accept my reasoning. Fortunately for me, she did.

I had decided to cook for her and told her I was bringing her back to my client's house. She was uncomfortable with the idea at first but I assured her my clients would not have a problem with it. They expected it even, _'treat it as if it were my own'_ I explained and she seemed to feel a little better about the idea.

"Edward," Bella started. We were half way between my place and hers. "Just so you know I had dinner with Jake last weekend."

Luckily, I had been pre-warned and didn't freak out like had when Cora had first mentioned it. "I thought you two weren't talking?"

"We weren't. He apologized. That's why he asked me to dinner. To apologize. He felt bad for hitting you too." Bella twiddled her thumbs as she spoke.

"Did you accept?" I tried to keep my volume level down and my tone unthreatening. It wasn't easy.

"You have to understand Edward. Jake is the only friend I have." I tried to point out Angela but she stopped me. "I moved around a lot as a kid. Jake was the only constant in my life. I saw him every summer, year after year. I was mad for what he did, what he wanted to do, but he did it because he loves me. How can I hate him for that? Jake is a part of me. I can't let him go."

"Bella, what am I supposed to do with that information? Where does that leave me?" My controlled tone and volume went out the window.

"Nothing changes. I love Jake but I'm not in love with him. There is a difference. I just thought you should know."

I remained silent for a few minutes, thinking, absorbing. "Why? Why did you tell me this?" I had to ask. Maybe it was the cynic in me but I would never have disclosed something like that to her. I never tell anyone anything and I can't picture Jane or Tonya or any of my indiscretions being this forth coming about their shit.

"I don't know what's happening here, you know, between us. Maybe it's nothing since you've already brushed me off once," she laughed nervously. My heart sank, I think that was my heart. "I just don't want there to be any secrets. It's not the right way to start something new." Suddenly I was sweating like a fucking pig. The air in the car was choking me. I pulled over to the side of the road and jumped out of the car. In the fresh night air the road, the trees, the car, everything started to spin and I buckled over expecting to vomit.

Bella was frightened and kept asking if I was ok. I tried to reassure her, told her everything would be fine but she didn't buy it. She helped me back into the car, the passenger seat, and she drove us back to her place.

By the time we pulled into her driveway I was feeling better. I insisted we continue with our date and eventually she agreed. Dinner was no so agreeable. I'd left the oven on while I went to pick her up and smoke barrelled through the door when we arrived. Dinner had burned black but fortunately no fire.

"Do you like Cajun?" I laughed. Bella couldn't contain her laughter as she tried to hide her chuckles behind her hand. She helped me open all the windows and doors on the main floor to allow the smoke to escape. The smoke detectors finally stopped ringing and when the ringing in our ears stopped we ordered pizza.

It took most of the night but I was able to get over Bella's spiel. She was trusting me that's what I needed, right, for her to trust me? If it were any other woman, it wouldn't have mattered to me so why should it with Bella? Bella was just doing whatever she needed to do to make herself believe it was ok to have sex with me. I knew she wanted to. It was practically written all over her. It's like me convincing myself that my lies didn't matter, that she didn't matter. Wait. No, that's a bad example more like…uhm…fuck, I can't think right now but people do it all the time.

"It's getting late." Bella yawned.

"Stay." She looked at me.

"I can't I have to work in the morning. I don't have any clothes with me."

"Well, I can find something for you to sleep in and we'll get up early and I'll bring you home so you can change before work." I proceeded to give her my best guilt trip. Driving home alone, on the dark lonely road, I could run into some wild animal that would force me off the road where I'd die alone in a ditch somewhere between my house and hers. I grinned when she gave in.

I led her up to my room and gave her a white button shirt to sleep in. I stepped into the hallway while she changed.

"Are you decent?" I asked, knowing full well our definitions of decent were not the same.

Bella opened the door. My blood rushed, instantly, to the obvious place when I saw her standing there in my shirt. I moved closer to her and when our bodies were pressed together I guided her backwards, as we kissed, until we fell onto the bed. Our kisses at first were gently but grew with intensity and my hands started to roam.

"No Edward." Bella pushed at my hands and I pulled away. "Not tonight." I let out a stressed yet playful sigh and stood up.

"Not tonight," I pouted. I started to pull down the bed sheets. "Climb in. You can sleep here. I'll sleep in the room next door." Bella smiled, silently thanking me for understanding.

I tried to understand but I didn't fucking get it. She wanted it, I wanted it, but I knew forcing the issue would only force her out of my life. I'd continue with my attempts but somehow I knew I wouldn't be getting anywhere anytime soon.

The next night Bella accepted my overnight invitation more readily. She wore my shirt again and I liked it. Over the next few weeks, Bella's sleeping over became more of a routine, adding more nights per week until she was staying almost every night. I actually enjoyed her company. Every night I would push our kisses a little further and every night she would push me away. It was becoming almost laughable. My increasing tolerance to her rejection was surprising, but I was most surprised by my ability to maintain a somewhat pleasant disposition, in light of the fact, that I hadn't had sex in more days than I could count at that point.

I showered often, mostly cold, but there were times when it was absolutely necessary to employ my own hand to get the job done. It wasn't nearly as satisfying but it got me through the rough spots. I could have flown home, had my fix and come back but I didn't want to waste the time away from Bella. With my luck, I'd end up having to start over from scratch.

Bella had moved some clothes to my place making our mornings much easier. Instead of dropping her off at her place I took her straight to work. I'd work, myself, until noon then drop by the clinic to have lunch with her. Angela and Eric often joined us. I didn't mind those two eating with us. Eric was actually well informed in a variety of subjects, man subjects, and Angela kept me up to date on Jane's antics.

One night had been designated as girl's night out. Bella had brought everything she needed to my place so she could have dinner with me and still get ready and be on time to go out with the girls. I walked in on her as she applied her finishing touches. She wasn't wearing anything overly provocative but still she looked so fucking hot.

"Bella, let's get naked." I bit my bottom lip, hard, trying to hold back from ravaging her. "Let me take you right here, right now." She just laughed. "I'm not kidding." I tried to be serious but her laughter was contagious, "things are turning blue. Want to see?" I asked unbuckling my belt as I approached her.

"You keep that shit locked up, Mr. Mason." She joked and I obeyed but not before kissing her cheek.

"Bella, is there a reason you're torturing me?" I asked, joking but really wanting an answer.

She fell silent, thinking, "I'm just not ready." She replied, "besides how much do we really know about each other? We haven't even had that uncomfortable discussion."

I knew exactly what she meant and it was smart of her to be thinking about it but that didn't make me any happier about waiting. "I was tested just before I came here. I'll have my tests results faxed to you." Beautiful noise escaped her throat as she laughed.

First thing on Monday morning I called my doctor in Boston. I made sure he understood the importance of blacking out my last name and after some hesitation on his part and reassurance on mine, he finally agreed.

"Edward," he said. I could here the question in his voice, "this fax number, it's for a veterinarian."

"Yes." Fuck, how was I going to explain that?

"So you want me to fax your test results to a vet?"

"That's right." I decided no explanation was necessary. I was Edward Cullen and if I told him to send my tests results to a mythical troll under a fucking bridge he'd just better fucking do it. I was beginning to go soft. I really shouldn't stay here in Forks much longer.

"Ok, I'll have my secretary take care of this. Your _vet_ should receive them this week." This week? I decided not to question him about his time frame, at least she'd get them soon.

With that out of the way, Bella would be more open to suggestion. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it before. Naturally, a responsible woman in this day and age would be concerned about the potential health risks.

I drove into town to have lunch with Bella but when I got there Angela told she'd been called out to LaPush. Apparently, something had washed in on shore and they needed her.

I decided to take a run out there myself. Angela didn't know what it was but guessed it was probably a whale. I'd never seen one up close and thought it would be interesting to see.

When I arrived the commotion had settled down and many of the onlookers were driving, or walking, away. I parked the car and started toward the beach. I noticed Bella's truck and shook my head that she was still driving that old junker.

From a distance, I could see the object of interest and it could have been a whale but I would definitely have to get closer to know for sure. What I was sure of was Bella. She hovered over the object like she was inspecting it. I was still too far away to call out her name but there she was looking all professional with her white lab coat on. I enjoyed watching her work though I didn't get much chance. She didn't like me hanging around the clinic watching her. She said it, _"freaked her out." _I laughed, picturing her nose as it crinkled when she'd said that.

My eyes refocused into the distance where Bella should have been but wasn't. I scanned the beach quickly, nervously. I'd only taken my eyes off her for a second. A wave of panic swept through my body and I picked up my pace. The tide was high today and the waves crashed to shore violently. What if she got dragged out to sea? What if she was out there drowning? I didn't know if she could swim but I'm sure no swimmer would survive the volatility of that swirling, churning, rough ocean water.

My head was on a fucking swivel as I searched for some sign of her. My eyes caught two figures further up the beach, further up then I thought Bella could've gotten in the few seconds I spent daydreaming. It was her though, I was certain. Not many people wore white lab coats at the beach. Who the fuck was she holding hands with? They walked along, I guessed about a foot apart physically, which made the image of their hands joined together easy to see. Jake! It had to be Jake.

FUCK! I had to stay calm but it became increasingly difficult when he took her into his arms and held her close to him. My heart started to pound and I picked up my pace again. He was holding her, touching her on _**our**_ beach. The same place where we'd kissed that night.

A plan began to form in my head as I remembered my conversation with Cora. Content with my decision, I slowed down until I finally stopped moving all together. I pulled out my phone and called Gianna. "Gianna," I hissed when she answered. "Find out who sponsors Jake Black as a stock car racer in Washington." I shouted my demand then hung up the phone, minimizing her chance to ask questions.

I knew what had to be done!

I reached Bella and she was surprised to see me. Awkwardly, she pulled out of Jake's arms and positioned herself between us. Maybe it was female intuition, maybe it was written all over my face as I made no attempt to hide my anger. No matter what the reason she was smart to put Jake behind her. I wanted to kill him.

Our intense glares spoke volumes and I could practically read his mind. He hated me just as much as I hated him and I was right. His intentions toward Bella would never change no matter how much he convinced her they would, that he'd be satisfied to be her friend and nothing more.

"I gotta go Bella," he said never taking his eyes off me. Like two fucking wild animals neither of us would turn our back on the other. He backed away from us slowly. I pulled Bella close and kissed her, slowly and with as much passion as I could muster, knowing he'd be watching. He was running toward the parking lot when I released her. Fucking asshole!

"Was that necessary?" Bella asked sweetly.

"You didn't like?" I asked, grinning from ear to ear. I decided not to challenge Bella about finding her in Jake's arms. It would only make her angry and send her back to him.

"I'm not complaining, just asking." She grinned too. "You weren't jealous were you, Mr. Mason?" Fuck, I hated when she called me that.

"Jealous? Absolutely not." I laughed covering my upset over her reference to Mason.

Bella began to tease me a little insisting I was jealous then, without warning she said, "you know you love me." I'm sure it was in jest. I heard her use it with Angela and Eric when they'd be half heartedly annoyed with her for some reason. It was just a no meaning comment. A joke but it struck me like a ton of bricks.

"What did you say?" The smile fell from my face and I was very serious.

"What?" Bella asked, truly not knowing what she said to upset me. She obviously said it without thinking, without meaning. Why did it stand out for me?

It played in my ears over and over,_ "You know you love me."_


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. Sorry about the delay, going forward I will be updating on a bi-weekly basis. Hope you enjoy.**

**Chapter 6 BPOV**

I closed my office door and headed towards the lobby, turning off lights as I went. Angela had left hours ago. I'd stayed behind to finish up some paper work, review some lab reports and basically avoid going home. Avoid going home. I was going home tonight, not back to Edward's place, his client's place, where he'd been staying. I was never sure how I should refer to that place. It didn't matter now, I wouldn't be going back.

It had been a long week, a long few weeks, and I was exhausted, emotionally drained. My whole relationship with Edward, if that's even what you'd call it, had been a crazy ride. I'd allowed my infatuation with him to get in the way of my good sense and practically moved in with him. Fortunately, I'd been able to retain some dignity by not having slept with him but I shouldn't really take credit for that. Anxieties due to past experiences were really what kept my libido in check.

Edward had been unavailable since Monday night. Distant couldn't begin to describe his cold shoulder as I stalked around the big unfamiliar house alone while Edward locked himself away in the den, his make shift office, ignoring me. He had to be listening to my movements because a few times, when I'd gone to the bathroom, I'd hear him in the kitchen but by the time I'd get there he'd be locked away again. The same thing had happened when I'd gone to bed. At least he thought I'd gone to bed. I'd listen for him at the top of the stairs and sure enough, ten minutes after I'd climbed the stairs he'd be out for his bathroom break and kitchen raid. I'm sure he couldn't wait until morning when I'd go to work and he'd have the entire house all to himself.

Monday and Tuesday night I cried myself to sleep. Wednesday night I got smart. Obviously, I'd overstayed my welcome. If this is what he called home while he stayed in Forks, there was no reason for him to be uncomfortable. I had a home, my own home. I didn't need to be here.

It may have been the cowardly thing to do but I packed my things, it was unbelievable how much I had accumulated at his place, and placed them in the truck. I wouldn't say good bye, I'd just leave for work in the morning and not come back which is why, now, I was going home. Maybe it was cowardly but I took my cue from him. If he didn't want me there he should have just said so instead of behaving like a thirteen year old.

It was just as well. Charlie had been noticing my truck parked at the clinic overnight. Until this week, Edward had picked me up from work and dropped me off every morning so I left my truck on the parking lot to have access to it during the day. This week, I'd been driving myself back and forth. Charlie also mentioned concerns from my worried neighbours. Worried my ass, more like nosey neighbours, all too eager to inform Charlie of my extremely late nights, or God forbid, not coming home at all. Those conversations were more than uncomfortable as I tried to tell my father to keep his nose out of my business, my sex life. I was grateful to have Sue on my side. She did her best to keep Charlie's incessant interrogations to a minimum but I still managed to get more than enough of his snide remarks.

Edward had been so attentive, sweet and patient with me that his sudden change surprised me and it hurt. A few possibilities tumbled around inside my head as sufficient cause for him to break away, lose interest, but settling on one wasn't easy. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was no longer welcomed in his company.

I understood there was no reason for my staying with him overnight, especially if we weren't sleeping together, not even sleeping in the same bed. I should have assumed his invitation came with certain expectations and if I weren't willing to concede than I should have stopped staying rather than staying more. That was poor judgement on my part. I guess I thought he was different and I loved being with him, being close to him.

That was another possibility. I'm sure his ego wasn't used to the rejection although he seemed to be handling it very well. I knew he wanted to be closer, to be intimate, but he seemed to understand when I'd refused him. He always tried, he tried every night, but he didn't push me to go any further than I was willing to go. He didn't get angry, a little humorously frustrated maybe but not angry. Maybe I was reading him wrong. It's just that he was so gently and loving and I really thought he was ok with it, with waiting.

The other thing, the other possibility, was finding me on the beach with Jake. From the beginning, I tried to make him understand that I didn't feel anything for Jake, at least not romantically, but that's when everything changed between us. I guess it was the proverbial straw.

That day on the beach, I told Jake I'd accept his apology with the understanding that we were only friends. I needed him in my life but I was not offering anything more. We hugged, more or less to seal the deal, and then Edward appeared out of nowhere. I thought for sure Edward was going to kill Jake when he'd found us. He was more than angry, he was enraged. His eyes were on fire as he glared passed me at Jake.

Jake must have sensed the tension and in his attempt at good will, for the sake of our friendship, he backed off. He very calmly backed away from us and let me deal with Edward. As if someone had pulled a switch in Edward's brain, his demeanour instantly changed when Jake was out of our immediate sight. He pulled me into him, tight to his body, and kissed me like I'd never been kissed in my life. His passion, his desire, his hunger was overwhelming and sparks of electricity raced through my body making me dizzy with lust and naughty desires. I thought, I believed, I was feeling how much he wanted me, to be with me but now I wonder if it was more for Jake's benefit than mine.

When I came down from my erotic high, I was prepared to explain what had happened with Jake, reinforce my lack of romantic intention, but Edward didn't ask me about it. He didn't make any snide comments, nothing.

Unfortunately, nothing continued. Rather than fighting about it, talking about it or acknowledging it in anyway, he'd opted for the silent treatment. We left the beach that day, he in his car, me in my truck, and followed the same road down two different paths. I returned to work thinking everything was fine while Edward went back to the house and figured out a way to shut me out. He succeeded.

I'd asked him, through the closed door of the den, why he hadn't picked me up that afternoon. He said he was busy with work. Suddenly, he had to work. In all the time I'd known him I hadn't actually seen him work and now he couldn't find the time to unlock the den door and tell me he was busy, or call me and say he wouldn't be able to pick me up. He worked late, worked for the past three days barely making time to eat, or sleep, or acknowledge my existence in anyway. Damn right it was hurtful but the message was loud and clear.

Perhaps, in the long drive between the beach and the house, he'd got to thinking with Jake, no sex and invading his space, I just wasn't worth the effort.

I was fine with that.

I would be fine with that.

It was hard to convince myself I'd be fine with that, as huge tears rolled down my face.

FUCK! I screamed out loud in the lobby of my long deserted clinic, and then I laughed. I laughed through the crying. I laughed in spite of the crying. I could see Edward's draw to the f-bomb. It felt good to shout it out as if it released some of the tension I was feeling.

FUCK! I shouted again. The vibration started in my throat then reverberated until it reached my feet and I felt better.

I took a deep breath then backtracked to the bathroom. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I turned on the cold water. My brown eyes were rimmed red and though the splashes of cold water seemed to make them appear a little fresher, the sadness remained.

I turned off the lobby light and walked out the main door, locking it before I headed towards my truck. It was already dark outside and the cool night air encouraged me to pick up my pace as my body shivered in response. I usually picked the furthest parking space from the door to park the truck. It was my way of showing courtesy to my clientele, leaving the closest and most convenient spaces for them. I'm not sure if anyone really ever noticed but it made me feel like I was giving back in a way. Lame I know, but I tried.

A familiar sight caught my attention as I neared the end of the parking lot. "What are you doing here?" I asked, surprised by the happy tone in my voice. I hadn't heard that tone all day.

"I was working late at the shop and seen your lights on as I drove passed." Jake smiled, "I was about to come in but you came out first." He had parked his car beside my truck and was sitting on the hood, one leg up on the fender, the other on the ground for stability. I'd always known Jake was good looking but tonight, under the orange glow of the streetlamp, he looked very GQ in his pose, mature and manly. I guess in some ways, the important ways, I'd always seen Jake as a boy. The boy I'd grown up with and yes, I realize I'd grown up and matured but Jake remained unchanged. I'm sure his boyish, child-like nature, the prankster in him, didn't help mature him in my eyes any.

His bright smile warmed my heart and Charlie's words rang loudly in my ears, as if he'd just spoken them, _'love the one you're with'_. Sometimes I wondered what would happen if I did, if I had just given in to him. I know he'd spend the rest of his life trying to make me happy, loving me but would it be fair to him? It did seem like something stronger than either of us was pushing us together, maybe it was meant to be. It amazed me how Jake was always there when I needed him, always in the right place at the right time, always there to pick up my pieces.

"You ok?" He asked, intuitively.

"Yeah, just hungry. How about you?" He nodded. Jake would never turn down food. "Follow me to the grocery store. I need to pick up some stuff and we'll cook tonight." He looked really pleased with my invitation and waited for me to be safely in my truck before getting into his car.

Jake grabbed a cart from the corral as we headed into the store. The Thriftway Supermarket was pretty quiet as we approached the produce department. Not many people grocery shopping on Thursday evening. I hadn't planned to do a full grocery list either, in and out, pick up the ingredients we'd need for dinner tonight and then off we'd go.

My mood started to lift as Jake and I chatted our way through the aisles. His calm, light-heartedness was soothing and I began to settle into his company like old times. Being with Jake, like this, as if the whole proposal and all the anger afterwards hadn't even happened, was nice. It was comfortable.

As we headed for the cash counters I'd realized we'd forgotten the fresh garlic. We high tailed it back to produce where Jake noticed a girl, no one we knew, in the fruit section. She was pretty, if you like blondes with flawless skin, personally I didn't think she was Jake's type. She was trying to pick out a melon and kept fondling the fruit, thumping its skin as she lifted it to her ear. "I like her melons," Jake whispered in my ear and I shot him a look as I rolled my eyes at his off colored comment. "What?" He asked innocently. I'm sure his feigned interest in this girl was for my benefit. Jake's way of letting me know he was content with our 'friends only' treaty, still my fragile state of mind wasn't in the mood for his ogling of other women.

From the driveway, I looked up at my two storey home and was suddenly very grateful for Jake's company. The dark house looked deserted and left me feeling very empty, lonely. I'd made it a practice to leave the porch light on when I'd be leaving just in case it would be dark when I returned. There didn't seem to be any point in that since I'd been staying at Edward's but now I remembered why it was important to have the lights on.

Jake opened my door, "are you going in?"

I sighed, "yeah," I said and followed him up to the porch. I fumbled a little with the key trying to unlock the door but, in no time, we were inside and I was turning on lights at record speed.

Spaghetti had been one of our favorites. I thought it was fitting for our first meal, post everything, on good terms again, to be spaghetti and I knew Jake wouldn't complain. As if nothing had ever come between us, we fell back into our old routine. Jake managed the meat, chopped the peppers, onions, and mushrooms while I boiled the noodles, minced the herbs and prepared the sauce. We joked and laughed as we cooked and set the table, everything in sync, like it should be, like it always was.

Before we sat down to eat I passed Jake a bottle of wine to open. Neither of us knew much about wine so I couldn't be sure red wine went with spaghetti but I decided I needed a little something to dull the ache in my heart. As much as I was enjoying Jake's company, it saddened me. Being here meant I was not with Edward. It did surprise me that Jake hadn't mentioned him all night. That he hadn't asked why I wasn't with him but I'm glad he didn't. I wasn't prepared to talk about it, especially not with Jake.

Over dinner, Jake told me his sister Rachel had gotten engaged. He looked up at me on the word engaged and his eyes sadly retreated to his plate where he mindlessly rolled the long noodles on his fork. I didn't know what to say to change the subject and stuffed an oversized fork full of noodles in my mouth. He continued, after a brief pause, saying Billy was upset by the announcement. I understood how Billy felt. Rachel and I weren't exactly friendly, she was another woman in Jake's life that felt I was leading him on, but on her last visit she'd brought home her now fiancé to meet the family. I couldn't explain it but the man Rachel claimed to love made me feel very uncomfortable. There was something in his eyes that unnerved me, like he was looking right through me and any other woman that was caught in his intense stare. Billy was planning to talk to Rachel about his concerns and I silently hoped his influence was strong enough to overpower what Rachel perceived as love.

"So Bells, are you moving?" Jake asked as we cleared the table.

"What do you mean?"

"I noticed all the bags in your truck. I thought maybe you were moving or something." Jake moved the pots around on the stove waiting for my response. His nervousness told me what he was thinking. He expected me to tell him I was moving in with Edward. This was my house, where else would he think I'd be moving? Or maybe he'd noticed my empty house and the truck parked on the lot at work like Charlie had. Maybe he waiting for me to say Edward and I were over. I didn't give him the satisfaction of either answer.

"No. Its just some old stuff I'm donating and forgot to drop off." I lied.

Lost in my own thoughts, I hadn't realized what I was doing in my efforts to clear the table. A glass I had nipped in my fingertips slipped from my grasp and crashed to the floor. In my feeble attempt to catch it, I'd lost everything. Plates and forks, knives and napkins, everything smashed and crashed against the cold ceramic floor, including me.

Jake, on his way to the garbage with the pot of left over sauce, turned quickly to see me fall. There was no way he'd ever been able to catch me or break my fall but Jake, being Jake, had to try. Instead of helping, his hail mary attempt upset the pot and the red meaty sauce went flying through the air. Big blobs landed on Jake's shirt, the counter, the floor it seemed to be everywhere. There was a moment of silence as we surveyed the damage then in true Jake form, he started with his huge belly laugh. It didn't take long for me to follow suit. What else could we do but laugh? It was a typical night in the life of Bella and Jake.

"Don't move yet," he snorted out between his guffaws, "you'll cut yourself." He carefully pulled his shirt up and over his head, trying not to get the thick sauce in his hair. "Are there any shirts here belonged to me?"

"Yeah, I'm sure there's something upstairs. I'll take a look when you get me out of here." I said as he swept around me, trying to give me room to get up without a shard of glass piercing through my skin.

Jake held out his hand to help me up when he thought it was safe to try. "I'll take care of this," he laughed and smacked me, on the butt, as I passed by him on my way upstairs. I clenched my teeth. Now was not the time to scold him for that.

I bit my tongue all the way upstairs and into the spare room where I sifted through clothes looking for a clean shirt. My spare room was like a huge closet of Jake's clutter, stuff he'd left here, from clothes, to movies, to shoes, to car parts. I tried to keep everything together and out of the way, hoping one day he'd take it all home with him. I'd expected him to pick it up after our fight but he didn't. I wondered if he had anything back at his own place. Jake still lived with his father and I think he used my house as his own private getaway.

While looking for the shirt, I wondered if Edward had even missed me gone. I made my bed like I had every morning and neatly placed his shirt, the one I'd been sleeping in, at the foot. I thought strongly about taking it with me but decided it would be better, easier, if I didn't have a constant reminder. I took a deep breath and pushed those thoughts out of my head. I'd found the shirt for Jake and headed back downstairs.

Half way down the doorbell rang. It was probably a nosey neighbour trying to figure out why I was home and who was in here with me although I'm sure they would have recognized Jake's car. Perhaps they couldn't settle themselves to our re-friendship with all the rumours that must have been flying around since the fair, maybe they needed to see it to believe it. Whoever it was and whatever the reason, I couldn't be bothered. They could ring the doorbell all night if they wanted. I wouldn't be answering it.

As I hit the landing, I heard my cell phone ring. Immediately, I thought of Edward, he'd finally missed me, and I ran to pick it up. My phone was nothing fancy, nothing like the one Edward used. I couldn't check my email or surf the web. It didn't have GPS or anything cool. I thought I was blessed to have caller ID. I definitely needed an upgrade but that would be a topic for another day.

I reached for my phone and viewed the caller. It was Charlie and my heart sank into my shoes. My eyes instantly began to well up and the flooding emotion surprised me. I'd known from day one that I was falling for him but I didn't realize how deeply he'd affected me. Reluctantly and with a deep calming breath, I answered it and Charlie went in to his fatherly spiel. Fortunately, the conversation was short. Once he knew I was at home and with Jake there was nothing more he needed to know. Charlie was content in the knowledge that Jake and I were _back together_. I cringed at his choice of words but wouldn't argue for fear of keeping him on the line longer.

I sat holding the phone for a few minutes after I'd hung up with Charlie. Wondering if I should call Edward, wanting to call him, to hear his voice but then it occurred to me that I still had Jake's shirt in my hand.

"Jake," I called, poking my head into the kitchen. He wasn't there. I called his name again but before he answered I'd found him at the front door. Apparently, he'd answered it. I guess he couldn't stand the constant ringing. I laughed to think of the blast of shit he was laying on one of my neighbours.

"Who is it, Jake?" I asked still laughing.

Jake stepped back to look at me and revealed Edward standing on the porch. My mouth dropped open and I raised my hand, the one holding Jake's shirt, to cover it. The fabric caught my attention and I looked at it almost stupefied trying to figure out what I should do. My brain was about to malfunction as it tried to process the scene.

Edward was furious. Jake's guilty grin would convict him in any court of law as he held the door open with one hand, his bare chest puffed out in all its glory, while I stood dumbfounded, holding Jake's shirt up to my mouth. I don't know why Edward didn't leave when Jake opened the door. I don't know why he didn't leave when he'd seen me holding the half-naked Jake's shirt. I'm not sure why he'd come or what he wanted but I was sure I was about to find out.

Jake walked up to me and pried his shirt from my hand. He kissed my cheek and chuckled, "I'll see you later, Bells." He did it purely to tease Edward. I knew Jake well enough to know that but at that moment there was nothing I could do or say to make the situation any better.

Jake checked Edward's shoulder on the way out and the two of them exchanged words but they kept their voices low and I couldn't pick out what they'd said. Edward stepped into the house and closed the door behind him. I was glad he did. The neighbours didn't need to see this show.

For a long time he just stared at me. His glare burning right through me and then he asked, "is there something you want to say to me?" His words were icy cold, sending a shiver down my spine.

I bit my lip, "no," and turned to walk into the living room. I couldn't stay there with him staring at me like that. I wouldn't let him see me cry.

"Bella?" He called after me, "don't walk away from me." He demanded. I found my strength in his command. Maybe it was defiance, whatever it was, I was ready now.

"Don't you dare order me to do anything. Not in my house." I snapped. "What do you want me to say? Gee Edward, sorry it took me three days to figure out you didn't want me around anymore? Is that what you need to hear to satisfy your ego?"

"Oh, suddenly you want to satisfy my ego. Well, how about explaining why it is, every time I turn my fucking back you're with him? Or no, better than that, why you took all your shit from my fucking house and didn't even tell me you were fucking leaving?" Edward yelled. "Isn't it funny, you two made up and now you're leaving me?"

"Edw…." I tried to calm him down but he wouldn't let me finish.

"What's his fucking hold on you Bella? You keep telling me there's nothing between you but he fucking proposed to you. He thinks there's something between you and from what I can see, so do you. You keep going back to him then you talk about satisfying my ego? I thought I'd proved to you how unimportant my ego was, every fucking time you shot me down."

Maybe it was the wine, maybe just the timing but suddenly everything started to swirl around in my head as he rambled on in his misguided fury. Images flashed in my eyes like photographs in a slideshow. I could see his progression from the arrogant, condescending stranger to the gentle, patient man that I was no longer infatuated with but truly and deeply in love with. The special moments when he'd smooth my hair away from my face just before he woke me up, he didn't know I was already awake. The way he looked at me when he didn't think I was paying attention. The gentle way he cradled me in his arms, his tender kisses though often growing with ardency and desire still remained sweet and delicate. The emotions that stirred up inside of him at the sight of me with Jake, I knew what was happening, even if he hadn't realized it yet. It was then that it occurred to me, Edward hadn't locked himself away to avoid me but rather to prevent me from seeing what he wasn't ready to admit.

My smile widened as my dreamy thoughts warmed my heart. "Do I amuse you?" He demanded.

"Yes, Edward. You do." Edward's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He did not expect that answer. For a minute I thought his eyes were going to bug right out of their sockets. "You definitely need to work on your presentation but I get it." I walked up to him, cradled his face in my hands and drew him toward me. He didn't protest, he didn't try to fight. He just kissed me with the same intensity and passion as the other day on the beach. This time I was sure it was for my benefit alone.

"My presentation?" He asked, much calmer than before.

I shrugged my shoulders, "you let me know when you figure it out." I led him further into the house and we snuggled on the couch discussing our next step.

He asked me to go back to that house with him and I refused. I told him we couldn't build anything on someone else's foundation and asked him to stay here with me instead. He seemed a little agitated by that remark but I chalked it up to the fact that he'd have to give up the maid service. After a little lip persuasion he was more agreeable and helped me unload my truck then watched as I packed my things away.

That night when he tucked me in, as he tenderly kissed my forehead, my cheek, my neck, my lips, I waited. I waited for the heat of his strong hands to move beneath my clothing, I was ready and I wanted him. My breaths deepened slowly in anticipation but Edward began to pull away. "Wait," I whispered, "stay with me." He smiled and turned out the light. I felt the weight of his body as he crawled into bed. He wrapped his strong arms around me and nestled me close until my back was tight to his chest.

"Edward," I whispered again. Cuddling wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

"Go to sleep Bella." He stated matter of fact with a hint of devious humour in his voice and I giggled. I guess pay back was a bitch, he was going to make me wait.

"Good night, Edward."

"Good night, Bella."

The next morning I woke up full of energy. I'd slept better than I could ever remember sleeping. Edward was nowhere to be found. I hopped in the shower and got ready for work. He'd probably left early to get some of his things packed up to bring here tonight when he came home. The smile on my face couldn't be helped as I thought of Edward calling this place, my place, home. I went downstairs and into the kitchen, started the coffeemaker and rummaged through the cabinets to see what breakfast options were available. Pickings were very slim. I decided to settle for just coffee and I'd pick up something later at work.

"Bella." Edward called to me from the front door.

I ran to see him. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here now." He said confidently, grinning. "I just went out for breakfast. You really need to buy some food. This take out business is getting pretty expensive."

"Really?" I jabbed at his shoulder. "Edward, you didn't go to the diner did you?" I whined knowing the answer. The diner was the only place that served breakfast.

"Don't worry. There will be no rumors. I set Cora straight on our whole arrangement."

"Oh, it's Cora now is it?"

"Yes, she's now officially my best friend. Cora, the waitress and Edward forever," he kidded. He was so beautiful when he laughed.

"So, what exactly did you tell your best friend?" I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled against his back as he laid everything out on the counter.

"The absolute truth. I informed her of your very kinky sex needs and you were training me to be your bondage slave."

"Ha ha very funny."

"Well, it would have been had your father not been right behind me when I was describing the different positions you liked. He says he'll be by later to see you."

A wave of panic washed over my body, "Edward!"

He laughed uncontrollably, "I'm kidding but you should have seen your face." I glared at him for a long minute before joining in his amusement.

Driving into work I caught a glimpse of myself in the rear view mirror. The stupid grin I woke up with was still plastered across my face. I was unbelievably happy. I didn't know it could feel this good, to love someone, to be loved by someone, the right someone. For a fleeting second, Renee's words surfaced from deep inside my brain, '_we just fell out of love_'. I pushed the notion out of my thoughts quickly. It certainly didn't apply. There's no way they could have ever felt the way I was feeling, it wasn't possible. I knew I would love him, love Edward, forever. It was probably the difference in maturity level. My parents were so young when they met, much younger than I was now. Your definition of love changes as you mature. You're wiser and better able to distinguish between love, infatuation and lust. Three very strong and seemingly similar emotions, it's often difficult to tell them apart, especially when you're very young and inexperienced.

I opened the clinic this morning. Angela would be coming in a little later. A typical Friday was expected with only two appointments scheduled before noon. I puttered around the office preparing the exam room for the first appointment then made my way back to my office to make some calls. The first call was to my physician. It was time for a complete physical and while I was there I would discuss my options for birth control. I blushed a little just thinking about needing birth control, it had been so long.

I must admit anticipating my first time with Edward was intimidating. I wondered how experienced he was and if I still knew how to do it. God, it had been too long. What if we weren't compatible? I shook my head, I couldn't worry about it. I'm sure we'd figure everything out. It's not like it would be a one night stand or a booty call. We were in love that would ensure our compatibility…right?

I flipped through the calendar as I booked my appointment and realized Thanksgiving was just around the corner. It would be so nice to host this year. I wondered if Edward would be staying in Forks for the holiday or if he'd planned to go back to Boston. Maybe he'd invite me to go back with him to meet his family. Suddenly, I was excited about the possibility of meeting his family. I knew his parents were alive and still married to each other. He had an older brother and a younger sister, though he never referred to either by name. He spoke of them fondly so I imagined his family to be close and I'd bet they go all out to celebrate the holidays. What if he did go back and didn't invite me? How would I feel about that?

There was no time to dwell on that question as Angela called out her morning greeting from the lobby. My office door was open and I had no problem hearing her. I hollered my good morning back knowing she'd be in my office shortly. She'd need a few minutes to settle in then she'd come back to have a chat, especially after my rotten mood yesterday. I couldn't wait to tell her all about last night.

"Oh Bella," Angela called sweetly. I heard her footsteps as she came down the hall, "are you planning something and didn't tell me?"

The only thing I'd thought about planning was Thanksgiving but that just ran through my mind. Angela was good but that was impossible, I chuckled. "No." She walked in waving a piece of paper. "What's that?"

Angela started reading from the sheet, "Edward Anthony, so we know this is not anonymous testing." I looked at her puzzled. "Herpes 1 & 2, no antibodies detected, patient's specimen is negative for Human Immunodeficiency Virus and looks like he's clean for the others too. Syphilis, hepatitis, gonorrhea and the list goes on."

"Where did you get that? Is that for Edward?" I snatched the paper from Angela, astounded. My eyes scanned over the sheet, negative for everything.

"It was on the fax machine," she said laughing, "I guess you're going to have fun tonight."

"Oh my god, he had his results faxed to me. He said he would but I thought he was kidding." I couldn't believe what Edward had done. Angela and I just laughed as I held the piece of plain white paper to my chest. This was insane, no one had ever faxed their test results to me before.

Angela remembered my bad mood yesterday, "didn't you two break up?" A wide grin spread across my face as I settled back in my chair and told her about last night. Angela was thrilled to see me so happy but her logical sensibilities warned me against moving too fast. I loved her for that. It was hard to hear her reasoning but I knew she had my best interest at heart.

Angela felt it was too soon for us to be moving in together. I understood what she was saying and normally would have agreed but our situation was different. Edward didn't actually live here in town. It was more like he was staying with me not actually living with me. She also brought up the question of how much I really knew about him, other than what the test results proved. I expected that from Angela. She'd only been with one person her whole life, Eric. What did she know about learning on the fly? The excitement of learning about and loving someone new, her concerns were noted but I was going to enjoy this for all it was worth.

Edward's car was in the driveway when I got home and the aroma coming from the kitchen was mouth-watering as I walked through the front door. Edward greeted me with a smile from the kitchen archway and I almost ran to him, kicking off my shoes, as I went. I wanted to touch him, I needed to touch him to convince myself of the realness of it all. He was here and we were happy.

He'd told me about his day which consisted of little work and a lot of grocery shopping. I laughed to think of Edward walking around the grocery store, pushing his cart and making his selections. I wondered if he held a list and checked things off as he moved along. It was such a mundane thing to do and Edward was anything but mundane. I wondered what the other shoppers, the female shoppers, thought as he walked up and down each aisle. I smiled again thinking that he'd done all of it for me.

After dinner, I showed him the faxed sheet containing his very personal test results and joked, "flowers would have been nice." He laughed and pulled me into his lap, kissing my neck, the sensitive area just under my ear sending a surge of energy down my spine and goose bumps formed on my arms and legs. I liked my private time with Edward but knew it was time to socialize. I wanted everyone to know we were together and I asked him how'd he feel about hosting some kind of party. I was working my way up to the Thanksgiving question but I'd start slow.

He wasn't exactly receptive to the idea, noting the animosity that existed between him and Jake, but I assured him Jake would be on his best behaviour. He had to be if he wanted to remain in my life. Edward still had strong reservations but decided to agree and give it a chance.

Edward was settled into bed when I walked into the bedroom. I had changed in the bathroom and chose my most provocative lingerie set. It was still pretty modest considering many of the getups available today but I thought it would still do the trick. It was a pale pink baby doll set, the boy bottom briefs lifted my ass and I think that's why I liked them so much. Plus I loved the way the silk felt against my skin and the thought of Edward's hands pushing it against me was making me hot.

Edward tried to be inconspicuous as he watched me slip out of my robe and under the sheets. I nestled myself under the covers with my back to him, waiting. Waiting for his hormones to get the better of him, waiting for him to slide up next to me and lay his eager hands against the warm silk that caressed my body. His weight shifted in the bed and I felt the familiar tingle between my legs as I became excited and nervous, anticipating his next move, his touch. He leaned in and kissed my cheek, his hand rested on my hip.

"Good night, Bella." He whispered softly in my ear and then laid his head on the pillow behind me. His arm wrapped around me and secured me close to his body prohibiting my movements, my protest. As close as I was to him I could feel his desire pressed against me. He wanted me, it was obvious, but he wouldn't act on it. Why? For so long he practically begged me to give in to him and now that I was willing he'd backed off. I didn't understand Edward Mason. I didn't understand him at all.

The next morning I was awakened by the smell of breakfast wafting its way through the house and into my room, our room. I descended to the kitchen where I found Edward happily puttering around. He seemed so comfortable dancing between the table, the stove and the counter, listening to today's top 40 hits sounding in through the radio, attached to the underside of my upper cabinet. This was a side of Edward I'm sure not many people got the opportunity to see. I remembered the well put together stranger I'd almost ran into that first day on the highway between La Push and Forks. His coolness would never suggest the image I was currently watching.

He caught me watching him as he pulled out from his fancy spin and smiled shyly, "good morning."

"Underneath the cool exterior, you're just a dancing nerd aren't you, Mr. Mason?" I laughed. He nodded but his face grew serious as he placed our plates on the table.

Edward had set the table very well, with juice and coffee, our plate filled with food was placed on top of another plate, our forks and napkins rested just so on the correct side of our setting. It looked really nice but it amused me to think that Edward had spent far too much time in restaurants. Another thought crossed my mind, what if his family were so stiff that they observed proper etiquette on a regular basis. I wouldn't fit in with a group like that. I gagged on a piece of my omelette as it went down the wrong way. Luckily, I was able to recover quickly with some juice. Edward hadn't seemed to notice.

After breakfast, Edward informed me of his plans. He wanted to explore some of the surrounding areas. This was the beginning of our fantastic romantic weekend getaways. We explored the rainforests, the waterfalls, hiking trails, markets, theatre productions and wineries. I learned a lot about wine, Edward was a good and patient teacher though I think I'd embarrassed him a little when I swallowed my first tasting while everyone else swished and spit.

We stayed at some of the most beautiful inns the state had to offer. The only thing missing from our adventures was the intimacy he once craved. It was getting to the point where I'd thought about buying an adult novelty, the pocket one, for my own pleasure. I couldn't understand why he kept putting it off. I'd asked him on a few occasions and his only explanation was he wanted our first time together to be special. Well, how much more special could a romantic getaway be? I was becoming increasingly more sexually frustrated with each and every day. I wondered how the handsome Mr. Mason was managing. I'm sure I knew. Nobody showers for that long but why he insisted on torturing me was a mystery. Our weekends were packed from Friday afternoon to Sunday night when we'd return home so I could be ready for work on Monday morning. I think it was Edward's way of avoiding my party plans but I wouldn't dare complain.

Late one Sunday night, the weekend just before Thanksgiving, I was unusually quiet as we drove back to Forks. "What's wrong?" Edward asked.

"Edward," I didn't want to play the nothing game so I came out with my problem right away. "You've been here since September. How long is this vacation of yours supposed to last?"

"Oh," he seemed to be at a loss for words. "Things have been going so well, I guess I didn't really think about it and contrary to what you might think, I do work, from here, everyday." Edward chuckled and moved his hand over on top of mine, "are you getting tired of me, Miss Swan?"

"Definitely not, but I'm guessing eventually you'll have to go back. Next weekend is Thanksgiving, won't your family be expecting you?" There was a short silence.

"Let me worry about my family, ok?" He squeezed my hand in reassurance but it wasn't reassuring at all. It was not the answer I was looking for.

Monday it started to rain, Tuesday we had a torrential down pour. Jake stopped by, excited by a new opportunity he just couldn't wait to tell me about but he'd been so busy. I was really happy for him but sad too. He'd been offered an opportunity to try out for a NASCAR national sponsor. It meant he'd be moving to Florida. Florida! How much further away could he go? It all happened so fast. He got the call on Friday but I'd been whisked off for my excursion before he had a chance to tell me. He was leaving tomorrow to go to Florida to run his qualifying times, or something like that and he'd be gone for atleast three weeks. He'd return for a couple weeks but if he was hired he'd be moving there permanently in the new year.

Wednesday, Charlie and I went to Billy's for the grand send off. Edward wouldn't go but I was kind of grateful for that. I wanted to have Jake to myself without having to worry about Edward's interpretation of my actions. To wish him luck, to tell him how much he'd meant to me and how much I was going to miss him. I was acting like I'd never see him again but from the moment I'd moved to Forks till now, Jake had always been by my side. This was a very traumatic event for me.

I didn't go back to work until Thursday. It was one of those days where you just didn't want to get out of bed. It was still raining, alternating between a fine mist and the sky opening up to engulf the world in water. I expected the boat that Noah built to float by at any time.

I opened the clinic and tended to a few patients before Angela arrived. The morning was running smoothly until Eric showed up for lunch. I was at reception when he came in. Angela and I had been chatting, we had an hour before we expected any other patient's to arrive. I had to perform a neutering procedure and the schedule was pretty light for the afternoon.

We greeted Eric in our usual way though something was obviously wrong with him. He passed Angela her rag mag, as he at least once a week at lunch, but kept his eyes focused on me.

"What is it?" I asked.

Angela's face went ghostly white as she read the cover. I couldn't imagine what could possibly be written there to cause such a reaction. "Angela?" I asked again. She turned the cover outward for me to review.

"Oh my god," my breath hitched as I grabbed the paper from Angela and inspected it more closely. I ran from the clinic without another word, holding the paper in my shaking hands.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. Sorry about the delay, going forward I will be updating on a bi-weekly basis. Hope you enjoy.**

**Chapter 7**

It was one of those mornings I'd often heard about but personally never experienced, until now. I'd never understood why anyone would want to stay in bed, I could barely stay there long enough to get a couple hours sleep. It seemed like such a waste of time. But this morning I got it.

Dark clouds filled the sky and hovered low outside the bedroom window while huge rain drops splattered against the glass pane. I could hear the water pelt against the metal eaves trough like a Boston hail storm.

Bella was tucked into a fetal position with the blankets bunched all around, covering her from head to toe with only a small opening for her nose and mouth. She looked so cozy and I tried to minimize the disruption as I tugged gently on the comforter, pulling it away from her back and head so I could curl my body around hers. I propped my head up on one arm and stroked the soft skin of her cheek. The scent of her watermelon hair filled the air beneath my nose and I breathed deeper to fill my senses with her smell.

This morning I got it. I wanted this moment to last forever. Me, here with Bella, listening to the rhythmic melody of the pouring rain. Perfect. I could feel the warmth of her body seep into mine like we were fused together as one. I smoothed her silky hair away from her face then leaned my body in, over her, careful not to crush her under my weight, and kissed her temple. My sleeping beauty stirred under me and I pulled back, whispering _'good morning'_ in her ear as I retreated.

"Uh huh," she groaned, not fully awake. She rolled onto her back. Her arms, reaching out from beneath the comforter, rose high above her head as she stretched. It took all my restraint not to roll on top of her and make love to the woman I secretly referred to as _'my Bella'_. I wanted to make love to her, not screw her, fuck her or any of that unfeeling, lust driven, self pleasuring nonsense my life had been ruled by. I wanted to love her, to make love to her, to be loved by her but none of that was possible yet. Not while I was still married, not while she believed the lies I'd been feeding her.

I had fallen for her and I was ready to admit it, at least to myself. I loved Isabella Swan. That was the beginning of my troubles. What the fuck was I supposed to do now? How do I tell her I was Edward Cullen, husband of Angela's obsession, Jane Volturi? How would she react when she put me together with the pictures where I'd broken everything in the house, Jane's teary eyes for the bastard husband that locked her out of her own home and the countless other stories Angela recanted for entertainment? Would she believe Jane's version of the cheating husband who verbally abused her into a loveless marriage? How could she not? Angela fucking ate it up and had me villianized. Bella wouldn't be able to dispute the tabloids with all the fucking lies I'd told, lies I made her believe. Why would she listen to me, allow me a chance to explain? Fuck!

"Good morning," she said softly and smiled up at me.

"Hi," I replied, not able to resist the temptation to brush the hair back from her face and forehead. It was more as a reason to touch her, to mold my hand around the natural curve of her face. She leaned into my touch and kissed the palm of my hand and my eyes closed, instinctively, capturing the memory, the feeling of her lips brushing against the inner mounds of my hand, for future reference.

Bella attempted to get out of bed and I held her back, "let's stay here today."

"Here?" She asked amused, as if I were joking.

"Yes, here. I'll make breakfast and we can eat it here, in bed and just stay here all day." I laughed. I knew it was a ridiculous suggestion, especially coming from me.

"I can't, Edward. I have to work and you need to go do whatever it is you do."

I looked at her, my eyebrows raised in question, "I work," I defended.

"Right," she joked, "yet for some reason when I envision us, years from now, I'm supporting your ass while you sit on the couch and drink beer."

I out right laughed, "do you? I don't think you need to worry about that." She envisioned us together years from now? I liked the way it sounded.

"No?"

"No. I don't drink beer." Bella laughed and swung a pillow at me then made her great escape while I was occupied under her down-filled attack.

I heard the water running in the bathroom and headed downstairs to start breakfast. When Bella finally joined me in the kitchen her hair was still damp at the ends. Skillfully she whipped it into a ponytail as I set the table.

Sitting across from me, I watched her separate the omelette into bite sized pieces then lift the fork to her mouth. Her lips closed around the metal tines, sliding out slowly. Then, as if she was purposely tormenting me, she raised her glass. Her tongue slipped out in anticipation, meeting the glass first and guiding it back to her lips. I smirked, amused by my body's reaction to her innocent, yet extremely seductive actions. She was fucking eating breakfast and I found it erotically enticing.

My thoughts at the breakfast table were completely inappropriate and at that moment, I was grateful for the hard wooden table top. Had it been glass, I would've had to excuse myself and my erection from our morning routine. She caught me watching her and smiled shyly. I hoped my poker face prevented her from seeing what was truly on my mind. I hoped my eyes weren't revealing the images in my head, or the notion that as soon as she left for work I'd be hitting the shower for some one on one time.

My definition of one on one had changed in the last few weeks. I wasn't proud of it, I certainly didn't like it, imagine a meat eater on a vegetarian diet, but I preferred it over the alternatives. The alternatives being sex with another woman, which no longer appealed to me, or sex with Bella as Edward Mason which was equally unappealing. I couldn't deceive her that way. I believed, forced myself to believe, she'd be able to forgive my web of lies when she realized the nobility of my restraint.

The wind had died down by the time Bella was ready to leave and the rain streamed down in seemingly straight lines. Under the protection of her umbrella, I walked Bella to her truck, opened the door for her and planted a kiss on her pretty pink lips, then walked back to the house, my jacket raised over my head to minimize my drenching.

An hour later, showered, dressed and less tense, I was ready to head out to the Cullen house. Contrary to Bella's belief, I did work. It was business as usual thanks to modern day technology. My geographical location really didn't impede on my ability to perform the necessary duties of my position. Fortunately, I also had an incredibly capable and qualified team to assist me which reaffirmed my confidence in being physically unavailable.

I had been on a conference call all morning. I was discussing the details of my arrangement with Marcus, the NASCAR sponsor that was looking at Jake, in Florida. Originally, I'd planned to force Jake's Washington sponsor to drop him but when I thought it through that wouldn't solve my problem. Jake would still be in town fawning over Bella. I needed Jake gone. What better way to convince him to leave then to make him an offer he couldn't refuse?

My plan depended a great deal on Jake's desire to race but if the offer didn't lure him away I'd have to come up with a plan B. Thankfully, it didn't come to that. It did surprise me that Jake was so eager to jump on the offer when it meant moving so far away from his home, his life, his business and Bella. I wondered if he didn't have some kind of plan of his own but, after tossing different scenarios around in my head, I wasn't able to come up with anything that might enable him to live out his dream and keep Bella too.

By noon, I was ready for a break. I decided to get something to eat before returning the calls I'd missed while in the meeting with Marcus. Riley had called an obscene number of times and Alice too but they could wait until I'd eaten. I was pissed with their persistence, especially Riley because he should have known about my conference call.

I would have preferred to go to the clinic and have lunch with Bella but she banned me from our lunch dates. It stemmed back a couple weeks when she'd moved out of my house. I ended up moving in with her but there were some parts of our old routine Bella wouldn't return too. She said it was too distracting to see me through the day, she found it hard to focus on work. I think it was more to the fact of protecting herself in some strange diluted way. As if disassociating me with her work day would somehow make it easier for her to continue with her life if I pulled some stupid, push her away stunt like before.

My heart ached when I thought about Bella needing to protect herself from me but I knew she should. The only relationship I'd ever wanted and I fucked it up in a major way. A lump formed in my throat making it difficult to choke down the leafy greens of my salad. I chugged down half a bottle of water then my phone started ringing again. The phone vibrated against the cold granite surface, I think it was granite, maybe marble. I really couldn't tell the difference. I really didn't care. With the cap twisted back on the water bottle I picked up the phone and swiped my finger across Alice's picture to accept the call.

Apparently, the picture I had assigned to Alice's contact information wasn't acceptable and she made it her mission to replace it. To annoy her, as brothers do, I had downloaded a picture of her when she was about 15 years old. She was going through her _ugly_ stage, as she says, and I had to laugh just thinking about it. Her face was covered with zits that managed to peep through the heavy mask off poorly applied makeup. Esme swears it was that look that prompted her to teach Alice the all important lesson of less is more.

"Hey sis," as I spoke I could hear the unmistakable roar of Bella's dated, rust red Ford.

"Edward, I have to talk…," she started. Bella's approach surprised me, I hadn't been expecting her. She hadn't come out here since the day she moved out. I couldn't focus on Alice and whatever she was trying to say and I wasn't in the mood to feed her suspicions by admitting someone was in the driveway needing my attention.

"Sorry Alice, I have to go, I'll call back in a second." I figured I could tell her I had to run to the bathroom, or some fucking thing, when I called back. She'd get over my abrupt hang up. Alice could never stay mad at me for long.

By the time I opened the front door, Bella had already made it to the stairs. It was a short distance between the driver's side and the covered front porch but Bella was soaked. Her clothes were wet all the way through and clinging to her petite frame outlining her female attributes nicely, stimulating parts of me that weren't appropriate at the moment. Her drenched hair was pasted to her face and forehead, and somehow when I should have thought drowned rat, I was thinking beautiful, intriguing, incredibly sexy…angry! She was fucking pissed!

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I tried to read her face. What was making her so angry?

She didn't say a word. Her eyes met mine in a steely glare. Her face tensed a little more, if that was even possible, as she sprinted up the stairs to where I stood. Determined and powerful, she slammed both her hands against my chest, forcing me to take a step backwards to stabilize myself against her unexpected blow. Instinctively, my hands rose to her point of contact but instead of grabbing her clenched fists, my fingertips landed on a soggy, unpleasant material. I looked down to see what I was holding and Bella glared up at me again before turning her back and walking away.

In the dense air, my voice didn't seem to carry over the noise of the pelting raindrops and Bella didn't flinch as I called after her. I stood astounded, paralyzed, unable to assess the situation, unable to decipher Bella's deliberate actions and the cause of her extreme mood. As I watched her drive away, not able to do anything to stop her, I held up the unpleasant material she'd pounded to my chest. It was a newspaper, trash news, and by looking at the cover I was staring into my own face.

A head shot of me, taken before I was married for a photo shoot I'd authorized by Time Magazine, was placed front and center with a headline that read _'Where Is Edward Cullen?' _I was younger but really hadn't aged much since the picture was taken, there was no mistaking the man in the shot for me, Edward Mason. Fuck!

The door slammed shut and my phone rang to life again. I was in no mood to talk to fucking anyone but I saw Alice's face looking up at me and decided to answer it. This time I heard the concern in her firm tone, I swear it was a full octave lower than her normal sound, and she commanded me to stay on the line with her. Before I could ask her if she'd seen the article, she asked me. I blurted out some expletives as I confirmed my knowledge of the article. Alice changed her tone, soft, sad, apologetic, encouraging me to read the caption and the story associated with my face. It was the reason she and Riley had called me earlier, why they had been so anxious to get in touch with me.

As my eyes glanced over the waterlogged mess, words like allegations, suspected, accused,…rapist, jumped out of the smeared newsprint. Were they fucking talking about me? Suddenly, I found it hard to breathe, like my lungs had collapsed and were completely devoid of the oxygen required to sustain life. Me? Rapist? What the fuck? The room began to spin and I quickly found a place to sit down. Alice blared on but I couldn't focus, I couldn't understand what she was saying.

"Edward? Edward, are you still there?" Her voice shrilled. What was that I thought? What was she asking me? My head snapped back and I gasped for air, hungry for it like I'd been drowning. Slowly, so slowly, I could feel my lungs begin to inflate again. The room began to settle back into its stationary position. I'm sure my heart had stopped but now I could feel the thump as it echoed through my chest cavity and my brain was stimulated back into normal function.

"Alice?" My voice was weak and questioning. How could this be happening? Who would do this? Why? I never slept with anyone I didn't know and no one I knew would accuse me of rape. Images, too many to process, flew through my head as I pulled my sexual encounters from memory. All willing participants, consenting adults, satisfied and mostly from my list of usual players. Who the fuck would turn on me like this?

Jane immediately popped to mind when I'd read through the story but it wasn't her. The media, and Jane herself, would only be too happy to point the finger at me for something like that, a conjured lie. No, it wasn't Jane. The writer was very particular about keeping the accusers name out of print. My accuser.

Alice informed me of the plans already in motion to combat the accusations. I was expected to be at the airport in an hour to board my plane and return to Boston. I'd be hosting a press conference in the morning. Alice spewed the details, her game plan, but nothing she had to say was interesting me though I knew she was right and I had to face this head on. I was glad she was on my side and dealing with it when I wasn't ready too. Unfortunately, there was no time to explain anything to Bella, to see her and beg her to forgive me. I had to leave, leave Bella with all the thoughts that must be going through her head, all the lies, the deceit and now her believing this fucking shit about me.

As I drove to the airport I battled the urge to turn the fuck around and straighten things out with Bella first. What would I say? I continued on toward the airport realizing there was nothing I could say that would fix this. No words, no amount of apologizing, begging, would ever make up for what I'd done. How could I even face her now with these allegations pending? Why would she even believe me if I told her I didn't do it, that I wasn't the monster that committed the crime I was being accused of?

I stepped onboard the airplane, took my seat and waited nervously for takeoff. So consumed with my anxiety over Bella it slipped my mind that in a few hours I'd be facing my family. The public, the media and all the shit I'd be facing over the next while meant nothing in comparison to the disappointed eyes of my family, especially Esme and Carlisle. I had no doubt they'd support me through it all but would they believe me? Or would they believe I was capable of such actions?

My eyes flickered around the dimly lit cabin, the only light streamed in through tiny portholes. Portholes? I'd never thought about what windows on a plane were called. A boat had portholes but what were they called on a plane? Who the fuck cares! I was just trying to waste time, divert my attention with some meaningless self banter about fucking windows.

How times had changed. How I had changed. The last time I used this plane I'd gone to Boston looking for a quick fuck. Well, I had business but sex was certainly a big draw. Now all I wanted was her. Bella Swan. No other woman would ever compare, her soft silken hair, her sweet breath, her gentle touch. Nothing had ever made my body react the way it does when she touches me, looks at me with her big brown, doe-like eyes. I pictured those eyes red with irritation from crying because of the hurt I'd put her through. Would she cry? Of course, she would. She loved Edward Mason, I was sure of it.

Before I completely lost myself in the overwhelming disdain I currently felt for the man, the cruel and insensitive jerk I was, my mind drew on the last memory inside the cabin of this aircraft. The anger driven sexual encounter I'd had with Lucy. Lucy, the easily led, weak-minded woman who truly believed she was my one and only.

It had to be her! Lucy was my accuser.

I forced myself to recall that night. I had been violent, rough but Lucy liked it. I pictured her face, her voice, concentrated on her words. At no time did she imply she was unhappy. Her lips didn't form into a negative, her voice didn't sound out the words no or stop. I'm sure she was about to tell me she'd had a good time when I'd told her to leave. I'm sure I'd left bruises on her fair skin. Lucy was delicate, fragile, mentally and physically. She'd never worked a day in her life. What would prompt her to accuse me of raping her? That was the mystery and I'd bet the answer would end this nightmare. My fucking nightmare!

"Edward," Emmett's voice boomed toward me as I walked out of the gate and away from the secured passenger only area.

"Emmett, what are you doing here?" I was surprised to see him, expecting Riley to meet me at the airport as usual.

"I figured you'd need to see my handsome face to get you through this," he joked, slapping me on the back. I nodded, expressionless, gnawing on my bottom lip.

The airport had been crowded. The foot traffic was relentless as they veered around and weaved between my brother and I, everyone headed in the same direction as we exited the building, everyone in a hurry to reach their respective destinations. It wasn't until we were in the parking garage that I noticed the entourage of people actually following us. Emmett had parked in a private, VIP, section of the airport parking lot and it was odd to see so many people headed in that direction. It was then that I realized they weren't just people, they were reporters, paparazzi! If I'd realized it sooner I would have been arrested for attacking the sons of bitches following us, watching me, waiting for the right time to pounce at me with their questions, their fucking garbage. Luckily, for all of us, by the time it occurred to me, Emmett and I were positioned to pass through security and the cluster fuck of idiots, with their hidden cameras and disguised recording devices, were denied access.

Their voices charged at us as they yelled out their questions. Mr. Cullen this, Mr. Cullen that. Emmett and I kept walking, the parking attendant nodded his head as we passed by, a silent assurance that nobody would be permitted to follow us any further. One deep voice caught my attention as he shouted _'Edward'. _ Angered by his disrespectful use of my first name, I turned, determined to go back and introduce his vulgar mouth to my fucking fist but Emmett stopped me. His thick muscular arm stretched out across my chest, _'It's not worth it Bro,'_ he said. I huffed, my eyes narrowed as I glared at Emmett, unsure if I should force my way passed him and deal with the fucker like I wanted.

Emmett stood his ground, holding me back, holding his stare, pleading with me to let it go. My family would be put through enough with this shit without me turning on them. I chose to rescind my decision and turned my back to the fucking reporters and didn't pulverize my brother. Emmett seemed pleased with my choice but we continued to the car in silence.

Every step I took, taking me further away from that asshole reporter led me deeper into my quiet fury. I may not have been able to act on the rage steadily growing inside of me, swirling, building in magnitude and strength but the encounter had been useful. The use of my first name and the anger it invoked reminded me of who I was. Edward Cullen! The softer side of me, the side I didn't know existed, the side brought to the surface by the unlikely source, Bella Swan, had receded. Once again, the Edward Cullen I knew, the Edward Cullen I was, the cold hearted son of a bitch I'd always been had finally returned.

The story had only broke this morning, in the latest edition of some rag paper but it had apparently caught on quickly. I recognized a few of the reporters in that little brigade of newshounds from some of the more reputable papers and magazines, not that I was impressed mind you, but there might atleast be a chance of getting the truth printed at some point.

I knew it was only time before they found their way to my parents estate, assuming they hadn't already. Emmett never mentioned any accumulation of field reporters at their place so I figured I was safe in my assumption. Nevertheless, it wouldn't take them long to gather outside looking for a glimpse, an opportunity to get an unauthorized statement from family, friends, or staff.

Being that I was currently of unknown address, the Cullen residence and my building would be the locations of main interest. Both locations would require additional security. I pulled my cell phone out of my jacket pocket and started making some calls putting my thoughts into action. Alice had planned a press conference tomorrow though I couldn't remember the details. My mind had been completely fucked up, in shock over the article, over Bella's response, while Alice rambled on with her plans to combat the situation. My little general, always in my corner, I really should take the time to be more interested in my little sister and her life.

An image of Alice flashed in front of my eyes. She was in army fatigues holding one of those novelty guns, a flag waving from the barrel stating _'Victory for Team Edward' _and it made me smirk a little in spite of the anger coursing through my veins. At some point, I'd have to address my staff but I'm sure Alice had planned for that as well. Like a well trained assassin, Alice never left loose ends. From the stories I'd heard, and the people I knew she'd worked for, her defensive strategies were always complete and quite thorough. Proof that she and I were related though in so many ways I'd beg to differ.

"Nice to see you've calmed down a little," Emmett stated with a little smile as he glanced over at me then turned his eyes back to the road ahead.

"Yeah, I guess." I replied, uncommitted to his conversation starter.

"Edward, dude, you've got nothing to worry about. This will all blow over, I'm sure." Emmett's stupid remark sparked my anger but rather then blast him I decided to keep my mouth shut. I'm sure I'd need his support in the coming days so pissing him the fuck off now wouldn't be helpful but how dare he tell me not to fucking worry. It wasn't his fucking reputation on the chopping block.

I clenched my teeth as I tried to push the anger back, wanting to make it to Carlisle's without starting a war with my fucking brother. I realized he was trying to be helpful but his insensitivity to the significance of these allegations to my life, my work, my reputation and my future was hard to ignore. I looked out the window hoping Emmett would shut the fuck up, understand I wasn't in the mood to talk.

"So, can you think of anyone?" It didn't work.

"What?" I asked.

"Do you know who this chick is? The one accusing you?"

Tact was not in Emmett's dictionary. I wanted to tell him to fuck off but said, "I've got an idea," instead.

"Who is she?"

"Really Emmett." I looked at him exasperated.

"Sorry." He said quietly, like a scolded child, and I felt like fucking shit. Emmett reached out slowly and turned up the radio, a dramatic gesture for effect considering he had the volume controls on the steering wheel. Talking was over.

About fifty reporters littered the sidewalk outside the gates of our parents' house. There were a few media trucks parked on the opposite side of the road. Emmett was forced to slow down as we approached the gates in fear of hitting the fuckers. They swarmed the jeep like sharks circled their prey, all of them greedy, thirsting for a piece of me, a comment, a picture, anything that would satisfy their appetite, their editors and readers.

I thought about their readers for a moment, about Angela. Too afraid to live her own life so she somehow convinced herself to live vicariously through the celebrities she read about. Most people would probably think it was a mindless pastime, harmless entertainment, but for Angela it was more then that. Anyone paying attention, someone like me, could see the longing in her eyes. Longing for the excitement, the adventure, the glorified glamour portrayed by the writer. I wonder if, just once. she ever looked at those she obsessed over as real people. People with real lives and everyday issues, troubles and problems like most just on a different financial scale. My problems, this one in particular, was not glamorous or wonderful, it was demeaning and hurtful and probably done on purpose for vengeance and spite. If Eric had been accused of the same thing it would be dealt with privately. Residents of his own town would be the only people whispering and wondering if he really did it, not the entire fucking country. He wouldn't be tried and convicted in the courts of public opinion. Why do the regulars in society crave this crap?

And just as Angela craved the lifestyle she'd never know first hand, I craved hers. How ironic, after all my hard work to get to where I was in life, I envied someone like Angela. Plain, simple, modest, easy. I wanted what her life offered because it could, and would and did, include someone like Bella. Bella Swan, my Bella, my love. Fuck! It killed me to know I'd never have a chance to be with her, to love her the way she deserved.

"Aaaagggghhhh," I yelled out in frustration as we pulled up to the front door. Emmett looked over at me like I'd lost my mind but exited the car without a word. I think he chuckled to himself as he shook his head and rounded the front of the jeep but he kept it to himself as best he could.

Emmett rang the doorbell then turned back and gestured for me to get out of the fucking car. I didn't want too. I wasn't ready to face the family but there was really no other option. I was trapped between the enormous house that held my family and the gated entrance where those fucking vultures waited to pick me apart. The house atleast offered some reprieve, with rooms I could hide away in if the pressure got too much.

"Oh Edward," Esme pushed passed Emmett, her arms stretched out as she came towards me then wrapped around my neck and pulled me into her motherly embrace. I felt the subtle shake of my mother's body as she quietly sobbed on my shoulder.

"Mom, it'll be ok," I started, looking up at Emmett, begging for some assistance in prying her off me. Emmett through his hands up in surrender, smirking. I was on my own.

"This is just so, so awful." She cried, "who would say such things? That Jane is going to get a good piece of my mind. You mark my words…."

It was somewhat endearing the way Esme defended me, without question, unconditionally, but I had to set her straight before she went off half-cocked to the Volturi residence. It was bad enough they were already on bad terms because of me, because of choices I'd made. I didn't want Esme to further complicate the situation with her own false accusations.

"It wasn't Jane, mom."

"How can you say that, Edward?" Esme pleaded. "Who else would want to hurt you like this?" Rather than respond, I hung my head and ushered her towards the living room. I knew everyone else would be in there waiting for us, for me. If I had to defend myself to the family it was better to do it as a group and get it over with all at once.

Alice jumped toward me as I entered the room, throwing me off balance with her hugs of support. Emmett sat beside a disgusted Rosalie. She looked me in the eye, briefly before turning away. I tried to remember that we didn't know each other all that well but it was more than obvious, by the look on her face, that she'd already had me convicted and probably castrated.

Riley was off to the side and nodded. "Sir," he greeted. Carlisle looked at him, surprised by his formality, his respect. I bit my tongue. Of course he respected me. I was his boss and I was good at my fucking job, and I was good to my employees. What the fuck did Carlisle expect!

"Are you ok son?" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah, I'm great, nothing like being called a rapist to start the day off right." I sneered. Carlisle's face changed from what I perceived as surprise, which now I wonder if I read him wrong because of my own pent up anger and resentment, to a hurtful expression. Regret quickly swept over me but before I could apologize, Carlisle approached me, placed his strong hand on my shoulder and looked me straight in the eye.

We looked at each for a long moment and in that silence much transpired, an apology, an acceptance, an understanding. My father loved me, trusted me and believed in me. At some point, I would have to look a little deeper into myself to figure out why I'd ever felt otherwise but now was not the time. We fell into a half hug and clapped each other on the back before parting ways.

I turned my attention to Riley, shook his hand then passed him my keys to the Volvo. I explained to him about the car parked at the airport. The GPS with home navigation would lead him to the Cullen house in Forks. I wanted the Porsche here and Riley would bring it back for me. It seemed silly but if I were resuming my life and persona as Edward Cullen, I needed my car to complete the attitude. Riley accepted the mission and started toward the door, wanting to return as soon as possible to help me deal with this shit. The boy was devoted to the company, his job, to me. I probably didn't deserve his loyalty but I did appreciate it, atleast now.

"…and Riley," Riley turned his head to look at me, his body half twisted between the archway and me. "Not a scratch," I said sternly. Riley snickered and nodded his head. I couldn't go all soft and mushy on his ass just because I finally realized his true worth.

Alice broke the awkward silence beginning to fill the room by advising me that Jasper had gone to my building to discuss things with Alistair. I guessed that would be my next move. I'd have to get in on their conversation and let them know my thoughts about Lucy. More than likely, however, they'd already conferred with Police and got the name of my accuser. Suddenly, I was anxious to get over there.

With all the commotion I'd forgotten that the name of whoever was accusing me was a matter of public record unless, of course, the involved was a minor. I knew I didn't have that to worry about. Maybe I was a pig but having sex with children didn't do it for me. Infact, the inherent childish nature of anyone under 25 annoyed the fuck out of me. Naturally, there were exceptions like much of my staff but they were highly educated, well rounded, feet grounded individuals. At the same time, I wasn't fucking any female member of my staff and wasn't directly involved in their daily lives.

Alice was still rambling as I ended my internal rant and refocused my attention on the room full of people surrounding me. She had some pretty incredible notions already in the works and I felt proud of my little sis, although, I would have preferred to witness her brilliance under different circumstances. She had a meeting setup with my staff first thing in the morning, the press conference in the afternoon. A statement had been prepared for the media which I was to rehearse with her tonight. There were countless other things she had riddled off, including the ground work she'd laid down this morning before I'd even seen the article. Alice totally had her shit together, and mine.

When Alice finally took a breath, Carlisle and Esme found an opening to thank her for all her hard work, to convey their unconditional love and support to me and offer their condolences for the rough time ahead. Emmett chimed in to offer his own tactless words of support and when he finished he looked to Rosalie for her confirmation.

Rosalie's eyes opened wide, put on the spot as she was, she had to say something. "Excuse my expression, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen," she was playing cutesy to my parents, I couldn't fucking wait for what was coming. "Contrary to what you may believe of your son, we all know Edward is a man-whore. Edward," she looked at me and took a breath. Esme's put her hand to her mouth obviously disturbed by Rosalie's choice of words and Carlisle's eyes narrowed, waiting for his chance to debate my successes versus personal behaviour. "Why should we just take your word for it? Why should we believe you? Everyone here is supporting you blindly…."

"That's what family does, Rose." I was shocked by Emmett's defense. I didn't dream in a million years he would side with me against her. I guess he wasn't as pussy-whipped as I thought.

"It doesn't change anything, Emmett. Family or not, we have to face facts. Edward, did you rape her?" Immediately, I knew Rosalie knew who was accusing me.

"You don't have to answer that Edward." Emmett's voice boomed and echoed in the large room, bouncing around from wall to wall like an action movie in stereo sound.

"No, Emmett. Rosalie's right." Everyone turned to me surprised by my calmness. "I shouldn't expect any of you to support me without knowing the truth." At that moment I was pissed with Rosalie but relieved for the opportunity to plead my case. It killed me to discuss my sex life in front of my parents but it had to be done. I wanted them to know, to hear it from me. I was not a rapist.

Without going into great detail, I explained what happened that night and I used Lucy's name. Rosalie's expression told me I was right to assume it was her and Alice had confirmed it with a nod of her head. I guess she had talked to Jasper and like a good lawyer would, he'd gone straight to the police to get the facts. I told them about the paper I read before getting on the fucking plane. I told them I was angry. I told them I ordered her off the plane when we were done and I told them I didn't hurt her, she didn't say no, she was a willing and active participant.

My story made an impression on Rosalie. She didn't argue with one word of my claim and when I was done, she hung her head and kept her eyes on the floor. She didn't challenge me or any other member of my family. I wondered at that moment what she was thinking, what version of events had she heard. I didn't even realize she and Lucy had been friends. A twinge of anger dared to rise in my blood as I wondered if she knew that Lucy intended to go to the police with her accusations but I chose to suppress it for the sake of Emmett and my new found respect for my brother.

I used a limo service to get to the office, toting an entourage of two security guards and Alice required a large vehicle. The private elevator raised us up to Alistair's floor and we walked through the cubicles of employees, with their concerned stares, until we reached his office. My thoughts, understandably consumed with other things, I didn't take the time to evaluate each person to determine what concerned them. Whether it be concern for me, having to go through this bullshit, concern for the future of this company and their jobs, or concern for their personal safety against their hard ass employer. Tomorrow's address would certainly put some of their worries to rest.

"Edward, my boy," Alistair greeted cheerfully, as if my whole fucking like wasn't gone to shit.

"Alistair, Jasper." I nodded. The two security goons I'd hired stayed outside the office, guarding the door. They reminded me of the secret service with black suits, dark shades and stern, intimidating facial expressions. Alice came in with me, of course, and sauntered over to Jasper for a quick kiss before we got down to business.

Jasper reviewed the details of Lucy's statement that was accompanied by pictures of fingertip bruises on various parts of her body. I was beside myself, fucking pictures. Pictures taken by a nurse at the fucking hospital. Lucy went all out in her attempt to fucking ruin me, the only thing missing from the bogus charges was DNA. Apparently, she'd waited for two days before going to the hospital.

"Ok, here's my question. If she waited for two days before going to the hospital, why are they only looking for me now?" I asked, confused. "Isn't the hospital obligated to report this shit?"

"Yes," Alistair and Jasper piped in simultaneously. Jasper motioned with his hand for Alistair to continue. Jasper was nothing if not respectful of his elders, it was part of his Southern charm. I teased him a lot, in college, saying it was all an act to get the girls. I stopped when he started dating Alice.

"According to the hospital report, Lucy was brought to the hospital by a friend. This friend insisted on documenting the rape but Lucy wouldn't concede to this fact. Lucy insisted it was consensual. When the patient can speak for themselves, without evidence of fear or intimidation, the hospital is not obligated to file a report with the police department. However, the hospital believed the friend and kept the file until Lucy was ready to admit, their words not mine, she was raped," Alistair concluded.

Fuck! I walked to the window and stared out over the tall buildings in my skyline. Was that friend Rosalie? Could it be my brothers fucking fiancé had set this whole fucking fiasco in motion?

As I looked into the sky, hoping for the answer to somehow come to me, the door to Alistair's office opened. I could hear the clicking of a woman's stiletto heel walk into the room. I turned around to see who had entered. What the fuck was she doing here?


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. Hope you enjoy.**

**This chapter is really short but I'm working on my imagery. The next chapter will be from Edward's POV…sorry for the wait.**

**Chapter 8 BPOV**

The wipers on my truck swished and swooshed at full speed yet barely kept the windshield clear. The rain poured down hard, splattering against the windows, bouncing off the pavement and blurring the road ahead. But nature's storm was no match for the rage coursing through my body and my hands shook, spitefully, as I gripped the steering wheel. My foot pushed against the gas pedal forcing the truck to spit and sputter as it increased its speed. I had to get away from him, from Edward. Edward Cullen!

It was hard to concentrate as the last few weeks, months, since I'd met him, hurled to the forefront of my consciousness. I'd had so many unanswered questions but his charm, and my undeniable attraction, betrayed me. I let down my guard and allowed myself to forget my questions, my doubts, and fall for him. Angela tried to warn me, my instincts, as a cop's daughter, tried to warn me. Why didn't I listen? How could I have let this happen?

Big tears began to roll down my cheeks. My eyes were pools of water, matching the raindrops in size and intensity. I wasn't sure if I was crying because of the hurt and disappointment or for the spite and anger that shook through my body. How could I have been so stupid! I banged the heel of my hand against the battered steering wheel and pain from the impact immediately shot up my forearm.

I sped away from that house, that man, like I was trying to escape the wrath of a tornado. It had been a tornado, a driving, destructive force that came into my life and shattered everything I'd known, everything I was. I didn't fall for strange men, I wasn't one of those love sick women who hung on their every word, my life didn't stop because of broken promises, broken dreams, or broken hearts. This would not break me.

As I thought that last phrase, '_this would not break me"_, I felt the tire stutter beneath me, the steering wheel spun wildly as it pulled out of my grasp. I was hydroplaning and it was too late to pull myself out of the violent spin. The truck skidded in circles across the roadway, jerking me from left to right and back again.

I'm sure I could hear the eerie sounds of shattering glass but it was hard to concentrate. The spinning, the rain, the extreme emotion all came together to create my own storm of disorientation. My face was wet but I wasn't sure why. Was I crying or was the rain tapping against my face through the gaping hole where the windshield once was? My head slammed against the steering wheel.

Then without warning, everything stopped!


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **

DISCLAIMER: I have no idea about the legal system in Boston. Other than the reference to Schroder Plaza, everything is completely derived from my

Many thanks to all of you who have made it this far. Your interest, comments, and reviews are greatly appreciated.

This is hot off the press so I apologize for any spelling errors or grammatical errors. Please bear with me and I hope you enjoy.

**Chapter 9**

Confidently and with purpose she stepped further into Alistair's office. "Edward," she laughed, jerking her head just enough to toss her blonde wavy locks over her shoulder. "Don't look so happy to see me," she finished sarcastically. No doubt, my surprise was obvious. She smiled, making eye contact with everyone in the room, each in turn, before she vocalized her greeting. "Good afternoon."

My eyes quickly scanned the faces of the others, wondering how her presence would be received. Alistair and Jasper appeared unaffected, not surprising since atleast one of them had to have invited her here, and Alice smiled sweetly in her direction as Jasper introduced her as his wife and my sister.

"We're glad you came, Ms. Denali. I assume this means you'll do it?" Jasper asked.

"Do what?" I demanded. My eyes shifted from Jasper to Tonya then to Alistair but my question went unanswered, as they conversed amongst themselves, like I wasn't even in the fucking room.

"I take it you and Edward are already acquainted?" Alistair asked, his tone drenched with suspicious repugnance making his question sound more like a knowing statement. As my legal advisor and friend, he knew more about my personal life than I'm sure he ever wanted too. He wasn't the type to pass judgement, atleast not on me, but I could tell he didn't approve of how I'd chosen to live my life.

Tonya flashed her widest smile and nodded in his direction, confirming whatever doubts he may have had about the nature of our relationship. Though discreet in her conduct, she was not the type of woman to embarrass easily or cower from the truth, no matter what anyone may have thought about her actions. Tonya lived her life as she saw fit and everyone else could go fuck themselves. We had that in common, or atleast, we _**did**_ have that in common. I was beginning to rethink that mentality.

"Yes, I'll do it but it's not going to be easy." Tonya stated, addressing Jasper's question. She placed her briefcase on the desk and clicked the locks open. With legal pad in hand she was ready to get on with business.

"Hold on a fucking minute here!" I demanded. "Will someone like to fill me in?" I asked, realizing in that moment I must have sounded like a spoiled child ready to have a tantrum. Somehow, I had lost control and I did feel like a fucking kid again. Everyone around me, talking about me, making decisions on my behalf without consulting me. As if I were incapable of rendering a viable option in my own welfare, wasn't smart enough to be a productive contributor to the resolution.

From my hired help to my college friend to my baby sister, everyone was in some way better qualified to control my life, this chaos, better than me. Even Tonya, albeit more of a friend than most, but for all intense and purpose was nothing more than a standing fuck appointment, now had more control of my life than I did. It did not sit well with my psyche.

"Edward," Jasper began and I'm sure I heard a little condescension in his voice, "Alistair and I thought it would be best if Tonya represented you as legal counsel."

"Legal counsel? Why?"

"I'm a corporate lawyer, Edward. I can help you with some standard personal issues, like your divorce and things, but this is criminal and out of my realm of expertise." Alistair stated.

"Geez, Edward, you're a fucking a lawyer." Tonya interjected not allowing Jasper to voice his viewpoint. "You know it's going to look better to a jury if you have a woman represent you. You can't have your fucking brother in law or an old man," Tonya turned to Alistair, "no disrespect intended, attack a woman on the stand. The woman accusing you of rape, the victim. I can!" The looks on Alistair and Jasper's faces with Tonya's matter of fact, yet colorful statement was almost worth the scolding.

"Fine!" What else could I fucking say? She was right and we all knew it. I guess I should have been pleased with their assessment but still it pissed me off to know the decision had been made without my input or consent. "So, who did I hire, you or your company?"

"It's a firm, Edward, not a company." Tonya corrected.

"It's syntax Tonya." I was in no mood for her opposition.

"Synonym."

"What?" I asked, suddenly pissed.

"The word is synonym. Two words that have the same meaning. Syntax is the rules and arrangements of phrases and sentences…"

"It's interchangeable!" I snarled.

"No one refers to a law firm as a company but you." Tonya's eyes rolled up in her head as if the conversation was over.

"Does it not operate, as a collective body, under the presumption to incur profit?" Tonya glared at me. I couldn't understand why she was being so fucking difficult. "It's a company." I added firmly to confirm my position as the last word.

"Edward, you're an ass!"

"Shut up." I turned around to look out the window, catching a glimpse of the other three people in the room listening. Sly grins and smirks smeared across their faces as they avoided eye contact. They weren't, often, afforded the opportunity of watching someone challenge me.

After a brief pause, when they'd figured out I wasn't returning to the conversation, they began their brainstorm. Alice filled Tonya in on the events scheduled for tomorrow and the four of them continued with strategy. Tonya's blatant attack on my ego was enough to force me out of the discussion, voluntarily. I tuned them out completely as my thoughts drifted to Bella and how this might be affecting her.

I wondered, selfishly, if she was thinking about me. Angela had probably recapped my every wrong doing and pointed out my obvious betrayals. Chief Swan would probably shoot me on site if I were ever to step one foot back in Forks. My only satisfaction was that Bella couldn't run back to Jake. I guess that was fucking selfish too.

"Well, I guess all that's left is for Edward to turn himself in." Tonya's voice was suddenly ringing in my ears again.

"What? Turn myself in? Are you out of your fucking mind?" I turned back to the group, "I didn't do anything wrong."

"Edward, you either go to them or they will come for you, most likely at the press conference tomorrow. Would you prefer to be arrested in public?" Tonya asked coldly.

"That's it! Everyone get the fuck out." I was ready to blow a gasket. I couldn't take this shit from her anymore.

"Here's the speech Alice had prepared for you for tomorrow. Rehearse it." Jasper passed me some papers as the three stooges left the fucking room.

Alone with Tonya and the door securely closed, I faced her, "what the fuck is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem, Edward." Tonya stated, calmly, as she packed up her briefcase.

"Fuck Tonya! You think I did it?"

Tonya turned to me, and for the first time since she'd entered the room, I could see some emotion, some resemblance to the woman I knew. "No, Edward. I know you didn't do this. That's why I'm here." She clicked the silver locks into place and pulled her case off Alistair's desk then turned her full attention to me. "But we can't afford to let our personal relationship interfere with our professional one. I love you Edward." Tonya paused and chuckled, "now don't take that the wrong way and go all crazy on me. I mean I really care about you…as a friend. I'm going to get you out of this mess but I need to be able to talk to you straight, lay it all out without you fighting me on syntax." That reference made me smile.

"Well you may want to ease up a little. Your efforts, to substantiate professionalism in our relationship, are pissing me off." With that said, I began to relax a little, "Tonya, this whole mess has me fucked up. I can't believe it. I…."

"What's her name?" She chuckled again.

"What?"

Tonya tilted her head to the side, silently asking_ are you kidding me? "_This situation, Edward, was a train wreck waiting to happen. I'm sure you must have expected something like this to eventually spring up, if not this then a baby scare or something. You really can't be surprised. The only difference is, it's affecting you more than I would have expected because something about you has changed. You've fallen for someone, haven't you? Someone you don't want to disappoint?"

"So, when do I turn myself in?" I asked, changing the subject.

Tonya laughed, "let's go now. I know a judge on the evening docket that will be easier to deal with. I'll have you out on bail by midnight."

Fuck, I sighed and followed her out, out of the office, out of the building, with my liege following closely behind us.

Alistair opted to go home but the rest of us, including my two large goons, piled into the limo bound for the police station. Alice sat beside me and entwined her small arms around mine, holding on for dear life, silently willing me not to turn myself in, to not surrender to the allegations and public scandal. We both understood I had no other choice. Tonya was right. Once the cops heard I was in town they'd be on me like flies to shit and most likely prepared to create a public scene. I'd had my fucking fill of publicity!

The police station was a dreary grey with dirtied walls and windows. I stepped onto the curb after exiting the car and studied the scene before me. People, vagrants, societies less productive members, of all shapes and sizes stood idly around the entrance way and stairs. Their presence unnerved me and I reached to my ass pocket ensuring my wallet was safe, holding on to the feeling of its location in case someone tried to lift it.

"Where the fuck have you taken me?" I asked Tonya. I had expected to arrive at Schroder Plaza but instead we were here, wherever this was. I hadn't been paying attention, I assumed we were headed for headquarters and let my mind drift to better times, times where Bella was my focal point. This was definitely not the clean red brick building of the BPD Headquarters.

"87 Division. The SVU was transferred here last year." Tonya's mouth was turned up in disgust, like the rest of us, as we entered the lobby but it was obvious she was familiar with this precinct. It never once crossed my mind about the people Tonya encountered on a daily basis. Her cold, fuck you attitude seemed to make sense now as I looked around this large run down entrance.

Just as it had been outside, the lobby was littered with low life, low class, sub human characters. Tonya's office was far from this filth in geography and … fuck it was the complete opposite of everything around me. I couldn't imagine how she dealt with this day in and day out. Sure, not all her clients were like this but…fuck!

"Stay here," she ordered, exuding her naturally dominant demeanor. I had never witnessed this side of her in a professional capacity but watching her now I could understand why she was successful. I'd fucking bet her male colleagues had difficulty thinking straight as they sat across from her in a court room. She was hot and smart and fucking hot!...and I was so fucking over it.

Regardless of my current predicament, I was a red blooded American Male and my eyes involuntarily watched as those stimulating stilettos carried her incredible legs and firm ass further away from me. I expected the usual knee jerk reaction but there was nothing. I tried to make myself believe this situation, knowing that sex had gotten me in this mess, was the reason I had lost my drive, my lust for Tonya. But the flashes of Bella that had been running through my mind all day made it harder and harder to convince myself of that. It was at that moment that I realized I had been with Tonya for hours and the notion of fucking her hadn't crossed my mind once.

Tonya proceeded to walk up to the large half wall, half desk reception zone where an older officer was stuffing a donut, a sticky, gooey mess, into his bearded face. I watched as she addressed him and then I watched, disgusted, as this poor excuse for Boston's finest licked his fingers before answering her. Chocolate covered crumbs stuck to the grey-black, shaggy hair surrounding his mouth until he dragged his hand down across his face. I'm not sure if he was successful in his attempt to clean up or simply buried the crap deeper inside with whatever else he'd eaten in the last fucking decade.

After a short conversation with the officer, Tonya turned around and signalled for us to follow her. She led us down a wide corridor with, black and white, tile flooring. How fucking creative, I thought with snarkish attitude.

The hallway ended at a large double door. Tonya pushed open one side revealing a typical office setting. Desks were lined in perfect rows, wall to wall, with narrow aisles. On initial inspection it was difficult to decipher the scoundrels from the cops as everyone was dressed in jeans and T's, in varying degrees of cleanliness. Aside from a few Mr. T. wannabe's, with thick strings of bright, cheap gold hanging around their necks, shirts unbuttoned to their naval, their puffed out chests competing for attention against their scantily clad counterparts. I thought scenes such as that were only in movies but I supposed everyone's imagination is derived from some measure of reality.

We weaved our way, in single file, through the sea of degenerates until we reached the desk of Detective Jared Cameron, as denoted by the name plate sitting on a stack of files. He stood up as we approached and extended his hand to Tonya. His tan-skinned face blushed at the sight of her, a natural response, especially for a married man. He twisted his wedding ring nervously, at first with his thumb as his extended arm retracted after their handshake then with the fingers of his other hand while Tonya introduced the our small party.

"Mr. Cullen," he nodded in my direction, "you made the right choice by coming in. We'll try to get you through processing as quickly as possible." His eyes looked passed me before he finished. Something had caught his attention and we all turned, following his gaze.

"Well, well, well." A youngish woman, with wild red hair, walked toward us, her green eyes burned into me.

Cameron cleared his throat, "this is my partner, Detective..."

"Sutherland. Victoria Sutherland," she snapped, "and you must be the illustrious Edward Cullen." Her tone left no room for doubt, as she spat out my name. This representative of our fair and just judicial system had me tried, convicted and probably fucking castrated. I was screwed. Tonya was right. This was not going to be easy.

Tonya repeated our intent to the two officers and the fiery red head reached for her handcuffs. "Really Victoria, is that necessary?" Cameron asked almost apologetically.

"Oh it's necessary!" She forced the cold steel open against my wrist and wretched my arm behind my back before grabbing my other arm and restraining it in the handcuff. "We take rape very seriously here."

Alice whimpered, her eyes pleading with Jasper to step in and solve everything, make it all better but there was nothing he could do. His eyes locked with mine and I think he was asking me to forgive him for just standing there, his mouth shut, holding my sister, comforting her.

I blocked out the bitch's voice as she absentmindedly hissed out the Miranda Rights then pushed me forward in the direction of her choosing. Tonya stayed with me through booking and handed me a paper towel to clean the black ink off my fingertips. Sutherland remained quiet for the most part but her intense glares said more than enough.

I was propelled, roughly, into a holding cell and suddenly the seriousness of these allegations became more real than I could have ever imagined. Surrounded by filth, depraved delinquents and a stench that caused my stomach to roll and urge, an odour I dared not describe and hoped to fuck I'd never smell again, I realized the dismal possibilities that faced me, if Tonya failed.

The heavy steel-rod door slammed shut behind me with a distinctive and eerie clang that echoed in my ears. I turned to look at Tonya. For the first time in my adult life I was vulnerable and dependent and I fucking hated it. Tonya's sympathetic eyes didn't help as she told me what to expect. I'd be in here for a few hours before the hearing. A few hours that would feel like an eternity. A hellish prison with hells characters, an experience that was never supposed to be mine. I was not like these people, these deviants of society. I was innocent!

I sat on the long wooden bench, the only seating available, and pressed my back against the wall for support. I'd burn these fucking clothes later, it was the only thought that kept me sane as I tried not to touch in any other germ infested surface. A small window, barred, on the adjacent wall didn't offer much light and was supplemented by cylindrical fluorescents running along the ceiling.

My cellmates were a colorful bunch reminding me of Boston's multicultural environment. Apparently, the law was colorblind in its enforcement. I suppose that should have given me some hope but it didn't. Crimes against women were not tolerated in this country, in this city, and the lowly paid civil servants had a certain hard on when presented with an opportunity to screw with the wealthy and privileged.

They had stripped me of my phone, my only lifeline to civilization, when I was booked. I had no idea what time it was other than the setting sun providing an estimated approximation. Honestly, it wasn't the time I sought. It contained the only picture I had of Bella and my heart was yearning to connect with her, even if it was a still life. I closed my eyes and recalled her smile, tried to feel her hair wisp across my face. Envisioning her scent, unfortunately, was not enough to mask the nasty funk that lingered inside my jail but I could almost taste her sweet lips and I was somewhat satisfied.

I'm not sure how much time had passed but eventually the guard called my name. It was dark outside, it had been for quite some time. Some of the men that had strutted around when I first arrived, full of piss and vinegar, had long since quieted down, sluggishly leaning against walls or sitting on the floor with their eyes closed. The sound of my name in baritone alarmed me at first as my consciousness drifted from my Bella filled fantasy to this acrimonious reality.

The cage door opened and I was free again, somewhat anyway. The guard pushed me up against the wall, face first, pulling my arms back to be shackled once again. The unmistakable sound of high heeled shoes, tip tapping toward me in a woman's gait, was reassuring. Tonya was back though my relief was negated as she came into view walking alongside the bitchy detective, Sutherland.

Victoria Sutherland seemed to take pleasure in the guard's personal violation of my body as he patted me down. She had the same look when they'd frisked me earlier. What the fuck did they think I had squeezed between my fucking butt cheeks? And I'd been in their fucking custody since this afternoon, was it really necessary to check there again?

Tonya turned away, embarrassed, trying to save me from the embarrassment of having her watching me, seeing me in all my pathetic quandary. Determined clean, by the guards standards, Sutherland gripped my bicep and ushered me back through the hallway from where they'd come.

The court room was not nearly as impressive as in trial court. This dinky little space was no bigger than a fucking closet. Two cafeteria-like tables were placed in the expected positions for the opposing parties with minimal space for onlookers, however, reporters made sure they got in as they rushed to the door when they'd heard my name called.

My family took up one side. I was surprised to see them all seated, waiting. It was late and I hadn't expected anyone to be there but there they were. Carlisle sat up straight and stone faced, holding Esme's hand. Esme leaned her head against his shoulder. Alice sat between Jasper and Emmett, the three of them looked like they were conspiring to commit a crime of their own as their heads bowed toward each other, whispering.

I hung my head, shamed by their support, feeling less than worthy. I've never felt good enough to be a part of that fucking family and for the life of me I had no idea why I'd felt that way. They just seemed to have it all together and no matter how hard I tried, it wasn't enough to please them. Emmett was building futures for children with nothing. Alice protected the sheep who'd strayed from the straight and narrow and what did I do? I destroyed everything that others had worked to build. I tore apart companies, family businesses, anything and everything, that someone had put their heart and soul in was fair game in my world, my path of destruction.

Tonya had a real struggle getting the judge to agree to bail but after some arguing and an outrageous bond amount he finally digressed. Apparently, I was a flight risk. The notion made me laugh but I disguised it by coughing knowing my amusement would be perceived as arrogance. The reporters listened intently to every word and watched my responses, analyzed my body language. Naturally, I tried to minimize my upset over the entire proceeding, including their presence, not wanting to add fuel to their fire. Admittedly, it wasn't always easy.

I sighed with relief as we exited. Victoria Sutherland stormed out, not at all pleased with the outcome. Detective Cameron chased after her but had difficulty catching up as the field of reporters looked to him for a comment. Tonya had brought my security guards who had been waiting in the hallway. They escorted me out with my family close behind. No one stopped to make a comment, not even Tonya, as Alice advised it would be better to wait. She insisted any comment made in my defense would be grossly misconstrued while the public still had a strong hate on for me. I had to trust her judgement but it seemed to conflict with the conferences planned for tomorrow. Alice knew what she was doing. Alice knows what she's doing. I repeated it over and over until I almost believed it. I didn't want to doubt my sister's abilities. Her successes spoke for themselves but there was always a first time and I wondered if her first time would be me.

In the parking lot, I thanked everyone for coming. Emmett was about to apologize for Rosalie's absence but I stopped him, trying very hard to hide my convictions, to appear understanding. Truth be told, I wasn't surprised by her absence. If my conclusions were correct, Rosalie was riddled with too much guilt to show her fucking face here but that would be an argument for another time.

Rather than choose between Alice and my parents, obviously Emmett was out of the question, I decided to check into a hotel. I didn't want to spend the rest of my night tossing and turning to the whispers, doubts and questions of either couple. As soon as I entered my room I headed for the shower to peel the layer of prison grime off my skin.

The water was hot and the bathroom filled with steam quickly. I scrubbed my skin until it was raw. I was doubtful I'd ever feel clean enough again. After the shower I dried myself and practically fell into bed, remembering the speeches Alice had prepared, that I was supposed to rehearse and didn't. I skimmed through them and decided I'd wing it. I knew what I wanted people to know and I'd gotten the jest of what Alice perceived as acceptable commentary.

I was up at dawn, remembering another early morning when I'd waited impatiently to see Bella. In my head I dialed her number over and over but it was especially too early with the time difference. I wasn't sure she'd answer anyway. Her phone may have been ancient, almost as old as that fucking truck of hers but it did have caller ID.

As usual, the morning dragged on slowly but I made it through and the time had come to address my employees. Alice called up from the hotel lobby letting me know it was time to go. I informed her I'd need a few minutes and she could wait in the car with Jasper. I had to try Bella atleast once. I had to try and explain, to apologize. I had to hear her voice just once, even if she was telling me to go fuck myself, I had to hear her before getting on with the day. My time would not be my own again until later in the evening so this would be my only shot.

My stomach was in a constant state of somersaults as I found her name, her picture and listened to the ringing. Three, four, five, I was about to hang up rationalizing that she was perhaps still sleeping and not simply avoiding me then a voice came on the line.

"You've got some nerve calling here you fucking asshole," the deep voice caught me off guard and I didn't quite catch what he'd said.

"Sorry, I must have the wrong…wait…what did you say?"

As he spoke I tried to place his voice. It wasn't Bella's father, not Seth or Eric but I'm sure I'd heard it before. "Don't call her again, Edward, you've done enough!" The angry voice continued. "She just got out of the hospital and she's got enough to deal with."

"Hospital? What happened?" Immediately, my adrenaline spiked and this conversation was starting to get on my nerves. "Answer me, damn it. Is she ok?"

"I'll take care of Bella, Edward. You just stay the fuck away from her."

His simple comment of protection revealed his identity and suddenly my anger spiked higher than the adrenaline. Jacob Black!


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Your response to this story has been overwhelming and I appreciate your wonderful comments, predictions and reviews. I've enjoyed reading every one. Thank you so much for spending time here, with us. I hope you continue to enjoy.**

**Chapter 10 BPOV**

A light breeze blew over me, disturbing the little hairs on my body causing goose bumps to form on my skin. My head was throbbing making it difficult to think, to sort things out, to figure out if I were dead or alive. I remembered the accident, hydroplaning out of control, everything around me spinning faster and faster until I had no sense of up or down, left or right. I remembered being afraid, disoriented, alone. I remembered being angry!

It had been raining and I closed my eyes as it splashed against my face, held my breath, was I submerged in water or was it just the torrential rain making it hard to breathe? Did I drown?

I tried lifting my hand to my face but it was weighed down by something, something warm, something warmer than me. I think it felt good but I wasn't sure. I couldn't be sure, it was still too hard to figure everything out.

Wait…there were voices, muffled, inaudible, but I could hear them. Deep voices, near and then far but coming closer I think. Were they angels coming to take me home? I strained with all my might to listen but it was no use, like eavesdropping through a wall, I could only here tones. Some seemed to ramble on while others were short bursts, sometimes matching pitch with the throbbing in my head.

I struggled to open my eyes. Why was it so hard?

"_Heeelllllpppp!" _I screamed. The voices continued, speaking over me, as if I had said nothing at all. Didn't they hear me? I continued my struggle, to open my eyes, to move, to speak.

"Charlie." I heard that! Someone called to my father. They found me. I'm alive. "I think she's waking up," the voice said.

Waking up?

Then suddenly, as if those words had been magic, my eyelids sprang open. Quickly, I snapped them shut. The brightness surrounding me shot through my head like a spear, piercing.

"Dim the lights a little. I think it's too bright for her. Bella. Bells?" The words were clear now, it was my name. Charlie was calling me, softly, his voice so close I could feel his breath against my cheek. "I'm right here baby. Bella?"

"Dad," I tried to speak clearly but the words hurt the back of my throat and I barely heard my own voice.

"Yes, Bella, I'm right here," his tone changed. Relief, happy, it was different then the muted tones I had heard.

I tried again to open my eyes, slowly this time, squinting, minimizing the amount of light that filtered through. It helped and after a few seconds Charlie's face came into focus.

Charlie hovered over me, grinning from ear to ear, then lifted his head and looked to my other side. My neck felt stiff but I forced it to cooperate as I tried to follow his gaze. "Jake?" I whispered.

"Hey Bells." He smiled, almost as widely as Charlie had. "You gave us quite a scare. Are you ok?"

I tried to nod my head but I couldn't be sure it worked. As more things around me came into focus, I realized I was in the hospital. A fan, at the foot of my bed, was the cause of my slight chill. I pointed, _'off'_, I muttered and Charlie understood. He turned off the blowing source of wind and I was content.

I drifted in and out of consciousness, or sleep, for the rest of the night. Charlie had gone home, he had to work in the morning and the doctors assured him I would be fine. Jake kept vigil through the night. He sat beside me in an uncomfortable chair, leaning forward propped up against my bed, one hand holding mine, the other stroking my arm. At some point, I realized the warm weight restraining my hand, when I first woke up, had been Jake's hand, he didn't let go.

He never lets go.

By day break I was wide awake and ready to get out of bed, out of the hospital. I whined to the nurses consistently until they promised to get the doctor in, to release me as soon as possible.

While we waited, Jake filled me in on what happened while I was unconscious. Charlie had received a call about a single car accident and responded to the scene, along with the usual emergency responders, to find my truck was the vehicle in question. I was secured inside, fortunately, even in my devastation I'd had the good sense to wear my seatbelt.

With the weather, and the obvious build up of water on the road, they correctly assumed I'd hydroplaned, sending my favourite ford to its doom. Evidence suggested the truck skidded off the road and tumbled down an embankment, flipping front to back rather than side to side, until it lost momentum. It came to a complete stop in vertical position, nose down, against the heavily treed perimeter of the river. I couldn't remember why I'd decided to get on the highway. I probably just needed time alone to think.

"The truck was totalled Bells." Jake stated sadly before continuing with his recap.

The news of the crash spread like wild fire. Something like this was big news in our little town where nothing ever happens. It didn't take long for Sue to find out, though not from Charlie as he was an integral part of my rescue. She called Billy, before she left for the hospital herself, knowing Charlie would need them both if I had been really hurt, or worse. Naturally, Billy called Jake.

It really upset me to know how many people I'd affected with my foolishness. Jake said Charlie was beside himself with grief, even hours after I'd been found. He was still teary-eyed and puffy by the time Jake arrived in the evening. There were no broken bones or major gashes just minor scrapes and bruises but I wouldn't wake up and that scared Charlie, scared them all.

"Jake, you just left on Wednesday, you shouldn't have come back." I said apologetically.

Jake hushed me and reminded of a promise he continually made that he'd always be there whenever I needed him. There was never any doubt about it. Jake was always there for me, protecting, guarding, loving. I didn't deserve him, his devotion. I knew that too.

I was just about to buzz for the nurse when the doctor walked through the oversized doorway. He handed me a few prescriptions for the pain I'd be having, informing me the worst was yet to come. Apparently, hormones are released during traumatic events, the body's defense, and as they settle back the pain increases. It can take up to two weeks or more before the full affects are observed. Great!

There was some paperwork to be signed, and a thorough examination of my reflexes, balance and some other, once over, things but I passed them all then was given a bag of my personal belongings that were retrieved, along with me, from the wreckage. I was surprised Charlie hadn't taken them home with him but I guessed given his mental state at the time, it wasn't a priority.

An orderly wheeled me, in a chair, to the Hospital entrance, exit in this case, then Jake helped me into his car before he called Charlie. He made a few other calls to let some of our friends know I had been released and then we headed home.

Eric and Angela were waiting in my driveway when we arrived. I wasn't in the mood to be social, to answer questions, to relive, but it turned out better than I expected. Neither one of them brought up Edward and after the initial _'are you ok's?' _the conversation moved to our usual stuff.

Angela ran a bath for me then checked on me every fifteen minutes or so, making sure I was ok and I was grateful she was here to do that. I know Jake would have done the same but I really had to try and keep our friendship on a friendship level. Seeing me naked, getting into the tub, cause I'm sure he wouldn't keep his eyes closed as Angela had, wouldn't add up to just friends for him.

The warm water eased my tight, sore muscles and I almost didn't want to get out, ever. I heard my cell phone ring a few times, surprised so many people were awake at this early hour. I wondered who was calling and if they were truly concerned or just curious, curious about the accident and curious about Edward. I decided to stop thinking, allowing my mind to go blank and rest as I lid back, neck high in the warm water and crackling bubbles.

Angela continued to check on me, peeping into the bathroom through the slightly opened door. She tried her best to be quiet as I laid still with my eyes closed but I heard her approach every time until finally I asked her to help me out. Trying to stand up was difficult, made even harder by such a low starting point. Add in the super slippery surface and it was damn near impossible. It took a little work but we managed. It did run through my head to get Jake up to take me out. He'd simply reach down and lift me up but I couldn't ask him to do that.

I slipped into my oversized flannel pj's. They were the easiest and most comfortable thing to get into then headed downstairs, slowly, to join my friends. Angela was waiting in the kitchen with my pills and a glass of water. She insisted I sit down until we were sure what effect the medication would have on me. Sitting wasn't an easy task either and I was painfully aware of how many simple every day actions we, as people, perform and take for granted.

When I walked into the kitchen, all conversation seemed to cease and I thought it would restart once Angela had me settled into a chair and medicated but it didn't. Everyone just seemed to watch me, stare at me, almost as if willing me to leave so they could continue with the conversation I'd interrupted.

"What?" I asked. No one answered. "What were you guys talking about?" I tried again.

"Oh for heavens sake! They're afraid to tell you that Edward called." Angela said, matter-of-fact, yet scolding. Not an easy combination to pull off, especially for our mild mannered Angela.

My eyes widened, "he did?" I sounded more eager then I intended. Butterflies fluttered around in my stomach, it might have been coincidence, a reaction to the pills I'd just taken, but I don't think so. I didn't want to be happy to hear he called, to be excited, I was too angry but still….

Now that it was out in the open, the conversation and Edward's name, became a free for all. Jake, who hadn't mentioned a word about him, whom I assumed didn't even know about the article, the accusations, the true identity, blared and blasted him for all of it. Angela veered dangerously close to an 'I told her so' speech but had enough sense not to state it out right. I just sat and listened, my eyes avoiding theirs until finally falling to the floor.

"I'm glad he didn't come to the hospital because he'd be the one needing a bed but I can't believe he didn't even try. Asshole!" Jake rambled, seething, disgusted.

"I was kind of surprised by that too." Angela said. The whole discussion, if you could call it that, was beginning to make me sick. I certainly didn't need to be reminded of my stupidity, have it rubbed in my face. Deep down, I knew it wasn't their intention to make me feel worse but that's exactly what they did, just the same.

"I should go out to his place and give him a piece of my mind for what he did to you, Bella. Make him pay for all the shit he's caused!" Jake's anger was building with every word he spoke.

"He's not there." Eric murmured, shyly, looking at me.

"What?" I asked surprised by Eric's quiet statement. "What do you mean? How do you know?" I looked to Jake, to gauge his reaction to my questions but he seemed to be just as curious to hear Eric's response, as I was.

"Well…uhm…I didn't mean to overstep but I … well," he paused, a shade of pink rising in his cheeks as he glanced over at Jake, at Angela and then looked me directly in the eyes, "Bella, I'm sorry but I thought he'd want to know that you'd been hurt."

"How could you do that?" Angela asked, astounded by Eric's statement.

"Where is he?" I blurted out, unintentionally. I shouldn't care, I shouldn't want to know but I did.

"Angela, nothing in those papers you read is the entire truth. I don't know why Edward did what he did to his wife. I don't know why he felt he had to lie to all of us but one thing I'm sure of is he cared about her. He cared about you Bella, I'm sure of it." Eric replied firmly, his voice raised to ensure he wasn't interrupted.

"Eric, what the fuck man?" Jake was hurt by Eric's betrayal.

"I'm sorry, Jake. But you need to get over it. Bella made her choice." I'd never seen Eric be so direct. He really believed Edward cared about me.

Jake instantly curled his fingers into a fist as if he was going to hit our scrawny little friend, though I knew he never would. Eric stepped back and braced himself just in case. I'm not sure if it was hurt or spite but his eyes were wet and he left the room before the water spilled over his lids, before the emotion took control and his fist connected with something.

"I went out there last night but he had already gone. Some guy was there," Eric spoke directly to me, blocking out Angela's twisted snarl and Jake's absence, "Biers. I think his name was Biers, Randy or Ronny, Rrr." He stopped trying to figure out the name, "anyway, he said he worked for Edward and had been sent to retrieve his car. He said Edward was in Boston."

Boston! That coward went to Boston. He left without telling me, without trying to…. I took a deep breath. Of course he went back to Boston, back to his hometown. Back to where he'd face the charges against him and why would he try to talk to me? I think the message I'd sent was loud and clear. I was finished with him, beyond angry. I was done and done!

Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by it all and excused myself to go upstairs and lie down. Their charged chatter continued as I left the kitchen, passing Jake in the archway as he returned, and made my way to my bedroom. It was obvious Angela had no idea Eric went to see Edward and although she was upset by Eric's attempt to humanize him, I appreciated his effort, his sincerity, his concern for me above all else.

It was mid-afternoon when I woke from my restless nap. I rolled over in bed and listened for some sign of life in the house but all was quiet. I wondered where everyone had gone but was grateful they had left. During my nap I'd dreamed about Edward and Jake and this whole mess and it left me a little unsettled. On one hand, Jake was my anchor, my heart and my soul. His warmth enveloped me almost daring to smother me. Like a big loyal puppy dog he kept racing toward me, licking and lapping and I couldn't push him away. He was tethered to me and I to him. Then there was Edward, his cold hard exterior suddenly made sense as his lies began to unravel. I tried to cut through his wall, chip, chip, chipping away but I couldn't get through. It became clear, just before I woke up, his inner force, like my gravity, distracted me, making me work harder and harder to get through when all the while he was sucking the life out of me, absorbing every ounce of feeling, stripping me from my humanity. In the end, I was left an old withered heartless shell of the girl, the woman, I once was and I jolted out of my sleep, sweating.

I shook my head in disbelief as I thought about the dream. It was just a jumble of all my anxieties, my stresses and my emotions. As angry as I was I could not believe Edward had been intentionally heartless. Even Eric saw it. He cared about me. It was real. It was!

I was angry but I needed closure. I had to give Edward a chance to explain. He tried, he called. Then I could be done with him, get over him, then I could move on.

I descended down the stairs, each step tightening the knot that had formed in my lower back. It must be time for my pills I thought as I reached the main floor and I headed for the kitchen to get the bottle. My cell phone was on the counter and I picked it up and scrolled to Edward's name. I thought it best to discuss things with a clear head and decided to wait until after the call before taking my meds.

I swiped my finger across the letters of his name on the screen. It took a few minutes to work up the nerve to press the call button.

"Bella?" I jumped. Jake was standing in the doorway at the far side of the kitchen. "What are you doing?"

"Jake. I was…ah…I was going to call Charlie and take my painkillers. Where were you?"

"I just went out on the porch for some air." Jake was sad. I could see it in his eyes though he smiled trying to disguise his true feelings. He pushed through his own uncertainties and continued on. Everyone was spending Thanksgiving on the reserve and, of course, I was expected to be there. It would be good for me, help me to forget and spend time with my extended family, a family that chose me, Charlie and me, as one of their own. I pushed the phone away as Jake and I discussed our expectations for the next day. They were having dinner on Saturday so Jake could enjoy it before he left tomorrow night.

Charlie and Sue dropped by sometime after seven and left before ten. We all had an early rise in the morning. Sue would be the main cook and of course Charlie would be driving her out to the reserve and spending the day with Billy and the boys.

Jake gently nudged me awake in the morning. He passed me two painkillers and a glass of water before I got out of bed. The pills were tiny and almost got lost in my mouth but they certainly helped control the pain though I hated taking them. I had to get up early, not because I'd be helping with the preparations like in previous years, but I needed a lot of time to get ready.

My body was stiff and hurt and it was evident the doctor had been right. I was not looking forward to the next few days. I maneuvered as best I could without asking Jake for help. I had to be extra careful in the shower, even the slightest slip would cause me to fall because my back just wasn't able to twist fast enough to catch myself. I would have preferred a bath but there was no way I'd pull that off alone.

Jake was really patient and helped me into his car when I was finally ready. We'd make it to Emily's about an hour before dinner was served. Emily and Sam always hosted the major events. They had the biggest house though it seemed small with everyone inside.

As we pulled into the driveway, children of varying ages and sizes ran amuck. Through the yard, across the driveway, everywhere you looked there were little people laughing and playing. It made me smile. Jake was inundated with all of them as he stepped out of the car and tried to get around to my door. It was the first time they'd seen him since he got back. I laughed, since Wednesday.

Jake's good heart and playful disposition made him a magnet with children. They loved him and he horsed around and carried on and gave them the attention they craved but most adults were too busy to give. He'd make a great dad someday, a great husband, for someone.

The day was unusually warm which was nice. Most everyone stayed outside. Jake had walked me to a lounge chair and I alternated between sitting, standing and practically lying down in an effort to manage the pain. Everyone talked and mingled and made sure to include me in their conversations. They politely asked how I was feeling and if I needed anything and thankfully avoided the elephant in the room, Edward. I'm not sure if it was for my benefit or Jake's but I didn't care. They didn't ask and I was glad they didn't.

It had been a great day in spite of my aching body. We laughed, we ate, we enjoyed good times with good friends. I was especially delighted to see Charlie relaxed and at ease with Sue by his side.

Emily took some time away from her hosting duties to sit with me. We chatted about nothing much although we had a lot to say. She promised to drop by during the coming week so we could have some girl time. I liked talking to Emily and perhaps she'd be able to help me sort through my conflicting issues, put it in perspective. Emily didn't judge, if I were going to share this with anyone it would be her or Angela and Angela wasn't a viable option for this discussion.

At the end of the evening Charlie offered to drive me home and stay until I was settled but Jake informed him that Sam would drop me off on the way to the airport. Charlie smiled to see Jake's intentions hadn't waivered after all we went through a few months ago. It annoyed me a little but I hid my feelings for everyone's sake.

"Thanks so much for everything, Jake." I said as he was leaving. Sam gave me hug and told me to call if I needed anything then both men walked out my front door.

Jake was at the passenger side of Sam's truck ready to jump in when he pushed the door closed and ran back up the porch stairs. "I love you, Bells." He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my lips gently before running back to the truck. It all happened so fast I didn't have a chance to protest not that my body would have been able to put up much of a struggle anyway. I waved from the doorway as they pulled away and seconds later they were out of sight.

Jake made sure the house was secure before he left so all I had to do was lock the front door and go to bed. The meds had kicked in and the pain was more of a dull annoyance as I took each step leading to my bedroom. Alone, I began to think again. It didn't take long before I made up my mind, made my decision.

"Bella?" My name rushed into my ear and caught me off guard. I don't know what I expected but to hear him say my name now, was almost frightening, my stomach quivered. His voice was shaky and nervous, questioning and unsure. "Are you still there?"

"Give me a reason not to hate you!" I demanded, surprised by my own confidence.


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. Hope you enjoy.**

**Chapter 11**

Jacob Black! The name blurred my vision and boiled my blood. I was there when he left. I know he left! Fuck, why did he come back?

I couldn't think straight as I got on the elevator. I'm not even sure if other people were on board as I grumbled under my breath and argued with myself over what needed to be done. I had to deal with this. I had to find out what happened to Bella and why that asshole was back in town. His timing couldn't be fucking worse! Well, I guess that depended on the perspective from which it was viewed. It was fucking great for him, Jacob Black! I caught myself growling as I thought his name.

I was no longer in the mood to address the hoards of people that would be attending those meetings Alice arranged. I wouldn't do it! There were more pressing things I needed to focus on. Those fucking people had their minds made up about me, for or against, whichever side they were on, a few soft words and a smile would not sway them.

It probably would, fucking sheep!

I opened the limo door myself, too impatient to wait for the driver to stop his chatter with the other servicemen leaned against the car. I glared at them as I swung the door open, surprised Jasper or Alice didn't put them in line before I arrived. Servicemen, people, fuck politically correct, are just that, servicemen. Their function is to wait and serve. This driver was having the time of his life chatting it up with his fellow servers.

Not impressed!

I deliberately slammed the door shut when I got in the car. Alice and Jasper looked at each then at me.

"What's wrong Edward? You sounded like you were in a good mood a second ago." Alice asked, confused by my sudden change.

"Did you see those fools leaning on the car? Why didn't you take care of that?" I snapped.

"Edward…." Alice scolded but I put my hand up to her. I didn't want to hear it.

I lowered the dividing glass window between the two cabins of the limo. The driver was finally in his seat. "To the airport!" I demanded and pressed the power button to close the window again.

"Wait! Driver, please follow our planned itinerary. Edward, the airport, really?" Jasper asked, obviously beginning to lose his patience with me.

"I have to go somewhere. I won't be long, a few days." I said, peering out through the tinted windows.

"Edward, you can't leave the state of Massachusetts. You'll break the conditions of your bail." Jasper reminded me.

"Fuck the bail. I can afford it. I'm going to the airport. Driver…."

"Can you afford to go to jail because I'll report you myself?" Jasper threatened. Report me? I knew he'd never do that. It was an idle threat meant to bring me back to my senses.

Fuck! It worked. I couldn't take any chances. I couldn't spend another second in a cage with those criminal minded dirtbags.

"Fine!" I hissed. Alice reconfirmed our destination with the driver and closed the window herself. I'd be damned if I'd make the effort now.

I stayed silent for the rest of the drive. Alice and Jasper flipped through notes, talking, discussing, arranging my life. It was hard to listen too. As much as I should have appreciated all they were doing I found myself resenting all the effort.

There was only one thing I cared about.

One thing I wanted.

One thing I needed.

Bella Swan!

I pulled out my phone and flipped to her picture. Her long, dark hair, her flawless skin, her beautiful trusting eyes and those soft pink lips, I'd almost made them mine. Then in the blink of an eye it was over. I closed my eyes and relived yesterday morning, it was only yesterday and yet it seemed like a fucking lifetime ago.

She was so angry, so determined, so far from the first impression I'd had. Strong, intelligent, sensitive, loving, guarded. My impression had changed so much in such a short time. Her impression of me must be very different as well, and unlike mine of her, the impression I'd left was not pleasant.

"Edward. Edward?" Alice's voice grew louder as she tried to catch my attention.

"What?"

"We're here, are you ready?" I nodded, stone faced.

I was addressing my staff in the open space located on my floor. I'd often used this space for entertaining, social gatherings for my client's benefit, a fundraiser here and there, and other events that served my purpose at the time. The atmosphere had been professionally decorated and resembled an art gallery setting, wide open with impressive sculptures and abstract art wall hangings. Not to mention the floor to ceiling windows that presented a breath-taking view from an incredibly high location.

Alice was first to the podium, welcoming everyone and encouraging them to settle down. She had a way with people, a way of making people do what she needed them to do. Sure, I could do that too, however, our methods were quite different. I got my way with money and power, confident demands and intelligent arguments. Alice somehow managed to convince people that they wanted to do things her way.

She called it her magic, Emmett and I teased her, referring to her manipulations as her _'fucked up voodoo'_. Alice hated that. Jasper often fell victim to the spells she cast though it was understandable. She was his wife and controller of all marital pleasures. Emmett and I, privy to her bewitching charms, deliberately evaded her tricks and pissed her off frequently.

It was my turn to speak. My foul mood wouldn't allow me to address my employees as Alice had suggested. I didn't want to be there and for the first time in my life I didn't give a fuck about this place. Alice expected me to stand in front of these people and ensure their job security, remind them of the company's international good will and sound reputation that would independently sustain its position as an economic powerhouse.

She expected me to pimp myself by outlining and reinforcing my strength of character, the solid foundation I'd constructed for this company and the innovative solutions I brought to the table which continued to lead the company into the future as a competitive and powerful entity.

Instead, much to Alice's dismay, I reminded my subordinates of their contracts, their non-disclosure clause, and their generous salaries. I told them, in no uncertain terms, if they could concede such nonsense about me, their employer, if they feared the possibility of personal harm at my hand, they were free to leave.

I waited.

Not one person left their seat. Proof that monetary compensation, in healthy doses, inspired loyalty.

I stepped down allowing Alice an opportunity to close the session. Alice was seething but successfully hid it behind a wide smile, her professional mannerisms and polite disposition. She maintained her composure until we were safely out of the semi-public eye where there was no chance for creating a scene.

"What the hell were you thinking?" She blasted as we pulled out of the parking lot, headed for our next venue.

We argued over my complete derailment of all her hard work. Jasper kept his eyes on me, nodding in agreement, supporting Alice's side of the debate but not adding anything constructive himself. He certainly didn't make any attempts to defend me. She ended the discussion by stating, bluntly, "…if you pull another stunt like that, big brother, you're on your own!"

I took Alice's words to heart, unwillingly, and towed the line for the press conference.

I couldn't wait to get out of there but I smiled, I joked, I feigned sincerity and I was the perfect host. The Q and A portion was a little more difficult.

With every camera flash I pictured their silhouettes. Bella in Jake's arms, crying, hurting, hugging, kissing. His arms wrapped tightly around her, knowing he'd won.

Bella was with him.

Alice came to my rescue when she noticed my concentration waiver and ended the session. I smiled absentmindedly as security escorted me out of the hotel's conference room and to the limo.

"That was better." Alice stated, still angry about the earlier debacle. We continued to our parent's home where Esme was holding a dinner party for some of my investors, executive staffers and spouses, of course.

A few well known, well respected reporters were thrown in for good measure. She warned me to play nice, mingle, and avoid any direct questions regarding the charges and my personal behaviours. I assured her I'd make her proud, my sarcasm in its finest form. Alice rolled her eyes at me.

The entire family, including Emmett and Rosalie were in attendance. Apparently, Alice made it clear that their presence was mandatory. It was important to present a united front, especially in light of my current divorce proceedings, to reinforce my presumed family closeness and high moral standing.

Like I'd always said, appearance is everything.

I avoided Rosalie as much as possible, not that it was difficult. She seemed to be steering clear of me as well, reinforcing my notion that Rosalie was the friend in question. It kind of surprised me that no one else made the connection. Perhaps they did but chose to ignore it for Emmett's sake. Carlisle, nor Esme, was purposely confrontational and they wouldn't want to destroy Emmett's happiness over me.

"Hey bro," Emmett passed me a tumbler with scotch. "Things are going well."

"Yeah." I agreed, the wheels in my head turning, "Em, I need you to cover me for a few minutes." I ducked into the library and closed the heavy wooden door.

My first impulse was to call Bella but I decided against it. I couldn't risk Jake answering the phone again. I wouldn't be able to constrain my rage and return to the party in a reasonably acceptable temperament.

I opted to call Markus instead. Overall the conversation pleased me. Markus explained what he knew of the circumstances with which Jake left. He didn't know anything except a family member was in hospital. I found out that much on my own.

Really Jake? A family member? You fucking wish!

The part that was most pleasing, had the most affect, was his returning to Florida on Saturday. I could live with that, knowing it wasn't a permanent return to Forks. I hated knowing he could be there and I couldn't but I'd make it up to her.

One more day and I could call Bella without frothing at the mouth, thinking that bastard was there goading her into hating me. I stopped in my tracks as that idea swirled in my head. She didn't need his coercion to hate me. I'd given her enough reason all on my own. How the fuck was I going to handle this? Make Bella understand? Forgive?

I returned to the great room, a little more optimistic than before but still troubled by not knowing how to fix this with Bella. It would be much easier if I could just go to her, make her see me, touch her but that seemed impossible, at the moment.

The night ended on a positive note. The family was convinced that our entire guest list was behind me one hundred percent. They each had a few stories to share of specific backers challenging the charges against me. Like any pseudo celebrity, I was the target of a vicious attack by a malicious, ill-willed gold digger.

I wondered if their opinions would change when they found out about Lucy's wealthy background but Alice assured me they wouldn't. Alice believed tonight's gathering would lock in their conviction. Why? Because of my reputation up to this point, my charming disposition, _'when you choose to unleash it'_ she added, making a dig about this morning's staff meeting, and my direct association to the highly revered and respected Dr. and Mrs. Cullen.

Alice and Jasper dropped me off at the hotel. I showered and went straight to bed.

To bed but not to sleep.

Different scenarios played in my mind like movies on the big screen. I envisioned every possible scenario, tried to see every angle, ways of convincing Bella to trust me, believe me, forgive me. I must have flipped to her picture a million times, even dared to call her but my nerve fell short. What would I say? What if Jake answered again?

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, held it for one…two…three seconds before exhaling.

The truth shall set me free.

What a fucking revelation!

The truth, what was the truth? My truth?

I'm a fucking man-whore who cheated on his stoned wife. Then fell in love with a beautiful stranger who, although she lived a pauper's life, was so far out of my fucking league that it hurt me to think I could never be with her. I was beneath her in all facets of life. Contrary to the image Alice was constructing I was morally corrupt. I didn't deserve her, I didn't deserve my Bella.

Was I capable of change? It seemed impossible, hopeless. Could she love me anyway?

I struggled with my questions, my dilemma, throughout the entire night. Tossing and turning in restless fits of cat naps and nightmares until the early morning sun forced my eyes open. It was Saturday. Jake was leaving today, sometime today, and I would call my Bella tonight, late, to be sure he was gone and she could speak to me freely. Free from his damning eyes and sharp tongue.

The promise of hearing her voice, hearing her speak my name, it was enough to invigorate me. I went for a jog through the city, ensuring my path would circle back to the hotel. I would be meeting Tonya for lunch, more of a social engagement then business. Not sex, I had no desire to have sex with anyone right now, Bella being the only exception. Who would have thought I'd ever think that way? Maybe there was hope for me yet.

Tonya wanted to have lunch and just talk as friends. If I knew Tonya, and I did, there was a little more to it than that. I hadn't told my side of the story for her listening pleasure yet. It's much easier to discuss those things with a friend in a casual setting then to rattle off the list of events to your judgemental lawyer. As friends sharing stories, Tonya would get a better sense of the details and emotions involved as opposed to a nondescript, unemotional, high level step by step recount.

She would then compare my version with the statement from Lucy and try to figure out where the holes were in Lucy's story. It was a whole process and it took an analytical mind to decipher, though to the general public it may not seem like a big deal.

I was glad to have Tonya acting on my behalf. Alistair was good, really good, for a lot of my shit, like he said, but if I couldn't defend myself in this instance, Tonya was the best choice.

I often down played her accomplishments, mainly because I'm an ass, but she was at the top of her field, similar to me. The only reason she wasn't a partner is because she chose not to be but, rest assured, her salary didn't miss the title. Tonya was not in to pats on the back and thank you's. Professionally, she was out for blood and in business, any kind of business, that equates to money, pecuniary appreciation.

Lunch turned out to be more enjoyable then I'd expected. Tonya was patient and as non-invasive as possible. I think it bothered her, a little, to sit there and listen to my sexual encounter with someone else but she managed to get through it without expressing her disgust.

It's one thing to know you're not the only one and a completely different thing to listen to the details. I don't think I would be able to maintain the same composure if the shoe was on the other foot. Fortunately, though that seems a bad choice of words, I didn't have to listen to her tales, as extensive as my own I'm sure.

With that uncomfortable discussion out of the way, we were able to simply enjoy each other's company. We'd never actually spent this much time together without sex and it was nice to look at her and see the brilliant and funny woman she was and not just the body I'd reduced her to. She was very different from her sister, Kate. Kate was a very needy, co-dependant type person whereas Tonya was independent and in control. In a different time and place, we might have been good together, as a couple.

Fuck! What has Bella done to me? I'm going soft. This is not the way I think.

A knock came on the door forcing me out of my irrational thoughts. It was Jasper and Emmett. They insisted I go with them to meet Carlisle at the golf club.

"Not tonight guys." My refusal fell on deaf ears.

"It's not a suggestion bro. Dad sent us to get you." Emmett grinned.

"How's it going to look if I'm out living it up with the boys?" I tried. "I can see the headlines now." I panned my hand, high in the air, from left to right as I pictured the newsprint. "From Jailhouse to Clubhouse, Cullen's free to prowl."

"Alice thought it would be ok." Jasper piped in, knowing how much that statement would irritate me.

_Alice thought it would be ok!_ What? Did I need Alice's stamp of approval on my every move now?

There was no use in fighting it. I grabbed my jacket and followed my two captors out.

We reached the golf club just after seven and the receptionist directed us to the billiards room, where Carlisle had reserved a table. I had to admit, as much as I was not in the mood for one of Carlisle's bonding sessions, once we arrived, I kind of welcomed the distraction.

I could have protested harder, called Carlisle myself to explain. I'm sure, under the circumstances, he would have let me out of my obligations but I still had a few hours before I could call Bella, so it was either this or park my ass in the hotel for the rest of the night and drive myself into a crazed frenzy, waiting for the right time.

The first game was a practice run, a chance for Emmett to warm up. Jasper and I sat back and watched as Carlisle kicked Emmett's ass. The four of us were basically equalled in skill so every game was a challenge. We couldn't arbitrarily determine the winner.

"I let you win," Emmett defended, his big voice low and brooding. There were a few minutes of banter between them before Jasper and I got up to find suitable pool sticks.

We decided on teams by griping a pool stick, hand over hand. A childish way if you asked me but Carlisle insisted it was the only fair way. A coin was flipped to determine who broke first.

"What are the stakes?" I asked, grinning.

A few suggestions were thrown out and we agreed, for Carlisle's sake, on a lame money bet. There were much more intriguing things we could have chosen but with my presumed track record and Carlisle's need for something tasteful, money it was.

After four games, we were tied. Carlisle racked the balls and Emmett, chalking his stick, prepared for the break. The waiter came by and dropped off a round of drinks then informed of us a poker game setting up in another room. I usually enjoyed a game of poker but not tonight. I was eager, and nervous, to get back to my room to call Bella. Poker games at the club went on forever.

Emmett sunk two balls on the break and hit a lucky streak as he cleaned up nicely on his first round. We won the tie breaker. Carlisle and Jasper dug deep into their pockets to pay off the bet.

"Is this really necessary?" Jasper kidded as he handed over his cash. "I need something to play poker with."

I quickly grabbed his bundle and jabbed his shoulder. It was definitely necessary. Carlisle was a little more gracious in handing his cash over to Emmett though his eldest son was quick to rub it back in his face. Emmett was such a kid!

Winning put me in a good mood, adding to my confidence, for the call I'd make later. My ego had taken quite a beating with all the shit that's been going on and the win, however trivial, was uplifting.

Jasper and Emmett rushed out to join the poker game. I declined, knowing my purpose for being here tonight was not entirely for bonding and male whimsy. My father had a plan for me.

Carlisle asked me to join him in the gentlemen's room. That was one of the perks of this club. There were gender specific areas where men could be pigs or just relax without the threat of some female throwing a fit over our inappropriate behaviour. Women enjoyed the same perks in their area, where they could do whatever the hell they did without the threat of being harassed, or considered inappropriate themselves. Like us, they had a gym in their section so I guess they liked to let it all hang out sometimes too.

We found two leather club chairs beside the window and sat down. A waiter immediately approached us requesting our drink order and promptly returned before our conversation got started. Carlisle always took his time when he approached serious issues. I knew what was coming and was determined to keep my cool.

"Edward," he began, "I was hoping for a chance like this where we could sit and talk, just the two of us." I nodded in response.

He pondered for a few minutes, searching for the right words, "I want to make sure that you know, that you understand, your mother and I are not supporting you simply because you're our son. We support you because we know you, we know you aren't capable of this. Even before you defended yourself to us the other day, we never had any doubt that you were innocent."

"Dad, I swear I didn't. I never would." My eagerness to remit my defence once again reminded me of when we were kids and Alice would blame me for hitting her, _it wasn't me dad I swear'_. A chuckle escaped from my throat as I sighed.

He grinned, "you're a good boy, Edward. A little misguided at times, perhaps, but a good boy just the same."

His sentiment was touching.

"With that said," here it comes, "there's a point in every man's life, Edward, where we must decide what kind of man we want to be. Some men never choose, and that's their choice," he stopped and let that confusing statement sink in. I got it and nodded my head in understanding. "they never seem to find a place to fit in. Some choose one way or the other and are dissatisfied with the lives they lead. Still, there are some men who make the right choice and are richer for it."

"I'm already rich dad." I teased, knowing full well he wasn't talking about materialism.

"Edward," his face fell briefly as he scolded me with his eyes. "I just want to reaffirm for you that we're here and we always will be."

That was it. That was as far as his conversation went. They supported me, they believed in me and, the unspoken statement, they loved me. Why did I find it so hard to believe?

It was later then I'd expected when Carlisle dropped me off at the hotel. Jasper and Emmett were still deep into the game when we left. I debated whether or not I should call Bella like I'd planned or wait until morning. I pulled up her picture and softly touched the screen where her cheek was.

It was stupid and silly and I couldn't help it and, as if I'd somehow willed the phone to ring, it began to vibrate in my hands.

It was Bella. Bella was calling me. Excited and surprised and every other emotion I could think of surged through my body as I tried to answer the call.

"Bella?" I asked, still unable to convince myself that she was calling me. What did this mean? Had she forgiven me? I waited as long as I could, only seconds, but there was no reply, "are you still there?" Was it a mistake, a mirage? Did I dream the call because I wanted it so badly?

Then her voice came through, loud and clear. "Give me a reason not to hate you!"

Her voice was strong, demanding, and neither scenario that I'd dreamed in my head, had prepared me for that question, her directness. I didn't know how to respond, what I could say to prevent her from hating me. I decided on the only course of action that made sense, honesty.

Lying is what brought me to this point. Between Lucy's lies taking me away from Bella and my lies potentially separating us forever, I figured there could be no harm in trying the truth.

If this was the last time I'd ever speak to her, she deserved to hear as much truth as I could muster.

"I can't do that." I stated. I was humbled by my own words, humbled by my feelings for this woman. "Bella, I can give you answers, reasons, excuses but it's not going to make you hate me any less."

She remained silent but I heard her sigh, weakly, and I'd almost bet she was crying. I'd broken her resolve and something inside me felt different, felt broken too. I'd already done too much and I was sorry. Sorry for dragging her into this mess, my life, but now that I had, now that she was here, I wasn't strong enough to let her go.

"I heard you were in the hospital, are you ok? What happened?" I asked, needing some time before trying again.

Before asking her to forgive me.

"You don't need to concern yourself with me, Edward. I'm fine." Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat trying to disguise her sadness, "this was a mistake, I shouldn't have called. Good b…."

"No. Bella. Wait! Please?." The warm heat of panic swept through my body and I felt beads of sweat formulate on my forehead. There was so much I needed to say, wanted to say, but my tongue froze in its place and I couldn't get anything out. Where do I even start?

Suddenly, I felt nervous. Was that an emotion or a reaction?

I wasn't sure.

I'd never experienced it before, being nervous.

This, my current state, had to be nervous. Like a rolodex, I searched inside my brain for examples, young men and women, graduates, facing me for the first time in an interview, Emmett proposing to Rosalie, Jasper meeting my parents as Alice's boyfriend. Yes, I was nervous. My face was burning hot, my hands were cold and damp, I felt ill like I wanted to vomit.

This had to stop!

I couldn't keep Bella on the phone if I were too nervous to open my mouth.

Instead of telling her everything I had to say, telling her how my life began the moment she walked into it, even though I hadn't realized it at the time. Telling her I wanted her with me, beside me, needed her to be here.

Instead of telling her I loved her I blurted out, "trust me."

"What?" She asked, her voice far less steady then before.

"Trust me, Bella, please?" I begged. "Someday, I will explain it all but for right now I need you to trust me. I need you to forget all this bullshit and …." She cut me off before I could finish.

"Trust you? Mr. Cullen? Trust _**you**_?" Her voice was growing louder, she began to chuckle sarcastically, hurt, "Do you know how ridiculous you sound? Who do you expect me to trust? The _**married**_ Edward Cullen who's been accused of rape or Edward Mason, who's no more real than a figment of my imagination?``

``Bella, `` I felt a strangeness build in my sinus cavity and my eyes began to pool with water. I was losing her. How could I argue with her assessment?

I couldn't.

"Please give me a chance to set everything straight. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sor…."

"Stop Edward. Don't you dare say you're sorry to me." Bella's voice cracked again. She paused taking a labored breath, sobbing as quietly as possible, not wanting me to hear her. Not wanting me to know how much I'd meant to her, how much I hurt her. "You had more than enough opportunity to come clean, to tell me who you were. Don't tell me you're sorry now because you're only sorry for getting caught."

Her words cut through me like a stake through the heart. I couldn't hold back my own tears as I listened to her hateful tone and soft whimpers. She was angry and hurt and sad and she loved me. I knew that now, more than ever.

Bella loved me.

That's why I was able to hurt her so much and, because she loved me, I would take whatever she dished out. I would take it because I loved her too. I loved her and I deserved to pay for hurting her and I would pay for it. I'd spend the rest of my life making it up to her.

I swallowed hard as I tried to suppress my own tears, steady my voice just enough so that she could understand me. "Bella, I don't blame you for hating me right now. I deserve it. I was wrong and I know it. I'm begging you to give me another chance. I promise to fix everything if you'd just give me another chance." I took a deep breath, fearful that she'd scream at me, hang up on me or do something that would prevent me from finishing but there was silence, an open-line and silence.

I took that as a good sign, encouragement to keep going and I dared to go a step further. "Do you love me, Bella?" I whispered. I rubbed my hand across my cheek to prevent the salty solution from dripping off my jaw.

Yes, she was angry and yes, she had every right to be but I couldn't wait, I had to hear her say it, say it now. Say that she loved me still, she loved me in spite of her anger. I just needed to hear her say it.

She had nothing to lose by admitting it and then, then I'd know where I stood with her and I could say those words back to her.

My heart was beating fast in anticipation of hearing her profess her love for me. I knew she loved me. I knew she was hurt and angry and it would take some time to heal all of that but she loved me and I loved her and it would be ok. We'd start over.

"Edward," her voice was soft. My hands began to shake, waiting, waiting for her to say it. Just say it Bella. "I thought I was falling…."

"Yes," I whispered, almost begging for it. Say it Bella.

"I thought I was falling for you, falling in love with you." She breathed. I heard the breath enter her body, fill her lungs, then she exhaled. Say it Bella, I urged to her in my thoughts, say it.

"…but now," it was coming. She was speaking slowly, teasing me, making me wait for it. Now she knows it, now she sure she loves me. "…now Edward…."

"there's no misunderstandings, no doubts. Edward," I closed my eyes and let her sweet soft voice fill my senses, ignite the energy in me that would keep me going, give me reason to fight. Say it Bella, I'm ready. "It's hard for me…to…think …."

"Yes." I groaned, waiting.

"to think about you, about loving you when I don't even know you. Edward, you don't lie to people about such important things, your identity, when you care about them. I can't trust you, I don't trust you and without trust there can't be love. I'll admit I…was terribly infatuated but you opened my eyes. I'm sorry Edward, there can't be anything between us. Not now, now ever."

"What?" I was stunned like someone had kicked the shit out of me, it hurt to breathe. "Bella please."

The line went dead.

That was it. It was over and she was fine with it.

"Rrrrragghhh", I roared and punched the fucking wall, sending my fist, wrist deep, passed the cream colored drywall. The pain felt good and the bitter sting of my wet salty eyes felt good. The blood seeping from my knuckles looked good.

I fucking deserved it!

I called room service and had a bottle of their best whiskey brought to my room. The first glass went down fast and hard. I winced a little at the burning heat in the back of my throat but it got easier to take with each glass.

It was over. I lost her. I lost Bella. I gulped down another full glass of the fiery liquid and noticed things, parts of my body, felt numb. I liked that. The not feeling.

Eventually, I passed out.

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

The noise, the banging, the constant beat threatened to make my head explode. What the fuck was that? I tried to open my eyes. The sun streamed in between the slats of the window blind and I looked around, through the tiny slits of my barely open eyelids, searching for the source of that fucking noise.

I figured out that someone was at the door. I couldn't stand, couldn't walk, so I crawled across the dirty carpet. I reached for the door knob and after a few tries managed to unlock it and twist the handle. The door was pushed open by some force on the other side and smacked me in my already aching head.

"Fuck." I growled.

"Edward!" Alice's high pitch screeched through my ear canal and I wondered if they were bleeding. I was tempted to stick my finger in and find out but that took too much effort.

"Alice, shut up!" I groaned.

"Jasper he's in here." She screamed again. "Edward, you look like shit. What happened?" She stepped into the room. Her nose immediately turned up as she put the pieces together.

I heard Jasper run up the hallway, his thump, thump, thump echoed in my brain. I lifted my hand to my forehead and held it tight, trying to keep it together.

"Dude, what happened?"

"You know what happened." Alice shrilled, "It smells like a brewery in here."

Jasper helped me to the table and sat me on a chair while Alice called for a pot of strong coffee and ice. They tried to sober me up to attend Esme's Thanksgiving dinner. The thought of food twisted my stomach into knots and I could feel the bile squeeze up into my throat.

Alice cleaned up my knuckles then forced my hand into a container of ice. Jasper placed a hot cup of coffee in front of me, the aroma was overwhelming. I pushed the cup across the table not wanting to smell it.

"Drink it, Edward." Alice demanded. "Jasper run the shower for him. That should help," she looked me over, looked for ways to improve on my current situation. "and he'll need to shave," she added.

She puttered around my dark room, pulled the rip cord on the blinds and let the sun pour in. The light was painful. "Alice," I couldn't shout though I wanted to. "Just leave me alone. Close that fucking blind." I lifted the hot coffee to my lips and sipped a little.

The pounding in my head could not be ignored, even before I actually opened my eyes, but now that I was forced to sober up, all other feeling began to return and I didn't like it.

My knuckles were swollen and throbbing to the same beat as my head. I slept sitting up with my back against the wall and now my back hurt, my neck was stiff, all my joints were stiff, and my heart. My fucking heart was beating in half notes. Music was the only way I knew to describe the change. It no longer pulsed melodically in whole notes, full beats. The pattern was broken and irregular, half notes, half…broken.

Jasper and Alice finally accomplished their mission and delivered a clean, shaved version of myself to my parent's Thanksgiving dinner. The house was filled with guests, extended family, happily married couples with children in various stages of life. Some of my cousins, similar in age to my siblings and I, already had children of their own, babies, toddlers and little people that ran through the house like it was their own playground.

The assembly annoyed the piss out of me. I found it difficult to appreciate these people when they weren't whispering behind my back, asking me questions about my life, offering their condolences and sympathies over my failed marriage and pending charges. Of course, no one believed the accusations, _'they're family Edward, they support you.'_ Esme tried but I wasn't as optimistic as my mother, when it came to human nature, blood thicker than water and all of that crap.

I pushed food around on my plate, hoping nobody noticed I wasn't eating. Everyone complimented Esme on a job well done as servers brought dish after dish, of her hard work, around for all to enjoy. My stomach was still reeling from last night's liquor binge and nothing in front of me seemed to appeal to my deepening sense of hunger.

Rosalie sat across the table from me. Fortunately, the table measured about three and half feet across and I couldn't reach her, not even accidently kick her, from underneath the table. I wouldn't have anyway, I would never hit a woman but she brought out the savage in me. She tossed her hair gently, making eye contact with the adults, cooing over the snot nosed youngsters, firming her position in our clan as Emmett's wife to be. I hated her and by the way she avoided looking in my direction I was confident the feeling was mutual.

I bolted from the table as soon as proper etiquette allowed and bee lined it to the library where a well-stocked bar was at my disposal. I filled a glass, and drank it down then refilled it and placed it on the piano's ledge, near the music rack. I concealed the bottle beside the leg of the bench, easy access yet not noticeable to anyone who might peek in.

I started off playing my own piano adaptation of Hinder's Bliss, which I thought fit my mood quite sufficiently. My fingers ran through a few bars of Apologize by OneRepublic then drifted into Metallica's Nothing Else Matters. It wasn't nearly as impressive, without the electric guitar, but I managed and it was slow enough that I could push it out under the heavy influence of a half emptied bottle of scotch.

I was singing for all I was worth when Emmett came through the door, Rosalie was close behind him. "Edward, people can hear you, tone it down."

"…forever trush inwhoooo we are…no noshing elshe mattarshhhh." I sang loud and perfectly coherent, if I do say so myself.

"Oh man, you're toasted. Rose, close the door." Emmett said as he came toward me.

"Hey bro, come haf a drink wit me." I said.

"Emmett, you should take him upstairs." Rose suggested.

I stood up, stumbled a little, "you can shush da fug up misshy." I blinked trying to focus on Rose.

"That's enough Edward." Emmett commanded in my father's voice. "Let's go."

"Get yer fuggin' hansh offfff me." I shrugged him off. "If it wasn't fer her, I wouldn't be here." I said pointing at Rose.

Emmett looked at Rosalie, apologetically, "he's drunk."

"Edward, you've created this mess all on your own." Rose answered.

"No,no,no. Lucy wondent haf done dis if you never toll her to." Ok, that didn't sound quite right. I knew what I wanted to say, I was thinking straight but the interpreter between my brain and my mouth wasn't functioning properly. "You got her to do dis." I tried again. Rose stood shaking her head. She didn't respond.

Emmett hoisted me up onto his shoulder and began walking across the room. "Weeeee! Em, I can fly." I extended my arms, I think. "Dis is good shit, man. I'm fuggin' flyin'. Rosie, grab dat bottle fer me."

Emmett snuck me upstairs without my parents, or other family members, becoming wise of my drunken state of mind. I must have passed out because I woke up the next day in my room at the hotel. It was noon when I checked my phone and I called down for another bottle. I liked the numbness the alcohol offered and I didn't want to feel anything.

Riley returned on Wednesday as expected, atleast he said it was Wednesday. Who was I to question it? I was, obviously, in no shape to drive so I just had him park my car in the underground garage. He rambled on about something to do with Eric but I couldn't remember what he'd talked about.

Tonya called me a few times. I was supposed to help her with my defence but who needed defending. My life was over.

The last time I went to work, Gianna called Riley who detained me in my office until Emmett retrieved me and brought me back to the hotel. Apparently, I couldn't remember Gianna's name and kept referring to her as Gigi and broke a few of the sculptures I'd stumbled into. I guess I didn't make a very good impression.

Alice had threatened to pull me from my position in the company, a couple times, if I didn't get my act together. The few public spectacles I'd created were damning, making it difficult for people to perceive me as sympathetic or empathetic, whichever one applied. Maybe I should ask Tonya, the grammar queen.

One night, Alice came to the hotel to beg me to clean up. "Edward, please?"

I threw the bottle of whiskey, I'd had in my hand, at the wall. "Damn it, Alice. It doesn't fucking matter!" I barked. By this time, I had better control of my drunken linguistics.

"Edward, you're still in control. Asking you to step down as President and CEO is just for the public, you'd still maintain your control. It's temporary!"

"You don't fucking get it!" I looked her straight in the face, close, trying to intimidate her into backing off. Alice was used to me and faced me, she wasn't afraid. "I've lost her, Alice. Nothing matters to me now." My tone changed, softened momentarily, and I was on the verge of crying in front of my baby sister.

"Who?" Alice put her hand on my shoulder, gently.

"Get the fuck out. Now!" I screamed.

The days ran into one another and I couldn't be sure if it were day or night. I mostly stayed in my room, drinking, but one night, it was dark outside, I'd worked up enough energy to go out. I ended up at my cousin, Alec's pub.

I kept to myself, talking only to Alec. It was a small business and he often tended bar himself. "I think you've had enough, cous." He said after I'd been there a few hours.

"Call Ems," I said. I was ready to leave. I needed to lie down before I fell off the bar stool that kept swiveling beneath me. I'm not sure why but I couldn't keep it still.

"Well, well, well. Edward." I turned to see who had said my name. My hand slipped from beneath my chin and I lost my balance, falling from the stool. I was able to catch myself before I landed on my ass then repositioned myself on the stool once again.

"I don't want any trouble, Jane. You best be on your way." I heard Alec say.

"No trouble, Alec. Edward called me, asked me to come." Jane replied sweetly.

When the fuck did I call her?

"Edward, don't move. I'm going to call Emmett. I'll be right back." I watched Alec disappear from behind the bar and when I turned back, Jane was stirring my drink.

"Gimme dat." I grabbed my drink from her, gulped it down and slowly…

Slowly…

Everything…

…went…

Black.

In the blackness, I envisioned Bella. Her warm body so close to mine we had become one, moved as one. Her hair wisped across my face, her lips on mine, on my neck, on my chest. Her nails scratching my back, into my flesh. Her hot heavy breath against my face. My hardness surrounded by her warmth, her wetness.

She moaned.

I moaned.

She laughed.

I laughed.

It seemed to take a while to really wake up from my beautiful dream but as I slowly came to my senses, still confused, a little disoriented, I heard voices. A man's voice, hushed and hurried then a door closed.

"Thanks Edward. I had a great time." She laughed.

"What?"

"You were just as I remembered. I figured you would have learned some new tricks by now."

"Jane!" Suddenly, I was very much awake.

"Good boy." Jane cupped my chin in her hand. I jerked my jaw out of her grasp. "I was beginning to think you'd forgotten my name. Who's Bella, Edward?"

I gasped.

"No matter. She didn't miss much." Jane laughed wickedly as she walked out of the room.

I couldn't chase after her, I was naked. Fuck!

I jumped into my clothes as quickly as possible and pulled my phone from my jacket pocket. "Emmett, I need you to pick me up."

"Where have you been? We've looked everywhere." Emmett returned.

"I can't explain I just need you now." I rushed into the phone, sickened by the recent events, I could only presume, took place.

"Where are you?" He asked, concerned, obviously picking up on the terror in my own voice.

I searched around the room trying to find some pamphlet or menu or something that would tell me where I was. "Hold on." I looked out the window and saw a flashing Neon sign that spelled vacancy. Above it was the motel name and I read it out to Emmett. He had never heard of this place before and neither had I. He promised to google it and pick me up as soon as possible.

Emmett was full of questions when I got into his jeep. "Not now Emmett," I stated calmly, sadly, "I can't talk about this right now."


	13. Chapter 12

**`A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Chapter 12 BPOV**

Fifteen minutes had passed and I was still on the floor, back against the wall, staring blankly at my phone, cold, hard, inanimate. I hung up on him, on Edward.

Twenty minutes and counting.

I regretted it, regretted hanging up on him but what else could I do? I was so close to saying it, telling him I loved him…still.

My degree of pathetic was almost laughable, teetering between love and hate, sadness and anger. Not sure what I really felt and too embarrassed to admit it either way.

If I did love him, was in love with him, and sad, it meant he hurt me and I had given him that power.

If I hated him and was angry, it meant that he hurt me. A woman scorned and all that. Again, it was me, giving him that power to hurt, to scorn.

There was no win for me. I squeezed my eyes shut, desperately trying to stop the waterworks but the tears managed to seep through slowly.

I was so ashamed for wanting him still. Wanting him, longing for his touch, his lips and knowing it was all lies.

He lied and I should hate him with every fiber of my body but I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hate him.

My God WHY?

Why would he do this?

I pulled the phone to my chest as if it were him, as if it were the only thing in the world keeping me alive. My only link, my only connection to him, and I drew it closer to my heart.

I was angry with him for creating this fantasy. Angry with myself, for trusting, for wanting, for loving against my better judgement. I was so stupid. How could I have fallen for this? For him? _"WHY?"_ I cried out

My chest rose and fell, hard, under the weight of my heavy sobs. Air filled my lungs, I could hear it, feel it and yet I was breathless, gasping, struggling to breathe as I thought about him, about his lies.

My hands lifted to cover my tear-soaked face allowing the cold hard device to slip from my grasp and fall flat to the floor, with a dead thud. I was overwhelmed by my shame for wanting him, my guilt for trusting him, and my desperation, in spite of it all.

Regardless of what I felt, defined or undefined, I wouldn't let him know it. He wouldn't know he made me cry, hurt me so much I cried for him, over him.

It was easy to be strong, to live in my anger, to demand he tell me what I needed to hear but the sound of his voice, weak and tender, broke me, broke my heart. I held my breath, not wanting to cry, as I listened to him begging, pleading, asking for my trust, my forgiveness, my love.

I wanted to say yes.

Yes to it all, but I couldn't. I couldn't let him in again, to break me. The physical trauma I'd suffered in the accident, bangs and bruises, would eventually heal.

My body would heal.

In time I'd forget his touch, the feel of his hand holding mine, his soft, gentle fingers caressing my cheek, his strong, muscular arms wrapped around my body, embracing me. In time I would forget the feel of his lips as they brushed and lingered against my own, drawing me closer, drawing me in.

When would my heart heal?

My soul?

How do I forget the affect he had on me?

Without him, I could have lived for a thousand years and never know what I was missing. But now, one day seemed like forever and it hurt so much.

Telling him _'there could never be anything between us'_, the words echoed in my ears, was the hardest thing I'd ever done, the hardest words I'd ever spoken.

Harder than leaving my newly made friends when Renee got one of her whimsical urges to move, harder than telling her I wanted to live with Charlie when living with her was no longer bearable. It was even harder than saying no to Jake's proposal, under the threat of losing my best friend.

It was hard because I didn't truly believe what I'd said. '_A rose by any other name would smell as sweet', _isn't that how Shakespeare put it?

I knew him.

Maybe I didn't know his true identity, maybe I didn't know…anything about him, about his family, his job, his money but I knew him. Deep down, I knew Edward. I knew the man behind the name.

Mason or Cullen, mine or otherwise, Edward preferred orange juice over apple, wouldn't eat eggs if the yolk was broken, liked to dip Doritos in melted chocolate but only the nacho flavor. He liked to dance to cheesy music and sing like a rock star in the shower. He pushed his hand through his copper hair, front to back, when he was frustrated, bit the inside of his cheek when he was nervous, and scratched the back of his neck when he was thinking.

He liked to smell my hair when he thought I wouldn't notice and stare men down if they happened to look in my direction. He'd put himself in harm's way if he thought it would protect me and challenge anyone, right or wrong, if he felt they were disrespecting me. My perfect Edward made a fool of himself to hide my mistakes. He liked to tease me, and kiss me, and touch me. He was romantic and loving and funny and sensitive.

I knew his sweet, silly side that I'm sure nobody else got to see. I knew what was in his heart when he looked at me, when he held my hand, when he slept beside me.

When he slept beside me.

Slept…beside…me.

That's when his feelings changed for me. Putting the pieces together made me cry harder. It was proof.

Proof that he did love me.

It was no longer my assumption, my wish, my want. He _had_ fallen for me.

I shook my head, hoping the movement would somehow force those thoughts from my mind, from my heart. Somehow, make me forget because it didn't matter now.

It didn't matter if he loved me. It didn't matter if he deliberately avoided sex, in his diluted sense of nobility, protecting me from the lies that he knew would eventually surface.

It didn't change anything. It didn't change the fact that he lied. Willingly, purposefully, he knowingly lied to me from the beginning.

He lied…. He's married.

I forced myself to stop crying, angrily wiping the trail of tears off my cheeks, and climbed the stairs for the serenity of my bedroom.

Serenity? Was I kidding?

Everything in my bedroom reminded me of him as if fate, itself, was punishing me for being such a stupid girl. His collared shirt was draped across the end of my bed waiting for me to slip into it, to sleep in it as I had every night. The scent of him still lingered on my pillow, strong enough that I envisioned him beside me, as he had been for so many weeks. My comforter wrapped tightly around me as if it were his arms holding me close.

Quietly I wept, hurting, aching, as I drifted into my heavyhearted slumber, feeling more alone than I'd ever felt in my life.

Morning came way too soon and I was still tired from my restless sleep. Though my body hadn't stirred, my mind raced through the night searching for him. Searching for some truth in his lies, searching for some validation that his feelings for me were real, what I felt for him was real.

Through sore and swollen eyes, I strained in the darkness of my room to find the familiar green digits on the alarm clock. It was 5 a.m., too early to begin the day and yet I couldn't spend another second in this bed, in this room.

I watched the sun rise, or atleast the sky brighten, from my back porch while I sipped my tea. It was time for my fantasy to end.

It already had.

I fought back my desire to cry again. I wouldn't cry.

I was ready for change. I needed a change. I'd spent all my life living in someone's shadow, always someone lingering in close proximity to fix my problems, any issues that arose in my life. It was time for me to take on that responsibility. If this situation with Edward taught me anything it was time to stand up, speak up and assert my rights, my wants. If I had ever done that before, perhaps, I wouldn't have been so gullible to the likes of Edward Mas...Cullen.

My entire life had been ruled by my sense of guilt and responsibility. From parenting Renee, being responsible for Charlie's health and wellness to my personal obligations toward Jake. I'd spent so much time juggling those roles that I allowed each of them, in turn, to take the lead on all other aspects of my life.

That stopped right now.

My first act of independence was to find a replacement for me at the clinic. I wasn't ready to return to work. From the physical pain and limitations to the emotional upheaval consuming most of my head and my heart, I was not able to return to work and function. I wanted a vacation, time for me, to clear my head and figure out what I really wanted.

Angela had been very supportive over the last few months, backing me up, rearranging my schedule, handling the clinic without me, especially since the accident. Even though she didn't exactly agree with my decision to jump, head first, into a live-in relationship with Edward, she supported me. It was time to take some of the pressure off her.

There was only one person I'd comfortably turn my practice over too. Tyler Crowley.

Tyler and I became friends during our second year at school. We were assigned as partners in a biology lab course. He was tall, dark and handsome and quite smooth with the ladies. He hit on me a couple of times, even kissed me once, but our lack of chemistry made the decision to be friends quite easy. Plus, he was a player and proud of it, a complication I didn't need in my life.

As a veterinarian I had a lot of respect for him. His personal waywardness, his promiscuity, was not one of his better qualities but as long as it didn't interfere with his work, I could overlook it.

"Bella Swan. How are you?" His cheery voice sailed through the phone, excited to hear from me.

"Hi Tyler. I'm okay and you?" I asked with no obvious smile in my tone.

Our conversation led us through the last couple of months which left him single again. No surprise. "Tyler," I said, half scolding, half joking, "no woman in her right mind is going to put up with that shit."

"Oh come on. I didn't mean it." He snickered, obviously unaffected by his over dramatization of events.

I told him Jake had moved to Florida, though it wasn't permanent yet, that he had proposed to me and I turned him down, that Charlie and Sue had gone public with their relationship and Angela and Eric were doing well. He was familiar with all the names though he'd never met any of them personally.

"That's all great, Bella, but what about you?" He asked.

"Well," I paused. "That's actually why I'm calling. I had a little accident and…."

"An accident? What kind of accident?" The alarm in his voice was sincere, he was concerned.

"Tyler, really I'm fine. It was a car accident. I hydroplaned on the highway but I'm ok. I just want to take a break, sometime for myself, and I was wondering if you would oversee the clinic for me?" Tyler had been working exclusively for a big farming tycoon. He was responsible for several farms which exposed him to a variety of animals. A job he loved but when the owner passed away, the family let the entire staff go, sold the land to industrialists and auctioned off all the animals. Since then he'd been temping at a few hospitals in Chicago but hadn't committed to either one because he preferred a more personal environment, like my clinic.

"Bella, don't tease me? Are you serious?" He booked his flight, via the internet, while I was on the line with him, not taking any chances that I would change my mind.

Angela was relieved to hear my news about Tyler. She'd spoken to him a few times over the phone when he'd called for me and I'd always spoken very highly of his abilities. She understood my need for time without the full explanation I'd prepared. I don't know what I would do without her.

The clinic was closed but I decided to go in anyway, to ensure everything was in order, to make Tyler's transition as seamless as possible. I reviewed some files and finished up my outstanding reports, moved around some unimportant personal items, freeing up a little desk space, and checked on the inventory. The exam rooms were stocked.

As I walked down the hallway toward the lobby, ready to lock up and leave, I heard the front door open and close. Heavy footsteps crossed the room in my direction, "hello?" I called out as I rounded the corner.

"Bells?"

"Dad, what are you doing here?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing." He snorted. "It's too soon for you to return to work."

I chose my words carefully as I explained my intentions to Charlie. His weathered face distorted a little at my desire to exert my independence, my thoughts of leaving Forks, for a little while, then completely twisted out of shape when I implied Tyler would be taking over my clinic.

"This is all about that Edward, isn't it?" His impatience was growing.

"Maybe," I said, shrugging my shoulders, "it's just time dad. I need to…."

"Bells, there's something you should know. I think we should talk about this Edward."

"No, dad, please. Not now." I ushered him out. Avoiding the conversation where Charlie told me I'd behaved badly, should have known better.

On the upside, he did agree to let Tyler stay with him which was one less worry I had to contend with before Tyler arrived tomorrow afternoon.

It didn't take long for Tyler to settle in and once he did, it seemed like he belonged here. The local women, Angela included, were completely taken by his striking good looks and his natural charisma.

Angela had come with me, to the airport, when Tyler arrived. She was mesmerized, like a kid in a candy store.

"_Close your mouth." I giggled, nudging Angela's arm._

"_Oh," she replied, embarrassed. "I just didn't picture him so, so big." I looked at her and we both started to laugh at the implications of her comment. _

Angela would never cheat on Eric but it was amusing to watch her ogle someone else. For as long as I'd known her, she'd only ever had eyes for Eric.

I had never described Tyler's physical appearance to her and his six foot four stature seemed to make her blush. Maybe it was his eloquent charm or his tall, dark and gorgeousness. Whatever it was, I suddenly felt bad for introducing them. I was convinced Eric would hate me by the time he left Forks. If he ever left!

Contrary to what some believed, it wasn't completely one sided. Tyler fit in well with the male population too. For Charlie, Tyler seemed to fill the void left by Jake's move to Florida.

They hit it off almost immediately. Both huge sports fanatics, they seemed to talk endlessly about different ball games. Tyler attended Washington State on a basketball scholarship and was practically drafted to the national league until he blew out his knee. I think Charlie lived vicariously in Tyler's stories of three pointers and slam dunks. It was funny to watch my father re-enact the strategic moves as Tyler described them.

Lucky for Tyler, he was more than basketball. He was extremely bright and well versed, and coming from a military family, he'd travelled extensively throughout the world and easily adapted to all kinds of situations.

I was grateful for their instant friendship, especially with Jake in Florida and my preparing to leave, atleast for a little while. I was planning on making my move after Christmas, when my physical therapy was complete, but still was unsure of where to go, though it played on my mind everyday.

I'm not sure if Eric noticed Angela's enthrallment with Tyler, and I'm not sure if he held it against me, but suddenly I was receiving tabloid magazines. Mysteriously, the newspapers appeared just before lunch, on my doorstep, and only when Edward was featured on the cover. I was sure Eric was the culprit but couldn't decide if he was torturing me for Tyler's existence or if he was trying to remind me that Edward had cared for me like he seemed to believe.

I hoped it was the latter.

Since our last conversation, almost a month ago on Thanksgiving weekend, my phone rang a couple of times with Edward's number appearing on my screen as incoming. I'd take a deep breath, trace his name with my finger and, after allowing it to ring five or six times, ignore the call. There was nothing left to say. The articles I'd read in those papers, trash papers he'd called them, told me enough.

If you could believe everything you read I would have to say Edward Cullen was an egotistical, narcissist with a flair for pissing people off.

One article wrote: _Edward Cullen, in what appeared to be a drunken rage, crashed a fundraiser last night where he hijacked the podium and spent twenty minutes slurring his importance to Boston's most elite. Three security guards couldn't get close as Cullen swung at them with various objects within his reach. It wasn't until his father, Carlisle, approached the stage that the younger Cullen digressed…._

Another article said: _Another Edward Cullen spectacle occurred last night when, the thirty-something, business mogul confronted almost ex-father in-law, Dr. Aro Volturi. The two were said to be berating one another and disturbing the peace, in the city's most revered gentlemen's bar. No one has questioned why the esteemed Dr. Volturi was at the high end strip club but shouldn't Edward Cullen be a little more discreet considering his current run in with the law? Beware ladies, of the wolf in an Armani suit._

There were more articles, much the same, all implying Edward was out living it up in the social scene of Boston's high and mighty. Not the Edward I knew or even wanted to know. My fantasy Edward was really just that, a fantasy.

Considering the content of those articles maybe I should rethink Eric's motivation for bringing them to me. Nothing I read gave the impression that Edward was pining over the small town, obviously insignificant girl he'd toyed with.

Emily and I, and a few other girls from the reserve, drove to Port Angeles one night to see a local band play. The show was decent but the drive there, and back, had been excruciating. My back was not ready for long drives. I'd keep that in mind.

Emily stayed at my place that night, grateful for the time away from her full house. Aside from my physical pain, I enjoyed it too. Naturally, we talked about him. Emily started the conversation by asking if I'd heard from him. I was determined not to discuss the Edward topic, not wanting to be one of those women who was obsessed, but since she asked it was only polite to bring her up to date.

"You know, Bella, things may not be as they appear."

"What do you mean?" I asked. Surprised that Emily, Jake's friend, was attempting to defend Edward. I know Emily was on my side when it came to Jake's incessant pursuit of a more meaningful relationship with me, but I was taken aback that she would go as far as encourage me to pursue another man.

"If memory serves, you'd never seen Edward's picture before…." She started.

"No, but I didn't read those celebrity gossip pages." I argued.

"No, but Angela did and she followed Edward's wife specifically, right? So it only seems logical that _she_ would have recognized him." Emily grinned.

"Ok so?" I wasn't sure where she was going with this.

"Soooo." Emily rolled her eyes, exasperated, but I still didn't see what she thought was so apparent. "Isn't it possible that his recent flamboyance is the result and not the cause?"

"Em, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh my god, Bella. For a smart girl you play dumb very well." She said with another eye roll which was beginning to piss me off, in addition to the insult. "Edward's suddenly appearing in the papers because he doesn't care anymore. He doesn't care because of you. He's given up because he's not with you. Are you seeing it now? He's not deliberately acting out to get his face in the news. He's getting caught by photographers because he's acting out his anger over not being with you. Get it?"

"That's crazy, Emily. Even if your theory is a little right when you're deciphering cause and result, don't you think his divorce and the rape charge are weighing more heavily on his mind then me? If he'd cared he wouldn't have lied."

"Ok, I won't deny that it's possible but you really should consider my argument as well, before you completely write him off. Maybe answer his call sometime and really listen to what he's saying…."

Emily went on to tell me about a legend, a belief, held by her tribe. One they called imprinting. I'd heard many of the legends from Billy and Jake but this was new to me. Emily insisted Jake wouldn't tell me because he believed in it and knew he hadn't imprinted on me. She claimed it was the real reason he was so persistent, that he was sure he would eventually imprint on me but was afraid, by the time it happened, it would be too late. It was also the reason she took my side in the whole matter because imprinting didn't work that way.

She described it romantically, almost like love at first sight, with stars in her eyes as she spoke. Her vivid portrayal of boy meets girl, or vice versa in this case, was beautiful, incredible and fantastic and I wanted to believe in it too. The idea of kismet and destiny was wonderful and enticing. Knowing with absolute certainty that there was one person made just for you was perfect.

I blinked myself out of her fairy tale. It certainly didn't apply to my situation with Edward. Even if I admitted that I thought he was good looking, the first time I'd laid eyes on him, I couldn't deny the fact that I wanted to strangle him for almost causing an accident or for his arrogance or his pretentiousness. You could take your pick but either way you looked at it, it certainly wasn't love at first sight.

"It's not love at first sight." Emily insisted. "Look at me and Sam. We'd known each other our whole lives, then one day, it just happened."

"So, Jake's right then." I said, sure she would have to agree.

"No he's not. Maybe I'm not explaining it quite right." She paused for a moment and I could see the wheels turning in her head as she tried to come up with some way to make me understand. "Look at it this way," she started. "You've been with and around Jake basically your whole life too. You admit you love him but not like lovers would. You've dated other guys, liked, loved and dropped." I nodded in agreement. "So, why is it you can't get Edward out of your head?"

"Because of the circumstances. He lied." I contested.

"All the more reason to let him go, not give him a second thought. Don't you think?" Emily smiled.

I stayed silent, just looking at her. Could she be right?

"He's under your skin, he's in your head." She laughed excitedly, "He's your imprint. Don't fight it Bella."

I picked up a throw cushion and threw it at her, laughing, unsettled, "I'm going to bed."

One week before Christmas and it snowed. The roads were merely wet but the sidewalks, and usually grassy areas, were dusted white with the soft powder, allowing my footsteps to leave a trail behind me as I headed toward the diner. I was a little hopeful that we'd have snow for Christmas day but it was still too early to know for sure.

I was meeting Charlie for breakfast. He had called the night before and extended the invitation, along with his offer to pick me up. I accepted the invite but insisted on walking. The exercise was good for me, it helped alleviate some of the pain in my back.

As I walked across the parking lot my phone began to ring and a few horns beeped their _'good morning'_ greeting from drivers I knew. I waved with one hand while digging into my purse, searching for my phone, with the other.

"Hi Dad. I'm here."

"I'm going to be a little late." He said. "Go on in and have some coffee, I'll be there as soon as I can."

The diner was warm and bustling with patrons. Many of the senior residents spent their mornings here, especially around Christmas time. Music of the season played softly under the loud chatter of deep voices and hearty laughter. I scanned the room looking for a free table but nothing was available.

"Morning Bella," Cora's voice sounded over the other voices.

I smiled and headed toward her, making myself comfortable on a stool at the counter. So many aromas swirled around me of warm pancakes with maple syrup, sausages and bacon, eggs and toast, homemade bread and muffins. My stomach growled in response and I checked the large round clock above the order window, hoping Charlie would get here soon.

It took a few minutes before Cora made her way to my place at the counter, "what can I get for you?" she asked in her usual happy way.

"Just coffee for now," I said, "I meeting Charlie this morning."

Cora made small talk with a few guys further down the counter on her way to the coffee pot but in no time she was standing in front of me again. "That Tyler is sure turning a lot of heads."

"Yeah, I've heard." I said, grinning.

"It's a pity Jake won't be home for Christmas."

"What?" I asked

"Haven't you heard? Jake won't be home for Christmas. Something to do with practice and filling in for another driver or something, I didn't catch the whole story." She laughed, "well, you know me, I don't like to listen in on other people's conversations." Cora stated matter of fact.

"I was just talking to him, he didn't men…." I started but Cora lifted her attention away from me.

"Well look who it is?" She said all excited.

I turned to follow her gaze. Coming toward us was a well-dressed, stunning, young woman smiling brightly at Cora and waving. Her features were small, her hair was sharp and her voice when she spoke was youthful and melodic.

I didn't recognize her but it was obvious that Cora knew her well. The young woman sat on the stool beside me and I lowered my head, letting my hair cascade down the side of my face. "Where's that gorgeous husband of yours?" Cora asked.

I tried not to eavesdrop on their conversation but it was difficult considering they were right beside me. "Oh Jazz is not with me this trip. I'm here on business not pleasure."

"What kind of business do you have here?" Cora asked intently.

"I'm looking for someone. A woman and I'm sure you can help." Cora leaned toward the young woman as if she were about to get the juiciest gossip she'd ever heard.

"Not too long ago, my brother spent some time here in Forks. Edward Cullen." My head shot up to look at Cora, our eyes met and I quietly begged Cora to keep her mouth shut, before I swiveled around on my seat and got up. It was time for me to leave, Charlie or no Charlie.

"He was seeing someone and I'd like to talk to her." I heard the woman say before I walked out of ear shot. Why would she want to talk to this woman her brother was seeing, me?

I reached the door, thanking God that Cora hadn't said anything.

"Bella. Bella." I heard my name. Damn it. She caved.

Before I turned around, I remembered my new attitude. The one I swore I would live in from now on, though the transition hadn't been easy. I decided to ignore Cora's call and kept walking.

As I stepped onto the sidewalk, Charlie pulled up and asked where I was going. Quickly, I apologized for not being able to stay, coming up with some lame excuse that I knew he wouldn't question and asked him to take me home.

I got in the cruiser just as Edward's sister came out of the diner, she stood near the doorway scanning the parking lot looking for me, I guessed. Fortunately, I was safely tucked away in Charlie's police cruiser, sinking a little lower in my seat so as not to catch her attention. Charlie pulled on to the parking lot to turn around and was on his way back to the street entrance.

The car came to a stop and I poked my head up to see why. Charlie used the master to control to lower my window. "Alice Whitlock? Is that you?" He asked.

Does everyone in town know this woman?

"Charlie," She squealed.

"What are you doing in town this time of year?"

"I'm actually here to see Bella. Oh my gosh, this is your daughter?"

Charlie smiled proudly, "This is her," he said. Charlie informed her he was bringing me home and perhaps he could give her a ride too. Alice thanked him but offered to follow us in her own car.

"How do you know her?" I questioned.

"It's a long story," he said. "I wanted to talk to you about Edward but you wouldn't listen to me."

Great, I thought. "You knew who he was? That he was lying to me?"

"Well Bella, not lying necessarily, just wanting some privacy." I was floored. Charlie knew this whole time. "It's his mother's maiden name."

"What?"

"Mason, it's his mother's maiden name."

"How do you know so much about them?"

Charlie skimmed over my question by merely explaining he was the Chief of Police and it was his job to know. I wasn't buying it. There was definitely more to this story, I just couldn't imagine what.

We both got out of the car in my driveway and Alice pulled up to the curb in front of my house then joined us. They made small talk and it was obvious that Charlie knew the entire family, asking about each person by name. Then the conversation turned to Edward. Charlie joked about Jake begging him to look into Edward Mason, for my safety, and how he understood the importance of a man in Edward's position to need privacy by way of an alias.

He commented on how he hadn't seen Edward since he was _'knee high to a grass hopper' _and _'he looked just like his father'_. Alice explained that he stopped coming to Forks when he was about fifteen, when he'd reached the age that her parents couldn't force him anymore. The more they spoke the angrier I became.

I started toward my front door, not wanting to listen to any more of their stories and recaps. "I'll see you later, Bells." Charlie called out. Alice caught up to me, leaving me no choice but to invite her in.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence as I busied myself setting up the coffee percolator. Alice sat at the table watching me. "Bella, I'm sorry to intrude but I really need to talk to you about Edward."

"I told him it was over, Alice. You didn't need to come here and defend him. You're wasting your time." I barked.

"I'm not here to defend him. I'm here to ask you to come to Boston with me before he ruins his life completely." I looked at her, confused, how could I prevent him from ruining his life?

"He seems to have managed pretty well for himself up to now." I replied, snarkishly.

When the coffee was ready I poured two cups, handed one to Alice and sat at the table, across from her. My snide remark had kept her quiet but sitting down was the only invitation she needed to start speaking again.

"Tell me what he was like here?" She asked. Her voice, so sweet and innocent, that I felt compelled to respond.

I told her of the Edward I knew, the one I argued with, joked with, toured the state with and fell in love with. Alice smiled through my stories with a sadness in her eyes, as if the man I described was someone she'd never met. "What is it?" I asked.

She couldn't speak as she dabbed at her eyes with a napkin I'd laid on the table. Instead, she encouraged me to continue. It felt good to reminisce, to say his name without all the anger I'd been feeling toward him. To remember the little things, the reasons I'd fallen for him in the first place.

When she was finally able to speak, Alice told me what had been going on in Boston, since he returned. Emily had been right. He was handling everything, in his usual conquering spirit, until our last conversation. "At first, I thought it had finally gotten to him, the charges and stuff, having to step away from his business. But then he blurted out the real reason he'd given up. It was you, Bella. He just wants to be with you."

I didn't want to hear that and after a little friendly banter, with me holding my position that Edward would have to get over it, Alice left.

Over the next few days, the woman stalked me, showing up at the clinic, the grocery store, even my father's house. Every time I turned around, I'd find her lurking somewhere near me. Persistence must run in the family.

"This is the last time you'll see me," she said. "I'm leaving in an hour to go home. Bella, I'm begging you to come with me. He needs you."

"I'm sorry Alice. The damage is done." I apologized.

"If he stays on this road, he's going to kill himself. I understand he's not your responsibility Bella, but he is my brother and I love him. I had hoped you did too." She pleaded.

Alice headed down my driveway like she had multiple times over the last few days. "You know, he's never been in love before. Maybe that's why he can't deal with your rejection. No one has ever meant this much to him."

She turned back and headed for her car. My heart was aching by the time she started the motor and began to pull away from the curb.

She'd gotten about two car lengths away when I ran down my front steps, down the driveway, waving my arms frantically, "Wait!"


	14. Chapter 13

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**Hi all, **_

_**Just wanted to check in and make sure you're still enjoying the story. I appreciate all your comments and read every one. I don't wish to give anything away so be sure to read my note at the end of this chapter.**_

**Chapter 13**

As if things couldn't get any worse, I'd become the resident charity case. Emmett and Jasper kept me in their sights almost twenty-four, seven, since Emmett picked me up the other day. I still couldn't remember much but Emmett filled in some of the gaps, with what Alec had told him. Apparently, I called Jane to meet me at the pub.

I don't care how fucking drunk I was, that didn't happen.

I didn't know what Jane was up to, or how she knew where to find me, but I know I didn't call her. Everyone assumed I'd disappeared with her but I wouldn't confirm anything. I told them I was alone when I woke up.

They wouldn't even leave me in the car alone, while we waited for Alice's flight to arrive. Did they really think I'd hid liquor up my ass or something? How else did they expect me to get drunk, locked up in Jasper's car?

Siphon gas?

I hadn't stooped that low…yet.

I sat quietly on a plastic chair held together by steel rods, connecting it to an entire row of plastic chairs. They were uncomfortable, certainly not ergonomic, and I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees, twiddling my thumbs for something to do.

"Hung over?" Jasper snickered.

"How Jasper? I haven't had a drink in three days. Tell me how I'm supposed to be hung over?" I snapped. I was tired of their constant ribbing.

Jasper snickered and exchanged an ominous look with Emmett, "detox is a bitch, no matter what the drug." Emmett laughed, nodding his head in agreement.

I was beginning to hate them both and sighed in frustration, dragging my hand through my hair.

So that's what they were doing, trying to clean me up. No doubt, Esme wouldn't want a repeat of Thanksgiving when she hosted Christmas dinner in a few days. The prodigal son would have to smile and make nice for the family.

"When's Alice getting in?" I asked, bored and maybe a little whiny, but neither one answered. "Emmett, where did Alice go?" I tried again, pacing between the rows of plastic, multi-coloured chairs. Again my question was met with silence and I moved to the window, waiting for my jet to make its approach.

The sky was deceptively clear, impersonating a beautiful day, but outside the frosty air told a different story. The ground was covered with snow, reminding me every day that I had to dig out some winter wear for the worst was yet to come.

After a little more thought, I figured it would be much easier to just buy new winter gear. The idea of going through boxes at my parents place, looking for shit that Jane hadn't destroyed, didn't appeal to me in any way.

A plane taxied toward the gate and I recognized my company logo. Finally, Alice was here and we'd soon be leaving.

As the jet prepared to dock at the ramp, images of that night with Lucy flooded into my consciousness. I had been so angry after skimming through that paper. Was it possible? Was I capable?

My arrogance had never allowed me to doubt my innocence but deep down, deep, deep down I couldn't remember the details of that night. The anger prevented me from remembering and that did invoke a little fear.

I searched through the memories, listening to Lucy vocalize her pleasure, watching her mouth formulate the few words she spoke, and then just before I demanded she leave…what was she trying to say?

I closed my eyes to focus, to concentrate. _"Wow, Edward, that was the bes…."_ Those were exact words, before I cut her off, I was sure of it. No, I absolutely did not rape Lucy.

As much as I protested about coming here, it turned out to have been the best thing for me, though I'd never admit it to those two idiots, Em and Jazz. I was sure now and suddenly a weight was lifted from my shoulders and I smiled.

I was still smiling when Alice called my name. I turned and began walking in her direction. "You told him," she scolded, still walking toward me but looking in Jasper's direction.

"No, we didn't." He replied.

"Tell me what?" I asked.

Alice stopped in her tracks and turned back toward the gate. In the short distance I could see the image of a young woman headed in our direction. "Bella," I whispered.

"Isn't it wonderful, Edward." Alice chirped excitedly, "she's here."

The smile on my face disappeared. "What have you done?" I growled quietly, shaking my head. Unsure of what Alice had told her, what spell she'd used to cast over my Bella to get her here. Afraid of what she'd say to me, face to face.

Spending the last few weeks in a drunken frenzy, I hadn't given myself a chance to think, to accept her rejection. To deal with anything. Why did she come here?

Bella approached us, looking me up and down, then turned her attention back to Alice, without a word to me.

I suddenly became aware of my full beard and wild, crazy, overgrown hair. I couldn't imagine what she thought of my appearance. I shifted in my jacket, uncomfortable in my own skin. Nervous…again.

What was it about this girl that made me feel this way?

She smiled sweetly as Alice introduced her, "this is my brother, Emmett and my wonderful husband, Jasper." Jasper blushed as Emmett shook hands with my Bella. I zeroed in on their point of connection and felt the heat rise in my face as I willed Emmett to stop touching her.

A luggage attendant wheeled their bags over to us, on a decorative cart, stopping closer to where I stood. His eyes lingered a little too long, "that will be all," I hissed and he looked up at me, embarrassed that I'd caught him gawking at the ladies in our group. He quickly unloaded the cart and scampered away.

"Well, let's get out of here." Jasper stated, grabbing Alice's bag with one hand and wrapping his free arm around her.

Instinctively, I reached for Bella's bags, "I've got it," she snarled, extending her arms passed mine and grabbing hold of her own luggage.

Emmett stepped in between us, "Let me help you with that," he said politely, flirtatiously, and Bella graciously stepped back, accepting his offer.

"Bella," Alice called, reaching for her hand. Bella caught up with her quickly leaving Emmett and me behind, to follow.

"Leave it to Alice to be her instant best friend." Emmett chuckled.

"Yeah," I snorted.

"She's pretty." Emmett commented nonchalantly and I shot him a hateful look, "Relax dude, I'm just saying," he defended, "you've got good taste."

"Hmm," I grunted at him.

"But boy have you pissed her off," he laughed pushing Bella's heaviest suitcase into my side until I grabbed the handle. "You can help now, she's not watching." Another hearty laugh escaped from his grinning mouth, grating on my nerves.

Outside the airport, Victoria Sutherland stepped into my path. "Glad to see you're heading toward the parking lot Mr. Cullen," she sneered. "I was a little concerned when I saw you at the gate."

"Detective," I greeted, restraining my desire to walk passed her uttering the expletives that sat on my tongue. Her eyes darted between my brother and me, for a long minute, before she stepped away, allowing us to continue.

Sutherland seemed to always be lingering in the shadows, waiting for a chance to pounce. I think she was deliberately trying to provoke me into giving her a reason to arrest me again. I could only assume drunk and disorderly didn't make the cut because it was more enjoyable for her to watch me make a fool of myself.

The car ride back to my parent's place presented another challenge. A test of my self control, in more ways than one.

Without thinking, Alice climbed into the front passenger seat beside Jasper, leaving Emmett and I to squeeze into the back, sandwiching Bella between us. The familiar scent of her hair and skin was tantalizing parts of me that hadn't been excited since the morning I'd left her house. I attempted to reach across the seat behind her, the illusion of having my arm around her would be enough to satisfy my intense urges, for now, but I was too late.

"Get your hand off me," Emmett whined as he flicked his hand up, pushing me away. His huge body took up a good portion of the seating and his arm had already sprawled across the back window, encompassing the space directly behind Bella.

Figuring out my intentions, Bella sidled closer to Emmett and again I could feel the anger mounting inside me. Why did she come here if she didn't want to be with me? Why the fuck did Emmett have to be here? He should have stayed home with his fiancé.

The reporters had long since left my parents property, though a few still followed me around from time to time. I was relieved Bella wouldn't see the hordes of reporters, watching my every move, like I'd been faced with on my return home. It would just remind her of what I'd done, what I'd been accused of doing.

Esme practically ran to her when we entered the house. "My, my, my, aren't you beautiful." She gushed and I could see the warm pink glow deepen in Bella's cheeks. Beautiful and modest, my Bella.

I caught myself smiling again as Alice introduced her. "This is Bella Swan. She's Charlie's daughter."

Esme and Carlisle, simultaneously tensed up a little at the mention of Chief Swan's name, sharing a brief look of alarm. It dissipated quickly and I don't think anyone else noticed it, but it did happen, and I did catch it. I wondered what was up and why they were on a first name basis with Bella's father but I'd inquire about it another time.

Rosalie stood back and I almost didn't notice she was even there. I prayed she'd keep her mouth shut and not say anything to offend Bella, or embarrass me. Fortunately, Emmett occupied her with a greeting of his own and her wide grin told me she was in a pleasant mood and most likely would not cause a scene.

_Thank fuck_, I thought, and I began to breathe a little easier. Things appeared to be going well.

A few times, during dinner, I caught Bella glancing in my direction, casually, lingering for just a second longer then she meant too. I caught her because I'd been looking in her direction throughout the entire meal.

She made no attempt to speak my name or smile or do anything to invite me to initiate something myself but she did look over, occasionally.

I'd take that as progress.

In my head, I'd called her name a hundred times. I rehearsed opening lines and planned discussions but couldn't work up enough gumption, in front of my family, to act any of it out.

"So, of course Bella, you'll be staying here with us while in you're in Boston." Esme insisted.

"Oh no. I couldn't possibly impose…."

"Not another word," Carlisle put up his hand to end her protest. "We couldn't possibly allow Charlie's daughter to stay anywhere else."

Esme placed her hand on top of my father's, there was gratitude in her eyes and I couldn't understand why. The stolen moments they'd shared, since Bella arrived, had really begun to pique my curiosity.

After dinner, while the family ushered Bella into the great room, I ran upstairs.

The reflection staring back at me, in the bathroom mirror, wasn't at all impressive. My hair was crazy wild and there was nothing I could do about it. Shaving my face was easy, though with the mask of hair gone, the effects of the alcohol were more noticeable.

I looked tired and drawn and a little thinner than before. Makes sense I guess, I gave up food for liquor, and passing out isn't the same as restful sleep. Hopefully, it would only take a few more days on the straight and narrow to bring me back to the way I was. For now though, I'd have to suck it up.

Suck up, at least, the physical part. The reflection revealed another side I wasn't ready to face, no pun intended.

Staring at myself, looking deeper then I'd probably ever looked before, I saw more than my own reflection in the stupid mirror. I saw my reflection through Bella's eyes. Those big pools of brown chocolate that made my heart melt when her smile reached up to them and ache when I saw the pain I'd put there.

Written across my face, as obvious as the words printed in those papers I hated, were liar, cold, married, hurtful, monster and the list went on. The words ran across my face like a marquee with WARNING blinking in random intervals.

How do I make it stop?

I inhaled and held the air in my cheeks for a minute before, slowly, allowing the air to escape.

I had to find a way.

Bella's laughter caught my attention as I neared the great room and I chose to stay back and watch her interact with my family. Surrounded by a room full of strangers yet it looked like she'd known them forever. Her eyes were bright and her laughter contagious as she listened to Esme's stories about me.

Stories I hadn't heard in a while, stories I'd long forgotten. "Oh Emmett, do you remember the time we were camping, was it Yellowstone or Yosemite? The first summer you got that dirt bike." Esme asked.

"Geez ma, I can't remember."

"Oh, I remember that. We went to the Cape that year. Martha's Vineyard." Carlisle piped in.

"Right, right. Yes, well Emmett was what, twelve, thirteen? And he'd just gotten a new dirt bike, his first dirt bike."

"And last, I might add thanks to a certain pesky little brother." Emmett interjected causing the group to rupture into another round of laughter.

I found myself chuckling, a little, too.

"We had an old RV back then. See Bella, we didn't have all this, in those years," Esme continued, her eyes glazed in nostalgic thoughts, "we were just a young family starting out."

"Yes ma, humble beginnings, we get it, now finish the story." Emmett urged, teasingly. Rose shoved against his arm and he pretended to be hurt by her gesture as he rubbed his bicep.

"Anyway, Emmett was so proud but there was so much he had to do before he could actually settle into riding his bike. I'd given him a list of chores, trying to keep him busy so he couldn't ride it…."

"I knew it!" Emmett pointed at Esme accusingly.

She chuckled as she continued, "so Edward who, as we know, is three years younger, decides he'll take the bike for a ride because nobody has told him not too. Well, it never occurred to us that Edward was interested in the dang thing. Next thing we know, there's a hole in the side of the RV, the dirt bike is in the middle of my bathroom and little Edward is running across the campground with this huge helmet wobbling around on his head like those things you can buy now, what are they?"

"Edward's the original bobblehead." Rosalie giggled.

"Yes, that's it, those bubble head things. Cute as a button and fast as anything."

"Fast, yes, but luckily easy to spot with that bright red helmet," Carlisle added. "I was able to catch him before he got too far."

By this time, I was laughing along with the family. We'd had some good times growing up.

Eventually, I joined the group, sitting beside Bella on the couch.

So close…and yet….

Still so far.

The warm glow of orange fire bounced light in everyone's eyes as they laughed themselves to tears, remembering the good ol' days. Jasper shared some of our mishaps from college days and Rosalie spoke up on Emmett's behalf a time or two as well.

As I looked around the room, settling on each person, one at a time, for a just a minute, I couldn't remember a time where everyone seemed so happy and content.

Rose and I even smiled at each other, briefly, when our eyes met.

I decided it was her, it was Bella, bringing even my family together like this and I chuckled quietly to myself as coined the phenomenon, The Bella Affect. I didn't realize I'd been staring at her until she looked back at me and smiled, for the first time today.

This time, I was the one blushing. She smiled at me. It wasn't an accident or left over laughter as she gazed around the room. It was deliberate and intentional and I loved to see her sweet lips curved upward for me.

I lived in that moment for a solid twenty seconds, trying to hold on to her attention.

"Well, that's enough for me for one night." Esme and Carlisle stood up simultaneously, and my moment with Bella was over, "this one needs to get to bed or he's a real bear in the morning." She laughed one more time as she snuggled closer to my father.

That's all it took to break up our little party. Everyone moved toward the front door, pulling on jackets, slipping on boots and tying scarves. Bella was in the middle of it all with hugs and kisses and 'see ya later' and 'great to meet you'.

I was amazed by family's eager acceptance of her. Grateful, but amazed, and even a little jealous as they freely touched her without inhibition, without hesitation.

"Can I get a ride with you guys?" My eyes aimed at Jasper.

"Sure," he replied casually, without a second thought.

"Yeah, it's not like we need to keep you under surveillance now," Emmett winked, with a sly grin, his eyebrows rising up and down on his forehead.

"Way to be subtle," Rose giggled, with an elbow jab to his rib cage.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked, not at all amused, like the rest of us. She obviously assumed I would stay the night.

She was right.

Most definitely.

But I had to get my clothes from the hotel. I was craving a hot shower, or maybe, a cold one.

Alice couldn't wait to get in the car and drill me about Bella. I was more interested in what Bella had told her. She seemed to believe that Bella was in love with me which was music to my ears but, she continued, _"you're walking on very thin ice, brother."_ I assumed as much.

It didn't take long to shove my clothes in the suitcase. Wrinkles be damned. Fifteen minutes at the front desk, to check out, and I was in my car, on my way back to her.

It was the first time I'd driven my car since Riley parked it in the hotel garage. It felt good to be back in the driver seat and I became almost giddy with hope.

Things were looking up.

The house was dark with only Esme's glowing nightlights scattered throughout. I shook my head, _mom and her nightlights_.

Casually, I checked the den, the great room, and the kitchen. There was no sign of her. My heart began to sink a little.

"Good evening," The voice startled me and I jumped a little.

"Berty, I didn't see you there." I laughed to cover up my lame reaction to my surprise. "Uhm…did you happen to see Bella?"

"Yes sir. I showed her to her room just after everyone left." He replied.

"Oh." I paused, hoping, in the dim light, he couldn't see my disappointment. "Thanks." I blurted out.

Berty let me get to the archway before he spoke again, "she did come back down, sir." He smirked. "I believe she's in the library."

When I looked back, Berty was shaking his head, a knowing grin told me he enjoyed making me sweat.

The door to the library was open, just a crack, and instead of bursting in, I decided to take it slow. It slid open a little more as I gently pushed against it, just enough that I could see her.

The lights were dimmed, barely bright enough for her to read the titles as she walked along the shelves, allowing her hand to slide from one binding to the next.

Now and then, she stopped to pay particular attention to something that caught her eye, a title, an author. I couldn't be sure, but when she turned to study whatever it was, I'd catch a glimpse, the soft glow of her fair skin peaking out behind heavy tresses of dark brown silken hair.

Those lips I'd been longing for, a delicate shade of pink, parted slightly as she whispered words to herself from the old leather binds. Absentmindedly, she'd pull her bottom lip between her teeth, sometimes slipping her tongue between them deepening their shade, deepening my want.

I had been so eager, so excited to get back to the house to see her, to be with her, to talk to her, but as I stood in the doorway, watching, that nervous feeling returned.

Suddenly, I was afraid to approach her. Afraid I wouldn't say the right thing. Afraid I'd make her hate me more.

I wasn't sure how long I stood there trying to decide the best move, figure out the right thing to say. A position I'd rarely found myself in. Until Bella, had never found myself in. I'd always been confident, known how to handle things, known exactly what to say and when, until Bella.

"Do you ever plan to come in?" She asked.

"Ye…yeah…yes…I mean," I stammered, surprised by her voice, her question. "I didn't think you…I mean…you knew I was here?" The heat rose in my face and I was blushing again. _Really_, I thought, _again with the blushing?_ I hoped she found that attractive and not girly.

"Edward," she said my name and for a second, my knees weakened at the sound of each syllable rolling off her tongue. "I heard footsteps in the hallway. The house has been pretty quiet since you left."

She'd known the whole time, that I'd been standing there, and I didn't know what to make of that. Why didn't she say something sooner?

"Oh," I pushed the door all the way open and tried to get closer to her but she kept walking, deeper into the room, to the window, then across to the piano.

"Do you play," she asked.

"A little."

"Did you know who I was?" She asked. A question, I thought, I would have asked.

"Excuse me?" I didn't know what she meant.

"Your family, my father. They seem to be well acquainted and I wondered if you'd known all along?"

"Known what all along? I knew Charlie was your father but I don't know him. I don't why my family knows him." My reaction was a little harsher then I intended.

Bella turned her back to me.

_Not a good sign._

I wasn't sure where to go from here, what to do. I guessed fighting was better than not talking at all. We'd get it out of our system tonight, while we were alone, then for the rest of her stay, however long that was, we could be…not…fighting.

Not fighting was the best I could hope for, all things considered. Atleast, for right now. With quick and light steps, I crossed the room until I was standing behind her.

She tensed beneath my shadow and I should have stepped back but I insisted on touching her anyway. I couldn't help myself, being so close, too close, and her body trembled in response.

Then as if all the nerve endings in my body were drawn into my hands, gravitating toward her, desperately seeking the life force she possessed, my body reacted to her, like her, trembling.

Too many emotions, too many sensations, explosive and overwhelming, erupted inside me like the perfect storm and I felt the warm sting of salty tears build behind my eyelids.

But it ended.

It ended too quickly.

Bella shrugged out of my loose grip, reaching for a specific framed photograph that had been resting on the shelf, amongst other family photos.

Her words were sharp as she turned to me, holding the picture, showing it to me, "your wife is beautiful," she said.

It was no surprise, with so many pictures, that Esme would miss one. Miss removing Jane from our lives completely, from our memories. But for Bella to find it now, to see it now, was too much.

I looked into her eyes, speechless.

Silently begging,

Hoping,

For nothing.

Afraid to hope for something and yet…

For everything.

"Bella," her name escaped my lips before my thoughts were complete. I didn't know where to go from here, from here name, but then I didn't have to go further.

She took it further.

Bella went further than I ever could, ever would….

She raised her hand and slapped me. Her tiny hand nipped against my face and I allowed it. I allowed her to strike me, to punish me, to make me pay.

I deserved it.

She deserved that chance. Had that right.

"I owed you that much," She said, gently, calmly, speaking in complete contrast to her boldness, her anger.

_**A/N: What do you think for poor Edward, are things looking up or not so much? I was worried Bella was going soft in the last chapter but I guess she found her…uhm… balls, so to speak.**_

_**This story has turned into much more than I ever dreamed. My initial plan was for ten chapters max but here we are heading to number fourteen. I really hope you're not getting bored of these two because there's still so much to come.**_


	15. Chapter 14

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

**Chapter 14 BPOV**

I didn't mean to hit him. It wasn't my intention but when he dared to come near me. Dared to touch me….

And dammit…

It felt good to feel his hands on me, the warmth of his breath in my hair. I closed my eyes just trying to remember to breathe.

I'd spent the whole day avoiding him. Not sure if I was strong enough. Strong enough to resist him, resist the feelings he awakened inside me with just a look, and then to touch me.

I lost it.

Lost the will to resist.

I wanted him, lies and all.

But then, then I opened my eyes and the first image they landed on, focused on, was his picture.

His wedding picture.

His picture with her, Jane, his wife and a different set of emotions emerged.

The anger returned, the hurt returned and my conviction returned.

He just stood there and took it. His eyes watered though he didn't exactly cry and I continued to face him,

Challenged him even,

Practically, dared him to react.

His gaze fell to the floor and his arrogance, his confidence, his emotional armour disappeared.

In that moment, for just a moment, he was simply Edward, the boy his mother described, innocent, gentle, vulnerable.

And I loved him.

More.

I'm not sure how long we stood there, silent, before either of us could speak but eventually Edward found his voice, barely, and whispered, "Why are you here?"

He kept his distance.

I kept my resolve.

"I wanted to know who you really were and since you weren't _man_ enough to tell me…well, who better to fill me in than those who know you best?"

He nodded his head, more absentmindedly than in any sort of agreement. "That's the only reason?"

"What else is there?"

I was still attacking, couldn't stop. My words stung, as they rolled from my lips, but seeing him sad, and emotionally wounded, was… satisfying…somehow. I didn't want to hurt him and yet, I did.

I was hurt.

He did that.

I was justified….

And on a roll.

Edward had other ideas. Ideas about not fighting, not engaging in the verbal fury I was prepared to unleash. It hadn't been my intention to do this, I swear. I honestly came here to learn about him and to figure out if I could live with it, or without it…what I learned.

But something else happened.

Suddenly, Edward became the target of all my pent up frustration. Things I'd been holding on too for a very long time.

For too long.

Things about my mother and her free-spirit, hippie-lovin' nonsense, Charlie's never-really-there fathering and my own incessant feeling that I owed Jake for…for….

I shook it out of my head but not before I spat words at him like cruel, heartless, and selfish. I'd even threw in a few of his curse words for good measure.

Edward's back was to me as he headed for the door. Trying to avoid my wrath but I wasn't finished.

"That's right, Edward, run away. It's what you're good at!"

He stopped, dead in his tracks, his body stiffened. The pronounced rise and fall of his shoulders, the steady rhythm, alerted me to the anger building inside of him. He didn't turn around, he wouldn't dare.

His reaction, or inaction, or something about the way he stood there, fists clenched, pulling away, encouraged me to goad him more. "You think your money gives you the right to treat people like they're beneath you. You use them. You used me, and thought you could get away with it. You know what I think, Edward?" I took a staggered breath, "I think you're nothing more than a spoiled child. And when you don't get your own way you run because you haven't got the balls to fight."

That lit a fire under him and he faced me finally. "That's what you think." He said angrily, a statement, a confirmation rather than the question it should have been.

"That's exactly what I think. That's exactly what you are and you prove it over and over."

"Really?" He challenged.

"You ran from your wife, your life, your family and your job. Am I wrong?" I dared him, "Rather than admit your feelings for me, you hid like a frightened child, for days. And now I'm here, in your world, and you're running from me too because I'm not willing to coddle you, tell you it's ok you lied to me, that you hurt me. Well, it's not ok, you son of bitch."

By this time I was crying, spiteful and crying. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Edward charged toward me. For a second, I thought about cowering, not sure what he would do, but it wasn't in me. No matter what, he would not intimidate me, I'd stand there and face him and take whatever he had to offer.

His handsome face twisted into a snarl, making him virtually unrecognizable. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared, knowing full well, if I were a man, I would have already been properly introduced to his tightened fists.

But I started this thing, and I'd be damned, if I'd back down now.

He was half way across the room, half way closer to me, when he stopped abruptly. His eyes narrowed as he breathed through his nose, half growling, half snorting, like a bull seeing red for the first time.

He glared at me for atleast a minute then stormed off in the opposite direction, through the door, down the hallway. His footfalls were heavy as he stomped away… like a child.

I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes then settled my head in my hands. _What have I done?_

"Bella," a sweet, calm voice called to me. A voice that was vaguely familiar but warm and inviting just the same.

When I looked up, Mrs. Cullen was standing in the doorway, sincere eyes peering down at me with a motherly, all-knowing smile that made me hate myself for what I'd just said to her son. The angry words I'd spoken in her home.

I tried to smile but my attempt was weak, as tears welled in my eyes, threatening to spill over. I blinked them back and swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat, sure that she'd heard everything,

or something,

enough.

The reference I'd made, _son of a bitch_?

Really, did I have to go that far, in his parent's home, with his mother close enough to hear me?

"Can't sleep?" She asked.

"Haven't tried." I confessed, sadly, remorseful.

"I'm going to make some tea, would you like some?" I nodded, reluctantly, preferring to disappear into the furniture then share tea, and what I presumed would be polite conversation, with this endearing woman. Ashamed to have been so disrespectful in her home.

I thought about saying no and heading off to bed. The bed she'd provided after so graciously inviting me, a girl she knows nothing about, to stay here. But I thought better of it, for fear of insulting her further.

It didn't help me, any, when she slipped her arm around my shoulders, comforting me, squeezing just the right amount, a mother's amount. Even after all I'd said she tried to comfort me. I almost crumbled, broke, as I leaned into her but managed to keep it together for a while longer.

"You're good for him, you know." She chuckled, confirming that she did indeed, hear enough.

_Good for him? Me? Was this woman for real?_ Charlie would have kicked Edward out on his ass for raising his voice to me like that. Not try to make him feel better and certainly not encouraging his behaviour by saying he was good for me.

I worked up enough courage, borrowed enough strength from her, to finally speak, "Mrs. Cullen," I began.

"Please dear, call me Esme."

I could feel the heat, as it rose, in my cheeks, "Esme," I tried again. "I want to apologize. I'm guessing you heard at least some of my _discussion_ with Edward."

Esme chuckled, "Is that what you'd call it." She said teasingly, "Bella, honey, don't ever apologize for being passionate."

My head, involuntarily, tipped to one side, questioning, puzzled. "When you're passionate about something, what does that mean?" She asked, amused.

"Ah…generally, I guess it means you care about something, love it even." I shrugged.

"Right." She picked up the tea cups and placed one in front of me. "You can fight passionately with my son any time." And there it was again, that warm motherly smile of hers.

The smile a mother gives her child to reassure them, to let them know everything will be okay. A smile that Renee was never quite able to achieve, not that she didn't try at times, but she was more of a child herself, more of a girlfriend than a mother figure.

And I got it. I got the point of Esme's statement, the wisdom she expelled so naturally.

I stared into my cup, embarrassed for being so transparent, a little amused by this woman's insightfulness, and content in her deduction.

"I meant it when I said you were good for him. He needs someone to challenge him, put him in his place, now and then, when he's wrong and…to love him." She stirred sugar into her tea, "I've also seen the changes in him, since he met you." She added.

"Changes?"

"Yes." Esme laughed, leaned toward me like she was about to share a secret, "Alice thinks she's the only one in the family that can pick up on subtle changes but I raised that boy. No one knows him better. I'm not always quick to draw attention to the things I notice. You know, not wanting to reveal their secrets until they're ready but I know, I see." The look on Esme's face, of pride and love, told me she did know her son, her children. "There's not much happening in this family that I'm not aware of. Even changes in the way he spoke when he'd call home, I knew he'd finally met someone important to him."

We sipped our tea for a while in silence, not making eye contact, just enjoying the quiet and each other's company.

Esme's presence was very easy to be around. She reminded me of more traditional mother's, those you'd likely find in reruns of old television sitcoms. Where the world was perfect and every problem, every issue, could be resolved in half an hour.

"Esme, what's Jane like?" Figuring this was as good a time, as any, to gain some insight of my own.

"Jane? Oh well," Esme thought for a moment, "let's just say Jane leaves much to be desired."

Her response, though extremely vague and not at all what I was hoping for, didn't surprise me. Esme Cullen didn't seem the type to openly bad mouth the soon-to-be-ex wife of her middle child, or anyone for that matter.

As I swirled the spoon in my own cup, dipped it one last time before shaking it off completely and setting it down on the table, Esme, hesitantly at first, began to speak again.

Maybe she read my mind, maybe she wanted me to understand or perhaps there were just things she needed to say. For whatever reason, Esme decided to tell me more, give me the insight I craved.

"Edward and Jane were never meant to be together, Bella."

I folded my arms and placed them on the table then leaned toward her, quietly begging her to continue.

"You can't imagine three children, brought up in the same household, growing up so differently as my three." She said with amusement in her tone.

"Emmett was always very laid back, take things as they come, big hearted and quite loving though most people assume, by his size, he's this big tough guy. He's not really, more a push over than anything else. Alice is the tough guy in our family." Esme thought a moment, giggling almost. "My sweet Alice is so determined and head strong, intuitive and level headed. Too much so at times, Jasper softens her up quite a bit." She tilted her head toward me, her eyebrows raised, "He's good for her."

She left the table and searched the cabinets for some snacks, then continued as she carefully prepared the platter for us, "Understanding Edward takes a little effort, a little history. Are you tired, dear, would you prefer to go to bed?"

My eyes bulged, "No." I said, more eagerly than I meant it to sound, "Esme, please tell me."

The platter she placed between us was a smorgasbord of tasty delights. Homemade cookies and cake, potato chips and chocolates, God I loved Christmas goodies, especially here with Esme's made from scratch, made with love, recipes.

Renee couldn't bake cake from a box and Charlie never tried.

After a few bites, she began again. "Where to start? Let's see, you asked about Jane so I guess I'll start there. Jane's father, Aro, and Carlisle are business partners and share a medical practice. "

"I didn't know that." I said.

Esme nodded. "Our families have been very close over the years. Irina, that's Jane's mother, and I were friends and that meant the children spent a lot of time together."

"Were friends?"

"Well dear, as you can imagine the friendship has been a little strained since Edward filed for divorce." Of course, that made sense.

"Edward seems to think the Volturi's only liked him because of his financial status but I know it was more than that. Irina, especially, cared very much for my kids when they were growing up. They were mostly well behaved and respectful. Very different from her own children." Esme seemed to ponder that for a moment, "Aro insisted on nannies for their children so he and Irina were free to socialize and travel. He wasn't really the father type if you know what I mean."

I learned a lot about Jane in Esme's story. Apparently, she'd always had eyes for Edward.

"They looked so cute together as kids." Esme reminisced, "They were only a year apart and we'd tease Edward about Jane being his girlfriend, or Jane about Edward, when they were little. And then as they got older it almost seemed to be true."

"Almost?" I asked.

"Yes," she laughed, "almost. Edward became very private as he matured." Esme stopped again, her eyes dampening just a bit as she relived something in her head that I wasn't privy too.

I made a mental note to come back to this when she finished the life and times of Jane Volturi.

It took a few minutes for her to blink back the tears before she could continue, rearranging the food on the platter, trying to divert my attention from the sadness in her eyes, "In high school, he didn't bring girls home like Emmett did and once he left for college, we weren't even sure if he dated anyone."

Esme thought it seemed logical to assume Edward and Jane were an item. They attended social functions and family events together, to the point where they began color coding their outfits.

Edward went out of state for college and she wouldn't see hide, nor hair, of Jane until Edward came home. Then, while he was home, Jane was a permanent fixture in their house and she doted on him like a girl in love would.

It seemed natural when Jane announced their engagement. Esme and Carlisle, along with the Volturi clan, were very pleased by the announcement.

"But there was a lot we didn't know about Miss Jane." She stated sadly. "Not until it was too late. They were married and Edward shut us out of that part of his life."

Esme shared a side of Jane that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and my heart hurt for Edward. To know he had endured a life with this woman, no matter how short it turned out to be.

The life in print, that Angela was so obsessed with and quick to judge, to place blame. The life of Jane Volturi and the monster of a husband she had succumbed too. Did anyone think to tell Edward's side? To find out why he behaved so badly? If only they knew.

Jane enjoyed the company of just about every man she'd encountered. Whether they were married, single, it didn't matter. Unfortunately, the love fest didn't end with her own marriage to Edward.

I guess that shouldn't be surprising but it kind of was. If she'd cared for him so much, as much as I did…I would never have cheated on him, hurt him that way.

Esme filled our cups again, for the third time, and I thought for sure I'd be up all night with trips to the bathroom. Thankfully, my room had an ensuite and I wouldn't disturb anyone.

"_Trying to fill the void, find the love she didn't get from her father, I suppose, if you believe that psycho-babble stuff." _Esme thought out loud.

It got me thinking about Charlie though. He wasn't a talkative man, and probably didn't set rules for me because he only had me during summer vacations, and then not even, as I became a teenager.

He didn't set stupid curfews for me after I'd moved in with him and pretty much let me do as I pleased. I was a responsible, mature kid. Maybe he saw that in me, but I always knew he loved me. I've never doubted that.

Jane had lived a pretty full life by the time she supposedly settled down. While Edward was a way at school, Jane had run away from home, _"not that the Volturi's would ever admit that. They claimed she was going to school in California. But rumor had it she was working as an escort for some high priced Madame across town." _

My jaw dropped when I heard that. Esme laughed nervously, _"I'm not telling you how we figured that one out, but rest assured, it wasn't from the men in my family."_

She'd been arrested on a few occasions for theft and possession _"of illegal narcotics"_. It was amusing to hear Esme describe her drug use. _"my goodness, the lawyer claimed she was an alcoholic at fourteen. What did her parent's expect? Isn't ganja the next step?"_

I thought I was naïve but June Cleaver, aka. Esme Cullen, was beyond naïve in the innocent way she spoke, and hearing those dated words slip past her mouth was hilarious. _"What do the kids call it these days the hash-eesh, the weeds, and my goodness the harder crack stuff they're into nowadays."_

"I can't imagine Edward with anyone like that." I said, shaking my head. It didn't seem possible to me that the Edward I knew would marry a girl like that.

"Oh no, Edward didn't know about any of that. He was at school while most of this was going on. We didn't know and we lived here, had dinner with them twice a week. The Volturi's were very good at keeping things hidden atleast until Jane was noticed by the paparazzi photographers."

She went on to describe Jane as a master manipulator. A cold, selfish and conceited young woman who had pulled the wool over, not only her own parent's eyes, but Esme and Carlisle's, and Edward's as well.

For five years, the Cullen's tried to stay out of it. Edward was strong and proud and had to handle things his way. Their marriage was in trouble, it was obvious, _"a mother know,"_ she said.

Then it came to a point where they couldn't close their eyes to Jane's craziness anymore. Jane propositioned Carlisle. _"Edward doesn't know that." _she said as she zipped her lips and I nodded in agreement, understanding with her wishes.

Esme added, "we often wondered over the years, after we saw their lives unravel, if it had been our fault?"

Her eyes were glazed over, not really speaking to me but more thinking out loud and I felt compelled to ask, "what do you mean?" Edward didn't strike me as a pleaser, someone who'd marry to please his parents.

She lifted her head to me, her eyes were damp once again and her focus was far away from where she sat at the table, across from me. Lost in her own world, her own thoughts, a guilt I couldn't understand.

"Oh, it's another long story," she huffed in a whisper, "I'm not sure even if Edward remembers it fully but, I believe, it's why he does…."

"Mother, that's enough!" Edward's raised, wavering, voice rang through the kitchen as he stood in the doorway. With wet eyes, and unsteady words, he demanded his mother's silence.


	16. Chapter 15

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

**Chapter 15**

I guess I stunned them, Esme and Bella. They weren't expecting to see me, to hear me. They had no idea I'd been listening on the other side of the door.

Listening as my mother described my fucked up marriage, my fucked up life, to her, to Bella.

Simultaneously, they gasped for air. I heard their intake, saw their eyes widen. Esme was on the verge of crying but the shock startled back her tears and she just stood there staring at me.

Bella's face had warmed since I'd seen her last. The anger I'd seen in her eyes had been replaced with something else, with pity and that killed me. Hurt me more than her harsh hand whipping across my cheek, more than her vicious words.

Her words.

So explosive, so angry, so purposely hurtful.

Loaded.

She didn't mean any of it. She was angry and she wanted me to fight back but she didn't mean those damming words. She may be strong, stronger than I could ever imagine but she was not hateful.

I curled my fingers, digging my nails into the palm of my hand, digging them in so deep they almost broke through the skin. I hoped, prayed, the pain it caused would stop the hurt in my chest as I charged after her.

I wanted to demand she go home, warn her against me. I didn't deserve her, her understanding, her love. The love she didn't admit but proved in her own actions, proved in every breath she breathed.

Selfishly, I did want her to say it. To tell me she loved me but she wasn't ready.

It would be better if she didn't.

It didn't matter because I knew it. I'd known it from the beginning.

She was stronger, much stronger than me.

As I approached her, got closer to her, close enough to see her eyes sparkle from the dampness that had settled there, I weakened.

I couldn't do it, I couldn't tell her to leave because I wanted, so badly, for her to stay.

I stormed passed my mother on the way to my old bedroom. Leaped the stairs, two at a time, and slammed the bedroom door. Pacing the floor, I tried to convince myself I was being selfish to let Bella stay.

I knew I was being selfish but I didn't care. I loved her.

I loved her more than I'd ever dreamed was possible and it was time she knew it.

I practically ran down the stairs, through the hallway, to the library. My selfish, ecstatic grin spread across my face like a bumbling fool. I was ready, ready enough for the both of us, ready to love her, to tell her I loved her.

But she was gone.

I pushed my hands through my overgrown mess of hair. She had gone to bed and I wouldn't disturb her, not tonight. I'd let her be and find a way, a time, to tell her the next day.

After a deep breath, a cleansing breath, an honest-for-the-first-time-in-my-life breath, I headed toward the kitchen.

That's when I heard them, Esme and Bella, talking, discussing me, my life, Jane.

I was completely astounded to hear Esme, my mother, tell of all she'd known. I had no idea, thought my secrets were my own, thought I hid them well.

Who was I kidding? Esme had been able to read me like a book for as long I could remember. She was my mother and could see the truth in my eyes as if they were a teleprompt. I knew that, I'd always known that.

I'd been so fucking stupid.

Alice used her womanly intuition, her fucked up voodoo, to tease Emmett and I. Taunt us, tell things we didn't want known but Esme…always…protected us from her. Changing the subject, diverting attentions, keeping our secrets silent, unspoken. Our mother, my mother, knew.

I should have stopped her sooner. I could have. But I was curious to hear her tell it, hear her opinions about it, what she thought. Get an understanding of how she felt, how she saw things as she described them to a stranger, without buttering them up for my benefit, her son.

In her honesty, her truth, I learned so much.

She loved me. Above all else, she loved me and I knew that. Why didn't I trust it?

She saw Jane for what she was, and maybe I didn't help the situation, but she really believed it wasn't my fault, my failure.

I'd always thought she'd believed otherwise, that they all did. That they just told me what I wanted to hear, defended me because they had too, I was family.

Maybe I'd been wrong.

Then, as I was basking in this new found enlightenment, I heard it. Heard Esme tell Bella that Jane had seduced my father, or atleast tried too.

That's all she said and it knocked the wind out of me.

I'd heard enough, Bella had heard enough, but before I could catch my breath and face them, Esme was preparing to go further.

Tell secrets that I didn't want told, didn't need rehashed.

Wasn't it bad enough that Bella, now, knew the kind of woman I'd married? By association, the kind of man I am? Was? Did it matter?

It was past, done and over. I'd spent my entire life blocking those memories. I couldn't bring them forward now.

Esme couldn't do that to me.

I wouldn't allow it.

I stopped her. I stopped Esme from bringing up more shit. It wouldn't help anyone to know it.

"Edward," Esme's voice was soft and low, "it's time son. Time to let it out, let it go."

"No mom." My face was frozen as I stared them down, forcing myself to remain calm for their benefit.

Esme's approach was slow and steady, unsure of my reaction, as she came closer.

My clenched jaw, tightening with her every step, was not enough to deter my mother. Her gentle hand settled on my chest, over my heart, absorbing my sadness.

Desperately trying to feel my pain, take it from me, experience it for me.

My mother.

Esme nodded her understanding and whispered, "soon then, very soon. You can't live with this anymore, Edward. It wasn't your fault. It never was."

My mother graciously excused herself, expressing good night wishes to Bella before one final, reassuring squeeze of my hand, "Good night my sweet, sweet boy. We'll talk more in the morning."

The silence was deafening as Bella's gaze searched my face for…something, I didn't know what.

Truth, maybe, or…who the fuck knows….

All I was sure of was the aching I felt, knowing she needed more from me then I was prepared to give.

Somewhere in the agony of it, I found the courage to do what was best…for her.

To relinquish my arrogance, my ego, to save her.

"Go home Bella." Salty water bit at my eyelids, burned them, but there was no other way. "I'll have Berty drive you to the airport." I said, clearing my throat, avoiding her eyes.

"You can't tell me what to do Edward and I'm not going anywhere."

The kitchen was dimly lit with the soft glow of candescent bulbs in pot light fixtures. Blurred vision from sad eyes set Bella's delicate frame aglow, like an angel, making it harder for me to fight with her.

I shrugged my shoulders in defeat. "Whatever."

She was so fucking stubborn.

I thought about heading to bed, or atleast upstairs, away from her pity, from her wondering eyes but I knew that would make her more determined to stay and fight and love.

She would deem it a challenge. Like one of her strays, a domesticated pet she had to protect and nurture back to health. Or perhaps even a healthy state of mind, as it were in my case.

The more I ran, as she put it, the more damaged I was. The more I needed someone like her to fix me.

And maybe she was right but while I stood there, contemplating my best move, an idea came to mind. "What the fuck do you want to know?"

Bella's mouth dropped open in awe. Unable to respond or even comprehend my sudden change. "Come on Bella. You say you want to know the real me, ask me. Ask me and stop harassing my fucking family." I goaded.

Admittedly, not the best plan but hopefully effective. I wanted to save her from the life, my life. A life she couldn't possibly know about, wouldn't want to know about, but desperately sought to be part of.

Why she wanted to be here was obvious. She thought she loved me but she didn't know what that meant. What it meant to love me, someone like me. I'd never be the man she wanted, needed. It wasn't possible.

My track record was proof of that and the more I wanted her, the longer I kept her here, the more devastated I'd be when she finally realized it and left. When she finally realized I wasn't worth fixing.

Or loving.

My heart pounded in my chest. The beat, the gushing of blood in my veins, wildly sounding in my ears as my cruelty became more obvious, more intense.

Crimson red burned through Bella's cheeks and I took a moment to steady myself. The look on her face of disbelief, treachery, and betrayal, overwhelmed me. I didn't know if I could do this.

Hurt her more.

Again.

Always.

I wanted to scream, _I'm sorry_, but I couldn't. She'd never be happy with me.

I could never be happy with me.

I pushed on, "What do you want to know? Hmmm. Let's see, how about Jake is in Florida because I had him sent there." She tried hard not to react the way I'd expected, the way I wanted but her innocence, her sweetness, the part of her that made her Bella gave her away.

Her teeth sank into a quivering lip, it was her tell. The small gesture gave up the emotions she tried so hard to restrain, the ever deepening sadness and profound hurt that my attack inflicted.

"No? Nothing to say about that Bella? Well, let me try again. Do you want to know what I thought of you the day we met? I thought you'd be a good fuck. That's all I saw in you, the only reason I hung around. Oh, and that night when you called me your boyfriend I thought you were nothing but a pathetic, small town hick."

_Fuuuuck!_ I screamed in my own head. Red rimmed eyes stared back at me, speechless.

Mission accomplished. My acidic euphemisms had an effect.

Sharp pains tore at my chest and I knew it was my heart breaking. The heart I didn't know I had, until her.

"Still nothing?" I had to pause, for a second, to regain control of my shaking voice, swallow the lump in my throat. Choke back tears I couldn't let her see. "You were the one that wanted to know everything Bella. Why so quiet? Don't like hearing the truth? I had enough fun playing with you and I was done. I left. You weren't supposed to fucking follow me here."

I worried a little that she might challenge the _follow me here _bit, considering she didn't exactly follow me. No, she was sought out and purposely brought here to save my ass.

She didn't utter a word in her own defense. She didn't say a word, period.

Instead, her body trembled, trying so hard to hold back, to not cry, to not fall apart in front of me.

It wasn't working.

My affect was obvious and brutal.

Moisture that had seeped from her eyes, trickled slowly down her face and was now gathered below her reddened nose.

I was getting through and it was killing me.

As I turned to leave, I shouted the only thing I could think of to seal the deal. To ensure she'd leave.

I swallowed hard and braced myself for the impact, as if I were about to get knocked out by one of Emmett's hard hits to the chest, "Maybe I should have raped you too. Maybe then you would have taken the hint and left me the fuck alone."

Before I rounded the corner, her tender, crackling sobs drifted into my ears, "Don't say that, please." She begged. "I know you could never do that, Edward. Not to anyone."

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I grabbed my chest and felt the pain in my knees as they slammed hard into the cold, unforgiving granite floor. Water ran from my eyes, freely, uncontrollably and….

She came to me.

After all I'd venomously spat at her, without a word to defend herself against me, she came to me, knelt beside me and defended me to myself.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I whispered, throwing her own words back at her.

"I'm guessing we have the same affliction." She said, with a sad attempt at smiling through the hurt, in an effort to amuse me. Make me feel better.

"Bella, you can't stay here. I'm no good for you." Now I was the one begging. She should go, she…really…shouldn't…stay.

"Let me decide what's good for me." She argued.

"No. I can't."

"Ahhhgggg." She screamed aloud, unable to contain the rage, mounting inside her, any longer. "Why are you so infuriating?"

On my two feet again, I reached for the stair railing. There was no pulling myself together. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't keep pushing her away with one hand and begging her to stay with the other. I had to make a choice.

There was no choice.

I couldn't live without her.

"Because I fucking love you, ok, and that scares the hell out of me." We both stopped, letting my blurted words sink in. I was afraid to look at her, not knowing how she'd react to my admission.

"Well, it's about time." She huffed out through tears.

Her reaction, like her, was perfect.

Hesitantly, I turned to her. Still afraid, what if I'd heard her wrong? What if I'd misunderstood her response?

My questions were met with gentle arms reaching upward and around my neck. "I love you, Bella." I whispered. The air flow from my lips pushed against stray strands of silken hair, forcing them toward me, tickling beneath my nose.

I sighed, more tickling, and I chuckled quietly tightening my arms around her tiny waist.

"It's about time," she whispered again.

We stayed there, in our embrace, for I'm not sure how long. Her arms around my neck, her cheek against my own, her scent, her touch, her warmth, igniting every sense.

Elation.

Euphoria.

I was a virgin to love and, like a virgin, my body tingled with excitement, anticipation….

Fear.

But I kept her in my arms for as long as I could.

As long as she'd allow me.

It wasn't long enough. It would never be long enough.

In bed, down the hall from where she slept, my mind raced with possibility.

Ideas and plans, hope for a future I never knew existed. Didn't dream I'd ever want.

I could see things now. My parents, Alice and Jasper, even Emmett and Rosalie, I understood their desires, their need to solidify their devotion, to unite, to express their commitment through marriage. It made sense now.

When sleep found me, I dreamed of her, of us, of our life and it was perfect.

Long.

Shared.

Babies and joy.

Grandbabies and love.

More love then humanly possible.

Divine.

I woke up feeling happy and more rested than I'd ever felt. I was eager to face the day but there was one thing I had to deal with before I really got going.

There were many obstacles I'd have to deal with before I could share my life completely. My revelation about Jake, being nearer to the top, once Bella was ready to talk about it. But one thing was eminent, even more urgent than the Jake thing.

Esme and Carlisle were in the kitchen. I paused, beneath the door frame for just a minute, to relive the night before with Bella in my arms as I whispered my sweetness into her hair.

"Good morning," Carlisle noticed me first. Then Esme expressed the same sentiment.

"Tell me what she did." It was hard to make demands as I remembered how it felt to hold Bella. Knowing she was holding me, Edward Cullen, for the first time.

Edward Cullen, flawed, imperfect, unworthy, and loved by her.

Carlisle's eyes darted over at Esme and silently, a private conversation began of knowing looks and subtle nods. An encrypted exchange that had evolved over years of marriage, and love, and learning, then Carlisle was freed to speak aloud.

Esme patted my shoulder as she left the kitchen, allowing Carlisle and I to speak in private.

I looked my father straight in the eye, willing him to begin.

Slowly, his voice strained through a tightened jaw. Avoiding my intense glare, not necessarily directed toward him, more toward my growing disgust for the tale he told.

Carlisle had attended a medical conference in New York, the first two weeks of August. Esme usually accompanied him on those trips but the conference coincided with a trip she'd planned with some ladies group she's involved with.

Irina was with Esme, so Jane went to New York as her father's guest. I vaguely remembered not seeing Jane for a while, around that time. I remembered being happy she wasn't bugging the fuck out of me. Where she'd gone didn't concern me.

Carlisle described the days leading up to her seduction as friendly, but respectful. _"I thought she was turning a corner, trying to clean up her act. That maybe you two had even talked about working on your marriage."_ He said.

My eyes rolled and I sneered at the mere suggestion.

Carlisle continued. A few days before the end of the trip Jane's demeanor toward him changed. Aro had mysteriously come down with some sort of stomach bug and Jane begged Carlisle to take her to a show she'd had tickets for. He reluctantly agreed, as he put it, and took her.

Jane was very flirtatious throughout the evening and as Carlisle told of the kiss she left on his cheek, a flood of memories surfaced. Memories I had buried years before. Stowed and locked away, never to be brought to the light of day again.

But here they were flicking behind my eyelids as if I were looking through my old viewfinder, a childhood toy.

The scenes were ancient reminders of a time I wanted to forget. Had to forget. It's true what they say, _the past will come back to haunt you_. I'm not sure who _'they'_ are but they were fucking right!

Ghostly glimpses of the past were imposing on my future and I couldn't make it stop.

Carlisle was sickened by Jane's actions, her forwardness, but now his story was done. It wasn't as bad as I thought and I attempted to clear my head. My parents had exaggerated Jane's behaviour and I wasn't about to let this incident trigger those memories.

My father sat silent, looking into his plate of bacon and eggs. After a few minutes, his story began again. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I had assumed he was finished.

I had assumed wrong.

Starting with the next morning, Carlisle stuttered and stammered over Jane's pursuit. Her instigation was one thing. The way she teased and enticed him made me angry.

But it was Carlisle's involvement, his willingness to participate in whatever game she was fucking playing. For days, he allowed her to fawn over him as he played escort to the things she wanted to do.

That, added to the images still floating around in my head of past incidents, fueled my rage and I could feel the blood boiling in my veins as I watched the words spill from his mouth.

"_She must have talked the desk clerk into giving her a key card for my room. I woke up to her lying beside me in a negligee." _

I couldn't stand it and my hands flew to my head, scratching at my scalp, the heels of my hands pushing deeper into my eye sockets. Carlisle sitting there in front of me, describing how my wife seduced him, acting so innocent as if he would never….

"Did you fuck her too, dad?" I growled.

Instantly, his face fell. My words pierced through the air like gun fire, penetrating deep into his soul, within seconds, too fast, too late for me to recant, take back.

And I did want to take them back.

The words fell off my tongue and lashed out at him, my father, for being targeted, for being so fucking stupid to have not realized her deception sooner, for the past. In that moment I hated him.

Again.

As quickly as the violent urges erupted inside me, the moment passed and I calmed, remembering what my shrink had said, so many years ago. _"Edward, you can't forgive them until you forgive yourself."_

How could I forgive myself when it was all my fault? But I tried to make it up to them. Tried to be perfect, the perfect son, for them. Perfection would outweigh the need to forgive them, forgive myself. I didn't blame them, I never did. But I couldn't forgive them either, not until I forgave myself…and that would never happen.

A wave of understanding, of finally remembering, of facing what was, exploded over me like a hot flash. My body jolted from the table, overwhelmed by the flood of comprehension I wasn't prepared for.

It was too late to apologize as I watched Carlisle pace the kitchen floor. He wouldn't dignify me with a response. Instead, he paced.

Esme returned, as if on cue, and interrupted my internal debate between fight or flee. I'd said too much, Carlisle didn't deserve a fight but the option to flee was null and void at the moment.

Esme sat down next to me, taking my hand in hers as she spoke. Forcing me to calm down.

"Edward, she's looking for a way to control you. She knows how much our opinion affects you. That's all her seduction was about. A means to her end. She thought, having something on your father, would force him to control you to her advantage." I nodded my head, knowing my mother's surmise was right on the money.

Money Jane wouldn't get in a divorce. Control she didn't have in the marriage.

Yes, Esme was right but that didn't make me feel any better about Carlisle, his behaviour, or mine.

"We didn't want to tell you. We thought it would hurt you too much but that's why I had to talk to you that night, the night before you left for Forks. With our support, we hoped you'd come to the right conclusion, based on your own dissatisfaction with your marriage. We didn't want this incident to provoke you into doing something irrational."

I wasn't angry with my parents for keeping it away from me, though the old Edward would have held it against them. They were right in the way they'd handled it. If I'd known about this, that night, remembering how enraged I was over what I did know, what I had come to realize, I would have killed her. I'm sure of it.

Alistair would need to know about her make on Carlisle. Hopefully, he could use it to my advantage, if necessary. I needed this divorce to be settled and over with, to be rid of that bitch soon, and forever.

The disgust and hatred I held for Jane was incomparable but it would have been enough for me, to simply be rid of her, especially with Bella at my side. But it was different now. Now she would have to pay.

Esme placed a plate in front of me, encouraging me to eat, though the contempt I felt for myself, and Jane, made it impossible to stomach food. Carlisle left the room without saying a word. _"He'll be ok." _Esme reassured but I wasn't convinced. I'd hurt him.

It's what I do. I hurt and destroy.

It was the only thing about my personality that worked in my favor as I conjured up ideas, schemes, plans for my revenge against Jane. Then it struck me. That morning in the motel.

My evil thoughts were interrupted, "Edward, I want you to take me shopping today." Esme changed the subject. She probably read it in my face that I was obsessing over things I didn't want to think about.

The notions running through my head slid to the back of my mind, temporarily, as I listened to her.

"What about Bella?" I asked, like I was ten years old and my mother was forcing me away from my friends to buy school clothes.

"The girls are coming by to take her to brunch. She'll be fine." She grinned.

Esme didn't ask me to take her shopping just to go to the local shopping centre. Whenever she asked me, she intended on a shopping spree, New York, California, even Europe. Fortunately, today it would be the short trip.

It was the last thing I needed, right then, but there was no way out. Esme would not be refused.

One call, and the arrangements were underway, to have the jet ready and flight plan prepared, leaving time for me to check on Bella before we headed out.

Sounds of movement could be heard from outside her bedroom door. I was grateful she was awake. I wanted to see her before I left for the day with Esme.

Atleast I would accomplish one thing before we left.

Reconciling with Carlisle would require more time and a little finesse that I wasn't able to pull off just yet.

As I ran upstairs, before I had reached Bella's door, my cell phone rang. "Cullen," I answered, not taking the time to review the caller ID.

It was Tonya. Jasper had informed her I was back to myself again and she was eager to start working on my case. We agreed to meet on Wednesday to go over some things for my defense. The trial would begin mid-January which didn't leave us much time to get ready, thanks to my weeks in a drunken stupor.

I was sure Tonya had done as much on her own, as was possible, but she would need my input to tie up the loose ends and really pull it together.

"So, Edward," Tonya said as we wrapped up our work conversation. "I heard you had a special visitor. When will I get to meet this Bella?" She teased. Something in her voice told me she was more than curious, a little jealous maybe. I hadn't expected that from her.

I pushed the negative energy out of my mind, about the trial and Lucy, and Jane, and Carlisle, as I lightly tapped on Bella's door.

"Come in," Bella was out of bed, showered, dressed and looking so beautiful. I hated having to leave her, wanting to mess up the bed she was so meticulously making up.

I laughed, "Bella, you don't have to do that. Esme's got people for making beds."

She rolled her eyes with a grin, "I can make my own bed. I don't mind."

"Well, you're effectively putting someone out of a job, if you keep that up, you know." I teased, pulling her at the hips, away from her project, closer to me.

Her back leaned into my chest and her arms rested on mine as they crossed over her mid-section. I explained Esme's plan for me, as we stood snuggling, and the brunch my sister had planned for her.

She was more than a little nervous about the outing, wondering if she was dressed appropriately, if her was hair ok. A simple kiss placed gently at the top of her head and my reassuring words, seemed to comfort her some, enough, and the fidgeting subsided.

I was grateful to have an opportunity to do that for her. To make her feel as secure as she always seemed to make me.

The girls had arrived by the time Bella and I made it back downstairs. Esme hurried me out but I managed to steal a kiss before I left.

Alice, childishly, made googly eyes as I warned her to take care of my girl.

My girl.

Bella.

It made me smile to think of her that way. I licked my tongue out at Alice as Esme pushed me through the door, my counter to her silly, making-fun-of-me-loving-Bella face.

I laughed, just couldn't contain it.

Bella spending the day with Rosalie weighed heavily on my mind. I hoped Alice's presence would deter Rose from sharing her jaded comments about me but at this point, there really wasn't anything I could do.

If I texted Alice about my concerns I'm sure it would turn into a huge ordeal, with her questioning me as to why I had such concerns about our brothers fiancée.

Bringing my fears to the surface, with her curiosity and certain interrogation.

I chose to remain silent and let the cards fall where they may. Alice was one of my biggest supporters, I'm sure Rosalie knew better than to spout off in front of her.

With that settled, my thoughts returned to Jane and that night. I wished I could remember what had happened. I was confident I didn't call her. I would never do that. How did she know where to find me?

I tried to put myself in her position, figure out how that night could benefit her.

I closed my eyes and pictured things in my head. I remembered being at the pub, Alex. Jane's face appeared out of nowhere. I remembered Alex saying Emmett's name. I remembered seeing Bella, touching her, putting my hands everywhere on her body.

Wait.

I saw Bella but she definitely wasn't there. So, was it a dream or was I actually touching Jane wishing for Bella? I couldn't be sure.

I'd been so drunk for so long, was it even possible to have sex? Fuck, I didn't know.

Seeing Bella, thinking I saw Bella, was arousing, I remember that. I'm sure Bella would stimulate indecent parts of me even if I were dead, but could I actually get it up? Physically?

What was her angle? She could tell people we slept together but it would be her word against mine and I'd never admit it. There'd be no proof. She could say I raped her but I'm sure Alex could attest to my inability to demand anything that night.

The only other possibility was pregnancy but what are the fucking chances of that happening? Even if she did get pregnant it wouldn't do her any good. It wouldn't stop the divorce….

But she would gain control.

I knew a few weekend fathers. They paid through the ass in child support and their ex's…controlled them, their new families. Every fucking thing, using the kid as a pawn to destroy the father's life. A lot of second divorces were because of the first wife and her fucking threats over the kid.

No, no, she wouldn't get pregnant that quick, that one fucking night. Not possible!

Oh fuck! What if she did?

"Edward?" Esme's voice cut through my internal rant.

"Yes?"

"Where have you been?" She chuckled.

I faked a smile, "sorry mom, just thinking."

"About Bella's gift perhaps?"

"Gift?" I asked.

Esme chuckled again. "Edward, I realize you've had a lot on your mind recently but please tell me you haven't forgotten that tomorrow is Christmas Eve."

I threw my head back, "Mom. I didn't even think about it. I…"

"You can thank me later. I have all my shopping done, well except for Bella. But this little trip is mostly for your benefit." She laughed again.

My mother. She knew me so well, too well, better than I'd ever realized.

Three stores in and Esme had completed her list of things for Bella. Her taste in clothes, shoes, and accessories surprised me but she finally gave in and told me her secret. Alice had conjured up the list, figured out Bella's sizes and even provided pictures. I wish I had been so lucky.

I had nearly lost hope when we walked by Tiffany & Co. The sparkles shining through the store window reminded me of Bella's smile and I knew I'd find the perfect gift for her inside.

Back in Boston, I ordered a new phone to be delivered that evening. It was time for Bella to give up that old monstrosity she was still using and join the current century. A few little trinkets, that popped into my mind, and I was finished and pleased with myself.

Emmett and Jasper were at the house when we finally made it home. Esme got right to work preparing dinner while the family's men played billiards in the basement.

Berty advised me of the phone delivery and I rushed upstairs and carefully wrapped Bella's presents before joining the game. Emmett had successfully won the first round without me and teased, out loud, that he wished I had found something else to do for the next four.

I found it difficult to concentrate, even interact with the guys. Bella was still out and I wondered, impatiently, what they were doing. A few times, I questioned out loud but no one seemed to pay any attention to me.

I didn't want to admit it, but I silently wondered if Bella was coming back. If maybe something was said or done that changed her mind about me.

In our five game series, Carlisle and Jasper won, four to one. Emmett acted pissed but it was obvious he was only joking as he jabbed at Jasper and teased Carlisle with his 'old man' references, and periodic jests in my direction about my current "_pussy-whipped"_ state of mind.

_If he only knew we'd never had sex but I wasn't about to admit that to him._

Esme had called us for dinner and, as we filtered through the kitchen, the girls arrived. They were laughing and talking, even Rosalie seemed happy and I breathed a sigh of relief when Bella walked over to me for a big hug and a polite, family friendly, kiss on the cheek.

Over dinner they discussed their day. It started off with brunch at the club, a matinee at the Arts Centre, a little lunch, and then full out pampering at Alice's favorite spa. Bella looked blissful as they each took part in describing the good time they'd had.

I sat back in my chair simply admiring her from across the table. Wishing I could sneak her away from the family, to do un-family friendly things, but she was enjoying their company so much, I didn't rush the moment.

Esme announced her expectations for Christmas Eve. She wanted the entire family to stay the night so we could all wake up together on Christmas morning. The girls could help with cooking dinner and the boys would handle clean up once everyone was finished.

Esme had excused the staff to spend the day with their own families, so we were expected to pick up in their absence. No one, not even me, had a negative comment, as we all realized the importance of the day.

But that wasn't all to Esme's plan.

She also expected everyone to be back at the house for seven in the morning, _"to revive a Cullen Christmas Tradition"_ she stated. Her glee was apparent but certainly not contagious.

Emmett, Jasper and I groaned with disapproval but Carlisle, playing his hand carefully, encouraged us to "_take it like men, it was the least we could do." _Esme smiled at him and patted his hand gently, offering a little squeeze before pulling back.

Carlisle's face lit up with a dirty grin as he winked at us, fueling an array of disturbing images. Vague silhouettes filtered through my mind, far too graphic for my conscience to handle. My parent's private encounters were definitely not something I ever wanted to think about. Not to mention the bad taste I still had for earlier discussions.

It took a few minutes to get those images out of my mind and I could tell Emmett and Jasper were attempting to purge their thoughts too. For about ten minutes, Emmett looked constipated, obviously having great difficulty.

Witnessing his struggle amused me enough, thankfully, to ease the efforts in my own attempt.

It seemed to take forever but finally everyone left. Bella and I headed upstairs, along with my parents, making sleepy small talk as we ascended to the second floor.

A few final good nights and my parents disappeared behind their closed bedroom door and I fought hard to keep those earlier images out of my head. I walked Bella to her room and was surprised to hear her invite me in.

Happy that she did, but surprised just the same.

"Edward," she began, nervously, once we were inside. "What is the Cullen Christmas Tradition?"

The memories of our family custom came flooding to the forefront of my consciousness. Good memories, memories of a happy family and a time long ago. Memories I hadn't conjured up for a quite a while.

Not since….

"Edward?"

Bella's voice brought me back to the present and I began to explain. When we were children, Carlisle and Esme would pack up the car, and the three of us, on Christmas Eve and we'd drive out to Mendon.

It was only about an hour, give or take, outside the city but it seemed like a world away when we were kids.

The tradition was simple.

We'd spend the day at the tree farm, looking for the best tree. Warm memories of cold days and horse drawn buggies that carried us deeper into the forest of coniferous trees, floated around inside my head. Rows upon rows of different species towered high above us as we hiked further in, away from the trail, to find just the perfect one.

Carlisle would drag it back to the trail with Emmett and I helping from the back. Helping might not exactly describe our efforts but we tried, while Esme and Alice walked along side discussing which ornaments they would use that year.

Back at the barn, we'd watch the attendant trim the lower branches then bundle it into some sort of netting for easy transport. Once it was secured to the car, strapped tightly to the roof, we'd go inside for hot chocolate and cookies. It was a lot of fun and I found myself smiling as the memories played, like a home movie, in my mind.

When we got home that evening, we'd decorate until bedtime then hustle to bed without a word of contest because Santa was coming that night. The tree was always the last decoration to go up in our house. It was Esme's way of letting us know Santa Claus was near.

Bella seemed to enjoy the story but something in her eyes told me she'd had no experience, like it, to compare too. It saddened me a little to think her unconventional upbringing and only child lifestyle didn't provide her with the same experiences. It saddened me a little more to know I'd taken mine for granted.

"Why did you stop?" She asked innocently.

I shook my head, hesitating, trying to avoid the answer, "it was time."

She didn't push it and I was grateful. I wasn't prepared to relive those events. The events she'd might have known had I not interrupted Esme the night before.

"Edward," she said my name again and I loved hearing it roll off her tongue, each time. "The girls wouldn't take me shopping today and if we go to the tree farm tomorrow, the stores will be closed before we get back. I don't have anything for your family for Christmas. I don't have anything for you."

Her pouting face and sincere turmoil was endearing. I took her hands in mine, "Bella," I spoke softly, "you being here is all the gift I need. I have things, I can get more things but nothing would ever compare to waking up to you on Christmas morning."

She smiled, blushed even, then bit her lip in that sexy way that drove me crazy for her. "Come with me," I said.

I led her to my room where I had a mountain of gifts, for my family, stashed in the closet. Gifts my personal shopper had purchased and delivered while I was under the heavy influence of alcohol. Fortunately, my shopper had been performing this function for so long that she didn't need my direct assertion to know what was required of her.

The gifts were wrapped and labelled with a list to advise me of the items inside. My shopper was a true professional. Bella didn't question the list and I didn't offer an explanation, knowing she wouldn't approve of the impersonal gesture.

I raided Esme's collection of Christmas labels and we spent the next hour retagging each gift. Instead of _from Edward_ the tags read _love Edward and Bella._

"They're going to know I had nothing to do with this, you know?" She stated, unconvinced our efforts would disguise her lack of preparedness. Fearful it would appear as though she didn't want to give them anything.

"They're not going to care Bella. They like you and they realize you just met them and that you didn't have time. All they will see is how happy you make me. That's all that matters."

She blushed again and I pulled her into me. Sweet, soft kisses slowly increased with intensity and passion. My breaths deepened as my lips worked their way down her neck. My hands expertly found their way under her shirt, to the hooks of her lacy delicates and I was ready. Ready to show her the meaning of my words, to show her how much I loved her, until she pushed me back, "we have to get this finished," she giggled.

Bright and early the next morning, Alice and Jasper showed up on the door step with Emmett and Rosalie close behind. Everyone piled into the kitchen which seemed to be a habit lately.

Esme beamed when I began helping her with breakfast. "I'd almost forgotten how much you liked to cook," she said smiling up at me.

By eight o'clock we were on the road, headed for Mendon.

It didn't make any sense for each couple to take their own vehicle so we doubled up. Carlisle was more than happy to let Emmett drive but insisted on shot gun while Bella nestled beside me in the back seat of Jasper's car.

The experience wasn't quite the same. Instead of horse drawn carts, a tractor drawn flatbed with squares of hay, for seating, drove us into the field of trees. It wasn't so bad, though the exhaust from the tractor had to dissipate some before the scents of pine and fir were evident.

Emmett, Alice and I argued over the best selection. Emmett insisted on the Balsam Fir, Alice wanted the Fraser and I thought the Pine tree would be better and had the best scent. Fortunately, Rosalie, Jasper and Bella stayed out of the dispute but it didn't save them any when our friendly quarrel erupted into a snowball fight.

When Carlisle and Esme joined in it became a free for all. Snowballs flew through the air as effortlessly as the laughter. Flashes of us as children, when my parents instigated the snowball wars distracted me for a second.

Emmett took total advantage of the opportunity and nailed me with his fast ball. The sting from the tightly bound ball left no doubt of the bruise I'd see later.

We playfully whipped snowballs at one another. Alice and Esme joined forces. Their fort was an old tree that had been cut down and left and while Esme formed the snowballs, Alice used us as target practice.

Jasper recruited Emmett for a raid and both disappeared behind a row of trees. They snuck up behind my mother and sister, for a vicious attack that ended with the boys surrendering to the ladies but I'm not sure why.

With Emmett out of the way, Rosalie caught one of mine in the side of her head. I apologized, insisting it was an accident but truthfully, it was a direct hit. My laughing through the apology kind of gave away my true intention but she took it well.

Of course, Emmett in true fiancé form, chose to show his nobility by lashing out at Bella. Lunging toward my unsuspecting girlfriend…yes I said girlfriend, seemed like a good idea at the time. The look she gave me when I knocked her on her ass, however, suggested I should have thought twice.

Atleast Emmett missed her and I enjoyed the moment we shared with her body pressed tightly beneath mine. The kiss she planted on me was nice too but the heat it generated inside me meant I had to get off her before something obscene took place right there, in front of God and kin.

Carlisle finally called a timeout, insisting a truce was necessary before someone lost an eye. Leave it to the doctor to identify the possible dangers in such activity.

Exhausted and standing amidst the Balsam's, we decided on the Balsam Fir. Emmett gloated, of course, but we would have chosen a palm tree, if it had been beside us, by that point.

The barn had changed as well. Like all things, it had become less about family and quality time and more about commercialism. I remembered a chalet type atmosphere, with fireplaces and Christmas smells of cranberry, pine, and apple cider but now it was more like a market place.

The wares being sold were related to Christmas and the ladies were caught up in the cute ornaments, beautiful centrepieces and whatever the hell else they bought. I couldn't be bothered and sat waiting for their shopping to end.

It had been a long day and the drive home was quiet. Everyone was tired, so when Jasper suggested we eat out, nobody challenged it, not even Esme. Being dressed the way we were, extremely casual, our preferred hotspots were out.

Alice immediately picked up her iPhone to conduct a search of some place along our route home.

The place we ended up at was a quaint little family-owned restaurant. It was warm and inviting and offered a homey atmosphere. The kind of atmosphere I usually found difficult to appreciate, but as I looked around the table, ending with Bella, there was no question of how much I appreciated it now.

Carlisle was still distant with me. Polite but not completely engaged. I had gone too far and an apology was required.

The moment of truth came when we finally made it back to the house. Carlisle lagged outside while the rest of the men pulled the tree inside. Emmett and Jasper seemed to have a good handle on it so I snuck out of the middle to stay behind with my father.

"Dad," I started as I approached him.

Carlisle remained quiet. I'm sure he knew what was coming, and usually he'd stop me and say something like, _"that's not necessary son"_, but that didn't happen this time. Instead, he allowed me to humble myself into an apology.

"I…uhm…dad, I'm really sorry about this morning." It was an apology, and Carlisle accepted it with a nod and a slap on the back, but we were far from forgiveness. I think we both knew that.

Between decorating the tree and singing Christmas Carols by the piano side, which I fully participated in at the surprise of everyone except Bella, I thought the day was a great success.

A roaring fire added to the ambiance and I almost hated to see the night end.

But the end had come, and though it seemed very late, it was only eleven p.m. when Esme decided to go to bed and everyone followed suit. Tomorrow was Christmas morning and though we weren't children anymore, I was looking forward to it for the first time in my adult life.

Bella was on the phone with her father when she answered my soft taps against her door. The conversation was going as well as anyone would expect. It was obvious from Bella's responses that Chief Swan was not happy that she'd be away from home for Christmas day.

I listened for a few more minutes before attempting to leave but she stopped me, then hurried her father off the phone. Like me, she tried to shake the negativity out of her head, the guilt she felt for being here and not with him.

"Bella, if you want to go home I can get you there quickly."

Her smile lit up the room, where only the dim light of a lamp on the night stand, was glowing. "When are you going to get it? I'm not going anywhere."

Our lips brushed together for just a second but it was long enough to stimulate and tantalize. "Bella," I said, "We need to talk."

"It can wait."

"No. It can't. About Jake…."

Bella stretched up to me, nuzzling my neck, kissing, teasing. "It can wait, Edward. I understand why and I'm a little flattered." She whispered between kisses.

"What I said to you last night…."

"Again, kind of flattered," I bowed down to her, to lessen the strain of her reach, "you think I'm hot." She giggled softly into my ear causing my spine to tingle. "You thought I was fuckable."

Hearing that word in Bella's voice was too much. Her message was loud and clear. I picked her up, returning her kisses as I laid her down on the bed.

I wanted her so much, so badly. Sweet lips pressed fervently against mine, arms and legs entwined and tangled making it difficult to know which limb belonged to whom.

It was so easy to fall into my old pattern of lust and sex but this was different. Bella was different and she deserved more, better.

"Wait." I pulled back knowing this wasn't right. "Baby, I'm still married."

"From what I've heard, it's not much of a marriage. It never was." She stated between deep breaths and closed eyes.

I smiled and kissed her forehead. _God, I loved this woman. _"Not tonight, not here."

A throaty groan escaped from her gently arched body and I instantly regretted my decision. "I'll be right back," I said, having to get out of there before I changed my mind.

A cold shower would have been useful but there was no time. I grabbed the Tiffany box, pulled the necklace out and raced back to Bella's room. I didn't want the prestige of the Tiffany name to prevent Bella from accepting my gift.

I ran through some old cliché's, Rome wasn't built in a day, old habits and all that, trying to rationalize my ego as I thought about Jake's ring. I wanted to offer her more than a promise and a poorly cut one and half carats. She deserved so much more. It would take some time but I desperately wanted to become the man she needed me to be.

A man. The man, worthy of her.

"Where'd you go?"

"I had to get one of your gifts."

Her face fell a little and I knew it was because she had nothing to give in return but there was a hint of curious anticipation in her frown.

I played with her, just a bit, causing a smile to peek out from behind her distress. The time had come, "Bella, I want you to have this and think of me when you wear it."

Diamond sparkles shone in her eyes and though she had no idea of its value, her sincere expression of adoration and appreciation, to me, was priceless.

The platinum necklace donned marquise and round diamonds but to the untrained eye, they were X's and O's, hugs and kisses that would grace Bella's neck when I couldn't be that close.

"I love it. Thank you, it's beautiful." She jumped toward me and I was tempted, once again, to retract my earlier refusal of loving her in the most intimate of ways. Somehow, I managed to control myself, my libido, to respect her enough to want to make our first time together special, romantic, meaningful.

I'd be making those arrangements very soon.

Very, very soon.

I wasn't the only one early to rise on Christmas morning. Emmett stomped up and down the hallway, as loudly as possible, demanding everyone wake up.

Bella's sleepy head lifted off my chest, the familiar position we'd fallen asleep in, and after a good morning greeting, we scurried to meet the others in the hallway. Surprised and teasing glances watched as we exited her room together but no one questioned it, just smiles of approval and then our convoy headed down the stairs.

One big happy family. Incredible and unbelievable this would ever be mine.

Carlisle refrained from his traditional breakfast toast to allow Bella to speak. She graciously thanked my family for their hospitality and welcoming demeanor as they accepted her, without question, into their lives.

Esme glowed and winked at me, as she watched Bella, the only woman I knew, who could wear a tiffany necklace with pink flannel pyjamas and make it work.

After presents and clean up, and Emmett's declaration of a Christmas Miracle, "Mom, he's happy. Look, Edward's really enjoying this." he joked, everyone set off in their own direction.

There was a lot to do before the extended family members arrived. While Esme busied herself and the girls in the kitchen, I disappeared from the male huddle to act on the preparations I'd spent the night dreaming of, while Bella slept, securely tucked in the nook of my curled arm.

By the time I returned from my excursion, the house was alive with happy people and rambunctious children. Familiar faces greeted me with Merry Christmas's, handshakes, hugs and occasionally a cheeky kiss.

My past behaviours seemed forgotten as nosy cousins inquired about Bella, Aunts and female cousins, curiously asking questions about our relationship, how we'd met and all that. Their male counterparts, married and single, gave me their nods of approval and winks of appreciation.

If I hadn't felt so guilty for my absence, leaving Bella alone to face the arrival of my nosey relatives, I might have hit some of the less respective men in the lot.

I searched through the main floor, for Bella, as small children weaved in and out of my path. I managed to catch the curse words before they sputtered out of my mouth, the four times I almost tripped up in one of them, but who's counting.

Esme touched me from behind, capturing my attention, informing me how taken everyone was with my new girlfriend. There's that word again, but my body didn't tense at the sound of it this time. I guess it was growing on me.

Apparently, Bella had taken my absence like a trooper. Instead of turning into a wallflower, shying away from the strangers surrounding her, she confidently engaged in their conversations.

Esme and Carlisle were impressed with her and for some reason that made me smile, made me happy. Through Bella, I was pleasing them.

I didn't have time to analyze that last statement before my eyes landed on my love, across the great room, and any thoughts that were not of her, disappeared.

She wore a simple black dress and I wracked my brain trying to remember how Alice described that type of neckline. I couldn't remember the words she'd used, all I knew was it complimented her beautifully, and the necklace I'd given her the night before, glistened brightly in contrast, catching in her eyes now and then.

The other thing I noticed was how the knee length dress flattered her slender shape, not to tight nor to loose, simply perfect, classic, and completely opposite of what I was used to seeing in Jane.

It took forever to cross the room, being pulled in all directions by aunts and uncles. Their sudden interest in me was annoying, and why they felt I would be receptive to their attention, could only be explained with one word. Bella.

She'd obviously made quite an impression on everyone. One that imposed notions that perhaps I'd changed, became a different man, one who was receptive to family affairs and pleasant exchanges with those who shared my blood.

I had big hopes for becoming someone Bella could admire and love, and I was working on it, but please? There was still much work to be done before I would truly appreciate small talk with overzealous cousins, busy bodied aunts and extraneous uncles.

A huddle had formed around her, around us, when I'd finally made it to her side. A few questions wondering where I'd disappeared too which I cleverly evaded and our conversation drifted into casual talk.

I was pleasantly surprised by my tolerance of everyone, knowing Bella's influence was the reason for my contentment. I felt like I could handle anything as long as she was beside me.

I spoke to soon.

Scanning the room, my eyes landed on the last people I'd ever imagined seeing here. Aro and Irina had stepped into my sight line.

Their ultimate destination, as they patrolled the room, mingling with our guests, was obvious. Instinctively, I stepped infront of Bella, shielding her from my inlaws and whatever falsehoods they were prepared to sling in our direction.

"What are you doing here?" I growled, ensuring my voice was low enough not to cause a scene.

Emmett nudged me, a warning to keep my cool. I understood the need for calmness but I'd be lying if I said it were easy. The altercation between Aro and I, a few weeks ago, made us both aware of our mutual hatred for one another.

"Edward, we've always spent Christmas day here." Irina tried sweetly. "It's unfortunate Jane won't be attending today but the boys will be here soon with their families." She looked around me to see Bella, peeking out from behind my protective detail. "We heard you had a…friend visiting," she snarked, "Is this her?"

Alice took that moment to speak up and introduce Bella. Probably a good thing because I just wanted to punch the Volturi's in each of their fucked up heads.

My mood was changing, I could feel the frustration building beneath my skin. Not even Bella's soft touch could penetrate through the malice growing inside me.

Rosalie and Alice were more engaged in the discussion with the Volturi's then the rest of us, and the conversation seemed unending. I was about to excuse Bella and myself from our little group until Irina reached toward her.

"Beautiful." She said, boldly fingering the necklace resting against Bella's fair skin. "It's Tiffany isn't it?"

Bella stumbled, "I'm not sure." She said, her eyes darting toward me.

Fuck. Nobody had said anything to Bella about the origin and brand of my gift. Now Irina was going to blow it for me. "Aro, this is Tiffany isn't it?"

Aro examined the piece around Bella's neck as she fidgeted under his intense stare. I grabbed her hand and attempted to pull her away when Aro answered. "Yes, it's Tiffany, alright. The Victoria collection if I'm not mistaken." Figures dumbass would know jewelry. They had a tendency to ruin things for me.

"Wow, Bella, you must be good, at whatever it is you do, to deserve such an expensive trinket. Sixty thousand, Edward? Quite a setback."

_Fuck you, Irina. _Ran through my head but before I could speak, another voice interrupted.

"I am very good at everything I do. Apparently, much better at it than your daughter. Jane isn't it?" Bella smiled sweetly.

Simultaneously, Emmett, Jasper, Rose, Alice and I twisted our heads to watch Bella's retort. Shocked by her smooth delivery, a virtual slap in the face to my, soon to be, ex mother-in-law.

Irina's cheeks flushed as she lifted her nose in the air and trotted away in a snit. Aro, obediently followed behind her.

Fuck, I loved this woman, my Bella.


	17. Chapter 16

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**Summer's over and so is my mini vacation. Sorry to you leave you hanging but I'm back and brimming with twists and turns to keep your interest. **_

_**It is my honor and privilege to announce "Is It Love" has been nominated and is being considered for an Emerging Swan Award.**_

_**I would LOVE your vote!**_

_**The polls opened September 12th and will remain open until September 21st.**_

**_Please visit my profile for the link to vote.  
><em>**

_**And vote for "Is It Love" you can find it in category 12. Best Drama/Angst/Hurt/Comfort WIP**_

_**I'd really appreciate your support.**_

_**Lady Laina**_

**Chapter 16 - BPOV**

_Sixty thousand, Edward? _The caustic tone echoed through my ears, with random clips of bitter words, from Edward's scorned in-law. _You must be good...whatever it is you do._

My new attitude took over and forced my shoulders back and my head up as I confidently countered her malicious attack.

The small band of Cullen's, including Jasper and Rosalie, quickly turned to me with surprised amusement.

Their obvious approval encouraged my confidence as I stood my ground and my shaking insides began to settle as the color in Irina's face deepened.

It was satisfying to watch her walk away, knowing I had caused her retreat, but her voice kept repeating in my head, over and over.

_Sixty thousand, Edward? _

_You must be good...whatever it is you do._

Considering I hadn't done anything that part of her statement didn't have any real effect on me, other than the rancid tone in her voice.

It was her question that made an impact, _Sixty thousand, Edward_?

My fingertips gently glided overtop the sparkling gems. Gems I believed to be pretty and polished glass. Irina's question begged me to reconsider.

Were they diamonds?

Did Edward really pay sixty thousand dollars for a necklace?

For me?

There was no opportunity to ask Edward as we continued to mingle with his family and other guests. No opportunity as we sat down to dinner between boisterous laughs, fickle children, and competing conversations.

It was sometime after dinner before I found a chance to sneak away. I scurried to my bedroom, the necklace practically choking me under the weight of its heavy price tag.

I'm sure it was all in my head, but my shoulders seemed to rise, freed from the heaviness, as I removed Edwards gift and carefully stretched it out on the dresser.

A beautiful gesture, a beautiful piece of jewellery. I'd never held anything like it in my hands before, never mind actually wearing it, owning it.

No doubt, Edward's tastes were exquisite, expensive. I couldn't deny how touched I was by his lavish gesture but I couldn't keep it.

My lips turned up at the corners, instinctively, as an image formed in my head. The image of me in pink flannel with a sixty thousand dollar trinket around my neck, eating breakfast with the Cullen's.

Oh what they must have thought!

I settled myself on the bed and leaned against the headboard, my eyes tracing each X, each O, from across the room as I dialed Charlie's number.

Charlie's disappointment was evident though he tried to stay up beat. Sue was with him but not even her sweet disposition was enough to fill the void I'd left by not spending the holidays with him.

Tyler had been invited to have dinner with Eric and Angela. It was comforting to know how well the three of them were getting along. I just hoped Angela would keep her wits about her when working alone with my handsome replacement.

My conversation with Renee was short. A simple Merry Christmas to her and Phil and I quickly hung up. They were spending another festive season with Phil's family.

Jake was my last call.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear Jake so happy. He'd never spent any length of time away from his family and now, being away during the holidays, I thought for sure he'd be miserable. I was so sure that I was a little apprehensive to call him.

He described his experience as a dream come true. His shear excitement spilling out in every word as he recalled the cars, their intricate details, things far above my level of understanding or care. But I cared about him and listened intently, trying to ask questions as intelligently as possible about carburetors, dual exhaust and overhead cams.

Jake was loving the experience and was amused at my attempt to talk shop with him.

Our conversation was more than car talk and tracks, I became privy to some inside info too. His sponsors loved him and the move to Florida was as good as permanent.

Training for his first nationwide would begin in the spring and he was being mentored by some _impressive names in racing,_ as he put it.

I was beside myself with happiness for Jake, and for me. Edward's admission about having Jake sent to Florida wasn't so bad if it worked in Jake's favor, right?

I was flattered that Edward wanted me all to himself but his actions were extreme and, if I wished to be honest about it, bothersome.

Ultimately though, Jake was living a dream that, had it not been for Edward, he may never have had an opportunity to fulfill. That, in itself, was worth letting Edward off the hook for his poor judgement.

Eventually, the conversation turned to me. "I wish you here, Bella," he said and in his next breath, "so tell me, what you've been up to?"

Clearly, he had not been informed of my temporary relocation and the thought of telling him, made me anxious. Anxious because I knew it would create tension between us, and it shouldn't.

As expected, his attitude changed completely when I mentioned Edward's name and told him I was spending the holidays with the Cullen family in Boston.

Jake managed a few strained questions about how long I planned to stay and the current status of my relationship with Edward, as if it were any of his business.

A short pause after I told him Edward and I were a work in progress, I didn't use those exact words but that was the gist of my summary, and Jake let me go. Suddenly, he was needed somewhere else

_C'est la vie,_ I thought with a sarcastic, _Merry Christmas to you too, Jake._ I pressed the end button on my new phone, symbolically killing two birds with one stone.

Firstly, ending the call and secondly, I was finished coddling my best friend. If he couldn't support me, and my decisions, then perhaps he wasn't the friend I thought he was.

Wow, my new attitude was really taking hold and I liked it. I was ready to charge through my life like a bull in a china store, no holds barred, no prisoners.

It was this attitude that forced Edward into vocalizing his love for me, gave me the strength to brazenly challenge Irina Volturi when she dared to belittle me in front of Edward and his family.

Finally, I was living my life on my own terms and loving it.

Three soft taps and I heard my name whispered from the other side of the closed door. "Come in," I called out, still delighting in my new state of mind.

Edward was no more impressed that I'd spoken to Jake either. Not that he said anything, he didn't have to. His face told me all I needed to know. Fortunately, he was quick to recover, opting to rest on my bed rather than fight over my choice in friends.

"So, news travels fast here in the big city." I snorted.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked.

"I was surprised when Jane's mother looked for me."

Edward snorted, "Yeah, well I wasn't surprised. We have a mole in the family."

"A mole? In this family?" I laughed at his cryptic wording.

He grinned. "Yes. A mole. Rosalie." I rolled my eyes, thinking he was kidding but his demeanor changed. "I'm not kidding. Rose is out to get me."

"Why on earth would you think that?"

Before he answered my question, he had a few of his own. He'd asked about my spa day with the girls, specifically if Rosalie had said anything negative toward him and generally, how she treated me.

The pained look, he donned, as he inquired about the day, forced me to take his statement more seriously. I informed him that Rose seemed a little reserved at first but as the day progressed she warmed up to me and added that his name was not brought into any of our conversations.

Overall, Edward appeared relieved about the information I'd given him but at the same time teased me for not making him the focus of my day.

I realized he was trying to change the subject when he brought up his trip with Esme and I had to turn him back a few notches, to stay on track.

His brow furrowed and his teasing smile drifted away leaving behind the saddened face of a man with many worries. Conjuring up the relationship between Lucy, the woman accusing him of rape and his soon to be sister-in-law, was a difficult feat.

I found it hard to believe that his brother's fiancée would side with this obvious liar over Edward but he insisted his claim was true and I had no choice but believe him.

The spirit of Christmas was being lost and I wasn't sure how much more Edward could handle in his stressed state of mind.

His eyes drifted around the room until finally landing on the twinkling gems reflecting in the mirror.

A look of horror flashed across his face. "You took it off?"

"Edward, it's beautiful but I can't…."

"Bella," he said sadly. His eyes desperately pleading for me to stop. "I know it was expensive but that's not what it's about. And I won't lie. When I walked into Tiffany's that day, I did want to blow Jake and his fucking engagement ring out the water but when I saw this...suddenly, there was so much more to it. It was the perfect symbol to express how I felt...about you."

The more he spoke, the more excited his expression. He was speaking from his heart and probably the most sincere and honest I'd ever seen him.

It was in that moment, as he described my immeasurable worth to him, his metaphoric comparison between his arms, his lips and the beautiful diamonds set in the rare and precious platinum, that I realized exactly how much I loved him.

There was no more doubt, no more confusion. The debate brewing inside me, deciphering between infatuation, love and lust swam around in my head but there was no longer any question.

It was love.

I was sure of it and I prayed to God.

I prayed long and hard, it would be enough, as I remembered why I came here.

To learn who Edward really was, to figure out if I could live with his goodness, as well as his demons.

As evening approached, the already full house ballooned to numbers I found impossible to fathom. More food, more people filled every facet of the Cullen home.

Edward guided me through the sea of strangers, stopping now and then to shake hands with important looking men and women. From his brief conversations, I knew his interest was geared more toward networking than simple friendliness.

I followed him absentmindedly, smiling appropriately, until I noticed we were at the front door.

"Are we leaving?" I asked.

Edward smiled, "yeah, I want to show you something."

Instead of driving toward the front gates, Edward followed the driveway behind the house, down a narrow pathway. Trees towered above us and I was reminded of home.

We stopped outside a little wooden cabin not nearly as impressive as the main house. A dim orange glow shone through the small windows made brighter by its reflection against the crisp snow.

The sight was something out of fairy tales and romantic visions danced through my head as I thought about reasons Edward would bring me here.

Heat from the fireplace greeted us as we entered through the creaking door, into a wide open room. Inside was obviously under construction with paint cans, brushes and ladders scattered about.

In front of the fireplace, a blanket was stretched out, surrounded by glasses, an unopened bottle of wine and a basket containing some goodies, I assumed.

My body was charged with excitement, anticipation then Edward handed me a pair of white leather figure skates.

"What's this?" I asked, confused.

He pointed toward the window. I hadn't noticed the frozen pond in front of the house. A large square area had been cleared of snow, allowing the moonlight to shimmer against the ice.

"Skating?" I asked with a disbelieving grin.


	18. Chapter 17

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews. **_

**Chapter 17**

Bella's deep, rhythmic breaths were the only sounds as I stared out the window at the ice patch I'd cleared earlier in the day. Beams of moonlight traced the chaotic lines where our skate blades cut through the hard surface.

It seemed like such a good idea, a romantic idea, as I pushed and shoveled the snow, clearing a sizable area for us to glide our way around under moonlight in the cool crisp air.

I should have known a girl from Phoenix couldn't skate.

Remembering other cities listed in her background check from a few months ago, Orlando, Marietta, Galveston, I should have known. Most of her upbringing was spent in warm climates, warmer than Boston.

A smile spread across my face. She was a good sport about it though in her knee length, black dress and white leather skates.

Her clumsy, inability to stay comfortably on her feet was endearing and her shivering body, chattering teeth and all, clung tightly to me which was a different kind of success. I loved feeling her body close to mine, looking for warmth and security. To know at that moment she needed me.

Sure, her desperate need was through not wanting to fall on her ass or freeze to death. A superficial and fleeting need but I'd take what I could get from this strong willed and independent love of my life.

The ratty old recliner, where I sat, creaked some as I turned back to watch her sleeping. Her tiny body nestled between the thick, heavy blankets my grandmother had made many years ago.

Esme was always quick to restore the damaged fabrics that carried stories and memories, and her mother's spirit, into the future, our future, making the quilted heirlooms heavier than any blanket I'd ever seen.

The flickering fire reflected on Bella's face, warming her skin tone. Shadows playfully danced across her features, the walls and ceiling, in random patterns created by the diamond prisms around her neck.

The serene tranquility of the images before me were powerful and I was at peace. My mind settled in the moment with no thoughts of the craziness in my life, my work, my family, my marriage.

All that existed for me was orange glows and silver moonlight, sparkles on fair skin, warm breath and cool air, laughter and soft voices over sharpened steel slicing through frozen water.

Contented beyond belief, I carefully climbed between the weighted covers, adjusting my body until I was surrounding Bella's body once again.

My mind drifted back to dainty crackers and old cheeses, strawberries in chocolate, sparkling wine, and clever wit as we warmed ourselves, each other, in front of the old brick fireplace.

Our trembling bodies, no longer cold, shivered still with nervous energy. Excited passion, awkward at first, led the way to bare chests and lacy intimates as we explored and discovered and found each other in ways we'd not yet known.

Gentle hands glided over smooth, silky skin. Soft kisses on moist lips, on tender breasts, on chiseled chests and I was alive with charged excitement coursing through my veins.

No more denying the inevitable. No more denying our physical desires, our needs, our wants.

Her petite stature seemed fragile under me and I tried to restrain the urgency growing inside but desperation set in. The sensual aroma of sweet perfume and tantalizing lady-scents wafted up from this alluring creature and filled my breath.

Mussed hair and wispy tendrils tickled and teased.

Fingertips, pressed skin deep into my shoulder blades, encouraged my arousal until there was no more holding back.

Her feather-light body presented no challenge as I whisked her out from beneath me and placed her in control, above me.

Throaty moans and pleasured groans escaped from us both as her sensitive space encompassed me, accepting me deeper into herself then I could ever imagine.

Our slick bodies fell into a spell-binding motion of rise and fall as my hardened indifference slipped between her thighs, her seduction, over and over.

She led me to places, to thoughts, to feelings, I'd never been, never known, never felt, never wanted to lose.

My senses were filled, completely, with her, of her, and I was compelled to yell out to her. Her name rolling from my tongue as if it were the only word I'd ever spoken.

She delighted in my charge and matched my intensity as she called to me, again and again and again.

Her body stiffened, her muscles contracted, her pleasured moans heightened as my own body jerked and thrusted deeper into her darkest places.

Then silence.

Everything suddenly went silent for a few brief moments before the whisper of our heavy breaths, in sync, sailed through the air.

When I thought she was finally asleep, I allowed tears to escape from my eyes. Tears of elation and fear and hope ran quietly down my face, dripping from my chin.

I'm not sure if it was my sniffle, or my physical attempt to wipe the tears, that betrayed me but something alerted the slightly awake Bella, "Edward" She uttered softly, "are you ok?"

She wouldn't accept my initial reply, _I'm fine_. She rarely ever did which left me no choice then to explain my current state of sensitivity.

Against my will, sort of, I might add.

If the expression on her face hadn't gave way to how truly touched she was by my confession, her own tears would have.

I confessed my thoughts on sex and admitted I had never made love to anyone until now. I admitted not knowing anything deeper than my own distorted views on love, even existed.

I thanked her for sharing that part of herself with me and vowed that I would spend the rest of my life becoming worthy of her.

I promised her that and I meant it, not realizing I had already broken that promise until she, unintentionally, reminded me.

My heart sank as Bella reminisced over the past few months, assuring me I was already a man worthy of her attention.

Then her comforting words began to spiral downward, "that last day in Forks," she said, "I didn't come to you because I thought you'd done what that awful article described. It was because you had lied about who you were. That's what made me angry, made me doubt you."

Conjuring up that memory triggered other thoughts I wanted to forget.

"I realize that incident happened before we got close but I was ... concerned..."

"Concerned?" I asked.

A blush brightened on Bella's cheeks, "I have a confession of my own. Edward, I'm really sorry but I asked Alice about her, about Lucy. The day she and Rosalie took me out. Alice and I were alone, waiting for Rose to return from her spa treatment, and I asked her."

"Yes?" I encouraged her to continue not sure if I wanted to know what she was about to say.

"Edward, I didn't know where this thing with us was going but I figured, in my head, that the thing with Lucy happened after your tests for...you know...the results you had your doctor fax me."

That was not the direction I had expected.

"I just wanted to know if she was the promiscuous type..."

"Stop. Stop." I didn't want her to say anything else. "I'll get another test Bella, it's not a big deal." My tone, harsher then I intended as Jane's face popped into my head.

Lucy was not promiscuous but Jane...

Then, and there, would have been the right time to explain to Bella what had happened.

No, I should have told her long before now, before tonight.

Tonight.

After all that we'd shared, how could I tell her now?

"Forgive me Bella." I sighed and pulled her body into mine. Unable to bare my reflection in her eyes, nor the faith, the trust, she held there for me at that moment and not destroy everything we'd shared tonight. "Please forgive me." I sobbed silently into her hair, ever grateful she didn't question me further.

My conscience forbade sleep but this time I made sure Bella was sound before I got out of our make shift bed.

Memories of this night, our first night together, began to replace my guilt and sketchy memories of that night with Jane. Looking out the window at the ice, the moonlight, I convinced myself to wait until after the test results came back before telling Bella of my indiscretion.

By then, we'd be closer, more in love and better able to express ourselves, express myself.

Telling her now would just make her angry, more worried. Later would definitely be better.

Even with my body curled around hers once again, sleep didn't come easy. My body may have relaxed, rested, but my brain was active with doubts, with excitement, with guilt.

The early morning sun shone through the windows but my sleeping beauty continued in her slumber until my phone started to ring.

"Who was that?" she asked groggily.

"Breakfast is ready." I kissed Bella's forehead and took a deep breath before pulling away.

My family's attempt to be nonchalant about our arrival, in yesterday's clothes, was feeble. Darting eyes and knowing grins lingered as Esme set our plates down on the table.

Fortunately, their interest dissipated once everyone began eating.

"Can you pass the salt?"

"I need the ketchup."

"Can I get a couple pancakes up this way?"

Voices filled the air along with the smells of toasted bread, bacon, cinnamon buns and other tasty delights.

My plans for the day were beginning to take shape in my head. There was so much I wanted to show Bella. To experience again myself, through Bella's eyes.

The family scattered after breakfast. A guilty conscience, a concept I was becoming too familiar with, for things I'd said to Carlisle begged me to stay back.

I was looking for some opportunity, some chance to apologize again, ask Esme if my father was ok. Regardless of my feelings for Carlisle and his own indiscretions, he was my father and I had no right to speak to him as I had, accuse of him of wanting to destroy me.

Nothing opened up. Carlisle disappeared somewhere in the house with Emmett, I think, and Esme was busy directing her small staff.

Eventually, I made my way upstairs. Alice's bedroom door was opened just a crack and I could hear her on the phone.

Already she was back to work and discussing a plan of attack on my behalf. No, not attack, strategy was a better choice of words.

I walked passed her door, not interested in her conversation at that moment. Alice would surely fill me in when the details were finalized.

Bella's door was sealed tight and I chose not to bother her. Emmett's bedroom door swung wide open as I reached for the knob to my own door.

Rosalie stepped out looking fresh, "Edward," she stated coldly.

"Rose," I replied in the same fashion, as she walked passed me in the hallway.

I had only taken one step into the room when I heard her voice call my name again.

My eyes rolled and I poked my head back. It crossed my mind to ignore her but Rosalie was here to stay. Being engaged to my brother meant I was going to have to learn to atleast tolerate her.

"Yes?" I sighed

"You're in love with her, aren't you?" She asked.

I think it was the first time Rosalie ever spoke to me without distaste or condescension in her voice.

I could tell she found it hard to believe but somehow, no matter how I chose to answer, she did believe it. She believed I was in love with Bella.

"Yes. Yes, I am." There was no point in denying it. I didn't want to, not even to Rose.

I couldn't contain the smile on my face as I got in the shower. It felt so good to admit it, to say it out loud, to tell someone that I loved her.

I was in love with Dr. Bella Swan and I wanted the whole world to know it.

The weather and road conditions didn't permit the use of my car, so I pulled the SUV, the same one I used last night, out of the garage and up to the front door.

Bella caught my eye, immediately, as she stood on the front step waiting for me.

Even in casual attire, this lady could take my breath away. I thought back to my first impressions of her and wondered how I could think she was anything less than stunning.

"Where's your necklace?" I asked.

Bella rolled her eyes and I laughed at her silly expression.

"Really Edward? I don't think it goes with jeans." I was tempted to argue that it went with her, no matter what she wore, but decided against it.

The day was about being together, having fun and seeing some of Boston's well known attractions but first, there was something I had to do and fighting wasn't one of them.

We pulled up in front of my building. The parking lot was mostly empty with only the cars of my employees sparsely scattered on the outdoor lot.

"What's this?" Bella asked.

I pointed upward and her eyes followed my finger until finally landing on the huge white letters sprawled high across the building, 'Cullen Inc'.

"You've got to be kidding," she laughed.

"I'll only be a few minutes," I apologized.

"Oh, I don't mind. I just can't believe you own this building."

"Well, I only use the top five floors. The rest is rented." My explanation didn't help any. I heard Bella, in a snarky tone under her breath, say _well that makes it all ok then._

I was chuckling under my breath, amused by her impression, when I heard a hearty voice call to me from across the parking lot. "Edward, my boy."

I turned to see Alistair approaching as fast as he could with his old man limp, waving his arms to grab my attention.

Breathless, he continued, "Jane's lawyer called me this morning. They want to meet with us tomorrow."

Alistair took a few deep breaths trying to calm down. "I was just on my way to see you when I saw you pull up."

"Alistair, why are you parking so far away? The lot is practically empty." The old man shrugged me off not willing to answer. His eyes focused on Bella.

After a quick introduction, Alistair filled me in on the details of tomorrow's meeting with Jane.

"I really don't see the point, Alistair. The pre-nup is rock solid and prevents any conflict over assets."

"Well, maybe there's something she wants and is willing to quit stalling on signing the papers so we can get this done and over with." He replied.

I sighed, unconvinced, as the elevator rose and then opened on Alistair's floor.

When the doors opened again, we stepped out onto my floor.

Gianna was quietly working at her desk. "Mr. Cullen?" she questioned. She had never seen me in casual clothing not even during my drunken phase.

"Good morning," I replied with a smile. "Gianna, this is Dr. Swan."

"Bella," Bella corrected.

Gianna's eyes darted up at mine as if asking for permission to address my friend so informally.

I gave my nod of approval and Gianna began to relax.

Guiding Bella to my office, I asked Gianna to get Riley.

"So what are we doing here?" Bella had a ton of questions once we were alone behind my office door.

I diverted her attention to the large windows. Her awestruck bewilderment returned when she took in the view.

The crisp, clear air allowed us to look out over miles of Boston's landscape and I pointed out the various places of interest, some of which we'd see that day.

So enthralled with Bella and her wonderment, I was startled by the loud beep of the intercom, "Riley is here sir. Shall I send him in?" Gianna's voice sounded out through the tiny speaker.

Even after being announced, Riley lightly tapped on the office door before entering.

I introduced him to Dr. Swan and watched as she stretched out her arm to shake hands with my star pupil.

"Please call me Bella," she corrected again.

Riley's face brightened as he repeated her name. Obviously captivated by the lady beside me, he attempted to make small talk, becoming more comfortable in her presence with each word they shared.

I remained silent for a few minutes, by necessity rather than choice.

Something was brewing inside and it took some concentration to figure out what was going on.

I remembered the last time, the first time, I'd felt this weird sensation and thought back to it.

Seeing Bella, my Bella, on the beach with Jake then I realized I was feeling jealous.

Another image flashed in my eyes of Jake's naked upper torso and Bella holding his shirt.

"Riley," I said loudly, grabbing his attention away from Bella.

I knew I was being completely ridiculous but I was going to need time to work through all this new shit, new feelings.

"Are you in the least bit curious as to why I called you here?" I spat.

"Yes sir." Finally I had his complete attention.

I had come to my office to do a good deed but now I wasn't so sure if I wanted to follow through.

Both Riley and Bella stared at me, waiting for me to speak.

My eyes shifted between them as I contemplated my actions.

"Tell everyone to go home." Bella's smile, as these words left my mouth, warmed my heart until everything was right again.

"Sir?" Panic rang out from Riley, "everyone?"

Still staring into Bella's warm eyes, I laughed, knowing Riley thought he and everyone else was being fired.

It was a natural conclusion, I suppose. I had, for no reason, ever ordered everyone to go home before.

That, added to the craziness they've all encountered from me over the last few weeks could lead to even crazier notions of folding the business.

"Yes, everyone." I said in a firm voice. Riley's complexion paled and I had to end my fun before the man had a heart attack. "I want everyone back here bright and early January second. It's Christmas Riley, they should be with their families."

Riley tried to speak but the sounds he made were barely audible, much less intelligible.

"In fact, have the jet prepared to take the out-of-towners home and make arrangements to bring them back. I won't be using the jet right now. Gianna can help you."

Bella's warm hands reached around my waist and I raised my arm up and settled it around her shoulders. She was pleased with my decision and good will.

"Mr. Cullen, I can't…I mean…I…thank…thank you Sir." Riley stammered in disbelief.

"Oh and two more things."

"Yes sir?" He gleaned.

"Let everyone think it was your call. Gianna's the only other person that knows I'm here." Alistair knew but he'd never let on. Riley's eyes widened.

"Really sir?"

"Yes Riley. You've really stepped up over the last few months and I appreciate everything you've done. Thank you."

I thought the man was going to cry and I got a little uncomfortable.

"The second thing sir?" he asked when he was able.

"Oh right." I let out a sigh," call me Edward. You've earned it."

Riley's reaction to my visit was incredible. For the first time in my life, I think I'd finally realized the profound impact I had on people.

Until now, that impact left much to be desired. I knew I was a prick but Riley, one of my inner circle, was afraid of me.

It was time for things to change. Atleast a little. I'm sure I could figure some way to earn respect among my peers and employees without the use of fear.

Riley and Gianna were motivated to move quickly. They filtered through the floors, advising everyone of the news to go home and making arrangements to fly some to their various home states.

It didn't take long for the parking lot to empty allowing Bella and I to leave without detection.


	19. Chapter 18

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**I'd like to Thank all who voted for my story for the Emerging Swan Award. We didn't win but I certainly appreciate the support. Congratulations to all the winners and nominees. It's a great honour to be recognized.**_

**Chapter 18**

As Edward and I stepped outside onto the concrete walkway, a blitz of flashing bright lights offended my eyes. Instinctively, my hands shot up to protect my face and I felt Edward's arm sweep across my shoulders as he pulled me in.

Voices, male and female, called to us from all directions.

"Edward, did you..."

"Mr. Cullen, have you..."

"Edward, over here. What do you..."

So many questions, all shouted, one over the other. In the chaos, I wasn't even sure what was being asked until it was directed toward me specifically.

"Miss, can you tell me your name?"

Edward continued to shield me with his arm, hiding my face in the warmth of his chest.

"No comment." He shouted to our assailants but it didn't ward them off, not in the least.

I found it difficult not to trip over my own feet, over Edward's feet, as I blindly allowed him to usher me toward the car.

"Well, well, well." A clear and cocky voice chimed.

Edward stopped in his tracks, his grip loosening around me. "What do you want Victoria?"

"That's Detective Sutherland to you, Edward." She stated matter-of-fact.

I stepped out of Edward's embrace, freeing myself to get an understanding of what was happening.

The woman in front of us, Detective Sutherland, Victoria, was tall with angry eyes and long red hair cinched at the nape of her neck.

She wore heeled boots with jeans, a tweed jacket that almost reached her knees and black gloves. Nothing about her appearance indicated she was a police officer.

My eyes wandered outside the intimate circle the three of us had formed, looking for some kind of confirmation that she was in fact a cop.

Just beyond the parking lot, I noticed cars and vans with various markings, identifying our assailants as reporters for local newspapers and television stations.

The mob of reporters remained at the building entrance, behind an invisible line created by uniformed officers that surrounded their perimeter. I hadn't noticed the policemen standing there as we walked out the front door.

Their cameras were still trained on us though their questions had stopped. Their interest in the confrontation between Edward and Victoria was stronger than their need for him to answer their questions.

"Are you ok, Miss?" Victoria tried, "Miss?" she asked again.

I was completely mesmerized by my surroundings and it took a few minutes before I could nod my head and answer the woman.

"Are you going to tell me why you're here, harassing me?" Edward growled.

The woman jolted her head and instantly an officer dressed in a dark blue, almost black, uniform appeared beside us.

He forcefully pushed Edward up against the hard stone of the building wall, face first, then locked his wrists together with silver handcuffs.

"Edward?" my voice shook with uncertainty.

"Edward Cullen." The woman began, interrupting any chance Edward may have had to address my concerns. "You are under arrest for violating the terms of your bail."

"What the fuck are you talking about Victoria? What violation?"

Victoria's voice reeked of malice for Edward as she reminded him of the trip he'd taken to New York just before Christmas. Her laugh cackled and echoed off the cold brick and cement, obviously taking great pleasure in arresting him.

"You're lucky, I'll give you that. If it were up to me, your Christmas would have been spent behind strong bars, acting the bitch for some hairy psycho who believes he's Santa Claus. Be grateful my witnesses put their own family holidays before their civic duty. It's going to stick, Edward. You're going to stay in jail until the trial this time."

"Bella, call my lawyer. Tonya Denali. Her number's on my phone."

Victoria almost hissed at me as I reached passed her into Edward's pocket and grabbed his phone. I watched as the officers forced him into the backseat of an unmarked car then disappeared.

In Edward's absence, Victoria's face softened, her cold confident voice mellowed and she sounded almost human. "Miss, you should reconsider your association with him. He's bad news."

Before I could defend him or myself in any way, Victoria hopped into her car and drove off.

The Reporters flashed a few more photos of me but their interest waned. Apparently, I was not the interesting party they sought. They left as well, to chase after Edward and the police officers, I assumed.

All that commotion, it seemed like a lifetime of angry words and camera flashes, of cops and handcuffs, but the entire thing took moments from beginning to end.

Then it was over and I was here, alone.

Alone, on a deserted sidewalk surrounded by cold and concrete as if nothing had ever happened.

I could feel the heat rising in my face and I fought against my natural urge to cry. I had to keep it together, keep myself from falling apart. I had to help Edward.

I searched through his contacts and found Tonya Denali, Attorney.

Assigned to the name, was a picture of a beautiful young woman. Thick waves of blonde hair framed her flawless face. _This was his lawyer?_

As I pressed on the number I felt my lip curl into a snarl, an involuntary reaction but petty nonetheless.

"Hello Edward," She laughed playfully.

Her sultry voice, her laugh, all suggested a relationship deeper than professional and I swallowed hard, almost choking, in response to her flirty and familiar address.

"No, I...uhmm..." My insecurity got the better of me and I stammered at first but with a deep breath, and a quick reminder of the woman I wanted to be, I tried again. "Is this Tonya Denali?" I asked more confidently.

In the seconds before she replied, I quickly flipped through various introductions.

_Hi_ _I'm Bella, Edward's girlfriend. _

_My name is Bella Swan, Edward's probably mentioned me because we're in love. _

_I'm Edward's lover, Bella Swan._

"Yes," She replied in a puzzled tone.

My stomach fluttered as panic set in. It was my turn to speak again.

"This is Dr. Bella Swan. I'm a friend of Edward's." I decided to take the high road and show some class, though my addition of doctor was purely self-serving. "He's been arrested and asked me to call you."

Understandably, Tonya had a few questions. She inquired about the arresting officer, our location, the charges and a few other things. Surprisingly, she was not at all interested in my identity any further than my introduction.

Before hanging up, Tonya told me to wait for her, she'd swing by and pick me up on her way to the station.

I stood in the freezing Boston air for about twenty minutes, waiting for her to show up. In that time I called Alice and Esme, both of whom also offered to pick me up, then promised to meet me at the station when I declined.

The flashing signal light of a silver two door caught my attention before it turned off the main road and entered the parking lot. As it came closer, eventually pulling up to the curb beside me, I noticed the symbol on the front grill. It was one of few symbols I recognized. The four circles always reminded me of the Olympics though the brand name didn't come to me right away.

Perfect. Tonya, the golden haired goddess in her expensive silver chariot. My old ford pick-up had no chance, in comparison, not even in its glory days.

Apparently, she and Edward weren't close enough for him to describe the need for a heavier vehicle for winter driving, like the never-ending lecture I'd received as we drove to the little cabin on his family's property in his SUV rather than his precious Porsche.

As if I wasn't already self-conscious, just from viewing her picture, she stepped out of the car and took a long minute, to size me up, before speaking.

"Humph," she snorted, "I should have known."

"Excuse me?" I asked meekly, fidgeting as I glanced down at my casual attire.

"Oh nothing, nothing. Forgive me. I'm Tonya Denali and you must be Bella."

"Yes," I offered my hand but Tonya quickly turned around and got back into her car.

"Let's go, it's freezing," She said before pulling the door closed.

_What choice did I have?_

"So, you're Edward's lawyer?" I asked trying to fill the awkward silence between us.

"Yes, well...I've known Edward a long time." My front teeth sunk deep into my bottom lip as I tried not to think of Edward's possible relationship with this woman. "My sister and Edward dated, briefly, while they were in college."

"Oh, your sister?" A nervous half sigh, half laugh came barrelling out of my mouth. I closed my eyes and prayed Tonya wouldn't pick up on my anxious fluster.

Truthfully, I felt really small in her presence, unsophisticated, insignificant, plain and stupid. Alice and Rosalie, even Esme, were beautiful women, worldly and intelligent, and I felt comfortable, equal and confident in their company, as I should. But Tonya was a different kind of woman.

I couldn't help but be relieved that it was her sister, and not her, that Edward had been involved with. I'm sure her sister must have been beautiful too but the truth was, I didn't see her and, by the sound of it, she wasn't currently in Edward's life, and that made me feel better.

I was also relieved to know Edward didn't purposely seek out the most gorgeous woman in Boston to defend him. It was through a mutual friend, so to speak.

"Yeah, they really didn't connect." A hint of amusement trailed behind her words, confirming my fear that she did pick up on my distress.

The conversation didn't go far after that. Tonya's eyes stayed glued to the road while I peeked, in random intervals, from the corner of my eye, at this woman beside me.

Long legs, stretched passed the steering wheel where an incredibly high stiletto dug into the carpeting. Her slender foot manoeuvred with ease, between the gas and brake.

She wore a business suit, though the shorter than short skirt suggested a different kind of business to me. Admittedly, her legs wore it well.

The jacket was unbuttoned debuting a straight, tight fitting blouse, unbuttoned just low enough to sample her goods yet hiding just enough to activate your imagination.

I walked behind her, into the station, her confident swagger was impressive. Men of various ages and class, immediately stopped what they were doing to watch her graceful entrance.

How she stayed upright in those shoes and this weather was beyond me. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't even imitate her in my sneakers though I caught myself trying just before we reached the door.

Her skirt didn't seem so short now that she was standing and as much as I would have preferred to think otherwise, she looked amazing. Seductive yet professional.

I hated her already.

As promised, Esme and Alice, were at the station along with the rest of the clan. Tonya went directly for them and I was a little disappointed to see how well they interacted with her.

_What a joke, _I thought, _my new attitude._ I could never compare to someone like that, never be that confident, that bold.

Rosalie caught me hanging back from the family, "Bella, is everything ok?"

"Uhm, yeah. I just want to get Edward and get out of here."

"It's not going to be that easy." Of course, Tonya also had supersonic hearing, "As I was explaining to Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, Edward did leave the state while out on bail. He's probably going to be in here a few days at the very least." She finished, "You all might as well go home. I'll see him now then head to the court house and see what I can do. Jasper, I'll call you later with an update."

_See what she can do?_ I guessed there wasn't much she couldn't do, especially if her opposition was male.

I pictured her smiling, flirting, as if it were a super power, Super Slut to the rescue.

OH MY GOD! Please forgive me. I just met this woman and my insecurities had turned me into a petty, jealous version of Jessica Stanley.

This insanity had to stop.

I'm sure she was perfectly lovely and excelled in her abilities to defend her clients because she was smart and worked hard. Exactly what Edward needed, what I needed.

Rosalie and Alice walked arm and arm, in hushed conversation, as we left the building. I wondered what they were talking about and wished I had been included.

The loneliness from before revisited, only this time, it had a friend. I felt alone and foolish.

Who was I kidding? I didn't belong in this world, in Edward's world, and no amount of attitude adjustment was going to change that.

I sauntered slowly behind the Cullen clan. Rosalie and Alice were furthest ahead, shrouded in their sisterhood of secrecy.

Esme and Carlisle were also linked arm in arm as Jasper filled them, and Emmett, in on the next steps Tonya would take to have Edward released and the likelihood of any of her tactics working.

They were all so compatible, so together... so connected. Confident, refined, and worldly.

And I was just a tag-a-long. Following the nearest warm body, misguided and misdirected.

I wanted to be the one helping Edward or at least the one who got to see him. Instead, Tonya the long-legged wonder wench went to his aide.

"Bella, come with us." Rosalie shouted from the passenger seat of Alice's car.

Her voice snapped me out of my self-pitying daydream and I realized I was about to blindly follow Jasper into Emmet's truck.

I did as she asked and slid into the backseat of Alice's car.

The two girls turned around in their seats to face me. "Don't let Tonya intimidate you."

"What?" _Was Alice reading my mind?_

"You heard me." She stated.

"I wouldn't." I snarled.

Rose rolled her eyes as if she had expected that response. "Confidence comes from looking good inside and out. Tonya dresses that way to get attention. The attention gives her confidence and so on. We're taking you shopping."

I tried to protest but it fell on deaf ears. The two girls were determined and I was…grateful.

My personal style was casual, comfortable. I'd never given fashion much thought and I felt ok about myself, even good maybe but here, in Boston with Alice, Rose and Esme, I did feel a little underdressed most of the time. Add Tonya to the mix and I felt down- right dowdy.

The girls ran from rack to rack, designer names rolled off their tongues with ease. I recognized some of the designers but was completely overwhelmed by the whole ordeal.

Once they finished collecting their treasures, it was my turn. They sent me off to the change rooms to try on, squeeze into and show off their selections.

I'd never been more uncomfortable in my life. They critiqued and criticized, marvelled and approved, and by the time we were done, I had a completely new wardrobe.

Back at the Cullen estate, the girls rushed me up the stairs without even a word to Esme or Carlisle.

A quick shower and they were on me again, blowing my hair dry, patting my face. _Pat never rub,_ Rosalie advised.

I was surprised how light my face still felt with all the foundation and powders, blushes and shadows, liners and lip stains and glosses that were applied.

Alice had coordinated my outfit and had it set up on the bed. She chose a casual outfit, skinny fit denim paired with a shape defining v-neck that flared from my hips.

I stared at it for a minute, unsure if I was ready to complete this metamorphosis.

The transformation from simply Bella Swan, Vet from Forks to Dr. Bella Swan, DVM ABVP special friend of the prestigious Cullen Family.

The last and final step was stepping into my shoes.

Stepping into my shoes.

The phrase, or cliché as it were, lingered awhile, in my thoughts. Who would have thought I'd ever want to step into my shoes?

Naturally, I was nervous. Could I really pull off the strong confident façade of the woman I so desperately wanted to be?

At the same time, I was excited.

I slipped my feet into a pair of moderately high, black heels and instantly my shoulders went back, improving my posture, pulling my chest up and pushing my breasts forward.

Alice turned me around to face the mirror and I almost didn't recognize the woman looking back.

I couldn't believe how well the designer names fit, like they were made specifically for me. I saw my body in a completely different light, shaped, defined and teasing, all at once.

My hair, my face, my heels, all added to refine the look and dress it up just a touch. I looked incredible and I knew it, I felt it.

The big reveal occurred downstairs in front of the family.

My inhibitions disappeared amidst the praise and applause and I found myself strutting around the room, tossing my hair like I was queen of the world.

It wasn't until Emmett stopped mid praise, as Rosalie shot him a daring look that told him to shut up - he was about to cross a line, that I stepped back into reality. .

The reality was: the girls were right. Confidence was twofold. On the one hand, confidence was about looking the part and on the second hand I had my education to back it up, support my look.

For the first time, my outside reflected the way I felt on the inside.

I really didn't think it mattered, the way I dressed, my personal presentation. Maybe with my guilt-ridden conscience over issues with Renee, Charlie and Jake, my outside was reflecting the way I'd felt then.

But here, surrounded by so many beautiful and highly educated people, I couldn't be just small town Bella, the one who took care of strays and pets alike.

Here, I had to prove I was Dr. Bella Swan, worthy of the Cullen's attention, of Edward's attention.

The day passed into evening and I busied myself as best I could with Edward strong in my thoughts. Every time the phone rang we all looked to Jasper but it was always some other phone, some other person.

Emmett and Rose left after dinner. Alice and Jasper held out for a few more hours but eventually left as well. Jasper insisted he'd call as soon as he heard so all I could do was wait.

"Bella," Esme's voice called to me from the doorway of the library.

I had gone in there to remember, to think about that night. This room was where it all started, the fight that ended with Edward finally professing his love for me. This room is where I felt closest to him. I wasn't completely sure why but for some reason I could feel him here, in this room.

"Yes?" I turned to Esme.

"Can I get you anything?"

I smiled, "no thank you. I'm fine."

She hesitated in the doorway for a few minutes before coming in. "He'll be ok." She said softly, close enough to place her hand on my shoulder.

I nodded in agreement as if I knew she was right but I wasn't sure.

"Esme." I said, "that night in the kitchen, you said you thought Edward's actions were somehow your fault. Why do you think that way?"

Esme paused, looked at me with eyes that had already welled up. She nodded her head and sauntered over to the couch without a word.

I was about to give up on hearing the end of her story when her hushed voice invited me to sit with her.

After a while of just sitting, her voice broke through the silence once again. "It wasn't his fault." Her eyes were distant just like they were that night in the kitchen, as if she were reliving something in her head.

"Esme, please don't. I didn't mean to upset you."

"We tried therapy, religion, even a homoeopathist. Nothing worked." Lost deep in her own world, she didn't hear my plea for her to stop. "Eventually, he introverted and shut us out and developed separate from us, somehow."

I wasn't quite sure what that meant, developed separate from us. I assumed it was his colder side she was referring too. The family seemed very loving and emotionally expressive, things Edward seemed to have issues with.

"We had lived in this house about a year when it happened. My father was visiting us." Her words were slow and tortured and my heart was breaking.

So entranced with Esme I hadn't heard the footsteps that carried him through the house. He stood, looking down at us, when I noticed him.

"Edward." I jumped up and threw my arms around his neck. "How?"

Edward chuckled, "Tonya's very good and the judge was an old friend."

The clicking of heels came from the hallway, "Sorry, nature called." Tonya giggled as she walked into the room.

"There's more to it than old friends. But the simple truth is Edward's home, his wings are clipped and Victoria's pissed. All in all, a good days work." They both laughed.

Esme remained seated. She greeted Tonya but didn't offer much in conversation as she tried to recover from the depths of some place her story had taken her.

Tonya's closeness to Edward unnerved me as they recanted their courtroom tale but I owned my new look and it was obvious Edward had taken notice.

"You look amazing," He offered after Tonya had left for the night and planted a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Edward, I'm sorr…"

Edward cleared his throat. "No, mom. It's ok. You're right. It's time I faced this. Tell me everything. Tell us."


	20. Chapter 19

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**I'd like to thank one of my readers for pointing out my misspelling of Tanya's name and would like to explain how that happened. I have several friends named Tonya, all of whom spell it with an O, so I didn't even think to check the spelling. I thought about correcting it but decided not to, only because I think I'd be inconsistent and cause all sorts of confusion. LOL. **_

_**Even though I've chosen to proceed with Tonya and not Tanya, please know that I appreciate your feedback and will certainly correct it in future stories. **_

_**I sincerely apologize for the inaccuracy and hope it doesn't ruin the story too much.**_

**Chapter 19**

"Your Honor, if I may remind the court, Mr. Cullen did return to the State of Massachusetts after only a few hours. He clearly has no intention to flee. He was Christmas shopping with his mother." Tonya argued.

Judge Marcus Didyme smirked from his seat behind the bench. Fuck! I knew what exactly what the old bastard was thinking but grinned a little myself, _shopping with mommy._

Marcus and I were friends, or at the very least, close acquaintances. We'd golfed together on occasion, discussed several business ventures over drinks and I did throw my influence in his direction when his seat was up for re-election last year.

It couldn't hurt to help a judge.

Of course, in this situation, had the people's team not been a bunch of incompetent laymen, it could have hurt. Because of our association, Marcus should have recused himself from this hearing. It would have been the appropriate thing to do.

I expected Victoria to demand his recusal once he reinstated my bail but she didn't, which almost disappointed me. So hell bent on keeping me behind bars and she'd obviously not done her homework.

"That was a lucky break." I joshed as Tonya and I exited the courthouse.

"Lucky my ass." Tonya sneered. "You know Sutherland can have it reversed if she figures it out. Didyme can lose his job."

Tonya liked to win on the merits of her ability, not through underhanded scheming, not even for me. Granted this wasn't exactly underhanded but it wasn't successful solely on her arguments.

"In all fairness, your arguments were right on point, there was no reversible error. The sworn affidavits were entered into evidence in place of having the witnesses testify, the judge acknowledge my infraction but also seen the relevance of my remaining in the state for family and business. I'm not a flight risk and he knows it. Plus this was a dinky little hearing, not a trial." I quipped.

Tonya brushed me off as she opened the car door and plopped herself in the driver seat. "Not to mention any contributions I made were anonymous, untraceable. If Victoria hasn't figured it out by now, she's not going to. So, in conclusion councillor, being viewed as friendly with Marcus cannot negatively affect either of us."

"Fine Edward." She was annoyed, "Just know Marcus Didyme will not be presiding over your trial. I won't risk it."

At that point, I knew it was time to let it go. "So, you met Bella?"

"Yeah. She's cute." She quipped, unimpressed.

"Cute?"

"What would you like me to say, Edward? Do I think she's your type? No. Do I think she's even remotely close to your standards? No. She's cute." Tonya was in fine form for an argument.

"You're fucking jealous." I accused, laughing.

"Jealous?" Tonya huffed.

So much for our professional working relationship. I chose not to pursue that conversation either. Instead, I stared out the side window, at the passing landscape, wishing Tonya would step on the gas a bit harder to lessen the gap between here and home, more quickly.

Half way through the fourth or fifth, pansy-assed pop song playing on the radio, I noticed the volume lower, "why her?" Tonya asked in a less argumentative tone.

I took a few moments to think before answering, making sure I could impose the most impact with the least amount of words, just in case she'd cut me off when she'd heard enough.

"She challenges me and…."

"And?" Tonya was getting annoyed and impatient.

"And… I'm afraid I don't measure up to her standards."

Tonya slammed on the brakes and immediately I whipped around to look through the back window, praying there was nothing coming up behind us.

It felt like déjà vu as the memory of meeting Bella on the highway that day played in mind and a smile spread across of my face.

"It's worse than I thought. You haven't just fallen for her. You're in love." I didn't have to answer, Tonya knew.

We finally pulled up to my parent's front door and I was surprised to see Tonya get out of the car. I hadn't expected her to come in. I was eager to see Bella and didn't want her eating into my time. I'd lost enough of the day.

I was about to reach for the door knob when I felt Tonya's fingers curl inside my elbow, tugging, holding me back. "Maybe a little jealous but not for the reason you think. I'm happy for you Edward, truly, but," she paused. "There aren't many like us. I guess I'm on my own now."

Her sad eyes compelled me to kiss her cheek, give her hope that someday she'd find her own someone and then I escorted her inside.

The house was quiet, most of the lights were off and I wondered if anyone was home. It was much too early in the evening for them to have gone to bed but perhaps they were visiting Emmett or Alice.

I hoped Bella was home, that she was upstairs lying in bed, waiting for me but thought it better to search the main floor, give Tonya a chance to leave before I abandoned her in this massive house.

I shouldn't have been surprised to find Bella and Esme in the library, huddled together. If nothing else, the lady was persistent. She was determined to follow through on her main objective, to learn about me.

For some unexplainable reason, I didn't feel threatened this time. I almost think I wanted her to find out, to know. To make up her mind to run or to stay based on knowing me completely.

Atleast then I could move on or forward, without the fear, the wondering, the not knowing whether Bella would be here tomorrow or the next day, or the day after that.

Bella jumped up to greet me, excited and surprised. Esme strained a smile but her eyes gave way to the sadness in her heart.

I couldn't dwell on it though, Tonya made her entrance and spared me from thinking about their conversation.

It wasn't long before Tonya had the ladies up to speed on the conditions of my bail and left for the night.

With just the three of us, Esme attempted to apologize again for revealing my secrets. Secrets I'd already demanded she not speak of.

"No, mom. It's ok. You're right. It's time I faced this. Tell me everything. Tell us." I said, squeezing Bella's hand just a little before heading to the window alone.

The words I'd said to Tonya earlier rang through my ears once again. If there was ever any hope for me, for a life where Bella could be happy with me, then I'd have to face my past.

Confess my sins and begin anew.

A mysterious air filled the room as Esme's soft whispers found me. Memories from that time, so many years ago, drifted to the surface for both of us while Bella sat absorbing every word.

It was springtime in Boston. Everything was coming back to life after an extremely cold winter. Adults and children alike, were excited to be freed from snowsuits and hats and mittens and boots.

Emmett and I had another reason, a special reason, to be ecstatic. Esme's father, our grandfather, had come to visit stirring excitement in us all. Everyone that is, except Carlisle.

I remembered asking once, in my naive and childish way, why daddy and grandpa didn't seem to like each other?

Esme shrugged, _in-laws never do, dear, _she replied and I never questioned it again.

Since we'd moved to this house, grandpa's stays were much longer than ever before. He liked the open space, said it was just like being home, in Forks, but better because he was with us.

On the west side of the property was an old guest house. A small two-storey, neatly kept and ready for company. It was exactly opposite in preparedness and location, of the lakeside cabin where Bella and I made love for the first time.

Grandpa practically lived there during his stay. It's where he taught Emmett and I to play cards, where we tried our first cigarette, and watched scary movies our parents wouldn't let us see.

On this visit, he promised to let Emmett drive and I could try too but only the steering part. I was still too short to reach the pedals.

Grandpa was my favourite adult. He made everything so much fun, gave us money, took us fishing and said _**no**_ to Alice on a regular basis. Alice, being the baby and a girl, got her own way with everything and with everyone else, but not grandpa.

The guest house became our Boys Only Fort, just me and Emmett and grandpa.

Sensing Esme's need for a break, Bella offered to make some tea. I declined her offer and poured myself a scotch from the bar. Tea was not going to be strong enough to get me through this.

There was nothing new in Esme's story. I knew the logistics from beginning to end, heard it many times in the years that immediately followed.

I couldn't forget it, not even if I wanted to.

No matter how hard I tried.

I was there, I lived it.

I...

S...ss...

still...

I still lived it every fucking day.

My focus drifted from Esme's soft spoken words, and delved deeper into my own memories. Unlocking the demons inside, allowing them to crawl out from the deep dark spaces in my brain where I'd buried them.

Those were the secrets I'd never told anyone.

The little pieces of me that were missing. That set my life on its destructive course.

The part of me that was unresolved and misunderstood and angry.

I refocused my attention on Esme's story, not sure if tonight would be the night for confessions. Not sure if the scotch I held in my hand was strong enough to make me face those demons, fucking little monsters, in my head.

She described the old man perfectly. Taller than Carlisle by atleast an inch, broad shoulders, a weathered face with a genuine smile, big but gentle hands and strong, very, very strong.

He'd been a good father to her and was adored by his grandchildren except Alice of course, who, I felt, was really too young to have an opinion.

Grandpa always said there'd be plenty of time to win Alice's heart, but right then, her heart was so full that she could do without his attention. He thought his time was better spent, atleast for a little while longer, teaching Emmett and I how to be men.

Emmett was already beginning to pull away though. Puberty had struck him early and he'd often found himself torn between grandpa and some little girl who'd caught his eye that day.

I was only nine but I knew that would never happen to me. There would be lots of time for friends, and girls with cooties, when grandpa went back to Forks. While he was here, he'd have _**my**_ full attention, always.

My cheeks dampened a little more and I gulped down a mouthful of scotch to ease the pain.

I turned back to check on the ladies, see how they were holding up and I noticed Carlisle had joined us. He held Esme's hand, comforting her.

My eyes locked with his, briefly. So much transpired between us in that moment, the realization that there was so much we didn't know, so much we needed to say, so much wondering if we ever would.

I know they'd been waiting a long time for me to finally open up about my true feelings on the subject, to finally let them in and help me heal.

Staring out the window into the dark oblivion seemed to dull the pain but not nearly enough. I went for another scotch and Bella met me at the bar.

Her tiny arms reached around me as I poured the smooth golden liquor into a glass, drank it down and poured another. My hand shook a little as I placed the glass down on the dark mahogany and returned her sentiment, kissing her lightly on the forehead before walking back to the window, glass in hand, without her.

Maybe she understood my need to listen at a distance, alone. Maybe she knew me that well.

But would she still love me after the truth, after I revealed my sins?

Sins I cowardly kept hidden from my family, from myself, for fear of the consequences, the repercussions, the hate my family would bestow upon me once they found out the truth.

They would have hated me then, will hate me now, for all I'd destroyed.

"You remember how much he loved you, Edward?" Esme asked.

I did.

But the answer stuck in my throat, lost in the phlegm of teary eyes and a runny nose. I tried to clear it, cough it free but it was too late and Esme had moved on.

I was always too late.

Her story had gained momentum and she was at that fateful morning. Grandpa drove us to school that day but didn't pick us up as he often did. Instead, we were told to catch a ride from the Eleazar's.

The Eleazar's lived near us and had a daughter that was quite taken with Emmett. They dropped Alice and I off at the house but invited Emmett to have dinner with them.

Esme sobbed harder trying to get through the next part. I couldn't turn around but saw their reflection in the window. Bella and Carlisle consoling her, the best they could, and I'm sure Carlisle asked her not to do this again but she continued anyway.

Through broken words and lengthy pauses, she told Bella of the fire that claimed my grandfather's life, that almost claimed my own.

They saw dark clouds of smoke wafting up above the trees, into the sky, and knew grandpa and I would be in the house. Esme called for the fire department while Carlisle raced through the pathway to get to us.

I had been on the main floor and he was able to pull me out but before he could go back in, the house collapsed with grandpa still inside.

She described my months of rehab and therapy, after Carlisle rescued me from underneath a burning beam that left me paralyzed from the waist down.

The paralyses was temporary, from broken bones and swollen everything, but it took months of recovery before I could learn to walk again.

"Edward came home but he wasn't the same. He was sad all the time. He blamed himself. He thought if Carlisle didn't have to save him then he could have saved my father. We tried to help him, make him understand it wasn't his fault but he was so young. Eventually, his sadness turned to anger and there was no talking about it. He wouldn't listen anymore. He buried himself in his studies and shut us out."

Esme's version of the truth stung. I wanted it to be true, to be that easy but I knew better.

My hot breath steamed out, fogging the window. The white cloud further obstructing my already blurred vision. "That's not quite how it happened." I said in an unsteady voice.

I could feel their eyes on me as they waited for me to explain. The scotch burned on its way down and after a deep breath, I began.

When I got home that day, I ran to the guest house looking for grandpa. I was excited to have him all to myself since Emmett went off with the Eleazar's.

Hot tears filled my eyes and trickled down my cheeks.

Grandpa had promised me his Swiss Army knife and he was going to show me…show me how to whittle a pipe out of a tree branch.

I called to him from the front door but there was no answer so I raced up to the main house. Instead of finding grandpa, I found Carlisle in the den with Irina.

I cringed to say that out loud, in front of my parents. I didn't know if Esme was aware of their affair and I felt ashamed of Carlisle for being so weak.

"Oh my god…."

"Edward, no that's…."

Naturally, their eyes widened and their mouths parted in shock but I wouldn't allow them to interrupt, to protest. I had to finish before I lost my nerve.

Irina was lying on the floor in front of the fireplace and I watched Carlisle lean in to kiss her. He caught me in the door way and screamed at me to leave. His words echoed in my head again, "Edward! Get out!"

I'd never heard that tone in my father's voice, not before, not since but I would never forget that harsh growl, the coldness in his eyes, those words.

I closed my eyes for a second, almost losing my breath, trying to find my words to continue.

I went back to the guest house, angry and crying. I threw everything I could pick up until I smashed the kerosene lantern. Grandpa had wood burning in the fireplace and I knew I had to dry up the kerosene. I thought I had but I guess not. I was really tired by then and cried myself to sleep on the old day bed beside the fireplace. .

I didn't think it would catch fire, I swear. The next thing I remember was being in the hospital. You two were fighting all the time and I knew it was my fault.

I knew you both hated me, hated to look at me and then finally you, I looked to my mother, took Alice and moved to forks.

That's when the truth really sunk in.

I had destroyed everything.

My family was broken because of what I'd done.

"I murdered my grandfather."


	21. Chapter 20

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**I thought of this chapter as an outtake but decided it was better here. What better way to explain…(don't wish to give anything away) then to hear it from the horse's mouth. It's a little basic with not much embellishment but I hope you like it anyway.**_

_**In honor of Halloween, here's a little treat…this chapter is in Carlisle's point of view. **_

**Chapter 20 Carlisle's POV**

"_**Truth is often not the information received**_

_**But rather, how that information was perceived."**_

_**- Lady Laina**_

"I murdered my grandfather."

Edward's revelation, his distorted impression of that day, was devastating.

Esme, broken-hearted, cried to me, "What have we done? Carlisle?"

She looked to me for answers and consolation but I had nothing for her. I reverted into my own mind, wondering, contemplating, debating.

How did this happen?

How did we get here?

It's important to understand, children don't come with instructions. We did the best we could. We were good parents but...except...we are human.

We make mistakes.

We made mistakes.

Obviously.

The sequence of our lives, of Edward's life, flashed in my eyes.

There were signs.

I should have known something was amiss.

I did know.

We both knew.

We tried to help him when he was younger. He didn't want our help and now I know why.

He blamed us.

Blamed himself.

His anger, his hurt, his unbelievable pain prevented him from getting help, from wanting help.

He was punishing himself, closing himself off from the world, devoid of feeling.

He acted and reacted without forming any real connections, without bonds.

I should have tried harder to fix it. I'm a doctor for Christ's sake.

He's my son.

I should have tried harder.

So much truth or atleast the perceptions of truth and yet, neither of us knew the whole story, the real story.

Esme told only the truth she had to remember, her son was hurt, her father was dead.

My dark truth was hidden, covered up, untold.

Neither of us even suspected Edward's version to be so different, so damning.

Worse than the truth, the obscured misperception of an innocent and impressionable nine year old boy.

I could make excuses. Esme was in mourning and I was beyond angry but excuses meant nothing.

They meant nothing in the face of our beautiful son.

The son we damaged.

We damaged him with lies and untold truths, cover ups in the name of protection.

We did this and now we had to undo it.

Amend it.

Esme's cries broke through my internal rant, "Tell him Carlisle! Tell him everything."

I wrung my hands trying to figure out where to start, how to tell my son we ruined his life trying to protect him...

Protect him from the truth.

The room fell silent as Edward and Bella and Esme, watched my methodical pace around the library, waiting for me to begin.

And I did…begin.

Esme had called me at work that morning, stressed and angry. She had been fighting with her father again.

The old man had driven the kids, our kids, to school under the influence of alcohol, whiskey, to be precise.

He'd always had a drinking a problem but it got considerably worse after Esme's mother passed away. There were days, maybe even weeks, where I'm sure he didn't sober up at all.

Unfortunately, his body was accustomed to it and he seemed functional to most everyone, except me. I was a doctor and no matter how "well" he seemed, I knew the effects of his drinking.

I knew the potential disasters waiting to happen, waiting to destroy my family.

Esme did too and it scared her but he was her father and she loved him. The children loved him, too young to understand why grandpa was acting so silly, why he let them do things we disapproved of.

Love him, I did not!

All I saw was his careless carrying-on that could potentially, would eventually, end the life of someone I loved. Someone I cherished.

My boys.

My little girl.

My wife.

I left work early and went home. We were lucky the kids were safe at school, that the old man made it back to the house without incident but I'd be damned he'd pick them up.

Risk their lives again.

Esme couldn't stop him but I would.

No matter what, I always did.

He was a strong man. Naturally stronger than me but I managed to outsmart him and took his keys.

He ran off and I honestly didn't care where. Without his weapon, the truck, he no longer presented a threat to himself or anyone else, as I thought, so he could run back to Washington for all I cared.

He was out of my sight which was the best thing for both of us.

After a while, Esme was able to calm down and we prepared lunch together. We even took the time to sit and watch a movie together, spent some quality time just me and the misses.

We didn't seem to get much of that lately, with three children and an alcoholic in-law.

I had just put on my shoes when the phone rang. It was time to get the children from school but I lingered just a bit to ensure Esme's conversation wasn't about her drunken father stirring up shit for someone else.

It wouldn't have been the first time he'd taken his anger toward me out on others. Nothing overly violent, more in a mischievous fashion.

The alarm in her voice was unnerving, evidence that something was wrong, and I found myself becoming anxious as I tried, unsuccessfully, to decipher Esme's side of the conversation.

Her short, one word answers didn't lend themselves easily to figure out the problem. I waited until she hung up and could explain what was going on.

Irina was on her way over. She was upset and crying to the point where Esme found it difficult to understand her.

About fifteen minutes had passed before we heard Irina's car pull up to the front door. Esme went to greet her while I called our neighbors, the Eleazar's, and asked them to pick up the kids from school.

"Carlisle!" Esme screeched out.

I ran out to the front step to find Esme feebly attempting to help Irina into the house. I quickly scanned the car for signs of damage that would warrant Irina's condition but saw nothing to suggest a car accident had taken place.

"Get the door." I said to Esme, taking her place at Irina's side.

We guided our friend into the den and sat her down on the sofa. Esme grabbed my medical bag then went to make some tea, hoping the warmth would settle down Irina's breathy sobs.

Irina's bloodied face was almost unrecognizable, swollen and bruised surrounded by a mess of disheveled blood stained hair. Her clothes were ripped and torn and the image before me was difficult to comprehend.

As I assessed her oozing wounds and bruises that extended all the way down her torso, her thighs, and even her calves, I tried to comfort her with softly spoken words.

A short time passed, Esme returned with Camomile tea and Irina began, slowly, to open up as she sipped the warm indulgence and held it in her hands.

Our dearest friend recounted a crushing tale of domestic violence that had been occurring, and hidden, for years. Esme and I were beside ourselves with disbelief. How it could be happening under our noses for so long without even the slightest hint, was unbelievable and disturbing.

This particular incident was the worst, Irina confided. Aro had been enraged over a phone call from her son's softball coach. Demetri wouldn't be pitching in the game the following weekend because of his attitude during their last practice.

Irina was the target of Aro's extreme disappointment.

I had no idea Aro was that kind of man and it sickened me to think I'd befriended him. But now that I was privy to this information, it was my responsibility to keep that family safe. Irina wouldn't leave him though we begged her to take refuge here with us, so the only alternative was to make Aro a promise.

No. Not a promise, a threat!

I would ruin him, his career, and any other good thing he valued in his life, if this was to ever happen again.

He knew I could.

Unfortunately, that meant keeping him close to me for the rest of Irina's life or until she was strong enough to leave him, whichever came first.

The front door opened and closed and we knew the kids had arrived home. Irina got up to leave, not wanting anyone else to see her in such disrepair. She made two small steps before collapsing in front of the fireplace. Neither Esme, nor I had an opportunity to reach for her before she fell to the floor.

Immediately, I jumped to her side, checked her vitals and began CPR while Esme called for 911. I was about to breathe, deliberately push air, into Irina's lungs when Edward swung the den door open wide.

I couldn't stop the CPR.

I didn't want Edward to see what was going on, to see Irina beaten and broken and so close to death.

I didn't want to explain to my young son that some men do this, so I screamed for him to leave not thinking about Edward's feelings or the potential for his misconceptions.

Edward left without another word and I continued the CPR until the ambulance arrived.

I hugged Esme close to me as the medical attendants, the paramedics, loaded Irina into the bus and drove away.

"I love you." Esme whispered, reaffirming our commitment and contentment with one another but as she lifted her head to my shoulder, her body stiffened and she squealed into my ear. "Fire!"

Without a second thought, I leaped into action, running toward the guest house. I wasn't even sure if that's where the fire was but I knew Edward would be there and I had to make sure he was safe.

My heart sank as I saw the orange blue flames lick up around the exterior of the old house. I called for Edward but there was no reply.

Adrenaline pumped through my veins as I ventured through the front door, calling to my son, praying he wasn't inside but knowing he was. I finally found him, unconscious, caught underneath a burning ceiling beam.

It wasn't easy to free him but somehow I was able to pull him out and lifted him over my shoulder as I made my way through the burning obstacles to the front door and outside.

I closed my eyes to the haunting screams of the old man that remained inside. The eerie voice that still rang in my ears to this day. We'd had our differences, that was no secret, but I never wanted that.

I never wanted to see him burn to death.

With Edward safe and breathing outside, I attempted to go back in but before I got to the door, the second floor imploded and retrieval of Esme's father was no longer possible.

Things in our house changed then.

Esme grieved for her father, for her son. She slipped into a deep depression, unable to cope with the facts revealed in the Fire Chief's investigation, her father's tragic demise and her son's slow recovery.

The investigation revealed the fire was started by a cigarette burning through a mattress. Whiskey, spilled over the bed, had been the catalyst. In their conclusion, they presumed Esme's father had fallen asleep, or passed out, on the bed, dropped his lit cigarette on the mattress and probably the bottle of whiskey which encouraged the fire like gasoline.

I became riddled with anger.

I was angry for not being able to help my son heal faster, for not being able to fix him myself.

I was angry at Esme for allowing her father to put my child in that position and used her guilt against her.

I was angry for not saving the old man so Esme didn't have to feel all that she felt, to hear the screams that she'd heard from inside the house, the helpless and hopelessness that surrounded both of us.

We started to fight with each other, hate each other, feelings I'd never thought possible between us.

But I blamed her for it all and drove her away.

The truth had finally been revealed as it should have been so many years ago.

Irina was a victim, Aro was a son of a bitch and their beloved grandfather was a selfish alcoholic. The man they loved so much, put their lives in danger on a regular basis.

How could we have told him that at nine years old?

I could only hope, only pray, that Edward would be freed from the prison he'd built around himself and learn to live again.

None of it was his fault. It never was!


	22. Chapter 21

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

**Chapter 21 BPOV**

It felt good to let the shower's hot stream rush down over me and I just stood there allowing the water, the warmth, flood my body while the memories of last night flooded my thoughts.

Edward's reaction, to Carlisle's version of the truth, surprised me. He stormed from the room, angry and hurt, without uttering a word.

Honestly, I'm not sure what I expected.

Questions maybe?

Yelling?

Tears of joy?

I did think he'd be relieved to know his father wasn't the cheating bastard he thought he was.

I thought he'd be happy to know he didn't start the fire, happy he wasn't responsible for his grandfather's death.

I think, I thought his healing would begin immediately knowing he didn't destroy his family. He wasn't the reason Esme left.

But his seething charge from the library suggested my expectations were way off.

I wanted to run after him, wrap him up in the safety of my arms and tell him 'everything would be ok' but I held back. He needed time to sort through everything on his own, come to terms with everything he'd heard in his own way.

Atleast for a little while.

The room fell awkwardly silent. Carlisle and Esme couldn't look at each other. Finally, I guess the tension became too much to bare and Carlisle walked out in his distinguished saunter, though his shoulders weren't as straight, his head not held quite as high.

My heart ached for each of them but I wasn't sure what to do for either.

"Bella?" Esme's voice broke through the stillness. "He'll be ok, won't he?"

She seemed so fragile, so weakened by the years of untruths and emotional distance, the spoken truth now aging her right before my eyes.

Nothing I could have said at that moment would have made a difference. Esme would always blame herself, I could see it in her eyes, but I tried my best to console the woman I'd grown to care for in my short stay.

"He will," I said softly, "You all will."

She leaned into me and I found myself rocking her slowly, trying to make things alright for her.

Making promises I had no right to make.

Truth was, I had no idea how Edward would handle this. His reaction would determine the health of this family and I crossed my fingers and prayed he'd come out on the other side, stronger for it.

I turned the shower taps to the far right and slid the curtain to the left before stepping out of the shower. The bathroom air was heavy with steam and I inhaled deliberately to get enough oxygen.

The towel felt soft against my skin as I patted myself dry then used it to draw the excess water from my hair.

I'm not sure how long Esme and I sat on the sofa, rocking, comforting, weeping, before she started to speak again. "That's when Alice met your father, you know. After the fire, after Edward came home from rehab, when I left and went to Forks."

Truthfully, I had already figured that much out but I let her talk. Whatever made her feel better, right?

In some way, Esme found strength in sharing that part of her life with me. Slowly, she pulled herself from my embrace and straightened up. Light found its way into her eyes again as she described her relationship with Charlie.

Esme ran back to Forks as fast as she could once the doctors cleared Edward to go home. The beam that had trapped Edward damaged his spine and there were surgeries, and prayers, and months of rehabilitation that no one spoke of now.

Those months of watching Edward trying to heal, trying to walk again took their toll. Carlisle may have been angry with Esme for her father's part in all of it but she was just as resentful toward him. He was a doctor and yet completely useless when it came to helping their own son.

"I know it was irrational to think that way but he was my son and I hated seeing him like that." Esme choked back her tears.

Their relationship suffered until only hate and despise remained.

She was suffocating inside her own home and there was only one way she'd survive. "Edward came home and I helped him get settled then I picked up mine and Alice's bags and walked out. It was the hardest thing I'd ever endured but the only thing I could do to save myself."

Esme's statements sounded more like pleads, begging me to understand.

And I think I did.

It would have been easy for me to sit there and judge her, to be disgusted even, by her choice to leave her broken child and walk away but….

But then I thought about how desperate and broken she must have felt, to walk away from her child. Her children.

In some crazy way, I related her despair with the feelings I experienced saying no to Jacob's proposal. The potential loss of my best friend, the demise of the only important relationship I'd ever known, at my own hand.

And then I multiplied it by infinity – it was her child and I couldn't imagine any relationship that would compare.

Looking through my closet caught my attention briefly, as I realized Alice had carefully hung planned outfits together. She must have thought I was a complete moron when it came to matching pieces and I giggled. It was sweet of her to go through the trouble, even if it were slightly insulting.

I chose jeans and a tee with a matching scarf then let my mind drift back to where I'd left off with Esme.

After a few moments of silence, Esme told me how Alice reminded Charlie of me and they bonded almost instantly. I smiled listening to her talk about the closeness Alice and Charlie seemed to forge but deep down, it saddened me a little.

My relationship with Charlie had always been strained. I knew he loved me and would do anything for me but at the same time we held ourselves at a respectable distance, never getting too close, as close as a father and daughter should.

I had to wonder why.

I pushed my questions aside. It was something I would definitely return to but now was about listening attentively to Esme's story. To live in those moments with her and, in her stories, I learned much more than I'd ever imagined.

Esme grew up in Forks. I'd heard that before but didn't give it much weight really until she related her childhood to my father.

They lived on different sides of the track, so to speak, but once they found each other a strong bond began to form.

"He was born to be a policeman," she remembered, smiling, describing their first meet.

It had been the first day of school and some boys were giving Esme a hard time. Charlie, a year older, stepped in and demanded the boys leave her alone.

"There were three of them and they were atleast eleven years old but your dad didn't care." She laughed. "He walked away with a bloody nose and a black eye but he was still a hero to me."

Tears formed in my eyes as she continued.

From that day on, Charlie and Esme were almost inseparable. Their friendship developed from childhood friends to best friends to special friends and then to lovers. Each phase progressing naturally, seamlessly, growing stronger, deeper until they couldn't envision a future for one without the other.

"He proposed to me on his graduation day." Esme cleared her throat, fidgeting in her seat as if she was uncomfortable all of sudden.

Throughout her tales, she reminded me of how important Carlisle was to her, how their love was more than she'd ever known. I think she felt guilty remembering her first love, talking with me about it, enjoying the memories but I encouraged her to continue.

I wanted to know how it ended, where it went wrong.

"…and then Renee happened." Her tone changed immediately. "Oh my goodness, Bella, I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't, I didn't mean…." Esme stammered realizing she was now speaking about my mother.

"No please…I'd really like to know." I begged then corrected myself, "if you're okay to talk about it, that is."

Until that moment, all I'd ever heard about my parents' relationship was that they met, fell in love, had a whirlwind romance, had me and then divorced.

It all sounded so tragically romantic that I'd never really questioned how they met and the circumstances surrounding it and they certainly didn't offer that information.

Now, I knew why.

I had no idea Renee stole Charlie from another woman. A woman he'd been engaged too. A woman he'd been in love with for so long.

Details, I guessed they weren't proud of.

All dressed, I squeezed a little mousse into my hand and pushed it through my damp hair, scrunching randomly until I was satisfied with my tousled look.

Esme's voice continued in my ears as I headed downstairs to see who was up, to find Edward and make sure he was ok.

Esme remembered Renee as a wilder, free-spirited young woman completely opposite to the woman Esme was herself. "I could understand Charlie's attraction," she admitted sadly, "she was much more fun than I was."

Renee had been working as a waitress at a diner where Charlie, and his friends from the Academy in Seattle, went for lunch.

Coming from a modest family, my father spent most of his weekends in Seattle. Esme reminded me that not everyone owned cars back then and the only contact they had was by mail and one phone call every few weeks.

"I should have known, or suspected, something wasn't right when Charlie didn't come home for Christmas that year." Esme said. "But I was naïve I guess. We saw each other once in the spring and then once more just before I left for college that summer. Then when I came home for the following Christmas, I heard he'd married the waitress, Renee."

Esme was devastated by the news. Charlie had never formally broken off their engagement but she went back to school without confronting him, without creating a scene, and avoided Forks as much as she could after Charlie was hired by the local police force. "I didn't lay eyes on him again until that year I left Carlisle."

Esme described their first encounter, after so many years, as magical. Everything she'd ever felt for him returned as if they hadn't missed a day and she was sure Charlie felt the same way.

"But Charlie, being Charlie, stepped carefully into our budding new relationship and encouraged me to reconsider my marriage. I guess he'd gone through so much with his own divorce he didn't want to see me going down that same path of destruction."

Esme patted my hand, "he's a good man, your father. He said to me _if I could do things over, our lives would be much different but I can't let you ruin your marriage now over a mistake I'd made by letting you go back then."_ Esme's voice deepened as she repeated his words to me. "I think in some ways, subconsciously perhaps, that's why I encouraged Edward to marry Jane. So he wouldn't regret missed opportunities."

Her final words cut into my heart. Edward and Jane had appeared to be friends. Growing up together, dating, even it was slightly fabricated.

Then it occurred to me, Jake! Was Charlie pushing me toward Jake for that same reason?

His regrets?

His mistakes?

_Love the one you're with. _He wasn't talking about Renee. He was missing the life he should have had with Esme!

My own revelation was quickly pushed out of my thoughts as the buzz of heated conversations filled the silence surrounding me.

My internal alarms exploded like fireworks as I rushed to see what was going on in the kitchen.

I thought Edward had come to terms with everything, or atleast calmed down considerably, before he'd fallen to sleep last night but now his voice boomed above the others, in anger.

"They will not get away with this!" Edward blared.

"I'll set something up so you can address it on your own terms." The woman's voice, Alice, tried to soothe him.

Another female voice, one I couldn't place right away, piped in, "I'm going to make a motion to put a publication ban in affect."

Tonya. It was, it had to be, Tonya. What was she doing here so early?

What were any of them doing here so early?

Did anyone sleep in Boston?

"That's not going to fly for this purpose. It's not directly related to the case." Jasper added.

My stomach was churning when I got to the kitchen's entrance. Edward's eyes caught mine immediately and I could see the anger that had settled in them.

Carlisle and Esme were nowhere to be found.

This new travesty wasn't about them, there was something else…but what?


	23. Chapter 22

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**Trivia: So I learned something new, I had always thought the expression was "one foul swoop". Apparently, the correct phrase is "one fell swoop", originally coined by, and perhaps even originated from, Shakespeare. **_

**Chapter 22**

Yes, I'm a cynic and a pessimist. I have been for a very long time.

"I, Edward Cullen, am a son of bitch, a prick, an asshole." I watched my lips form around each syllable through the reflection in the bathroom mirror. "But with good reason." I added.

Was it a reason or an excuse?

Did it matter?

Regardless, my life was finally in the shitter!

Literally, I thought, looking around at my surroundings in the main floor bathroom.

I'd always known it would end up here but now was not the right time.

Recent months and a certain…well…it doesn't matter what I'd hoped for. Bella was leaving.

Atleast, she would be after this.

In the short time she'd been here, she's witnessed the dirty, overgrown, barely sober me, slapped me, heard embarrassing stories from my childhood, watched me get arrested, and then bore witness to the skeletons in my family's closet.

And now this.

How much more could she possibly take before she'd give up on me?

On us?

And how was I supposed to get better, improve, when the fucking ceiling was caving in on the world, the wall, I'd built around me?

My cheeks puffed with air as I slowly exhaled and my hand instinctively pushed through my hair.

How could I prove to Bella that I could be a better man?

How could I protect her from all the shit coming down from the life I'd led?

An old recurring nightmare returned last night reminding me of why I hated sleep.

_I was back at the old house, fire raging all around me. I heard my name being _

_called from a distance. The nightmarish screech drew me to the screaming man upstairs._

_I followed the tortured cries that grew louder and louder with every step I took._

_I found him, my grandfather. _

_Encompassed in a field of bright orange flicker, the fire was a part of him,_

_as if his anger, his turmoil, fueled the heat._

_My face burned from where I stood. Like a fever, I felt the warmth burn inside out._

_Identifying his features, his face, was difficult through the watery blur_

_created by the inferno but then, then it became clear. _

_I could see him, I could see it wasn't him at all._

_It was me. _

_The man burning up inside the fire was me. His screams turned to laughter at _

_the little boy standing there watching, helpless. _

_His skin melted like burned plastic, dripping from the bone._

'_I'm coming for them.' He said calmly._

_I said calmly. _

'_When you least expect it, I will come for them.'_

'_It was an accident. I'm sorry.' The youngster cried._

_I cried._

'_There are no accidents, Edward.' I said to the younger version of myself. 'And I will get them.'_

'_Who?' I begged._

'_Who?' he laughed harder. 'Who? _

_Everyone you love, of course, and then I'll come for youuuuuu.' _

_His eyes bulged out, their skinless sockets exposed._

_His face suddenly nothing more than blackened teeth and vast open cavities._

_And then his ominous presence faded into the fire._

_He disappeared leaving me alone and frightened._

I'd wake up terrified with cold sweat beading on my skin. As a child, I'd run to my parent's room, careful not to wake them, just to make sure they were still alive.

I'd skitter to Emmett's room, then to Alice's room, before heading back to my own bed where I'd hide under my covers until sunrise.

Not sleeping.

This time, I didn't check on anyone. I felt Bella's warm body against me and calmed quickly, realizing I wasn't alone.

Realizing I had nothing to fear from the nightmare, from my unconscious guilt. Guilt about things that were never my fault.

I tried to go back to sleep. I nestled myself around Bella's figure and pulled the covers up to my neck but some things wouldn't change overnight.

Some things would take time.

And like some things, I watched Bella breathing – just to make sure – before I got out of bed.

Old habits, I guess.

I should have stayed in bed though, under the covers and hiding.

It would have been better than facing this new, real-life nightmare.

I had just put on a pot of coffee when I heard footsteps enter the kitchen and turned to see who was up.

"Alice?" I said surprised. Jasper and Tonya walked in behind her. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Edward." Alice came closer, her arms out to hug me. "Let's sit down."

"What's wrong?"

The three of them surrounded me at the table, cooing and coddling, attempting to break the bad news gently.

It didn't work!

I only stopped yelling when my eyes found Bella standing in the doorway. Her usually bright beautiful face wore a concerned and frightened look as she searched the room trying to understand why I was so upset.

Her look ate through me, biting and gnawing at my chest. I hated knowing I was the reason her face was held in such disfigurement, though it certainly wasn't the first time my life caused her such grief...and it wouldn't be the last.

I wondered when, how long, what would be her final straw. Which of my indiscretions, mistakes, parts of my past would emerge and cause Bella to say '_enough'_?

Maybe I shouldn't have waited. Maybe I should have just forced her to leave. Made her go away to save her, protect her, shield her from all the shit my past antics would deliver to her doorstep.

Those thoughts had run through my mind before. They ran through my mind constantly.

But the prick in me wouldn't act on that, couldn't act on that.

And as long as she loved me, as long as Bella Swan would have me, I'd always be a prick because I _**could not**_ and _**would not**_ push her away.

Not even for her own good.

I wanted her.

I needed her.

I loved her.

Her eyes finally fell on the table top lined with newspapers and a new look distorted her delicate features.

A growing disdain, bewilderment and anguish, filled her dark eyes as she began to read the headlines:

The Beauty and The Beast

Cullen's Mistress Revealed

Business Tycoon steps out amid Rape charges with new lady

Billionaire Mogul arrested, leaving Distraught Mistress to pick up the pieces

Forget The Lion and The Lamb, we've got The Cullen and The Swan

Under each damning headline was a picture of her from yesterday's scene in front of my office.

Jasper finally nudged Alice and Tonya, making them aware of Bella's presence and they both shut up.

All of us focused in on her, waiting for her reaction. Wondering what she would do, how she would handle the fact that her life was now exposed for the entire public to see.

I was used to it.

My family was used to being in the public eye and for the most part relished in it.

Except for Jane, and my recent troubles, most of our news worthy moments were positive and well received.

But for a newcomer to this kind of attention, especially with a negative connotation, it wasn't going to be easy.

Her involvement with me, made her private life public property.

Her involvement with me, made her existence a dirty little secret. She was the mistress of a married man, the tolerant enabler of an alleged rapist.

"Bella?" I couldn't wait for her to make a move. I stood up, ready to approach her.

As expected, Bella ran from the doorway, ran from me.

I slammed my fists down on the table and with one fell swoop the newspapers went flying in weightless descent to the floor. "Bella." I called after her.

Jasper's grabbed my bicep as I attempted to bolt after her. "Let me go, Jas." I demanded.

"Edward."

"Jasper." We stared each other down in a competition of will and testosterone.

"Alice, go see if she's ok." Jasper ordered, his eyes still burned into mine.

"What the fuck, Jasper?" I tore my arm from his grip.

"Alice will know what to say." He said," You'll just make things worse. Let Alice handle it."

"Yeah, just like she was supposed to be handling this, right?" I picked a paper off the floor. "I thought Alice was on top of this. Isn't she supposed to protect my reputation? Why didn't she see this coming?"

"She came here first thing this morning, as those papers were being delivered, so you wouldn't have to deal with this, and Bella, on your own." Jasper tried to defend my sister.

"A lot of fucking good that did! The papers were already printed and they're out there. Isn't she supposed to stop this kind of press? I usually fire people who are behind the eight ball. This incompetence is unacceptable." I threatened.

"Shut up, Edward, before you say something you'll regret."

"Can't regret the truth." My sarcastic tone brought the redness out on Jasper's face. He was angry and that's what I wanted though the last time I'd seen Jasper really angry, two guys went to hospital.

Maybe deep down, that's what I wanted, to piss Jasper off enough to put me out of my misery.

From our college days, I knew we were about equal in strength but I wouldn't put up any fight. I'd give just enough to keep him angry and then take whatever he belted out.

"Jasper stop." Tonya piped in.

"Why should I? Alice has saved his ass in more than one way and this is how he thanks her?"

"Saved my ass? All she's done is her job. The job she was hired to do. And obviously not well, I might add."

"That's it!" Jasper came across with an upper cut to my right jaw and knocked me clear on my ass.

"Stop it!" Tonya squealed. It was the first time I'd ever seen Tonya lose her composure.

"You wanna know what your sister has done to cover your ass?" Jasper fumed.

"Jasper, shut up. Please." Tonya screamed again.

"Where do you think your sorry ass would be if it weren't for her?" He proceeded, paying no attention to Tonya's pleas. "Drunk somewhere or dead! Where do you think Bella would be if it weren't for Alice? God knows you didn't have the balls to go get her yourself."

I rose to my feet, ready to charge at him.

"Alice gets some say in your public image Edward, but she don't get all say and you sure as hell don't make her job easy. What do you think Bella would do if she found out about Tonya?"

Tonya gasped and shrunk away from us.

"What do you mean?" I asked, still very angry. "Who's going to tell her?"

"Go ahead Tonya, tell him what Alice did for him." Tonya kept her back to us but with the involuntary throb of her shoulders I could tell she was crying.

"Tonya?" I demanded.

"Edward, I'm sorry." She sniffled.

"What have you done?"

"After I left you last night, I was feeling kind of blue. Lonely. The conversation we had about our kind and all of that nonsense." She started.

I knew right away this wasn't going to be good.

"So I decided to go downtown to Silverstone's for a drink. A guy at the bar started chatting me up. A few drinks to many and a little pillow talk and I told him all about me and you and our arrangement and our _type_ and how your new girlfriend went and changed all of that."

"and he sold that information to the press," I concluded, exasperated.

"He was the press!" Jasper interjected. "He called Alice before he even got his pants on. Couldn't wait to fucking hang you by the balls but Alice talked him out of it. So instead of Tonya's face, your lawyer's face, plastered over the cover, it had to be Bella. Think forward and you know if the press got a hold of your indiscretion with Tonya, they'd find the others, and all of it happening under your wife's pretty little nose. Where would you be in the court of public opinion then? Where would Bella be?"

"Damn it Tonya!" I growled.

"I know Edward, I know. I'm sorry. You know I wouldn't do anything to betray you on purpose."

There was no time to vocalize my disappointment in her. Alice and Bella returned and our conversation stopped cold.

"What happened?" Alice asked me as I rubbed my jaw at the site of impact.

"Nothing." Jasper stated curtly.

Alice took the hint and didn't ask for an explanation. She threw a bag of mixed vegetables at me from the freezer and I applied it to my jaw.

Bella didn't appear to be quite as mortified as when she first ran out. I guess Alice came to the rescue once again and as that notion crossed my mind, I felt a hint of self-loathing and remorse crawl beneath my skin.

In an effort to redeem my earlier actions, I leaned over to pick up the papers scattered across the kitchen floor. Jasper helped while Tonya and Alice finished their earlier conversations about strategy.

They spoke in hushed tones, knowing how much it bothered me to be talked about and not included. A few times, Tonya glanced over at me, desperate to apologize, silently begging for forgiveness.

I nodded my head at her, releasing her from her guilt.

I had to forgive her.

Jasper was right. I was no stranger to mistakes and with all the faults I was admitting to these days, I didn't need to add hypocrite to the list.

Once the kitchen was back in order, I reached for Bella's soft hand and led her away from the others. She followed without hesitation and I was grateful, a little stunned even.

In silence, we walked through the hallway to the library.

"Bella, I'm really sorry you're getting mixed up in all of this." I said as I tucked her hair behind her ears and kissed her forehead.

"I know."

"Are you okay?"

Her head dipped downward until her forehead was resting on my chest. My shirt gathered at the sides in her hands. "I will be."

"What did Alice say to you?"

"She was very sympathetic but realistic at the same time."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, after reminding me of the vulture-like quality those journalists, or tabloid writers, possess, she told me if I wanted to be with you, I'd have to get used to wearing a target on my back."

"Oh god!" I sighed in defeat.

"She told me I'd have to get a thicker skin or we'd never work." Bella's voice was almost a whisper. "She asked me to take some time to figure out what I was able to handle, but not too much time because it would only be harder to walk away, harder on you, if I decided it wasn't for me."

I wouldn't push her away, but if she wanted to go I wouldn't stop her. "I'd understand if you wanted to leave. I could have the jet ready in a few hours."

Bella's head lifted and her eyes met mine. "I'm not going anywhere, Edward. I'm here and I'm staying here...with you."

Her tiny arms encircled my waste, her cheek against my chest, there was no space between us and yet I wanted her closer.

"Listen, I've got some ideas I want to discuss with you but I need to meet Alistair for that meeting with Jane. Can we go see some of those sights we'd planned on yesterday, you know, get out of here and just be alone?"

"Alone?" she giggled." Alone in public? Do you really think that's a good idea right now?"

"Don't worry. I'll take care of everything just say you'll come."

"I will." She agreed.

I was meeting Alistair at his place. On the way, I called my Chief Security Officer and told him to make arrangements for detailed assignments. I hated having someone on my ass 24/7 but sometimes, times like this, it was necessary.

I didn't want Bella's picture to show up in the paper again and quite honestly, the detail was for the paparazzi's benefit as much as it was for mine. If I caught any of those bastards near us again I'd break their legs.

My last call ended as I walked up to Alistair's front door. "Edward, come on in. Good to see you."

I smiled, "Mom's pretty upset you didn't stop by Christmas day, old man."

He giggled and blushed. I think he had a little crush on Esme. "I'm sure she had enough on her plate without me."

Alistair's house was modest considering the money he had. A quaint two storey Victorian located in an older part of town. It smelled of old man, stale smoke, and coffee. A scent that offended my olfactory, just a bit.

He motioned for me to follow him, as he waddled through the main floor, to his office in the back.

A manila folder was opened on his desk. Alistair closed it up ensuring all the papers stayed inside, dropped into his briefcase and locked it up.

"So, your doctor friend seems nice." He grinned.

I blushed, "yeah, she is nice."

"Is it serious?" Alistair had a fatherly way of getting information out of me.

"I think it is."

"Good. Good." He said then led me back to the front door where he pulled a heavy, long overcoat from the closet.

Alistair struggled a little to rise his leg up into my SUV but he managed. A few times I moved toward him, ready to help but I knew it would only insult him. He was very proud and didn't accept help easily.

"Something on your mind, Edward?" he asked when we were on route.

"How can you tell?" I huffed out in amused fashion.

Alistair just smiled. "I've known you for a long time."

I thought about it for a minute and then started to summarize last night's ordeal. My story ended as we pulled on to the parking lot of Jane's lawyer's office.

"What am I supposed to do with all of that?" I asked like a child begging for guidance.

"Son, I've known your parents for centuries, it seems." He said thoughtfully. "They're good people, Edward. If you want my opinion, I'll give it, but I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass. I'll give it to you straight. Can you handle that?"

Alistair's matter-of-fact statement was no surprise. It's probably what I liked most about him. He wasn't a yes man, he told it like it was but only when asked. In my line of work, I needed a man like him like him on staff, but only one.

"I'm ready." I said, waiting for the truth to smack me upside the head.

"Your parents did everything right. Who explains to their nine year old about alcoholism and domestic violence? They got you the best medical team for your physical injuries and the best therapist for your emotional wounds. You should have utilized it and opened up and explained what you were thinking and gotten the help you needed. For Christ sakes man, you were in therapy until you went away to college. You were old enough to realize you had shit to work through. What were you talking about in those sessions anyway?"

Alistair was laying it all out, hard, but didn't allow me to answer his question.

"I think it's time for you to get over this nonsense. What's done is done. And be honest, has your life really suffered? You're a successful business man, gotta a family who puts up with all of your shit, and now a nice girl at your side. Suck it up princess and move on!"

Nothing like a dose of reality from Alistair. He finished his speech and worked himself out of the truck without my reply. He gave his opinion and didn't need my validation, didn't want it.

Jane was a no show and after an hour long wait, I'd had enough.

In the car, Alistair and I discussed the potential of this pointless non-meeting being part of their strategy . Jane knew how much I hated wasting time.

They may have figured they'd be awarded some kind of punitive damages if they could piss me off enough to get physically violent. I was confident Jane would go after the money in any way possible.

I dropped Alistair off at the curb and watched him enter his house before driving off.


	24. Chapter 23

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all. I'm hoping to post Chpt 24 this week as well, so keep an eye out for it.**_

**Chapter 23 BPOV**

"…no, that's not what I'm saying…becau…it's not your…you ca…you can't…wai…let me…STOP!" I whispered angrily into the phone. "It's my turn to speak."

I wasn't in the mood to have this conversation with Jake. Not now and not here with Esme across the table from me, pretending not to listen.

I had hoped he'd pick up on my muffled cues and let me end our heated discussion, carry on our debate another time.

I should have known better.

Instead, he took advantage of my hushed undertone and overpowered the conversation by speaking over me.

I could barely get a word in as he droned on and on in his 'I know what's best for you' conviction.

"I'm fine, Jake. I can handle this…give me a little credit, please…Jake, I'm here because I want…no…no, I'm not having this conversation with you right now. Those who know…. Goodbye Jake!" Finally, I'd had enough and hung up.

Jake misunderstood my unwillingness to shout over him as a sign of weakness.

His mistake!

The phone I'd held in my hand sailed across the smooth surface of the wooden table toward Esme, under the influence of my frustration.

Jake could be such an ass, at times!

"Are you okay, Bella?" Esme's asked sweetly.

"He's just concerned." I replied, shaking my head, trying to convince myself of that fact.

It wasn't working. Jake's motives, or intentions, were far more underhanded than simple concern. He wanted to encourage a wedge between Edward and I in hopes I'd run to him.

"He?" Esme's voice rose as she elongated the one syllable word to stress her question.

"Jake." As if she didn't already know his name. As if she hadn't hung on every quietly, spoken word I'd uttered. "He's my best friend. We grew up together."

Esme nodded her understanding, her mouth poised around a silent 'oh'.

Her eyes rolled ever so slightly. Not in that usual condescending way that most people roll their eyes. No, it was more of a light bulb of ideas flashing in her mind, like there was more to mine and Jake's relationship than I was willing to reveal.

Esme's confessions from the night before jumped to mind instantly and I felt the need to explain further but I didn't.

The look on her face, the conversation I'd just had with Jake…I was tired, tired of explaining myself.

What a morning!

The distance from the main staircase to the kitchen doorway wasn't far at all but I could have been crossing the hoover dam for the time it seemed to take to reach the raised voices I'd been listening too.

It was like walking through a porthole, in one of Jake's sci-fi movie favorites, as the fates aligned and took over my movements, took over the moments that followed my descent from the second floor.

Every breath, every movement, every action and inaction occurred for a reason and in perfect sequence.

I stood in the doorway, looking in, trying to figure out what had upset Edward. I matched each voice I'd heard with the correct face. Alice, Tonya and Jasper then wondered why were they here? Why so early?

Searching for the answer, my eyes landed on Edward. Anger consumed his handsome features and tiny, superficial lines crept across his forehead.

Little lines of worry and doubt, signs of stresses not overtly conveyed that I hadn't really noticed before, were evident now.

His eyes betrayed him as they fell to the source of his discontent, allowing me to discover the papers strewn across the table, the devastating headlines that framed my face.

My own eyes staring back at me and the bold black print from atleast ten national newspapers and maybe five local papers, overwhelmed me. It took a few minutes to absorb what had happened, for my brain to register what the papers implied, what it meant for us.

When it finally did sink in, before I could react or respond, Steve Tyler's unique voice blared out from my jeans pocket.

Edward's eyes locked with mine for a second before his head fell. The song that would remind me of him was telling both of us that my family and friends were aware of the scandal.

My phone, the phone he had given me for Christmas, that he had programmed the ringtone with Aerosmith's Angel, was now mocking us. Mocking him, his efforts.

Aerosmith was not a band I would have chosen to sing my ringtone. They were more Charlie's generation than mine but Edward was adamant that I give the song a chance.

I listened to it, the melody, the lyrics:

"_Come and save me tonight  
>You're the reason I live<br>You're the reason I die  
>You're the reason I give when I break down and cry<br>Don't need no reason why  
>Baby, baby, bayayby<br>You're my angel"_

And I fell in love with it, with him, with Edward, all over again.

Words that he thought but could never say to me were revealed in the lyrics of the Aerosmith song. Emotions he felt but could not express were realized in Steve Tyler's profound musical expression.

I wanted to make this song, our song, Edward's ringtone but Edward had other ideas.

"Not a chance," he said, grinning slyly from ear to ear. "I want to be the first person you think of every time your phone rings, no matter who is calling."

There was no way to argue with that kind of logic.

This morning, though, I wish I had argued. I wish I had insisted that the song play only when he called. I could have insisted he call me more often just so I could hear it, to remind me….

But this morning was too late to wish. My phone rang out, Steve Tyler sung our song and someone other than Edward was calling me.

The lyrics drew my attention to Edward and his reaction, his sadness, his anger, his hurt. The early morning call, the scandal, all because of Edward.

I shoved my hand deep into my pocket and fumbled around, blindly, until I could switch the button to mute then ran from the kitchen to somewhere else, anywhere else, so Edward wouldn't be reminded of the call, of my jaw dropping reaction to the news, the pictures, the damming words in bold print.

He called out my name but I couldn't stop. I couldn't risk hurting him with my reaction, I needed time to pull myself together.

Only a few minutes had passed when I heard the light clicks of stilettos on ceramic. Quickly, the footsteps came closer and I knew instinctively who was coming.

Alice found me in the den. "Is he ok?" I asked.

"Is he ok?" She chuckled sadly. "I was about to ask you that same question."

I nodded but a slow stream of teardrops trickled down my cheeks making my affirmation a little less convincing.

"Bella, he's used to this sort of thing. Scandal is Jane's business." Alice smiled as she tried to use Jane's nonsense to lighten the mood. "He's worried about you."

Unable to find my voice through the tears, I nodded again.

"Edward's life has been public for a long time. He tries to stay out of the spotlight as much as he can but he's a public figure so regardless of his efforts, he's going to make the front page now and then. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. You need to figure out if this life, his life, is something you can handle."

Alice paused. I tried to speak but my feeble attempt sounded more like a sobbing moan than an actual word of any kind.

"Bella." She said thoughtfully, "I think we both know he loves you and that makes what I'm about to say that much harder. It makes your decision that much more important. You're in an all or nothing situation here."

I remained silent as I listened to Alice describe her definition of all or nothing.

_All_ meant I had to get a thicker skin. Through his divorce, the rape charge and other scandals, lies, and drama that arose in the lives of the rich and famous I would hear more than my share of damaging characterizations that would send most women running for the hills.

Of course, I'm paraphrasing. Alice had a charming way of saying things with etiquette and elegance. It was her business and she was obviously good at putting a positive spin on negative situations.

_All_ meant I would have to understand and accept that he hasn't lived the most noble of lives. There were skeletons in his closet that I would have to rise above and let go of.

Could I do that? Could I forget that he had a life before me, knowing that his bad boy ways ended the moment he realized his love for me?

Would living in that faith, be enough to carry me over the hurdles we'd face through the next couple of months, through his divorce, the trial, the future of uncertainty. Not knowing when and why people would attack him?

Attack me, as collateral damage?

_All_ meant I would have to trust Edward, take his truth, his word above all else. Trust in his love for me that he would not deliberately choose to deceive or hurt me.

"I've never seen him love someone before. You may not be able to see it but I've known him my whole life, he lives and breathes you, Bella. You're the only one who has ever affected him."

And _nothing_ meant just that, nothing.

No Edward.

No Edward ever.

Alice reached for my arm, "Only you can decide Bella. Be honest with yourself and with Edward. He's a strong man, he can take it if you decide to leave. He'd understand. We all would. He's not an easy person to love but don't lead him on. Make your decision quickly. No matter what, he doesn't deserve to be strung along until you figure out how much you can take."

With her words still in the air, Alice turned and walked away from me, leaving me to think.

Could I love him through all of this? Through the divorce that was just getting started, the rape charges I didn't believe, the public bashing of his name…and mine?

Could I love this man that I knew on a deeper level than I'd ever cared to know anyone, yet barely knew him at all?

He was so reserved so withdrawn but I was learning. Every day I learned more, got a little closer, knew him a little better.

Would I ever know him completely?

Would he ever let me in, completely?

What more was to come?

Was he worth it?

So many questions.

.

.

.

Only one answer.

I chased after Alice and caught up to her just as she was about to round the corner outside the kitchen. "I don't know what's coming, or how to handle bad press and bad people but I know I'm willing to learn, to try, to lean on you and your family to get me through whatever comes. Anything is better than nothing." I blurted frantically.

Alice smiled sincerely as we rounded the corner together and walked into the kitchen.

I knew at that moment my fate was sealed.

One day, I would be Mrs. Edward Cullen.

No!

I would be Dr. Bella Swan, wife of Edward Cullen.

A force to be reckoned wit

Edward's strongest ally.

His only equal.

Edward and I had a brief face to face before he took off for his meeting with Jane and her team of lawyers. I actually thought about inviting myself along but chose to stay back.

I'd begin my transition, take my place at Edward's side, slowly, seamlessly. He'd need time to adjust to my new confidence as well. I wouldn't want to scare him off.

After he left, I returned the long list of calls that had piled up on my phone. Each in turn, I spoke with my parents, with Angela, with Tyler assuring each of them there was no need to worry.

Charlie seemed the most sensitive to my new attitude. In just the way he spoke to me, the tone he used, I could tell he was aware of the changes, the transformation I was undergoing.

He addressed me respectfully, as an adult. I was no longer his baby girl but a woman, an educated and successful woman, who knew what she wanted in life.

His voice was filled with pride, "I love you, Bells. Take care and call me when you can."

Jake was the only one I couldn't reach while in the privacy of my bedroom. As luck would have it, he called back when I couldn't speak freely.

Maybe I couldn't show my strength during that conversation but our time would come and he would finally realize I'm not the little girl that ran from jelly fish at the beach in La Push. I was no longer the frightened best friend that was afraid to hike through the forests surrounding our homes without holding his hand for security.

I was a woman now.

Strong.


	25. Chapter 24

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

**Chapter 24**

Emmett was in the garage when I pulled in.

"Sorry Bro." He gestured toward the stack of papers in the recycling bin, "How'd she take it?"

"Yeah," I said acknowledging the trash while our fists bumped together in greeting. "You haven't seen her?"

Emmett shook his head. "No, we haven't been here long."

The heavy garage doors slowly descended on their track, with the creak and crack of metal against metal, as they closed. The noise was loud and obtrusive and unpleasant to hear.

"Dad should have someone grease that." Emmett commented casually as we entered the house through the adjoining door.

We walked side by side, down the hall, peeping in each room until we found Rosalie. "Babe, you seen Bella?" Emmett asked.

"She's upstairs getting ready," Esme's head poked up from behind the huge arm of the oversized couch. A homemade quilt concealed her body and, had she not spoken, I would never have noticed her there.

Seeing her for the first time, unexpectedly, since…since last night's walk down memory lane evoked feelings I didn't want to deal with. I'd had enough drama for the day without considering the night before, without rehashing it again.

Somewhere, deep inside me, I knew Alistair's slap in the face was right on target and I would have to face those demons, my demons, and move on but not today.

Not now.

I didn't acknowledge her comment for fear it would encourage her to bring up other things, or even try to talk to me in general. I just wanted to be left alone. I'd deal with it in my own time. I would go to them when I was ready.

Silently, I walked out, headed for the stairs.

"Dude?" Emmett followed me, "what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"You just blew off our mother and you say nothing? Ed, that's not cool. She looked really hurt."

"It's between her and me. Stay out of it." I growled. My defenses flared immediately. Anger laced my sentiment. More anger than intended.

I took a breath, "I'm sorry, Em. Please let it go for now and I'll explain later. I'll apologize to mom I promise."

That seemed to appease my brother and he allowed me to continue up the stairs without further argument.

I'd never been rude to my parents. If anything I was overly polite, overly patient. I tried very hard to please them, tried to be perfect. I would do anything to make them….

…

Like me.

I wouldn't dare hope they'd love me, like they loved Em and Alice. I would have been satisfied with like.

Those thoughts were hard to push out of my mind but I'd had years of practice. By the time I'd reached Bella's room I'd all but forgotten about them.

Her sweet voice sailed out from behind the closed door, muffled, as she sang to herself. Dirty thoughts filled my brain as I envisioned her dancing around the room holding various articles of clothing against her naked body as she decided on what to wear.

I stayed on the outside, listening, thinking, picturing her, with my forehead pressed against the hard wooden barrier that stood between us.

Ironic. Funny. Either way there would be a hardened barrier, wood, between us.

My warped sense of humor caused me to chuckle quietly to myself as I debated whether or not I should knock. If she were naked, or even partially dressed, we'd probably never make it out of the house.

Not out of her bedroom.

"Edward?" Carlisle's voice startled me and I backed away from the door, guilty without accusation.

"Dad!" I said flustered. "I was just, I mean I…."

Carlisle grinned, "I still listen to your mother sometimes, through the door. I still get just as nervous."

Fuck. I felt like a preteen who'd been caught peeping through a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

"Yeah, well I've got to…."

"Son, can we talk?"

"Uhm, no, sorry, ah…we're going out and I need to get ready." I stammered.

"Right. Another time then." Carlisle's disappointment was obvious but what could we possibly have to talk about? I felt enough had been said.

"Edward." Bella's voice was sharp.

Trying to get away from my Carlisle, I hadn't noticed she'd opened the door.

"I'm sure we have time. I'm not even ready yet." She faced the two of us in a thick fleece bathrobe, cinched tightly at the waist.

My mind wandered, slightly, undressing her with my eyes. Pulling back that soft fabric to expose her milky skin, her perky…

"Talk to your father." Her voice, firm and direct, pierced through my daydream. It was probably for the best. I was dangerously close to erotic in thought.

Standing there in front of my father, with my nearly naked girlfriend, was not the time for a hard on! No matter what my age.

Damn it!

"Of course." I sneered and motioned for Carlisle to the lead the way. He could decide on a suitable location for our face to face.

"Edward." Carlisle paced as he struggled with the words he wanted to say.

He paced a lot lately, it seemed, an action that denoted insecurity, uncertainty, indecision. Not words I would normally use to define my father, the quick thinking doctor.

"Dad." I interrupted his train of thought, "I'm not ready to hear whatever it is you want to say. Whether it's an apology, or a suck it up lecture, or even a kick in the ass."

"Wait." He tried.

"No. I really haven't had time to process everything that was said last night. I need time to figure things out, to figure out my place in this family."

I started to walk away, "Edward, while you're figuring out your place and how you fit in," Carlisle raised his voice. He was going to be sure I heard him even if I wouldn't turn around, "just remember that no matter what son…you do belong here."

Taking the Lord's name in vain was probably not the best thing to do in my position but I'd be God Damned if his words didn't make my eyes water.

I was grateful my back was turned to him. It gave me a chance to save face without him knowing the profound affect those simple little words actually had on me.

There wasn't much getting ready for me to do, really. I'd had my shower earlier, and shaved, so all that was left was to dress in appropriate attire.

My steel grey, striped Armani suit was the perfect choice. A grey shirt would make it look less formal and, of course, no tie.

This evening was about starting over. I wanted Bella to see me for the successful man I was, and for the respectable man I wanted to be.

In Forks, I spent most of my days in casual clothes trying to look unimportant and lacking, so it was time for her to see the benefits of being wealthy but without the stigmatism of being cold and callous. She'd seen enough of that through Angela and her rag mags.

I wanted her to know there was much more to me than the stories Angela read and retold, more than the bullshit she'd endured since she came here. I wanted her to know I had depth, meaning, and purpose.

I suppose that is a little contradictory. My personal life is, was, in such shambles before her, whereas in business, I've always known where I am and where I belong, when to change and when to endure.

But I meant something different than those two things, personal and business, anyway. Regardless of my parents, my burdens, my wife, the publicity, I was a person with hobbies, and dreams, interests and other stuff going on inside me that no one ever seemed to care about.

Bella cared about that part. I was sure of it.

Emmett made a few choice comments, mocking my efforts to clean up. "It's been awhile since you've been in a full suit." He jeered.

"Stop it, Emmett. He looks really nice." Rosalie defended.

I thought I was going to shit myself. Rosalie picked up for me? Was I dying or something?

There was no time to wait for the impending doom, my apocalypse or whatever. Bella's presence grabbed everyone's attention.

"Whoahoho, look at you." Emmett fawned.

He wasn't wrong in his implication. Bella looked incredible as she glided into the room on black leather heels.

My eyes rose up from her leather clad feet to silken stockings to the hem of her flowing skirt that brushed against her legs just above the knee.

Then higher still passed the fitted blouse that flared out at the hip, passed the wreath of diamonds, my X's and O's, that encircled her neck.

"Breathtaking." I whispered.

"What?" Emmett broke through the stillness. "What did you say, Edward?"

"You look beautiful, Bella." I said softly, determined to not let my brother ruin the moment, refusing to take my eyes off her to respond to him.

Bella's cheeks pinked at my compliment, inviting me, compelling me, to move closer and gently kiss each highlight.

We left Emmett and Rosalie without another word, as if we were the only two people in existence.

"Where are you taking me?" She asked as we drove away from the estate.

"It's a surprise."

"Hmm." She paused. "Did you have a good talk with your father?"

"Ahhhh. Not really…I."

"Edward," Bella said in distress.

"I will, just not yet. But that brings me to something else I wanted to talk to you about." I said, changing the subject.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I called my realtor this morning. It's time I found a permanent residence and I'd like your opinion."

"Ohhhh, you called a realtor, did you Mr. Mason?" Bella joshed, remembering the guise I'd used in Forks.

"Ok, ok. I deserve that." I laughed then tried again, "Bella, would you help me find a home?"

I think we both picked up on the underlining meaning of my question but she bit down on her lip and simply nodded.

In the silence that followed, I picked up on the security detail in my rear-view mirror. They had strict instructions to keep their distance but were to remain close enough to pre-empt any potential threats to Bella.

I would not be blindsided by an attack like the one at my office, again. Not by the paparazzi or the police. I wanted to protect Bella as much as possible from the craziness and the chaos.

"How was your meeting with Jane?" She asked, out of the blue.

"Oh. I…uhm…there was no meeting. Jane didn't show up." Her question surprised me. I hadn't thought about that fiasco at all.

We pulled onto the parking lot of the Museum of Fine Art. "The Museum?" Bella smiled. "It looks closed."

"It is." I grinned. "One of the perks of association and generous support."

The sheer magnitude of the building's exterior was intimidating but there was no comparison to the history, the collections, and incredible volume held within.

The museum was very special to me. I'd often come here in my youth to escape the troubles in my life, conjured up or otherwise. I hoped Bella would be as moved by the works as I was.

"The thing about Art," I explained as we approached the main entrance, "it's like Opera. You may not like everything you see but you can learn to appreciate it."

Facts about the history of the museum, its beginnings, the building, and its purpose, all spilled out along with the excitement of sharing it with her.

"Mr. Cullen." An unknown young man, camera in hand, jumped out from behind a bush near the front door.

Fuck! Where were those security guards? What the hell was I paying for?

I scanned the area looking for my hard earned money at work but could see no one. "Leave us alone," I demanded, wondering how this imbecile knew we'd be here. Where was the leak?

"Just a few questions." He begged.

"Get the fuck out of my face." Anger surged through my veins. How dare he ruin this night for us.

"Wait." Bella's stated confidently, ending the ugliness about to be unleashed between me and the reporter. "What are your questions?"

"You're Bella Swan, right?"

"Yes, Dr. Swan."

"You two are dating?"

"No. I'm a close friend of the family visiting over the holidays." Bella paused for a moment. "Our parents grew up together."

I dragged my hand through my hair, confused by her reply. Really? I thought. Carlisle and Charlie? It seemed unlikely but I wouldn't contradict her efforts.

"Right." The young man said, obviously unconvinced. "Why haven't we ever seen you with the Cullen's before?"

"I've been with the Cullen's many times over the years. My whole family infact. The only reason you see me now is because of all the controversy surrounding Mr. Cullen's current marital status and the charges he's facing."

"That's not true. None of my colleagues knew who you were."

"That's no surprise. I've never been interesting enough to make the news." She joked. "Are you new to this line of work?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Well, in case you haven't figured it out, in your line of business, when there's no news, your colleagues tend to make it up." Bella's calmness was impressive. "You're really going to damage you journalistic integrity if you continue in this way. Maybe you should hold out for a paper with a more direct approach."

"How do you know which paper I work for?" This kid was dim.

"I don't know specifically but in my experience a reputable news reporter pose their requests for interviews and photos through the proper channels not by hiding out, for God knows how long in bushes of public venues in the freezing cold."

The young reporter held his head down in shame, briefly, before attempting a new strategy to break the bold new Bella Swan. "Why are you here, now, when the museum is closed?"

"We're scouting locations for my wedding?" My neck snapped, involuntarily, toward her. What?

When the stranger was well out of sight, I asked, "What?"

Bella's infectious laugh was incorrigible, "Hey, if they can make it up, why can't I?"

We were still laughing when the curator granted us access to the building though a few unfunny thoughts lingered in my mind.

Firstly, where the hell were the guards through all of that?

And secondly, what would tomorrow's headlines be?


	26. Chapter 25

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**This chapter will mention a sculpture named "Laocoon and His Sons". Please see :**_

_****_ the link was supposed to be here but I'm having trouble getting to load - I used wikipedia for my info.  
><em>****_

_** if you're interested in learning more about the piece and seeing a picture of it.**_

**Chapter 23 BPOV**

A museum, fine art or otherwise, was the last place I'd expected Edward to take me on our first date in Boston.

Well, second date if you count Christmas night.

And I do count Christmas night!

The night I'd been craving for so long. To have him touch me, kiss me, love me. His unbridled passion was more than I could have ever hoped for.

More than I'd ever experienced in my life.

In his strong arms, his secure embrace, I felt safe, and loved, and wanted. He explored my body with tenderness and devotion and all of my inhibitions disappeared.

No man had ever made me feel that way. Never touched me so deeply, so beyond the physical and into a realm of immeasurable intimacy.

That night we became one person, one kindred spirit, atleast for a little while.

I had hoped it would never end.

"Bella?" Edward was looking at me with a confused expression. "Are you ok?"

"Yes, why?" It was natural for me to blush in situations like this.

"I asked if you recognized this piece?"

"Oh," I studied it for a second. "No. I don't."

He went on to tell me a reprint was hanging in the library of his parents' home.

"Great." I feigned. My thoughts were much more interesting.

It didn't take long, once I paid attention, to realize his attraction, his connection to this place.

Edward escorted me through the floors, through each room, describing details and an understanding beyond that of someone with only casual interest.

When a particular piece was especially meaningful to him, we'd stare at it and linger for a long time before moving on. Edward called on his extensive knowledge and describe details and intricacies that I really didn't need to know.

Not that I was completely bored. There were some pieces that I thought were pretty or interesting, or some combination of both.

For me, it wasn't the art, it was him. I enjoyed watching him. His eyes grew large with innocence and purity. His appreciation for his surroundings and all that it contained was incredible.

A side of him I didn't expect.

Paintings and sculptures and other objets de art, were of no particular interest to me. I preferred family pictures over Monet and popsicle creations over the works of Donatello and other famed sculptors.

The experience, however, the fact that he wanted to be here with me, share this with me, was far more meaningful than even his extravagant gift that hung comfortably around my neck.

We traipsed up and down the corridors, not from room to room in logical sequence but rather in succession of Edward's likes to loves. A map embedded into his brain from years of coming here, hours upon hours of patronage.

His passion was absolute and I was in awe, as I witnessed this new side of him.

"How many floors are there to this place?" I asked.

"This is the last one. I've just got one more thing to show you." Edward ran ahead, then turned back and motioned for me to hurry.

We stood, facing an elaborate wall mural. It didn't speak to me, at all. Personally, I thought it was a little over done with bad...who am I kidding? It was awful, pure crap, in my opinion. "It's beautiful," I lied.

Edward laughed, "You're not enjoying this are you?"

"No, I am, really."

"This wall is the museum's attempt at making the arts interactive for children. The kids get to create and feel like they are really part of something." He explained.

"Oh," I blushed.

"Watch this." Edward walked to the far side and felt around the wall until he found whatever he'd been searching for.

A portion of the mural nudged forward in an awkwardly stiff manor, "Edward." I said nervously. After a few hesitations it seemed to move forward a little more freely, exposing a thick entrance into a showdowy cave-like abyss.

"What is this?" I asked in astonishment.

"It's a private collection." Edward grabbed my hand and almost pulled me through the gaping hole.

The room was dark with only a dim light, high above us to offer some relief from the blackness. Edward, obviously not a stranger to this hideaway, released my hand and disappeared into the darkness.

Moments later, a much brighter fluorescent light flickered and buzzed until its full force was realized.

With my vision no longer obscured, I looked around the room. It was much different than I'd expected, much larger.

"Private collection? I don't understand." I asked.

"Well, all museums have rooms like this. Not that anyone would admit it." Edward chuckled under his breath, amused by his own privilege, I think. "The items in here are the most exclusive. Sometimes they'll be displayed in an exhibition or something, but mostly they're used to barter with other museums for better items. And the curators will permit some of the more serious contributors the honor of private viewings, like this."

If I were to guess, I'd estimate the room size to be about the same as my clinic, without the dividing walls. The ceiling was just as high as the other ceilings on this floor, giving the illusion of airy, but with no windows a musty odor loomed throughout.

The walls were covered with methodically placed pieces, oil paintings in elaborate frames, old photographs, collages, abstracts that baffled my mind.

Oversized wingback chairs were strategically placed in various places around the windowless space, providing the best seating for the observer who may choose to sit and enjoy.

Sculptures sat on pedestals, larger pieces on stone mounts. The feeling I got inside this room was indescribable, surrounded by the ages, the history, the value, was quite intimidating.

I felt the difference in myself but it was in Edward that I saw the most change.

He was at peace here. The excitement he'd shown earlier as we toured the rest of the museum was gone now.

There was a certain tranquility about him as he strolled around, touching, experiencing, bringing life to each piece. He was vulnerable here. All defenses were dropped and he was simply Edward.

Not wanting to interrupt his experience, I remained quiet and chose a comfortable place to sit near the center of the room. My central location allowed me to follow him from piece to piece without intrusion.

"Do you have a favorite," I asked, eventually.

Edward, completely enthralled, said, "this one."

I joined him in front of a moderately sized sculpture. The gold plate affixed to its pedestal bore the description "Laocoon and His Sons".

I stared at the odd looking depiction of a tortured man, surrounded by two much smaller men with peculiar expressions, his sons, I assumed. All of them entangled with snakes.

"It's a replica but it's my favorite." His words were slow at first but gained momentum as he continued.

His detailed accounts of Laocoon, his eventual demise, and the mysteries and theories surrounding the actual sculpture were intense, extremely thorough and heartfelt.

"How do you know so much?" I asked in amazement.

"The first time I saw this piece I was touring the Vatican Museums." He said.

"You've been to Rome? The Vatican?"

"Yes, of course," He said casually, as if it were an everyday occurrence. "I kind of stumbled on to this piece and when I saw it, I don't know, it just seemed to come alive to me. I spent hours that day just staring at it. Then I had to find out everything I could about it."

"Wow. I…wow." I said, not really sure what else to say. Edward, especially after his spiel on learning to appreciate art even if you don't like it, didn't strike me as someone who'd be so emotionally affected by such things.

It wasn't until he connected the piece to himself that I was able to understand his attachment to it.

"I don't know," he said out loud, though his voice trailed off as if he were in a different world, as if he were only talking to himself. "I can feel his pain, somehow. All of them. Over the years I've been Laocoon, I've been the son. Christ, there are times I've even been the serpent."

There it was. His connection.

The sculpture, its representation, encompassed everything about Edward, his life, his being, atleast on some level.

Suddenly, it seemed to make sense. I looked at the statue again through new eyes, Laocoon, each of the sons, the serpents.

In their expressions, their pain, I think I got a better understanding of the internal unrest Edward experienced in his day to day life.

And maybe a new appreciation for art and its effects on the soul.

Edward's hard chest pressed up against my back as he whispered into my ear, "it's time to go."

It took a few moments for either of us to work up the desire to leave. It was the weirdest feeling. Walking away from that statue, I felt mournful, lonely…I don't know…tormented?

I didn't think art could do that. I just didn't know….

The brisk winter air was refreshing, as we headed back to the car. It seemed to break the spell Laocoon had cast over us and we were able to smile again.

Atleast I was.

Edward was still distracted. "A penny for your thoughts?" I asked, softly.

He smiled but before he could respond his phone rang. "Cullen." He said into the receiver.

Two quick, sharp beeps from the SUV indicated the doors were unlocked. I got inside and waited for him.

"Who was that?" I asked when he slid into the driver seat.

"Tonya."

"Tonya? At eight thirty? What did she want?"

"Nothing that can't wait." He said nonchalantly.

"Why did she call?" My new attitude wouldn't let Edward get away with his flippant response.

He laughed. "You're jealous." He stated happily.

"No I'm not but I don't think it's wrong of me to wonder why your lawyer is calling you this late in the evening."

"You're right. She wanted to remind me that we'd have to get together in the next couple of days to discuss the trial. Jury selection will be starting as soon as the holidays are over. Not really a topic I wanted to discuss with you tonight."

"Oh." His answer was fine but I thought Tonya could have waited until morning to make that call.

"You don't have to worry." Edward's charismatic charm replaced his earlier distraction, "I only have eyes for one lady. A beautiful veterinarian, maybe you know her?"

I grinned, in spite of my suspicions, as Edward leaned over and kissed my cheek.

With Edward speeding through the city streets, the restaurant didn't seem far from the museum but his fascination, along the way, with the rear-view mirror was unnerving.

In three to four second intervals, his eyes darted from side to side then rested on the rear-view. A scowl consumed his face at whatever it was he saw back there.

"So, what restaurant are we going to?" I asked, hoping it would bring his attention back to the road ahead.

"An old favorite of mine. You'll love it." He said absentmindedly, checking the mirror for the millionth time.

"What's up with you?" A direct approach would hopefully have more luck.

Edward glanced over at my troubled face and sighed in defeat. He seemed to understand there was no point in denying the issue. "We're being followed by my security and I was trying to keep an eye on them."

"Why?" I asked. "Isn't the point of security to watch you and not the other way around?"

"I'm paying those guys to keep shit away from us," he said. "That reporter should never have gotten so close to us."

"Edward, it's ok. We handled him."

"That's not the point!" He exclaimed.

As soon as we pulled up to the restaurant, he excused himself then ran up to a black SUV on the other side of the street.

It was impossible to hear his conversation with all the street noise, traffic, pedestrians, and other patrons of the restaurant.

Hearing it wasn't necessary. His body language told me everything I needed to know.

His arms flailed out from a stiff upper body, his forward push was daring, threatening. The driver, a man taller than Edward and broad like Emmett, stepped out of the car with a few choice words of his own. His physical appearance would have been enough to intimidate me.

Edward was definitely not me.

They stood in the street. Each man yelled above the other in an effort to overpower the conversation. To win the argument. Angry words drifted across the wide street as faint whispers, but there was no mistaking their intentions.

When the pushing started, a second man exited the car, from the passenger side, and put himself between Edward and the first hired goon.

Thankfully, Edward came to his senses and crossed the street again. The two goons got back into their car and sped off.

"I guess that leaves us unprotected." I said with a little snark. If he thought for one second that his brutish behaviour would impress me, he had another thing coming.

"They were paid to do a job and failed. Would you prefer I let them get away with their incompetence?" He said still riled up from his encounter.

By this time the valet had returned. I caught him in the corner of my eye, watching, amused by our public discussion.

Argument.

His blatant disregard for our privacy only added to my fury, "Can I help you?" I snapped.

"Oh, no miss. I...uhm...I..." Without further explanation, he turned his back and busied himself arranging keys at his station.

Edward grabbed my arm and forced me forward, towards the door of the restaurant. "Let go of me." I demanded.

"Calm down." His jaw was clenched tighter than I'd ever seen.

I yanked my arm from his grip, "I will not. This is your doing. You calm down."

"I'm not interrupting a potential rape, am I?" Victoria Sutherland's voice chimed in out of nowhere. People walking passed us immediately stopped in their tracks and stared.

"Well, holy Fuck! Really?" Edward's arm flew up into the air in defeat. "See? See? This is what I'm talking about."

The whole scene was like a badly executed play and I started to laugh. I couldn't help myself, like when you were a kid and started laughing in church. The more you were scolded, the funnier things became.

Edward and Victoria looked at me like I'd lost my mind. "I'm sorry." I tried between giggles.

"Bella, what's so fucking funny?" Edward fumed.

"Detective, we're fine. Thanks for your concern." I turned Edward and pushed him inside the restaurant.

He was still miffed when the maître d' greeted us. Atleast I had my laughter under control by then.

Once we were seated, I said, "Smile baby. See, all you need to protect you, is me." I laughed again. This time he couldn't help himself either and smiled just a little.

As the evening progressed, Edward lightened up. "I'm sorry Bella."

"I know." I said simply. "But there's something you need to know as well."

"What's that?"

"To be with you, I have to make certain concessions and compromises. I have accepted that. You mean that much to me. But there are things you'll need to work on too, to be with me."

"Like?" He asked, sipping his wine with a straight face.

"Like...how you conduct yourself in business, and as a somewhat single man, will not be tolerated in my company." I stated firmly.

"Bella." He pleaded. "What happened outside..."

"What happened outside almost ruined our night out. The first night _**out**_ we've had since I got here."

He nodded his head in silence.

"And..."

"And?" He was surprised there was more to my list.

"Yes, and...I will not be man handled."

"Oh come on...I know you like it." He said teasingly, his eyebrows bobbing up and down to ensure I caught his drift.

"Edward, get your mind out of the gutter, you know what I mean."

"I do."

"And…."

"Another one?"

"Yes, an important one. I won't participate in the relationship if I can't trust you. Don't lie to me. Don't cheat on me. If some woman calls you in the middle of the night, I don't want to have to worry about it and wonder if you're cheating. If something unflattering is written in the papers, I don't want to have to worry about it because I'm sure it's lies or we've already discussed it. Do you understand?"

"Bella, You're the only woman I have ever been in love with. Can you imagine what that means to me? What you mean to me? I will do whatever it takes to hold on to you." He reached for my hand and kissed it gently.


	27. Chapter 26

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**Hi Everyone – I'm back! I want to thank my loyal readers for sticking it out and returning to read. I really appreciate it. I'd like to welcome all the new readers to Is It Love – I hope you enjoy.**_

_**I apologize for the year long hiatus but it was outside of my control due to medical reasons but I'm back now and hopefully better than ever. **_

_**This chapter was written before the hiatus but not edited so I couldn't upload – it's pretty lengthy and still not quite finished. I decided to post part of it anyway just so you wouldn't have to wait any longer. **_

_**That being said, the next chapter will also be written in Edward's POV.**_

_**I'd also like to say that I read all the reviews and consider your comments seriously. I feel it's the only way to improve and I thank you for all your support.**_

_**There have been a few reviews noting the unnecessary use of bad language. One in particular, from Polliannasue, made a huge impact on me. Thank you so much for taking the time to write that review. You hit the nail right on the nose when you spoke of realism. I thought using the offensive language and vulgar descriptions would promote realism even though I was not thoroughly comfortable with writing it.**_

_**Please notice the lack of crude descriptions and vulgarity going forward.**_

_**I'm hoping to upload atleast once a month but it may be more often as I will post as each chapter is finished. Please subscribe to the alert notices so you don't miss anything.**_

_**Thanks again and please enjoy…**_

**Chapter 26**

"Bella, you're the only woman I have ever been in love with. Can you imagine what that means to me? What you mean to me? I will do whatever it takes to hold on to you."

In the warm light of my favorite restaurant a soft glow encompassed her. The essence of vanilla, rose up from her delicate skin and I lingered, breathed her in, before placing two gentle kisses on the hand I held in mine.

I meant every word. I would do anything to please her, to keep her, to make her mine.

Did that border on obsessive? Perhaps, but I had no choice.

Bella challenged me like no one else has ever challenged me. She loved me beyond reason. I felt safe with her, even when she was angry with me.

I don't think she realized how seriously I took her flippant comment about protecting me. She was probably the only one who ever could, who ever wanted to. She already had in so many ways.

Not that she had anything to worry about but I would definitely agree to her stipulations. There was no other woman I'd want.

Only one thing stood in the way.

Jane.

In my head, I wanted to tell her. It was on the tip of my tongue so many times but I couldn't get it out. My heart wouldn't allow it.

How could I expect her to understand that night, the bar, the next morning, the motel, when I didn't understand it myself?

"I…."

"Ed…."

Our simultaneous starts ended with shy grins and blushed cheeks.

"You first." I offered.

Bella smiled, "I just wanted to say…I feel the same way about you. You're the only man that's ever made me feel this way and I can't imagine my life without you in it."

Her hardened demeanour melted away as she exposed her vulnerable side.

She smiled again, "ok, it's your turn."

"What?" I was lost in my thoughts, forgetting all that I wanted to say.

No. Not forgetting. Hating myself for having such a secret.

"It's your turn, what were you going to say?"

"Uhmmm," I had to think fast. Bella wouldn't let me get away with saying I'd forgotten.

"Edward?" She encouraged.

"Ah…I…" I hated stammering. "Bella…."

The devil inside me suddenly emerged, masking my vulnerability, and the words slipped past my lips with ease. "In making you this promise here and now, tonight, you have to know that my past is colourful and jaded. Are you really prepared to forgive those past indiscretions and remember tonight…_tonight_… as our new beginning?" I stressed.

"That's a good point. I don't know…." She teased and pondered for a moment. "Yes, of course. Your past is your past and we can't change that. Here's to our new beginning." She raised her glass, an affirmation of our oral contract, our new beginning.

I raised my glass to meet her, relieved she didn't ask questions. Relieved that she blindly agreed to my devious manipulation.

I wasn't proud of myself for deceiving her this way. I was less impressed by my intention to use this night, her promise, against her if the details of that night ever came out…but I would!

I stared in her direction. Not really focusing on any part of her in particular but my gaze shifted from her eyes to her nose, to her lips, to her hair.

The internal conflicts twisting inside my head tried hard to rationalize some sort of justification I could live with while keeping a straight face.

Soft pink lips lifted into a half smile then repositioned themselves around the syllables in my name. Deep dark brown eyes searched my own while silky strands of hair brushed against her cheek.

I resigned myself to the fact that one day, far from now, I would tell her the truth. The whole truth and pray she'd forgive me. Pray that she'd be so vested in our relationship it would no longer matter.

The promise of coming clean…eventually, was enough to get me through my mini meltdown.

"Edward." Her pretty lips encircled around my name again. I loved that. I loved watching her call to me, ask for me, want me.

"Edward!" This time I heard her voice and it startled me. "Are you ok?"

"What?" I snapped out of my daydream. "Oh…yes. I was just… Bella, you're so beautiful."

Her eyes immediately fell toward our hands on the table and her usual blush brightened upon her cheeks. The corners of her lips slowly rose to meet her eyes and I was safe.

Safe from telling her the truth.

Well, she is beautiful. And I wasn't about to tell her that I was racking my brain to figure out how to deceive her and still look myself in the mirror every morning.

"Buon appetito." Our waiter returned with two sinfully decadent desserts. "Has everything been to your liking, Mr. Cullen?" He asked in a thick Italian accent.

"Superb, as always." I smiled.

His distraction was perfectly timed and greatly appreciated. He'd definitely enjoy a bigger tip than usual.

It was easy then, to change topics and I jumped at the chance.

I brought the conversation around to her clinic back in Forks. Bella had spoken to Angela and Tyler and I knew she'd have more than enough to fill me in on.

That too was a strategic maneuver.

My unique ability to be underhanded without guilt was once thought to be my strongest attribute. It worked well in business and I'm sure it would continue to work well there, however, at that moment my Adam's apple seemed too big for my throat, enlarged to the point of choking.

There was no other explainable cause other than I felt guilt for lying and more guilt for manipulating her.

I tried to shrug it off.

Tried hard to convince myself that Bella did not have that power over me.

Tried hard to remember who Edward Cullen was deep down but it was impossible.

Edward Cullen had changed, at least in Bella's presence.

I knew it, my body knew it, and more importantly, my soul knew it.

A soul, I didn't even know existed, now cried out in anguish beneath my skin begging me not to hide this damming truth.

I stabbed at my desert like I was punishing it. The thick chocolate combination of brownie, fudge and cheesecake clogged my esophagus like cement fill.

There was no way to get through the gooey mess without gagging on it…and my own conscience.

The restaurant had filled up in the few short hours we'd spent there. Body language spoke volumes and it was quite easy to pick out the couples from acquaintances, as we guided our way through the intimate setting.

A few familiar faces caught my attention. My nod of acknowledgement was received with big smiles.

Even now in my darkest hour with so much legal bullshit on my doorstep, my reputation still demanded the respect of my peers, my elders and the up and coming wannabes.

At the risk of conceit, everyone wanted to be my friend.

Few made the list.

Some work related contacts and country club acquaintances sat at tables in our direct path to the front door. As proper etiquette dictated, Bella and I stopped at each grouping to briefly share in small talk and best regards for the Christmas Season and New Year to come.

Networking was important to my line of work and my good sense was beginning to return though it seemed like I'd been away from it for an eternity.

I couldn't wait to sink my teeth back into those deep waters.

Bella, whom I introduced as a close friend, was gracious and patient. She engaged in the small chatter of best wishes, winter weather, and great dining.

Those short interactions with men from my world, who were seated with family I might add, unexpectedly turned into difficult moments to endure.

Not for the obvious possible reasons, though there were plenty, and not for my recent reclusion from the helm of my company or the public drunkenness.

What should have been nothing more than minor, thoughtless, fractures in my night out with Bella became unbearable and I couldn't wait to get her out of there.

It was my affiliate's subtle and improper glances towards her that set my blood on fire.

Those idiots sat there amongst kith and kin, glaring at Bella with perverse interest, taking inventory of her attributes, while I stood helpless to react.

It was only then that I realized the significance of Bella's conditions. How could I watch this happen and not call those dirty old men out?

I'm no prude.

Truth be known, I perfected those inadvertent stares to lessen the intrusion, to lessen the chances of being caught. I knew what they were sizing up. I knew what they were thinking. I'd done it all.

But that didn't excuse them.

The more I thought about it the stronger the urges became, to act on my impulses.

I rushed Bella from the last table before I lost control, careful not to insist too strongly for fear of encroaching on her man handling condition.

From the corner of my eye, I caught Victoria Sutherland watching us from a table near the far wall.

She was just waiting for me to act out, give her reason to walk me out of here in hand cuffs.

That would not happen!

The man she was with had his back to me but, even with my temper rising, I had to wonder who she was with. He must have been someone with influence, how else could she afford this place or even get a reservation for that matter?

I would look into that for sure but right now I was consumed with other notions.


	28. Chapter 27

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**Ok, so this is where we are – I decided to shorten this chapter as well. Infact I decided to practically change it all together. Bella's POV needs to come through before we get to where this chapter was going. I guess my pre-hiatus issues had more effect on them than I first thought but we're on track now so please enjoy.**_

**Chapter 27 – EPOV**

As I stepped out onto the curb, the moisture immediately drained from my face. It was much colder than earlier in the evening when we had entered the restaurant.

Bella, already deep in conversation with an older couple also exiting the establishment, made no effort to follow my suggestion of waiting in the foyer until the SUV was ready.

She smiled sweetly. Nodded her head occasionally, affirming her agreement to whatever had been said. Pulled her coat a little closer when the biting air filled the space between her body and the external fabrics meant to protect her against such invasions.

She wasn't interested in hiding from the cold. Another social butterfly I thought.

Definitely social.

Definitely different from the other I compared her too.

My initial assessment of Bella Swan was ever evolving, ever changing.

I was a little disturbed to have been so off in my deduction of this woman. The raving lunatic that drove up behind me in the oldest vehicle I'd ever been within fifty feet of.

Disturbed but pleased.

In just a few short months, my first impression changed so drastically, Bella changed so drastically, and like her name suggested, she emerged into this beautiful swan, my beautiful, strong Bella.

The couple she conversed with were captivated by her genuine spirit and sincere personality. This was how a woman like Bella should be seen. Not as those men inside had ogled her.

If memory served, the gentleman of the pair was a retired public official and his wife. A man with impeccable values and morals, he did great things for this city contrary to many of his colleagues.

His retirement was viewed as a huge loss for his constituents.

Their discussion over the merits of Boston didn't interest me at that moment however. I had other priorities and stepped out of ear shot, using the time to reconnect with an old associate.

"It's been a while." The husky voice of Jenks sailed through the earpiece of my cell phone. He was always careful not to use names though with modern technology as it were, I didn't see the benefit.

Jenks, a former Navy Seal, was a jack of all trades so to speak. He was my go-to-guy for things I couldn't go to anyone else about.

His reputation, among those of dubious intent and monetary means, preceded him. Not your typical bring home to dinner kind, he was more of a mythical creature, lingering in the shadows, the fly on the wall per se. Known but rarely seen.

At any time, anyone of us could be his prey for a price but I was pretty confident Jenks would not turn on me. That didn't mean I was safe. There were more like him.

His real name was Jason Scott, an old connection of Jasper's. Only a select few knew Jenks true identity and naturally I was considered one of the few.

Jasper had introduced us years ago when he was still a Navy Seal. He told awesome stories of his experiences though I'm sure much of it had been embellished for theatrical and confidential purposes.

Truth was, and don't ask me how I know this, but he was a trained assassin. He wasn't the lunatic in the bell tower waiting for the right time to take his shot. He was the up close and personal, in arm-to-arm combat kind of assassin.

Unfortunately, like many of our soldiers, he came back from active duty damaged by all he'd seen and done. No physical injuries to speak of but the psychological wounds couldn't be healed.

As unnerving as it was to know people like Jenks existed there was a certain thrill in it as well. Our relationship proved to be one of my most valuable and elusive associations.

There were no pleasantries exchanged. A straight forward transaction was all that was necessary. I stated my need, which at this time was to find out Sutherland's date for the evening and Jenks was off.

Finding out her companion seemed a little trivial for someone of Jenks qualifications and capabilities but it was imperative the information be accurate and his nosing around be discreet. I had a feeling it would mean something more in the future.

I used Jenks whenever possible, when discretion was instrumental. He was thorough and competent and trustworthy but unfortunately, there were limitations.

Jenks identity was concealed and protected by anyone and everyone who had reason to employ him. Any information I obtained from him would be useless in a court of law. I could not and would not reveal the source.

Although I had never found reason to utilize Jenks in his "official" capacity, I would never purposely lead authorities to his underground for fear of guilt by association.

I'll admit the thought of Jane having an "accident" entertained my thoughts now and then but I would never follow through.

I was not that kind of bad.

I figured my soul was damned enough with my grandfather's blood on my hands without acting on my fantasy hit list.

This train of thought reminded me of something else.

With my struggle to sober up and Bella's arrival and Christmas and court and all the other crap that's been going on, it hadn't dawned on me to call up the P.I. following Jane.

He should be able to clear up some of the blanks of that night.

"Who were you talking too?" Bella asked as she pulled the seat belt across her body.

"It's business Bella, nothing important." I said absentmindedly, wondering what the P.I. would say.

"Nothing important." She sighed quietly, repeating my words like I'd said something wrong.

"What?" I asked.

"What?" She repeated me again.

"Bella! What's wrong?"

"Nothing important." I was quickly becoming annoyed with her evasiveness and her parroting.

A deep breath and I tried again. "Please tell me what's wrong?"

"Noth…."

"Don't say nothing! Just tell me."

"Ok fine!"

Oh God! It was worse than I thought. I knew when a woman said fine, men suffered.

My teeth clenched instinctively, waiting for her to continue.

"Edward, we just discussed this at dinner. Were you even paying attention?"

"This has nothing to do with any of that. This is me conducting business."

"If it's important enough to do on my time then I have a right to know. What if some reporter puts it in the paper tomorrow that you were calling a lover while supposedly out with me?" She insisted.

I didn't necessarily agree with her logic but maybe she had something. "Ok. I called a P.I. friend of mine to look into Victoria's dinner partner. That's all."

And it was the truth. Jenks wasn't exactly a private investigator but that's basically what happened and getting into the whole Jenks thing wasn't relative at the moment.

"Was that so hard?" Bella grinned. "Why do you care who Victoria date's?"

"I like to know everything." I replied, allowing my cockiness to taint each word.

So, Bella won the battle with her 'on my time' defense. I figured it was my turn to win the war.

"Since we're on the topic of things discussed tonight, I have one to revisit."

Though I chose my words carefully in an effort to explain without being too crude or embarrassing her, broaching Bella's man handling condition didn't go over well.

At first, Bella took my description of the inappropriate stares, from the men in the restaurant, as a compliment.

It didn't sit well with me that she could be flattered by another man's attention, especially not that kind of attention.

Unfortunately, I failed miserably in getting my point across.

A flush of anger rushed through me quickly and my next choice of words were not as careful.

"Bella, they're a bunch of horny old men whose wives don't do it for them anymore. They see a new piece of ass and all they want to do is screw it," I growled.

I was definitely harsher than required. Harsher than I had first intended.

"You know what Edward?" She faced the side window. Her voice trembled, "You can't change other people, their behaviour, or the way they think. You can only control how you deal with it. So, I'll put it to you this way, you do what you feel is right in any given situation and I'll determine, at that point, whether _**you**_ ever get near this piece of ass again."

Trembling voice be damned! Bella was standing firm against me. Who was this woman?

Ughhhhh! I slammed the heels of my hands into the steering wheel but managed to keep my thoughts to myself. This is not how I wanted this night to end.

She was offended, hurt, and lashed out. I couldn't blame her for that. It was my fault. Tact had never been my strong suit.

Bella continued to stare out the passenger side window. She wouldn't dare turn her head. I even jolted the car a few times thinking she would look to see what was going on.

I would have.

But not her.

She was steadfast and stubborn.

The silence between us was deafening. It allowed me too much time to think about what a jerk I'd been. Too much time to wonder how I should fix it without a suitable answer coming to mind.

Lampposts, high above us, lined the perimeter of the roadway. The cold reflection of blue-white light bounced off the fresh fallen snow making the city streets brighter than usual.

The muted hum of tires on pavement, the only sound to cut through the tension filled cabin, made it difficult to think of an icebreaker.

Effortlessly, my fingers slid across the steering wheel to the radio controls and turned up the volume.

The radio announcer listed off titles from the last set before moving into weather then traffic.

After an endless drone of commercials, music finally drifted outward from the high quality speakers.

Surprisingly, I was still speechless, searching for something to connect us, get us talking again.

'Say Something' a haunting duet by Christina Aguilera and A Great Big World filled the car.

Fitting I thought.

"…say something, I'm giving up on you…." The words dug deep into my heart. Would she give up on me?

Apparently, Bella was moved by it as well.

"Where are we headed?" She asked. Her controlled voice escaped through tight lips.

Moved, yes, but still angry.

I'd take it! I'd take anything as long as it meant we were speaking again.

"Well…," I hesitated. My plan didn't seem as appropriate now as it had this afternoon when I thought it up. "I'm afraid to say."

Bella turned to me, with one eyebrow raised in disbelief, her voice filled with disdain. "You? Afraid?"

"A little," I confessed. "Don't think for a minute I haven't noticed the changes you've been making."

"Changes? What changes?" She asked coyly.

Then it was my turn to cock an eyebrow in disbelief. "Really? Well, I suppose I've seen that little spitfire in you a time or two before but it seems to be gradually working into your way of life these days."

"Good. I'm glad you noticed. Now, where are you taking me?"

I took a minute to clear my throat. Still unsure if I should spill but I guess there was no choice. "Ok, you have to understand these plans were made earlier today when you weren't pissed off."

"Uh huh." She grunted.

"With the utmost honourable intentions…, I reserved the penthouse suite for us at The Boston L." I raised my arm to protect myself against any urges she may have had to smack me upside the head.

Bella huffed in good spirits, a sign her mood was lightening, and diverted my defensive reaction with a well-placed, playful jab to my rib cage.

The car swerved across the lane before I regained control and my composure from her unexpected manoeuvre. A few car horns later and we were actually laughing.

Together.

"I'm sorry Bella, for what I said. I shouldn't have been so crude."

"I'm sorry too. I just don't think of men looking at me like that. I thought you were kidding until you started yelling in that colourful way of yours."

She didn't think men looked at her that way?

Bella probably didn't.

She didn't see herself as beautiful.

She didn't see herself through my eyes.

"Are we ok?" I asked reaching for her hand.

"Yes." She replied, placing her hand in mine. "If we're going to the hotel we should probably make a pit stop first."

"Pit stop?" I questioned.

"Yes, a pit stop. Honourable intentions or not, I think we both know where this is going. As long as you don't piss me off again, that is." Bella chuckled deviously sending me into a state of hot that was not socially appropriate. "I…uhm…I'm not protected."

I don't know what prevented me from jamming on the brakes and causing a multiple car pile-up but somehow I managed not to completely lose my mind in shock. "What about the other night?"

"Nope."

"Jeezus Bella!" Again with the absence of tact.

"What about you?" She accused immediately. "Why is it only my responsibility?"

Who the hell was this girl? Where did my sweet Bella disappear to?

Quite frankly, I thought she was hanging around me too much. We were rubbing off on each other. I was going soft and she was taking charge.

I wasn't sure if liked that.

"Sorry. Sorry. You're right." I didn't like saying that all the time either.

"Ok." She said loudly.

Winning.

Again!

Her voice calmed, "We should be ok, so don't worry but I don't want to take any more risks."

Risks!

That reminded me. I had to get tested again. I told her I would but it was even more important now after the … Jane incident.

I took the nearest exit off The Pike and headed to the pharmacy on Tremont. It took me all of ten minutes to get in, get the rubbers, get checked out and get back to the truck.

I placed the bag in Bella's lap before speeding off the parking lot.

"Isn't that the museum?" She asked as we passed by.

"Yes."

"Why are we back here?"

"The hotel is about 6 minutes that way." I pointed to the road ahead.

"Edward, we've been driving for over an hour. What were you doing?"

I snickered, "waiting for you to get in a better mood."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, it was either you get in a better mood so we could go to the hotel or stay in your bad mood and we go back to Ma and Pa Cullen's. What would you have preferred?"

Her body shook with quiet laughter. "You're kidding?"

"No, I'm not. I was only going to give it another hour and then I'd be bringing you back to Carlisle's."

She laughed again, "another hour?"

I laughed too. "Yup, that's it. One hour because I'm not a patient man, you know."

I loved to hear her laugh, especially one of those body shaking laughs, knowing that I'd done that. I'd made her so happy that her body could not contain her joy.

The hotel's entrance was brightly lit. A young man, dressed in The Boston L colors, opened Bella's door and helped her out.

I tossed him the keys as I rounded the front of the vehicle and held out the crook of my arm for Bella to link up to me as we walked into the foyer.

The front lobby was impressive. Ceilings, raised high above us, capped the tinted glass walls that allowed street lights to beam through in a brilliant array of sparkling colors.

The back wall was textured with a deep recess where desk clerks were at the ready, waiting to assist the hotel's clientele with their every need.

Our reflection stared up at us from the immaculate marble flooring, escorting us across the room with the echo of Bella's heels bouncing all around us.

"Your luggage arrived and has been unpacked for you, Sir." The young lady behind the counter, needing no introduction, held out the keycards for the bellhop.

"I'll take those." I said, intercepting the cards between hands. An escort was not required.

"Of course Mr. Cullen." She smiled politely. "These elevators here will take you to your suite. Please insert the card into the wall panel slot provided and it will take you directly to your private foyer."

"Thank you." I said smiling back.

"Our luggage? Unpacked?" Bella asked while we waited for the elevator doors to open.

I just smiled and nodded. I could tell her later how I had Esme's staff pack her belongings and send them here. I had to get out of the Cullen mansion and I wanted Bella with me.

The elevator opened into a fairly large rectangular room.

It was freshly painted in dark tan with only an antique leather bench on the opposite wall to fill the space. A simple white door at the far end, to the left of the elevator, was the only other break from the mundane walls.

"So this is a penthouse?" Bella asked, assessing the room.

"Well the foyer of a penthouse." I chuckled.

"Hmm. And people usually live here temporarily?"

"Actually, at this hotel they tend to be permanent residences."

Bella shot me a look of disbelief, "really?"

"Yes." I nodded.

"So this one just happened to be vacant?"

"It recently became available." I had hoped to ease Bella into city living. Or atleast the idea of city living but her questions forced my hand. "My real estate agent suggested it. I thought we could get a feel for it while we looked for our own place."

"How do people visit?" She asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You had to use that card thingy to get us up here so what if someone wanted to visit?"

"Oh." I chuckled again. "The front desk would call up to announce them and, if we allow it, the bellhop will escort them to our foyer."

"Oh." Though my answer seemed to satisfy her, her questions didn't stop there.

"Bella," I stopped her, "Can we go inside?"

She laughed, "sure and I'll only ask one more."

"Ok, shoot."

"Where's the emergency exit?" She asked.

The keycard slid easily through its slot and I heard the lock click open, " there is no emergency exit."

"No staircase or nothing?" Alarm building in her voice.

"Bella, this hotel is very safe. We don't need an emergency exit. With all the measures in place it's practically indestructible" I pushed the door open.

"That's what they said about the Titanic." She mumbled under her breath as she walked passed me in the doorway.

"If it makes you feel better I'll demand they build a fire escape outside the window, twenty floors high." She didn't hear me. Her attention, suddenly, was far from safety as the city lights poured into the dark suite from floor to ceiling windows.

"This is so beautiful." She said in awe.

The darkest blue of winter's night sky played host to the magical skyline of twinkling lights.

Bella's slender silhouette was defined and complimented by the halo of lights surrounding her. "Yes, yes it is." I said no longer talking about the world outside.

Things seemed to fall into place after that.

Everything I had wanted for the night, for the night's end, came together better than I had imagined.

The memories of her soft skin and sweet breath lingered on my body as the sun slowly began its ascent. The powerful beams of light peering through spaces between buildings, finding me, as it climbed up toward its high point in the sky.

Bella was sound asleep. Her head rested on my chest, nearer to my heart, with her silky strands flared out over my shoulder.

A white linen sheet was the only cover to conceal our naked bodies, still entangled from the night before. The duvet had long been lost as we romped around in passionate fervour.

Careful not to wake my sleeping beauty, I freed myself from our spider web of arms and legs and other body parts. I wanted to stay in bed but it was impossible with the glaring sun and, let's be real, I'm not a sleeper.


	29. Chapter 28

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**Thank you for the well wishes and I hope you enjoy.**_

**Chapter 28 – BPOV**

She stood tall in her short stature, shoulders back, chin up.

Black heels, not nearly as high as the ones Tonya wore but not as flat as the sneakers she was used too.

The grey suit, pencil skirt and jacket, was flattering. A pink scarf around her neck added just enough color to make the ensemble soft, feminine.

Her dark hair slicked back into a ponytail, cinched tightly at the nape of her neck.

She looked professional, confident, in-charge.

Her movements mirrored my own, right down to answering Alice's phone call.

Could it be?

Was it possible?

Was that really me?

Adjusting to my new attitude was easy. Of course I faltered at moments but for the most part it came naturally.

It was like closing my eyes and leaping off a cliff.

I spoke what was in my mind…finally.

After all these years, I spoke what I thought.

I spoke without overthinking, without flourishing my every thought with doubts and awkward fidgets.

Looking into my own reflection was much harder to get used to.

The fabrics, the cut, the workmanship, I had no idea clothes could feel this good, could fit this well.

I couldn't refer to the materials by name, like Alice, but I knew how they felt against my skin and I loved it.

With Rosalie's help, my face was thinly masked, almost flawlessly, with make-up that felt more like creamy silk then the department store foundations and dusty powders that clumped and caked my pores so heavily that I vowed to never wear them again.

And the shoes.

The shoes, heels, which I had deemed long ago as someone's idea of torture, were now my favourite part.

My posture instantly improved in heels. The way I carried my body changed immediately.

I felt tall, graceful, polished.

My transformation from wallflower to whatever I was now, occurred in such a short time span that it was overwhelming.

I felt incredible but looking at the image of myself in the mirror – I almost couldn't recognize the small town girl from Forks.

I liked it.

I think.

I wondered what Angela would think.

She'd always envied the magazine celebrities for their wealth, their clothes, their everything.

I was the one telling her that none of it mattered. Now, here I stood, admittedly, the biggest hypocrite I'd ever known.

There was no time to dwell on that though. Alice was waiting downstairs.

A dab of lip gloss and I was out the door, grabbing my purse and overcoat on the way.

When I was about ten years old, Renee had moved us into a building.

The only one we'd ever lived in. I remembered it was old and musty and roaming through the cryptic hallways always scared me.

Back then, the elevator creeked and cracked as it dropped, or even rose, between floors.

It was tremendously slow and seemed to be such a waste of time.

In comparison, this elevator, the elevator to the penthouse, was the Ferrari of elevators but still seemed like a waste of time.

It wasn't fast enough.

It would never be fast enough.

It surprised me that Edward wasn't bothered by it.

He liked the prestige of high-rise real estate and felt the inconvenience was a necessary evil.

The doors opened to the lobby where I was faced with a full room of busy people rushing to get somewhere. Well-dressed, well-to-do men and woman scurried about looking for elevators, exits and other hotel amenities.

Another deterrent for me.

The hotel staff came at me from all directions, "good morning, Dr. Swan," they'd say as they passed by.

Being with Edward also meant giving up my anonymity. He was known and now – so was I.

Sure, in my small town, everyone knew me but it was different.

I smiled and nodded at each of them. Over the past few days I learned it was impossible to say hello to each person.

They moved so fast I couldn't keep up.

Outside, I searched the sidewalk for Alice's familiar face.

Cars, all shapes and models, moved in both directions at a moderate speed for the morning rush hour.

I was glad not to be driving here. The roadway was busier than the hotel lobby and I wouldn't want to be part of that race.

Everything about this place made me nostalgic for my quieter home in Forks.

An older gentleman dressed in a dark suit, inadequate for the current weather conditions, motioned to me from the side of a black limousine.

"Me?" I asked.

"Are you Dr. Swan?"

"Yes." I replied and the man held open the car door.

I peered inside before entering, "Hi Bella," Alice's sweet voice chimed.

"A limousine?" I asked.

"Yeah." Alice seemed embarrassed as she tried to excuse her lavish ride. "I have a lot of meeting today and I need to work on the run."

"Is this about Edward?"

"Some but not all." She replied, pushing the stack of folders off her lap and onto the seat beside her. "Thanks for having breakfast with me this morning. The café is not far from here."

I shot off a quick text to Edward letting him know where I'd be. He could pick me up from the café on his way to Tonya's office later.

Edward's side of the bed was cold this morning. I had no idea what time he'd gotten up or even where he'd gone.

All I had was a simple note resting on his pillow, written in his exquisite penmanship:

"Good morning my love. I'll see you soon."

"So." Alice began, redirecting my focus to present company. She continued to speak with an air of sadness and worry.

She had spoken to her parents, visited them, and felt the obvious darkness left in the wake of Edward's move.

At first look, Alice thought the despair was simply due to Edward's leaving the nest, unexpectedly.

In her intuitive way, however, she knew there was more to it.

After piecing together a few clues, like Emmett's reveal of Edward's distant behaviour towards his mother the night we left, a few comments from her parents and Edward's quick departure from the family home, she was convinced there was more to it.

"Alice I know you're concerned and I think you have every right to be." I hinted, "I want to tell you everything I know but I think this is a conversation you need to have with Edward."

It broke my heart to say that to her but what choice did I have.

If Esme and Carlisle weren't spilling about what had happened, who was I to tell all.

And most importantly, I couldn't betray Edward. He'd never forgive me.

Alice tried to understand and let me off the hook as best she could. She knew I was right. Talking to Edward was the best solution but talking to Edward wasn't always easy.

"We're here." She piped up as the car pulled out of traffic.

The café was bright and cheery. Not at all what I had expected.

To me, the word café meant dark and brooding. I don't know why I associated the word to that kind of environment but I guess it didn't really matter.

The menu was full of tantalizing breakfast options, all accompanied with fruit, juice and coffee or tea.

Alice placed her order and I followed, opting for an omelette.

Our conversation lifted while we waited for our meals to arrive.

Her main objective, from the moment we met, was to get to know me better. I appreciated her interest, being that she was Edward's sister, but there were some things I chose to avoid.

"Why did you choose to live in Forks?" She asked, innocently.

The simple answer was because of Charlie but I knew Alice would not accept just because of Charlie.

So, I injected a little more like the tradition, the roots, Jake, all things life with Renee couldn't offer.

I made sure to reinforce that my relationship with Jake was purely platonic in case Edward had ever mentioned him to her.

Fortunately, by the time I'd said all I had to say, the waitress arrived with our order.

The plates were filled with our main choice, the omelette for example, but were then piled high with a mountain of fruit, whipped cream and custard.

The food brought with it a new discussion as we tried to figure out where to begin and if it was humanly possible to eat the entire plateful.

The sadness lifted from Alice's eyes as we laughed our way through breakfast and mine too.

Thinking about my permanent placement in Forks drudged up memories of my own that I had locked away. Things I didn't want to remember.

Eventually, our conversation turned to the obvious topic.

Edward's trial.

"It's not going to be easy Bella. Are you ready for this?" She asked, concerned for me and for her brother.

I nodded. "The hardest part is not being able to stand beside him." I said. "I know he wasn't saving himself for marriage and I know he didn't rape that woman. I'll be ok."

"Well, rest assured his sex life is on trial. I know that's no comfort." Alice reached for my hand.

"I'm not going to run Alice. I know what you said was right. I'm either in it all the way or not at all. Edward and I have an understanding. I can take whatever is revealed and chalk it up to his past." I laughed nervously. "Boys will be boys, right?"

Alice reminded me of Edward's less favourable traits, his killer instincts in business, his lack of social etiquette, to put it nicely, and his questionable morals.

"He's no saint but none of that matters. His sex life, his extra-marital affairs, that's the main target in court and in the media. Tonya and I are working together to reinforce his better side and the fact that no other woman has come forward in the wake of all this to accuse him helps. But you need to know the press will make accusations and speculate on every facet of his life, including your relationship, which he's going to have to deny publicly because of his pending divorce."

I hated the thought of that.

Everyone close to Edward, close to his family, knew we were together. All the staff at the hotel knew we were together, or at the very least assumed it.

Even the Volturi's knew it.

I didn't quite understand why public opinion mattered so much.

If anyone was asked in open court they would have to answer honestly so why did it make a difference if I stood beside him, supported him, as his girlfriend for the news?

My questions were silent rants. Voicing them would only make things worse, make Edward feel worse.

This was Alice's business.

She knew what was best.

Enough said!

I hadn't been completely honest though.

Yes, I was prepared to hear about Edward's indiscretions. I was prepared for the media blitz and personal attack.

I was not looking forward to Charlie's, and Angela's and God forbid, Jake's response to it all.

"Ok, enough with the heavy." Alice moved on. "How do you like the penthouse?"

I rolled my eyes. "Let's just say I can't wait to go home."

"Oh Bella," Alice sympathized. "I don't think Edward will ever move back to mom and dad's."

"Oh no. I mean Forks. Your family has been so great but I need to go back to my small town."

"Forks? Does Edward know you're planning to go back?" Alice asked, concerned.

"Not me, us." I said without a second thought while checking the time, "excuse me for a minute, I need to visit the washroom before Edward gets here."

"Bella, have you talked to Edwa…."

"Hold that thought. I'll be right back." I didn't mean to cut her off but I really had to go.

I lingered in the washroom, for just a minute, to check my face, my hair, and my suit. My nerves were getting the better of me as time drew near to see Tonya.

There was something about her, something I couldn't explain, something that made my stomach flip flop with the mere mention of her name.

Why should she intimidate me? After all, she was just a woman.

An educated woman but so was I.

A perfectly put together, confident, and smart woman. So was Esme, Alice, and Rosalie, they didn't intimidate me.

My insecurities got the better of me in her presence and I couldn't help but wonder…why me?

Why would Edward choose me when he could have her?

And he could have her.

Maybe that was the something I couldn't explain.

It was the way Tonya looked at him as if she was inviting him, daring him even, to come get her.

I shook the thought out of my head.

They had their chance. They've known each other for a while. Longer than he's known me and yet, he chose me.

"That's right Bella." I took a deep breath. "He picked you."

The words had barely left my mouth when the creek of a stall door startled me.

I thought I had been alone in the washroom.

A woman, maybe in her late sixties, came out of a stall with a knowing grin on her face.

She'd obviously heard my little pep talk but didn't say a word as she rinsed her hands.

Embarrassed, I turned my back on the older lady and walked out of the bathroom.

I'm sure I heard her chuckle as I left.

I returned to the table only moments before Edward arrived.

"Good morning." He said to both of us with a half-hearted smile.

Alice returned his greeting in her usual happy way but I think we both sensed something was wrong with him.

I reached up, about to place my hand on his forearm, and ask him if everything was ok but didn't get the chance.

He turned to his sister, repositioning himself outside of my reach. "We're going to see Tonya now. You've talked to her?"

"Yes." Alice replied then proceeded to share details of there conversation.

Truthfully, I expected more. A kiss, a hug, some form of affection but got nothing.

Maybe he'd already spoken to Alice about his conduct in public. Maybe he had figured it out on his own.

Either way, it left me feeling a little foolish. Even after Alice's spiel, I was ready for something and would have openly reciprocated.

Edward reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet and threw cash between our plates.

"Edward, that's not necessary." Alice protested.

It fell on deaf ears as he began to walk away.

"Are you coming, Bella?" He asked in a hushed tone.

I turned to Alice who simply shrugged her shoulders.

Something was bothering him.

Cars horns honked at us as Edward bullied his way through the busy streets.

At the best of times, he was an aggressive driver but today was the worst I'd seen.

"Edward…."

"I'm sorry Bella." Instantly the car slowed down to the maximum limit. "I went to see a private investigator this morning."

I was shocked. It wasn't like Edward to be so forthcoming. Perhaps he was going to take our arrangement, my conditions, seriously.

"Oh?"

"Yes." He ran his hand through his hair in typical fashion. "I'd hired one to watch Jane. I was hoping to get some information that would help in the divorce but apparently, I fired him."

"Apparently you fired him? What does that mean?"

Was I slow or did that not make sense?

"I spent a good portion of my days in a drunken stupor around that time." He looked so sad.

"Was there something specific you were looking for?"

"No. No, nothing. I …I was …uhm…just hoping." He stammered. "This is where Tonya works." He pointed to the building on our right.

I noticed his deliberate change of topic but decided to leave him alone.

Tonya's office was on the tenth floor.

Another elevator.

As usual, Tonya was in prime form. Her subtle flirts weren't lost on me though Edward seemed unaffected.

I'll admit the first hour had been interesting as Tonya covered the basics of trial.

She discussed jury selection and the type of people she would consider viable contenders.

Edward was visibly pleased with her assessment.

Her witness list contained a few character witnesses, namely Jasper, Riley and Alistair.

We all agreed they were the best non-family member choices, although I thought a woman in the list would be beneficial.

"That's a good point, Bella. We could add Bree Tanner to that list." Edward said excitedly.

"Have you slept with her?" Tonya asked flatly.

Edward glared at his attorney, "no, I have not."

I got the feeling Tonya didn't appreciate my being there, being an active part in helping Edward, making suggestions that he actually took seriously.

Perhaps it was childish but thinking that way gave me a little satisfaction.

Moving on, she had found two people who had justifiable reasons to challenge Lucy's character.

Edward was confident there were more if need be. A few names Tonya was unfamiliar with rolled off his tongue.

Lucy was a follower and desperate for a man's attention. Between bitter wives and divorced men, Edward could have gone on for a while, he said.

Tonya was excited about the nurse, who tended to Lucy in the hospital.

The nurse would testify about Lucy's state of mind at the time of examination and also about the friend who tried to convince her to press charges of rape. A fact Tonya found out during discovery.

"The nurse is probably our best witness." Tonya said. "She'll make Lucy look like a vengeful ex-lover."

"Who's the friend or do I even need to ask?" Edward questioned.

Tonya shook her head, he didn't need to ask.

I wish he had though. I didn't know who they were talking about.

Then the hard part.

Hard for me.

Hard for Edward to acknowledge in my presence.

Tonya handed Edward his list of conquests. "Pick three from these. I've looked into them and they'd make good witnesses." She stated matter of fact.

Edward studied the list, which I wouldn't even look at. I didn't want to know how many names were on the sheet of paper.

After a few minutes, he spat out his choices.

"Maria was crossed out, Edward, she's married." Tonya said.

"Oh right." With his head hung shamefully, he glanced in my direction to gauge my reaction, before spitting out another name. "Sasha, I guess."

""And besides she's been subpoenaed by the prosecution. They're only calling one of your affairs, Maria. Can she hurt us Edward? I need to know." Tonya asked.

"No, absolutely not. Maria owes me. She won't say anything against me."

"What does she owe you for?" Tonya asked suspiciously.

Edward looked at me again. Regret practically written across his forehead. "She just owes me." He said.

The prosecution planned on calling only three witnesses in addition to Maria. The doctor who examined Lucy, Lucy herself, which seemed to surprise Tonya, and Jane, which infuriated Edward.

Tonya on the other hand was pleased with Jane's inclusion, noting she would appear as the scorned wife and not necessarily a credible witness.

"I should warn you both." Tonya stated, capturing both our attention. "Brady Fuller is the ADA and filling the first chair on this case. He's not a stupid man."

"I've heard about him." Edward hung his head.

"Well, there is a chance that if he feels backed into a corner that he'll call Bella for the defense."

"What? Why?" I demanded.

"Like it or not Bella, you are his current mistress." Tonya's voice was filled with contempt.

She made our whole relationship sound dirty and wrong. I'd never felt ashamed but came painfully close in that moment.

"Tonya." Edward warned.

"Well, it's true Edward." She changed her tone. "Being with Bella is proof to the jury that even during a rape trial and in the middle of a divorce, you can't stay away from women."

Tears welled in my eyes and Edward reached for my hand.

Is that really how people saw him?

Saw us?

Maybe this was all a mistake.

For the first time, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to handle this.

I had no idea it would be like this and we weren't even in court yet. This was supposed to be a friendly zone.

"Fuller will use that to make it sound like a compulsion for you and that if you can't have it – you would be more than capable of forcibly taking it."

"Tonya, you can't let that happen." Anger raging in his voice. "You can't allow them to put Bella on the stand."

"I won't be able to stop it but we will prep you just in case. Ok Bella?"

I didn't know how to respond.

We broke for lunch. I needed air but instead, Tonya had pizza delivered to her office.

They chatted about common interests that meant nothing to me.

Chatted so easily and I wondered how they could do that.

Forget everything, the severity of everything, we just discussed.

I couldn't engage myself, I was too busy trying to prevent the walls of the stuffy room from closing in on me completely.

Edward must have sensed my distress…finally.

He wrapped his strong arms around me trying his best to provide comfort but I felt smothered instead.

Wriggling out of his embrace hurt him. I saw it in his eyes and I excused myself to go to the washroom.

I needed some privacy to let the tears flow, release the tension building inside my head.

It took some time to recompose myself. Edward and Tonya had finished lunch and continued without me.

I couldn't eat anyway.

By the end of the second hour, the interest I first noted for the legal mumbo jumbo had waned.

I got off the couch and crossed the room, hoping to draw some air from the draft coming in from the poorly sealed window.

"Are you ok, Bella?" Edward asked.

I nodded yes and encouraged them to proceed.

They didn't need me anyway.

I had nothing more to contribute.

It was time, in the fourth hour, to run through a mock trial.

Tonya played devil's advocate very well as she posed questions to Edward from Fuller's perspective.

Then she'd educate him on appropriate answers.

"…if they start this line of questioning, I will object. Don't let them goad you into answering. Keep your cool and your mouth shut." Tonya stated forcefully.

"Edward's going on the stand?" I asked.

"Haven't you been listening?" Tonya shot me a look. If we'd been cartoon characters there would be daggers coming from her eyes, directed at me.

I looked away. I tuned out after lunch, barely catching a word here and there, but wouldn't dare admit that to her.

Time seemed to stand still for me and yet somehow, miraculously, it had flown by.

It would soon be dinner time and I hoped this would be over and we could leave.

I tuned back in, hoping to hear something to that effect. Something like, 'ok we'll call it a day'.

That's not what I heard!

"Edward, I know you'd prefer we didn't use Sasha but she's a good, solid witness. She's educated, she's confident, she presents well and most importantly, she's not married. If I weren't your lawyer, you'd know I'd be up there testifying for you but I can't, so we have to choose the other strong women you've been with."

They laughed amongst themselves until they heard my gasp, "you would testify?"

The salty burn in my eyes resurfaced.

I searched for the truth in Edward's guilt ridden face but it was Tonya's smug look that confirmed it for me.

"Oh God, Bella?" Edward called after me as I bolted from the room.

The elevator, **the damn elevator**, took so long to answer the call button.

"Bella, please…." Edward begged as he approached me.

"Don't!" I put up my hand to stop him, the doors opened and I stepped in.

Edward's twisted and tortured face faded behind the sliding barrier.

The fresh air hit my face like a brick wall, taking my breath away forcing me to double over, gasping for oxygen.

"Are you ok Miss?" A stranger came to my aide.

"Yes." I replied, praying he'd just leave me alone.

I compelled my body to straighten up and thanked him for his concern before walking away.

I'd only made it to the end of the block when 'Angel' rang out from my purse.

Jake. His face filled my screen.

Did he have some kind of radar, or extra-sensory ability. His timing for my tragedies was uncanny.

"Hi Bells."

"I can't talk now Jake. It's not a good time." I ended the call, without giving him a chance to ask questions. Hoping my voice was steady enough not to cause him alarm but I knew my attempt had failed when the song rang through again….

… and again.


	30. Chapter 29

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**This chapter is a short one but necessary **____** I said it once before in an earlier chapter – this story seems to take on a mind of its own and I'm kind of excited and anxious to see where it's going. I hope you enjoy the quick read and thank you for the reviews.**_

**Chapter 29 – EPOV**

I watched the elevator close with Bella inside.

In seconds, she would descend, not only from this floor but from my life.

If it weren't so tragic, I would call it poetic.

My life as a metaphor.

The harder I tried to go forward, the worse I screwed up, the further I fell, descended.

My fist connected with the pliable metal leaving a small dent in the door and a sharp pain radiating across my knuckles.

"Edward." Tonya, in confident and purposeful stride, walked toward me down the short hallway from her office.

Immediately, my index finger shot up in accusation, "we're done!" I shouted. "Have my case reassigned."

"Edward, don't do this." Tonya stated in her snarky way as if I were overreacting.

As if my life didn't just plummet ten floors, literally.

Her tone infuriated me more, "You've been trying to sabotage my relationship with Bella since you met her. I TRUSTED YOU!" I yelled, noticing the small group of employees who had gathered at the end of the hall to listen.

Everything I spat at her was true.

I'd noticed her little digs to demean Bella.

I'd noticed her overconfidence that obviously caused Bella to shrink away in her presence.

I'd noticed her 'unintentional' screw ups, like this one, that would lead, and led to Bella finding out about us.

I overlooked them because she was a good lawyer, because she was my friend, because I believed she'd get over it.

I still did – think she'd get over it.

Tonya didn't want me anymore than I wanted her but she was lonely. She admitted that.

I really didn't think I'd lose Bella in the process.

Not over Tonya.

None of that mattered now. Everything was gone to shit and I was angry at her.

Angry at myself.

"I should have done this from the beginning. I don't know what I was thinking expecting you to be an adult about this." I continued in my rant as I boarded the elevator car. "I'm serious Tonya, reassign this case."

The sun was going down. Fitting, I thought.

Karma had a funny way of rubbing things in.

A biting wind blew threw my jacket and I shivered.

Some guy bumped into me as I stepped further out onto the sidewalk. "Watch it man!" He growled.

I let him walk away without saying a word. I didn't care.

The streets were busy this time of day. Professional co-ed's trekked up and down, headed for buses, headed for cars, headed for the subway.

They were headed for home by any means.

Home.

Another kick in the ass.

Where was my home?

Where did I belong now?

Through the crowd I searched for her but she was long gone.

There was no hint she'd even been here.

"Alice, have you heard from Bella?" I asked when she finally answered the phone.

My voice shook from the cold, from the desperation, from the grief.

"No. Why Edward? What's wrong?" Alice panicked.

I wanted to explain. I tried to get the words out but inaudible sounds replaced my usually smooth baritone.

"Where are you?" She asked.

I couldn't respond.

"Edward…Edward, go home. I'm on my way over."

The phone went dead and I shoved it into my pocket.

Traffic moved slowly allowing me to pan both sides of the street as I drove back to the hotel.

It gave me some time to calm down, to think.

Like all the other times, this was my fault.

Why did I keep doing this?

I blamed Tonya for her attempts to sabotage my relationship when, in truth, it was me.

All along, it was me.

I was the liar.

I was the fraud.

I was the traitor to myself, to Bella, to our future.

She stood by me through all the bullshit, none of which she deserved.

She deserved so much better.

She deserved so much better than me.

I kept letting her down.

By the time I reached the front desk I had control of my shaking body, my unsteady voice and I was able to, once again, conduct myself in a sensible manor.

"Have you seen Dr. Swan?" I asked.

"No sir, we haven't seen her since this morning." The young man behind the counter replied.

"My sister will be …."

"Excuse me sir, she's already here. Her husband is with her and they're waiting upstairs in your foyer. They insisted that it would be ok to wait upstairs."

"Good, good. Yes. Thank you." I rushed to the elevators.

Alice was pacing the floor when I reached her. "Edward?" She wrapped her arms around me for just a second. "Are you ok? What's going on?" She pulled back looking for some kind of trauma.

Jasper stood against the wall, concerned but quiet.

"It's over. She's gone." As the words left my mouth, realization set in and my body started to shake again.

Alice gently pried the keycard from my hand while Jasper helped me inside, one step at a time.


	31. Chapter 30

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**Thanks so much for your kind words and comments. I really appreciate your effort in taking the time to review.**_

**Chapter 30 – BPOV**

"I thought I'd find you here." The familiar voice came from behind me.

...

When I walked out on Edward this afternoon, I knew he'd come looking for me.

That's what he did.

I'd catch him in a lie, or being an ass, or just being Edward, and I would run away.

That's what I did.

I ran away and he'd come looking for me.

I saw the pattern.

The vicious cycle.

A vicious, never-ending cycle.

My instincts took over when Tonya's words registered and I ran.

I wanted to, needed to, get as far away from both of them as physically possible.

Then Jake called.

His timing, as always, impeccable.

I ran from her office with no plan, no idea where I'd go.

I was a shaking mess, running in a strange city to no where in particular.

Jake's call changed all that. It forced me to stop, gave me a minute in the fresh air to think about what I should do.

I turned back toward Tonya's building and ducked into a small pub I had noticed earlier, across the street.

Edward would never look for me inside a pub.

I could think there. Figure out what to do next.

The musty odor of draft beer and stale smoke welcomed me in.

My eyes adjusted to the darkness in seconds. Well dressed professionals lined the bar, while a dozen or so more sat at small wooden tables in groups of three and four.

The place didn't strike me as a professional's preferred watering hole but the current patrons seemed content.

The one big window, near the front door, was tinted black with the pub's name set in the center. I sat at the table right beside it knowing no one, not even Edward, would be able to see me there.

And I watched.

I watched Edward run out of the building like it was on fire. He scanned the street, both sides, desperately searching for me.

I watched as he stepped out onto the sidewalk, into the sea of people, and was nearly plowed over by some guy with a heavy knapsack, while he reached into his pocket for his phone.

I watched him start to fall apart.

My heart broke for him.

Broke for me, for wanting to comfort him and hate him all at once.

In my mind, I cursed his name then prayed for forgiveness.

My eyes were shut for only seconds but in that time Edward disappeared from his place on the sidewalk.

Panic washed over me. Where could he have gone?

Leaning closer to the window, I craned my neck searching my side of the street, the doorway, everywhere.

All of a sudden, as if out of nowhere, his SUV appeared and stopped just outside the window.

He'd found me.

His mirrored sunglasses were aimed in my direction and I imagined the pub's sign reflecting in them though it was too dark to really know for sure.

I wasn't ready to face him.

To face the inevitable.

I'd promised Alice, promised him, that I would be strong enough to handle the truths, his past.

I wasn't.

At least not when those truths were blindsiding me, catching me unaware, making me the fool.

He reached up under his protective lenses.

Did he wipe his eyes?

Was Edward crying?

Inch by inch, the car rolled forward.

Traffic, I hadn't noticed before, that had built up behind the red light at the corner, was now moving again and so was Edward.

He hadn't seen me.

It was just coincidence that he stopped in front of me.

He'd been waiting for the light to change.

And now it had.

Slowly, his speed increased until he was no longer in sight.

I'd spent my whole life waiting for the light to change.

Always, politely, waiting in line. Moving forward so slowly I barely knew I was alive.

Not this time!

My light was changing too. It began the moment I met Edward, and picked up speed the moment I stepped off the plane in Boston.

Slow perhaps but it was changing.

Had changed!

I still had no idea what I was going to do about Edward but I wouldn't stand in line for no else.

I gulped down the last of my second rye and cola then put my liquid confidence to work.

Weaving through traffic, I marched across the street.

Took the elevator up ten floors to Tonya's office.

Bolted past her frantic secretary and barged in.

"Bella." Tonya was surprised to see me.

I held the door open and strongly suggested her new appointment leave the room.

"Bella, you can't do this." Tonya stated firmly.

She didn't get to tell me what to do.

I wasn't intimidated anymore!

"Get out!" I demanded again.

Her client fumbled under my direction as he scurried to grab his briefcase and leave.

I shut the door and locked it.

"Edward's not here."

"I know." I said with a smirk… and that was just the beginning.

"Edward," she cleared her throat before continuing, "asked to have his case reassigned so you won't have anything to worry about."

"Reassigned?"

Tonya nodded.

"First of all, let's get one thing straight. I'm not worried about you and Edward. You were just one of many and he dropped all of you for one of me. That in itself tells me what you meant to him." I laughed deviously, "Secondly, you're not going reassign his case." Tonya looked up in surprise.

"That's right. You keep this case because, if I decide to stay and that's a big if, I want to watch both of you squirm in the guilt of your dirty secrets."

Over the course of the next twenty minutes I let Tonya know, full well, what I was made of.

What she would be dealing with from now on.

Sweat beads popped out on her forehead and her cheeks pinked in shame.

She didn't say another word.

I left feeling more powerful than I'd ever felt in my life.

Maybe I would stay and make him hurt the way I had been. Make him pay for the life he'd led.

Was that my right?

From there - I walked.

And walked….

And walked….

By the time I came across the Market, I was cold, my feet hurt and I just wanted to get inside and sit down.

I wandered around the little stores for hours, sitting now and then to give my feet a break.

...

I turned to face the voice that had startled me, "I'm not interested in company Jasper."

"Everyone's been real worried about you." He said sincerely.

"Please leave me alone." I pleaded.

"Bella, I can't leave you out here by yourself. It's getting late. Let me buy you a coffee. We'll sit down and you can figure out what you want to do."

"What makes you think I haven't already figured that out?" I asked.

"You wouldn't be _here_ if you had." Jasper's arms opened wide like a showcase model displaying her wares.

He was right.

I'd spent all day wondering.

I knew I loved Edward.

I thought I loved him.

He was so different than the man I knew in Forks.

Or was he?

I never pictured myself settling down with someone so morally corrupt.

Was Edward Mason all an act or was Edward Cullen capable of being genuine, monogamous, truthful?

Edward Mason wasn't truthful!

Ughhhh.

A few minutes passed while I silently debated over Edward's merits once again, and whether or not I should take Jasper up on his offer.

Reluctantly, I agreed to have coffee with him.

What harm could it do?

With a warm smile, I linked my arm around Jasper's as he led the way downstairs to a coffee shop he knew of, while texting with his other hand.

Without confirmation, I knew he was informing someone, maybe Alice, maybe Edward, that he'd found me.

Aside from that, from all the Edward stuff, being in Jasper's company was surprisingly easy.

One vow to keep my confidence, reminding me jokingly that he's 'not a blood relative', and we fell into light conversation as if we'd known each other for years.

He was charming and intelligent and I picked up on a very slight southern accent that I hadn't noticed before.

We found we had a lot in common in that I travelled around the country with Renee and he was a Military brat.

He'd lived in many cities, mostly in the south, once his family returned from Italy where his father had been stationed.

Feeling like nomads for most of our childhood, making friends and holding on to them was more of mystery then a memory for both of us, until later in life, when we chose to make our own roots.

His eyes sparkled when he spoke his wife's name. Alice was his anchor, his root, and his love and admiration for her were obvious and genuine.

"He's pretty torn up. You know, in case you were wondering." Jasper said out of the blue.

It was the first mention of anything Edward since we sat down.

I wasn't sure how to respond.

Jasper picked up on my discomfort and quickly changed topics before things turned awkward.

We veered away then, from love and family and roots, opting for less emotional topics like careers, ambitions and college days.

Some time had passed when his phone rang.

It was obviously one of the Cullen's asking about me.

His one word answers were vague but not difficult to decipher.

Whoever was on the other end learned that we were not ready to go to Edward's yet, and he was not sure if that's the decision I was leaning toward, but I was ok.

Jasper was true to his word. Surprising, I guess, for a lawyer with political aspirations but we simply talked.

There was no pressure to make a decision. No pressure to go to the penthouse, to go back to Edward.

It was just two friends learning about one another.

Eventually, though, I did open the door. "Did you know?"

"Know?" He asked.

"About Edward and Tonya?" I immediately regretted the question but it was too late.

"Not when I hired her." Jasper stated. "When I realized they knew each other I assumed…."

"Ok, that's all I need to know." I snapped.

Jasper sighed. I think he felt sorry for me.

"Bella."

"No Jasper. I'm sorry. I can't. I just can't."

I unclasped Edward's necklace and handed it to him, "would you return this to Edward please?"

"So, you're leaving?"

I nodded slowly, with tears building in my eyes, "would you take me to the airport?"

"Of course." Jasper hugged me. "I'll have Alice pack your things and send them, ok?"

No pressure.

In the car Jasper made a few calls then let me know Edward's plane was being prepared to take me home.

I tried to protest, saying a commercial flight was sufficient, furthering my argument by saying I didn't need or want anything from Edward Cullen.

Jasper insisted, not allowing me to refuse. "The arrangements are made." He said, half-heartedly.

I could see he was hoping for a different outcome.

"Bella, I know I promised I wouldn't try to sway you one way or the other, and I won't, but I think there's something you should know before you leave."

I knew he meant well but my mind was made up.

What he had to say no longer mattered. "Jasper please don't."

My decision had been hard enough. I couldn't listen to one word in Edward's favour.

As we drove along, a song I'd heard once before, played softly in the background:

"…Anywhere I would've followed you  
>Say something, I'm giving up on you<p>

And I will swallow my pride  
>You're the one that I love<br>And I'm saying goodbye…."

**A/N: Footnote – "Say Something", song by Christina Aguilera and A Great Big World**


	32. Chapter 31

_**A/N: As always, references to Twilight Series belong to Stephanie Meyer. **_

_**Thanks so much for your kind words and comments. I really appreciate your effort in taking the time to review.**_

**Chapter 31 – EPOV**

For a brief moment, I was relieved, Jasper had found Bella.

She was safe.

For a brief moment, I could breathe again.

I'd be seeing her soon.

For a brief moment... I was happy.

She was coming home.

"When will they get here?" I asked, almost giddy with anticipation.

Giddy? Me? Really?

Yes, I was that excited. I was giddy.

It had seemed like forever since Bella ran out of Tonya's office.

I couldn't wait to see her, to apologize, to explain.

In the few hours we'd been apart, I realized something.

I loved her. I truly loved her.

Maybe that's what she was trying to prove. Give me a taste of life without her again.

The last time was different. The last time she didn't know anything about me.

I expected her to leave.

Not this time.

This time, she'd had many chances, many reasons, but she stayed. She loved me and she stayed.

Slowly, Alice lifted her head, "they're not coming just yet," she said quietly, as if her soft vocals would soften the blow.

My moment passed and a morbid realization set in.

Jasper sent Alice a text.

Knowing how upset I'd been, he sent a text to say Bella was ok.

He didn't race back here, with Bella in tow, to show me she was safe.

He sent a message instead.

It was after 9 p.m., we'd been apart since mid-afternoon, and Bella wasn't ready to come home.

I felt sick, nauseous.

What if she didn't come home?

What if she didn't come back to me?

"They'll be home soon." Alice tried to reassure me with a hug as if she was reading my mind.

I clung to her words, to her hopeful optimism.

There was no choice, it was all I had.

I busied myself around the apartment, waiting.

Waiting for them to return.

Waiting for some word from Jasper that they were on their way.

Waiting for Bella.

I opened up my laptop for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Only a few more days and I'd be back to work. My employees would be back from there Christmas vacation and my routine would return to something more familiar.

I accessed my files remotely, skimmed over the hottest projects firsts.

_I wonder when they'll get here_, I thought.

The apartment was dark and quiet. Alice was curled up on the couch, her phone in one hand, drifting in and out of sleep.

My sister, my baby sister, was almost as invested in this relationship as I was.

As I will be.

As I am.

I guess she wasn't used to me being so affected by someone, so happy.

The laptop, my work, couldn't hold my attention. I couldn't stop thinking about Bella.

I grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and gently covered Alice. She snuggled into it, pulling the corner to her face like she did when she was a little girl.

There were so many things I had missed over the years. Things I didn't realize I'd lost or forgotten but slowly were coming back to me.

Things like Alice and her blanket.

I'd closed myself off from everything, from everyone.

That stopped tonight.

"Hi mom…no, everything's ok, I just wanted…no, Bella and Jasper aren't here yet…can you ask dad…I'm not sure when they'll get home…can you ask dad to pick up the extension?" Esme was full of questions and concern.

Carlisle picked up the extension and quickly noticed the difficulty I was having in my attempt to get a word in over Esme's chatter.

It was interesting to see him work his charm to catch my mother's attention and poetically ask her to quiet down.

He was respectful and effective and had I been paying attention all these years, I may have learned some valuable social skills.

If I had been paying attention instead of keeping them at a comfortable distance, I may have learned and healed sooner.

Even with Esme's silence, it took a few minutes before I was able to work up the courage, figure out the words, to tell them, "I'm so sorry for everything."

Through whimpers and sniffles and not much of anything else spoken, I knew I had been forgiven.

"We love you son." Carlisle said before we ended the call.

And that's all it took.

I was forgiven for the years of bullshit I'd put them through, for the strain I had added to their relationship as recently as a few days ago.

All was forgiven and they loved me and I believed it.

I was ready.

The weight of all those years, of all that misperception and anger lifted, in seconds, and suddenly my perspective changed.

I was worthy!

Worthy of love, of life, of happiness, of all the things I'd prevented myself from feeling, from experiencing.

If only Bella would come home. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, needed to share with her.

I stared at the door, strained my ears listening for the elevator bell to ding, to signal me that Jasper and Bella were just outside…but nothing.

In my head, I ran through different scenarios, different ways to tell Bella about who I was, who I am, who I was going to be.

I had prepared my spiel about that night with Jane. It wouldn't be easy to tell her but she needed to know.

Bella would be hurt and angry and she'd have every right to be but, like my parents, she'd forgive me and we'd get through it…together.

And there would be nothing else between us, not after tonight.

A positive energy surged beneath my skin and it was difficult to sit still.

A few times I picked up my phone ready to text Jasper and ask if they were near by.

I wanted to call Bella but I just knew I'd blurt everything out. I couldn't do that. We had to be face to face for our talk, it was crucial.

"Edward, that's your phone." Alice jumped up from her light slumber, startled by the sharp shrill of my cell.

She stared at my phone like it was about to perform some miraculous trick.

It was ringing.

Honestly, in my new vigor, I held back for a second just to see if it would do something spectacular.

With a deep breath and a quiet chuckle at my own silliness, I answered without even a thought to view the caller ID.

"Hello," I answered happily.

"Hello, may I speak with Mr. Cullen please?" A strange deep voice greeted.

Didn't I answer with my usual 'Cullen'. No, I said hello.

"Is it Bella?" Alice asked, propped up on her knees at the edge of the couch.

"This is Mr. Cullen." I stated suspiciously, pulling the phone away from my ear to find an unfamiliar number stretched across the screen.

Alice slumped back, knowing from my formality that Bella was not on the other end.

"Mr. Cullen, this is Flight Dispatcher Garner with Logan International Airport. I have a request from your pilot for an unexpected flight to be immediately dispatched. We need your authorization before proceeding."

My eyes squeezed shut, my jaw tightened involuntarily. "Where to?"

I didn't have to ask.

I knew what this meant.

I think I went into a state of shock. Everything around me was suddenly slower, as if I were listening to an old vinyl record with the speed slowed down.

"Ed…wwwward…whooooo…issss…ittt?" Alice asked. Her voice somehow delayed, didn't seem to match up with the movement of her lips.

"Wasssshinggggton, Ssssirr." The dispatcher said.

Bella was leaving.

She was finally strong enough to leave me.

She was leaving me.

That simple request knocked the wind out of me. I remembered feeling this way as a kid when Emmett would sucker punch me in the gut.

Every once of oxygen escaped from my lungs and I'm sure I stopped breathing all together.

"Ssssirrr?"

The room around me spun out of control.

Disoriented and off balance, I stumbled backwards until I lost my center of gravity completely and hit the floor hard.

A sharp pain ran up my spine, my back arched and a roaring screech expelled from deep inside my throat.

The fall put everything back in its proper perspective and I heard Alice squeal, "Edward!"

In the dishevelment, the phone leaped from my hand, landing seconds after me with a loud clamour.

The pain was excruciating but I scrambled to retrieve it.

Unlike me, it showed no obvious signs of trauma.

"Are you there Mr. Cullen?" I heard the dispatcher ask.

"Yes. I'm here. You have my approval." I said with closed eyes and broken heart.

"Thank you. Would you confirm the passengers please?"

Alice looked at me puzzled and distraught from watching me fall.

I sighed, a lump formed in my throat and I had to try a second time before the words came out, "just one. Bella Swan."

"Thank you, Sir. We'll get right on it. Sorry to interrupt your evening." I heard the dispatcher hang up.

"Who was that?" Alice was on the verge of tears. "Edward, what's going on?"

I stared into her face for a minute trying to understand all that had happened.

"It was the…uhm…" I licked my lips. They felt so dry. "…dispatcher at the airport." I closed my eyes again. "Bella's," I swallowed hard, " leaving."

Saying it out loud made it too real.

My chest got heavy and breathing was difficult once again.

"Well, did you stop it?"

I shook my head, unable to speak, and allowed my head to fall forward into my hands.

"Edward, get up! Go after her!" She demanded.

I shook my head again.

"I'm going to call Jasper. I can't believe he's letting her do this."

"No Alice." I whispered.

"Edward!" Alice was beside herself. "Do you know what you're saying?"

"Yes, Alice. Let her go."

"What? Edward, why?" She cried.

"Because I love her." It seemed like time stopped for a second as I heard the soft, quiet words float away from my lips.

I wasn't angry.

I didn't shout.

I didn't feel anything except incredible loss, overwhelmed by a love I would never get to express again.

Alice looked at me through water-filled eyes.

She stopped yelling, stopped urging me to prevent Bella from walking out of my life.

She understood.

I think I finally did too.

Our relationship had been tumultuous from the beginning.

My fault, I know.

Through it all though, somehow, I knew it was never over.

Even through our separation and my drinking binge, I knew, once I got over myself I could win her back.

Not this time.

This time, I had to let her go for her own good. I'd said that in the past but it was too hard, especially with her insistence on staying.

This time, she was leaving.

This time I would let her go.

It was the right thing to do. If I had been stronger, I would have made her leave a long time ago.

I had been too afraid to give myself to her and now it was too late.

I was too late and I would have to live with that.

The apartment went silent.

Alice sat at the dining table, tapping her nails impatiently, waiting to hear from Jasper.

I sat on the floor, wedged in the corner, where the drywall met the glass.

Big snowflakes descended slowly from the blackness of the night sky, settling over the city like a blanket of clouds.

The streets were quiet with only a few taxis, now and then, passing by and a random pedestrian leaving a trail of footsteps in the lightweight fluff.

From time to time, I saw the bright lights of airplanes flying overhead and I wondered, each in turn, if that was the flight taking Bella home.

Jasper called on his way back from the airport.

I overheard Alice whisper her disappointment in him for allowing Bella to leave.

I really wish she hadn't given him grief.

It wasn't his fault and I didn't need the karma of causing them to fight too.

Bella had made such an impact on my life, on my family's lives.

This time, my failure was not perceived. It was real.

I failed her and now everyone would suffer the loss of her.

That's what I did. I destroyed things.

I guess, no matter how much I was ready to change, some things will always remain the same.

It was for reasons like that one that Bella would be better off without me.

"Edward," Alice spoke softly. " Jasper just pulled up. I'm going to meet him in the lobby. I have your key, ok?"

"Why don't you go home Alice." I suggested with my glossy gaze still fixed on the city.

"I'll be right back." She said ignoring my suggestion.

"I won't fall apart this time. I promise." I figured that's why she was hanging around. To make sure I didn't lose it like last time.

"I'll be just a minute."

Being alone just gave me more time to think.

I knew Bella, and I knew it would eventually come to this.

I never wanted to become so invested in this relationship that it would hurt when she left.

But it did hurt.

It hurt more than I could have ever imagined, more than I ever allowed anyone to hurt me.

I understood why she left.

I couldn't blame her. Had the shoe been on the other foot, I'd been gone long ago.

She was soft and sweet and genuine. She didn't belong here.

She was definitely stronger than I'd ever imagined but still so vulnerable.

Vulnerable to the likes of me.

No one in my world was soft or genuine.

No man or woman in my world could be described as vulnerable.

So naïve, she could not fathom a world where sex was just sex.

A world where two people could use each other and make no discernable connection.

I rolled the phone over and over in my hand.

The decision to leave was hard for her, I was sure of it.

I wanted to tell her she made the right choice, let her off the hook, but I was afraid she'd think it was a ploy to get her back.

And maybe she'd be right.

I chose to risk it.

_ For a short time I had it all. You touched my life, my heart, in a profound way and left me forever changed. _

_ I'll never forget that. I'll never forget you. _

_ ~Edward_

Trying to come up with the right thing to say proved harder than I'd expected but I think my statement covered it. Bella would understand.

There was no reply.

The elevator bell sounded, alerting me that Alice was back with Jasper.

The daunting chime seemed to echo in the nearly empty foyer and for the first time tonight I realized how quiet this apartment was going to be.

In the few seconds it took for my sister and best friend to find their way to my door, I wondered if I could live here without her, alone.

I scrambled to my feet and wiped my eyes. I was sure Jasper felt bad enough without seeing me weakened and sitting on the floor in the corner of the room.

Even in the darkness, with only the silvery light from the surrounding buildings dimly shining through the window, our eyes met. "I'm sorry Edward. I tried…." Jasper said sympathetically.

"It's not your fault Jas. This one's on me." I extended my arm to him. My intention was to shake his hand, to relieve him of his guilt, show him there was no ill will.

There was a time when Edward Cullen would have disowned Jasper over something like this, something so important to me. It would never have been over a woman then but something else as equivalent in importance.

I guess that was part of the problem. I didn't let Bella know how important she was to me. All she asked from me was the truth, honesty, and I couldn't give it to her.

Jasper reached into his pocket first then met my hand, not to shake but to place something in my open palm. "Bella asked me to give this to you."

Alice's breath hitched when she saw the diamonds glisten in the tiny light beams, streaming from across the room, to where our hands met.

The lump in my throat from earlier returned as I clenched my fist around the gift I had given her. Its symbolism meant nothing now.

"I need to be alone." I blurted out quickly before I was unable to speak all together.

Alice pulled Jasper into the kitchen and left me in the darkness to wage my own internal war, quietly, without interruption.

Eventually, they found their way to the guest bedroom.

I sat and stared out the window until daybreak. I wouldn't be sleeping in our bed anytime soon.

At some point, I must have nodded off, though I would have argued that I'd been up all night. The vivid memory of early dawn in all its splendid color sparkled behind my eyelids.

My ringing phone forced my eyes open to the cold ice blue of morning. My dream had ended and it was just another morning in the city. The high-rises shaded the streets from the yellow sun, casting a blue shadow on the rush hour traffic.

"Cullen." I answered.

"Good morning, sweetheart." Esme chirped. "I didn't want to wake you but I can't contain myself any longer. Can you come to the house right now. There's a surprise waiting for you." There was no time to question my mother as she quickly hung up.

A surprise?

It was Bella! She came back!

"Alice, Jasper, get up!" I shouted, running into my bedroom to change and freshen up.

"What is it?" Jasper asked groggily, standing in the doorway of the guest room.

"It's Bella. She's came back. She's at mom's. We gotta go."

The three of us hustled to get ready. I caught Alice and Jasper share some looks I didn't have time to decipher while she questioned me on Esme's exact words.

We practically flew through the city and made it to our parent's home in record time. "Come on," I urged, as I jumped out of the car and ran to the front door.

"I can't hurry. I have whiplash." Alice whined.

I pushed the door bell repeatedly. Nothing could dampen my spirit as I waited for someone to open the locked front door of the Cullen manse.

"You're here!" Esme exclaimed. "Come in, come in."

She looked passed me, greeting the slow-moving Alice and Jasper as they came up the front walk. "Where's Bella?" She asked.

"What?" I asked not understanding my mother's question.

"Where's Bella? I don't want to reveal the surprise without Bella." Esme searched beyond me.

"Mom, this is not funny. Bring her out here." I demanded.

The mystery was all too soon revealed when another voice, a deep husky voice sailed out from the kitchen, "where's Bella?"

I stood in awe, dumbstruck, "what are _**you **_doing here?" I challenged.

"Ahhh, you were supposed to wait in the kitchen." Esme said sadly, "wasn't it sweet of Jacob to surprise you and Bella for New Year's, Edward?"

"Yeah, real sweet." I said while the two of us stared each other down.

"Jake!" Alice squealed.

Did Alice know everyone?

"Alice." Jacob picked Alice up in a bear hug similar to that of Emmett's. "I had no idea your last names were Cullen. It's so good to see you."

Esme corralled everyone to the kitchen as she started preparing breakfast and filling in the gaps of Jacob's story about his arrival.

Jacob arrived at the airport last night around 1am. Technically that was morning but I wouldn't interrupt to contradict him. He claimed it was easy to find Dr. Carlisle Cullen's home because the cabby was familiar with my father's work, volunteering at a clinic for low income families.

And what a surprise it was to see Esme! I sneered in my head, repeating Jacob's own words.

The commotion of Alice's arrival and breakfast did seem to preoccupy both Jacob and Esme from Bella's whereabouts for a little while but once their story of meeting way back when Esme and Alice lived in Forks, and Charlie's best friend's son and blah, blah, blah, their focus returned.

I felt like a deer in headlights, everyone's eyes on me, as Jacob asked once again where Bella was.

Instead of retorting in my usual Edward Cullen manor, I chose to remove myself from the situation with no comment. Little did they know I just couldn't speak.

It was all too much for me.

I heard Alice begin to explain as I walked out of the room.

I avoided the family then, not wanting to go home to face the empty penthouse, not wanting to stay and listen to their cheerful jabber. I was in hell!

And Jacob was the devil in the middle of it all.

It was worsened only by Esme's volunteering me to drive him to the airport. At first, she suggested he take my jet back but of course that was currently in Washington, waiting for its turn on the tarmac.

Karma was a bitch and she was biting me hard.

Jacob, the hero, would swoop in on Bella during her time of need and win her over while I sat here, helpless to act. I couldn't even go after her if I wanted to.

My wings had been clipped by the courts and this bogus trial that would begin in a few days.

"What did you do to her?" Jacob finally asked when we were about fifteen minutes away from the house.

I had wondered how long it would take him to turn from the cordial, wonderful son of a friend's friend from dear old Forks to the Edward despising wannabe boyfriend/husband of my Bella.

"I'm sure she'll fill you in when you get back there." I stated, uninterested in having a pissing contest with Jacob Black.

Another fifteen minutes passed and I stopped for gas. While I stood pumping in the freezing cold, Jacob went inside. It crossed my mind to leave him stranded but I knew it would bite me in the ass somehow.

I watched him storm out of the gas station, his temper flaring as he cursed at some passer-by.

"See?" He shoved the paper he was holding into my face. "This is what happens when she's with you!"

I snatched the paper from him and held it at arms length. A picture of Bella hugging Jasper filled the top half page with the headline: Cullen's mistress steps out!

I huffed, "it's not true Jake. That's Jasper, this picture was taken last night. It's just…."

"Do you know what these headlines do to people in small towns Edward? Bella doesn't need this crap!"

"Oh, you mean you hillbillies can read?" I snarked.

Jacob paused, "is that how you see her, Edward?"

"God please!" I begged loudly. "You know that's not what I meant. Look Jake, you won. I am, where you were, so stop pouring salt into my wounds, ok. You win! Just…."

Jacob cut me off again, "just what Edward? Just what?"

"Be good to her ok? Just be good to her."

That seemed to shut him up. I guess he didn't expect to hear me say that, to ask him to be better than me, to the one woman we both loved.

I, essentially, with that one request, surrendered to him and he knew it.

He got out of the car at the airport, "I will," he said curtly before closing the door.


End file.
